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A social worker is a mental health professional who works to improve the lives of vulnerable populations. They work with individuals and communities to overcome challenges and effect social change.

Social work is an exciting career area that is highly related to psychology. Are you looking for a career that is rewarding yet challenging? Do you want to contribute to society by helping people overcome difficulties and improve their lives? Social work fits this description, which is why many psychology undergraduates opt to pursue it.

While many individuals who work in this field start by earning an undergraduate degree in social work before moving on to graduate school, some psychology majors opt to switch to a social work master’s program after earning their degrees.

What Is a Social Worker?

So what exactly is a social worker? These mental health professionals help people with a broad range of issues, including psychological, financial, health, relationship, and substance abuse problems. Learn more about what social workers do, the educational requirements, and the projected job outlook for the field.

What Does a Social Worker Do?

The field of social work utilizes social theories to understand human problems, to help improve people’s lives, and to improve society as a whole.

Social workers:

• Act as advocates for their clients
• Promote social welfare
• Educate clients and teach them new skills
• Link clients to essential resources within the community
• Protect vulnerable clients and ensure that their best interests are observed
• Counsel clients who need support and assistance
• Research social problems to look for remedies
• Advocate for social justice

Many who work in this field specialize in particular areas, such as helping children, assisting those with life-threatening problems, or aiding people in overcoming addictions.

Where Are Social Workers Employed?

According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, about half of all social workers are employed as child, family, and school social workers, a trend projected to continue through 2032.

Areas where social workers often work include:

• Individual and family services: 17%
• Ambulatory healthcare services: 14%
• Local government, excluding education and hospitals: 14%
• State government, excluding education and hospitals: 13%
• Hospitals; state, local, and private: 10%

Professionals in government positions might conduct child welfare assessments, help individuals in need of public assistance, and work with people who have come into contact with the criminal justice system.

Salary Information

Salaries can vary based on various factors, including geographic location, educational background, and specialty area.

According to the National Association of Social Workers, those just starting out in their career with an undergraduate degree in social work earn a mean income of $31,327 per year. Those with a Master’s degree typically average a mean income of $44,418.

The U.S. Department of Labor reports the following median yearly earnings for different specialty areas in social work:

• Child, family, and school social workers: $50,820
• Mental health and substance abuse social workers: $51,240
• Healthcare social workers: $60,280

How to Become a Social Worker

In order to become a social worker, a Bachelor of Social Work (BSW) degree is the minimum requirement. However, some individuals with psychology, sociology, and education degrees are able to find entry-level jobs in social work.

If you are interested in providing therapy services, then a Master of Social Work (MSW) degree is required. Are you interested in teaching at the university level or conducting research? Then you will need to earn a doctorate degree in social work (DSW).

Social Worker Specialty Areas

Social workers often opt to specialize in a specific area. Some of these include:

Medical and Public Health Social Workers

Those specializing in medical or public health social work offer psychosocial services to individuals, families, and groups affected by acute, chronic, and terminal illnesses. These services might involve:

• Providing psychological counseling
• Connecting clients with resources in the community
• Helping families who are caring for a sick loved one

Child, Family, and School Social Workers

Child, family, and school social workers work with children and families. Some work in school settings to help children with academic, social, and emotional issues. Others may work with foster children, help arrange adoptions, and assist single parents.

Some specific tasks they may perform include:

• Helping families access housing
• Connecting families with services such as childcare, benefits, or food stamps
• Intervening when children are experiencing abuse or neglect
• Assisting with arranging foster care or adoptions

Mental Health and Substance Abuse Social Workers

Mental health and substance abuse social workers assess and treat individuals suffering from mental health problems or addiction and substance abuse issues. Social workers in this specialty area may provide:

Job Outlook for Social Workers

The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics projects that social work careers will grow 7% from 2022 to 2032, much faster than the average for all occupations. While employment opportunities in urban areas are predicted to be more competitive, the Department of Labor suggests that job demand will also be good in rural locations.

Comforting a friend who has lost someone to suicide can be difficult. You might not know what to say or do, how they’re feeling, or how to be with them in their process. Rather than avoiding the person, it’s crucial to remain connected and communicative. Here’s how.

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Common Reactions to a Loved One’s Suicide

According to Marianne Goodman, MD, a professor of psychiatry at Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, and director of the JJPVA Suicide Prevention Clinical and Research Program, your loved one is likely to experience:

• Denial. Initial reactions often include surprise, shock, and disbelief. The person may feel numb and be in denial about the person’s death. They may walk into a room and expect to see their loved one or keep forgetting that they’re gone. The person may appear distraught, distracted, or forgetful. They may withdraw and not speak or might repeat themselves.
• Anger. Once the reality sets in, feelings of intense pain, frustration, and helplessness follow, often leading to anger and a sense of betrayal. The anger can take many forms, sometimes even at the person for leaving them or not reaching out for help. The person may also feel angry at others, a higher being, or life in general. This rage may manifest as aggression, violence, irritability, impatience, and withdrawal from friends, family, or faith.
• Bargaining. During the bargaining stage, the person may repeatedly think about what they could have done to prevent the death. They may wish to go back in time and prevent the suicide somehow. Common thoughts are “If only…” and “What if…”
• Guilt. If the person believes they could have done something to prevent the death or that they are to blame somehow, they may experience feelings of guilt and shame that could become overwhelming.
• Questioning. The person may have questions about why their loved one’s suicide occurred. They may even question the meaning of life and their beliefs and values. If an explanation isn’t forthcoming or easily acceptable, they may make up false stories about what happened. 
• Depression. As the person begins to understand the effects of the person’s death, profound sadness can occur—often in the form of sleep problems, decreased energy and motivation, loss of appetite, and an inability to concentrate. Some people also feel overwhelmed, lonely, hopeless, and unable to function.
• Acceptance. Most people come to accept the reality of a loved one’s death, but some find the pain too unbearable. Grief counseling can help.

Remember that everyone experiences grief differently. Some people jump right into depression after the initial shock. Others mask their grief to the point of seeming unaffected.

Signs and Symptoms That May Warrant Help

According to Goodman, a loved one’s suicide can also trigger these symptoms and conditions in survivors:

• Haunting thoughts or memories of this death and perhaps others they’ve dealt with
• Symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) such as nightmares, flashbacks, and intrusive thoughts of death
• Mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, or complicated grief
• Misuse of substances such as drugs and alcohol to numb the pain
• Suicidal feelings and thoughts of their own death
• Dangerous or reckless actions, such as driving too fast, because they feel numb, intensely angry, or hopeless

If you notice any of these, encourage your friend to seek professional help.

How to Offer Your Support

These are some ways to support a loved one who has lost someone to suicide.

• Reach out: Your friend might find it hard to take the first step and make contact with you. If you have heard about their loved one’s suicide, reach out to them as soon as you can. Understand that sometimes people may not respond because they need space to grieve their loss or don’t have the energy for connection. Continue to reach out, even just to let your friend know you are thinking of them. This helps a grieving person feel less alone.
• Acknowledge the circumstances: According to Goodman, it’s important to acknowledge the reality of their loved one’s death. For instance, you can say “I heard that ____ died by suicide.” Suicide is often shrouded by stigma, but by bringing it up, you can show that you’re willing to discuss the death and support the person fully.
• Express your support: Let them know you’re there for them and they can count on you. Offer tangible forms of support, such as meal prep and babysitting. Sometimes, people who are grieving don’t know how or when to ask for help, so do these things without them asking.
• Share your memories: Many grieving people like talking about their loved ones, even after years have passed; this helps them keep the memories alive. If you knew the person who died of suicide, share your memories with your friend. Remembering together can be helpful.
• Be willing to listen: Ask your friend how they’re feeling and encourage them to share their thoughts. Create a safe place for them to share their fears, anxieties, and uncomfortable thoughts, says Goodman. Continue asking even after time has passed. A lot of people who go through grief feel they cannot talk about their pain after some time because they don’t want to burden others. Let your friend know you’ll listen no matter how many years have passed.
• Be genuine: Tell them that you can’t imagine what they’re going through, but that you’re also grieving the loss, worried about them, and available to help. They’ll appreciate your honesty.
• Spend time with them: Perhaps the most important thing is to be available and help them feel less alone, says Hilary Blumberg, MD, director of the Mood Disorders Research Program at the Yale School of Medicine. You don’t have to make them smile or laugh. It can simply be enough to be with them and do everyday things together like going for a walk, having dinner, or simply watching television.
• Don’t minimize the loss: Everyone processes grief differently. Being patient with your friend’s process is one of the most helpful things you can do. Don’t try to minimize their pain by comparing their situation to that of others, claiming to know what they’re feeling, or offering overly simplistic solutions to their problems.
• Encourage them to seek help: If your friend’s thoughts become too distressing and they are unable to cope, encourage them to see a grief counselor. On the other hand, if their actions seem risky or they express suicidal thoughts, calla crisis helpline.

For some people, the winter holidays can be a painful period of reflection, loneliness, anxiety, and depression. This pervasive sadness is known informally as holiday blues or holiday depression.

Who Gets the Holiday Blues?

Anyone—even those who love the season—can experience the holiday blues. The season’s demands, gatherings, decorations, and other stressors leave many people stressed and exhausted. Add to this the sometimes emotional aspect of special days, and it’s a recipe for the doldrums.

People with a prior mental health condition may be particularly prone to holiday depression. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), 64% of people with an existing mental illness report that the holidays make their condition worse.

Signs & Symptoms

The most common symptom of holiday depression is a persistent or recurring feeling of sadness that begins during the holiday season. It can vary in intensity and duration. Some people might feel down periodically but experience brief periods of relief. 

Signs of holiday depression include:

• Changes in appetite or weight
• Changes in sleep patterns
• Depressed or irritable mood
• Difficulty concentrating
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Feeling more tired than usual
• Feeling tense, worried, or anxious
• Loss of pleasure in doing things you used to enjoy

Holiday Depression vs. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

Holiday depression and SAD can be difficult to distinguish from one another, but the duration and severity of symptoms are usually the best clues.

If the holiday season passes and you’re still feeling depressed or anxious, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional to determine if what you are experiencing is a more significant mood disorder.

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Diagnosing the Holiday Blues

Although the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) doesn’t formally recognize the holiday blues as a psychiatric condition, you should talk with your healthcare provider about your symptoms. During your appointment, they will ask questions about your symptoms, including the duration and severity. 

Causes of the Holiday Blues

People might experience holiday depression for many reasons, such as:

• Lack of sleep. A hectic holiday schedule can lead to a lack of sleep, which increases stress.
• Excess eating and alcohol use. People sometimes turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms to handle holiday sadness and stress. Excessive drinking and overeating can make the symptoms of holiday depression even more pronounced.
• Financial stress. Overextending yourself financially or struggling to afford gifts for family and friends can create an added burden of financial stress.
• Isolation and loneliness. Being unable to spend the holidays with your family and friends can make the holiday season seem especially lonely.
• Unrealistic expectations. The commercialization of the holidays can create the expectation of nonstop joy and holiday cheer, which can lead to holiday stress and sadness.

Because the holidays mark an impending new year, people tend to reflect on the past year. They might feel regret, failure, or other negative emotions.

Treatment for the Holiday Blues

Unless your healthcare provider has diagnosed you with major depression or another condition, they probably won’t prescribe medications to treat your holiday depression symptoms. In many cases, holiday depression can be managed with lifestyle changes and social support. Your doctor may refer you to a mental health professional for psychotherapy.

Coping With the Holiday Blues

In addition to talking to your healthcare provider, try these strategies to deal with the holidays.

Drink Only in Moderation

Alcohol is a depressant, and drinking too much can exacerbate negative feelings. You don’t need to go cold turkey. Instead, limit your consumption and don’t use alcohol to deal with or avoid difficult emotions. If you choose to drink, limit yourself to one or two alcoholic drinks at social functions.

Don’t Isolate Yourself

Social isolation can be a major risk factor for depression—and depression typically makes social interaction difficult. Particularly if you’re on your own, reaching out and finding social support can be all the more difficult.

Look for ways to enjoy social connections, even if you can’t go home for the holidays. If you’re feeling lonely, ask a friend to come over for a heart-to-heart. Join a local club, volunteer for something you believe in, or see a counselor for support.

Exercise Regularly

Regular physical activity can play an important role in preventing and reducing symptoms of depression.  So, although hitting the gym can be tough when you feel stressed, busy, and sad, remember that you don’t need to glue yourself to the treadmill or weight machine to feel the benefits. Even a casual activity such as a short walk each day might be enough to keep the holiday blues at bay.

Learn to Say ‘No’

The holidays often mean more people asking for help and making demands on your time and resources. Holiday invites can turn into stressful social obligations. Small favors can morph into huge projects that you didn’t anticipate. Avoid overcommitting by knowing your limits and learning how to say “no.”

Find Time for Yourself

Make sure that you leave enough time for yourself to relax. Even 15 to 20 minutes a day to enjoy some quiet time, read a book, listen to music, take a bath, do yoga, or some other relaxing activity can do wonders for your stress levels.

Set Realistic Expectations

It’s fine to be excited about the holidays and make plans for the things you want to do. But it is also important to keep your expectations realistic and reachable.

Holidays change just as people change. Kids grow older, people move, and new people will become a part of your life. The key is to focus on those connections, create new traditions, and remember past holidays with fondness while still enjoying the one right in front of you. Focus on enjoying the experience and the time you get to spend with your loved ones rather than on achieving a picture-perfect end result.

How to Get Help

If the holiday blues don’t lift after the holidays or if they’ve begun interfering with your well-being and ability to function, talk to your doctor or mental health professional. They will help diagnose your signs and symptoms and discuss treatment options, including psychotherapy and medications.

A manic episode occurs when a person who has bipolar disorder feels extremely active and energetic, often beyond their control, says Aimee Daramus, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and author of “Understanding Bipolar Disorder.”

These are some of the characteristics of a manic episode:

• Feeling either euphorically happy or irritable and disagreeable
• Having a high level of energy and being very active, to the point of feeling wired and doing multiple things at a time
• Having racing thoughts and ideas that are difficult to pin down
• Not needing much sleep and feeling energetic, despite not having slept much in days
• Talking a lot more than usual and very fast, making it difficult for others to keep up
• Behaving impulsively and recklessly. According to Dr. Daramus, this could involve partying too hard, spending too much money, driving too fast, making risky investments, behaving aggressively, or taking on ambitious or unrealistic new projects
• Having an increased appetite for food, alcohol, and other pleasures
• Having beliefs of grandiosity and feeling exceptionally confident, talented, powerful, important, and invincible
• Developing obsessions and pursuing them relentlessly, no matter how unviable they are
• Experiencing symptoms of psychosis such as hallucinations and delusions, and being unable to distinguish between what’s real and what isn’t
• Displaying restless behaviors, such as fidgeting and pacing
• Becoming a danger to yourself or the people around you

According to a 2021 study, manic episodes last approximately 3.5 months on average. For people who are not receiving treatment, a manic episode can last between three and six months. With effective treatment, the episode may end in under three months. 

“Sometimes, if it’s caught early, a change in medication can stop a manic episode. If that doesn’t work, you just have to ride it out,” says Dr. Daramus.

Signs a Manic Episode Is Ending

These are some signs that a manic episode is ending, according to Dr. Daramus:

• Slowing down and feeling less urgent and pressured all the time
• Feeling more tired and getting more sleep
• Being able to think more clearly, even if your memories of the manic episode are fuzzy
• Making fewer impulsive decisions
• Feeling overwhelmed by all the projects you’ve taken on
• Feeling embarrassed about the way you behaved during the manic episode
• Feeling low and depressed

What Happens When a Manic Episode Ends

When a manic episode ends, you may be able to return to normal functioning, or you may experience a depressive episode, characterized by the following symptoms:

• Feeling low, sad, or anxious
• Feeling lethargic and slow
• Having difficulty making decisions
• Not being able to focus or remember things
• Sleeping too much or having an irregular sleep pattern
• Speaking slowly or feeling like there’s not much to say
• Losing interest in work, relationships, and activities
• Struggling with basic day-to-day activities
• Feeling hopeless and inadequate
• Having thoughts about death or suicide

Some people have irregular and unpredictable episodes of mania and depression, whereas others have a more regular pattern of mania followed by depression, or vice versa. People with bipolar disorder may cycle between these episodes slowly or rapidly, with or without a break period of normal functioning in between.

Coping With the End of a Manic Episode

These are some strategies that can be helpful as you’re coming out of a manic episode:

• See your healthcare provider: Dr. Daramus recommends seeing your healthcare provider immediately as they can prescribe medication or adjust the medication you’re taking. Your healthcare provider can also provide therapy and support as you deal with the aftermath of the manic episode or start experiencing a depressive episode.
• Take your medication consistently: Medication may be able to reduce the symptoms of mania, end the manic episode faster, help you regain normal functioning, prevent a depressive episode, and stabilize your mood. It’s important to take your medication regularly, exactly as prescribed by your healthcare provider. Inform your healthcare provider if you experience any side effects. Don’t stop taking the medication without discussing it with them, even if you’re feeling better.
• Opt for calming environments: Stimulating places and activities can trigger mania and prolong it. Avoid busy, loud, or brightly decorated places and opt for more relaxing and soothing places and activities instead.
• Build a healthy routine: It can sometimes be difficult to maintain a healthy routine when you’re in the midst of a manic episode—you might not sleep or get very little sleep for days at a time, according to Dr. Daramus. As the episode comes to an end, it can be helpful to start rebuilding your routine by maintaining consistent bedtimes and mealtimes and exercising regularly.
• Seek social support: Connect with friends and family members and let them know how you’re feeling and how they can help. You may have to repair some relationships that were damaged during the manic episode.
• Note down your symptoms: Maintain a journal in which you note down your mood and symptoms every day. This can help your healthcare provider better understand your condition and track any patterns in your episodes.
• Avoid substances: Avoid using substances such as alcohol, cannabis, or drugs, as they can interfere with medication and worsen the symptoms of bipolar disorder.

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As a manic episode ends, you’ll start to feel less frenzied, be able to think more clearly, and get more sleep. You may have to face unpleasant consequences of your actions during the episode.

Therapy, medication, and social support are important factors that can help you cope with the end of a manic episode. They can help you resume normal functioning and potentially prevent further manic or depressive episodes.

Color analysis has been a staple for stylists and makeup artists for decades. Rooted in color theory, it can help you make more informed decisions about your wardrobe to enhance your overall appearance and develop more conscious shopping habits. 

What Is Color Analysis?

Introduced by fashion designer and color theorist Suzanne Caygill in the 1940s, color analysis involves assessing an individual’s coloration to identify their most flattering color palette.

According to Caygill, people could be classified into four color seasons based on their characteristics, such as skin tone and eye and hair color. These are further broken down into numerous subcategories within each primary season (summer, winter, autumn, and spring) to accommodate an individual’s unique traits. 

Years later, color consultant Carole Jackson proposed a simpler color analysis scheme in her book “Color Me Beautiful,” which spurred the concept’s explosive popularity in the 1980s. 

Color analysis identifies the colors that complement and harmonize your natural palette, which includes skin, hair, and eye color, says fashion designer and stylist, Catherine Bibeau. Choosing the right colors can enhance your overall appearance by making your natural features pop.

This can help you streamline your wardrobe and shop more consciously, says Yenia Hernández Fonseca, stylist and fashion contributor at Margo Paige. 

How Does Color Analysis Work?

Color analysis has its roots in traditional color theory, which can be traced back to the 18th century when Isaac Newton discovered the color spectrum and subsequently developed the first color wheel.

Color theory is the understanding of how colors interact with each other and how they can be combined to create different effects, says professional makeup artist, Brandy Allen.

“Color analysis and color theory are deeply intertwined. The difference is that color theory explores the relationship between colors and how they can be combined while color analysis applies these principles in practical scenarios,” explains Bree Steele, interior designer and trade manager at RJ Living. 

How To Determine Your Undertone

Assessing skin undertone is the first step in color analysis. According to Fonseca, skin undertones can be categorized into:

• Warm (yellow or peach hues)
• Cool (blue or pink hues)
• Neutral (a mix of both warm and cool undertones)

Understanding your skin undertone can help you choose the best color palettes that play up your complexion. “Without the knowledge of your undertone, you may look washed out or too warm,” says Steve Kassajikian, head of global artistry at Urban Decay. 

Cool undertones look best in blush or ruby-hued tones, while warm undertones look great in earthy tones like amber or copper. Neutral tones like brown or gray and bold colors like blue or teal look best on neutral undertones, Kassajikian adds.

Assessing Your Contrast Levels

Contrast can be a powerful tool to achieve balance. “Value contrast levels look at the difference between your lightest and darkest features, especially between your eyes, hair color, and skin tone,” Fonseca explains. 

High contrast occurs when there’s a big difference between the lightest and darkest values, says Fonseca. For example, fair skin, deep blue eyes, and dark hair. Low contrast, on the other hand, shows little to no difference in your color values, adds Fonseca. 

To know your contrast level, Fonseca suggests taking a selfie under natural light and changing the settings to grayscale. The monotone picture will help you determine the level of contrast between your hair, eyes, and skin, she explains. 

How To Identify Your Color Season

Seasonal color analysis is the most widely recognized among all color analysis techniques. According to this method, people can be typed into four seasons—summer, spring, autumn, and winter—based on their coloration.

“These categories reflect cool and warm undertones, and high and low contrast, to identify which color zones may be washing you out and which colors create a more radiant look,” says Bibeau. 

• Spring seasons typically have warm undertones and low contrast, perfect for highlighting lighter hair and eyes. “They may still work for those with dark features, but there isn’t a lot of contrast,” Bibeau points out. 
• Summer seasons are best for those with cool undertones and lighter hair and eye colors. “Although they exhibit some contrast between their skin tone and hair and eyes, it is much more moderate compared to the winter seasons,” she says.
• Autumn seasons typically suit those with warm undertones and dark hair and eyes, creating a soft blend among these features. 
• Winter seasons have cool undertones, dark hair, vibrant eyes, and high contrast between their skin, eyes, and hair, adds Bibeau. 

Look for colors that remove redness from your skin, brighten your eyes, or create the perfect hair color contrast, recommends Bibeau. 

The Benefits of Dressing in Your Color Season

Dressing in your color scheme can significantly spruce up your look. Research shows that “improving physical attractiveness” leads to better interpersonal interactions and a corresponding boost in self-esteem.

Some research has found that how you dress not only reflects but also affects your mood. Thus, wearing colors that make you look and feel good may positively impact your mood. Another study found that dressing your best (something color analysis can help you with) can improve productivity.

Different Approaches to Color Analysis

There are various methods of color analysis, including:

• Seasonal color analysis: This involves categorizing an individual into one of 12 subgroups across the four main seasons. In a professional consultation, a color analyst will drape fabric swatches over your shoulders to see how different colors interact with your features. You can also analyze yourself at home using color swatches in front of a mirror in natural light. 
• Tonal color analysis: This method classifies individuals into one of the six tonal color groups—warm, cool, light, clear, soft, and deep—based on their dominant, secondary, and tertiary color characteristics. 
• Thematic color analysis: This technique looks at a theme or particular inspiration and picks colors based on that, says Steele. 

Tips for Conducting Color Analysis at Home

Here are a few key things to keep in mind:

How To Apply Color Analysis in Fashion and Makeup

When you try an outfit, see how it affects your coloring. Does it make your complexion look vibrant or washed out? Does it make your eyes look bright or flat? 

If a color creates shadows or reflections on your face, it likely doesn’t complement your complexion.

People with high contrasts, like light skin and dark hair, can pull off strong contrasts, such as black and white. Those with little color contrast should avoid intense hues, strong contrasts, and neutral tones that closely match their contrast levels.

When it comes to makeup, having a strong understanding of how colors interact with one another can enhance your features and bring the whole look together, says Kassajikian. 

For accessorizing, those with warm undertones can’t go wrong with yellow gold or rose gold. Silver, platinum, and white gold complement cool undertones. Meanwhile, those with neutral undertones can experiment with both silver and gold accessories. 

The question of whether porn in marriage is okay or destructive is a common concern for many couples. Since pornography’s migration from magazines and videos to a digital format, it is readily accessible, easily kept private, and anonymous. As a result, pornography use has become more prevalent.

A 2020 study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that 91.5% of men and 60.2% of women reported pornography use within the previous month.

Women also view porn, yet men are still the biggest consumers. Pornography can be an acceptable way to explore and express sexuality, but for some people, it can become a problem that harms their well-being and relationships. Pornography use can negatively impact marital intimacy and reduce relationship satisfaction.

This article explores what you should know about porn in your marriage, including how porn affects relationships and why people may utilize pornography. It also provides tips for how to cope if porn has become a problem for you or your partner.

Porn in Marriage: What Are the Effects?

An increasing number of couples report that pornography is causing difficulties in their relationships. Research shows that pornography use is one of the strongest predictors of poor relationship quality and stability, both for those in dating relationships and married couples. It’s even been linked to divorce.

But what is it about porn that harms relationships?

Breaks Trust

Usually, the person looking at porn doesn’t want their partner to know. The secrecy, shame, isolation, and lies this kind of sneaking around introduces into a relationship often snowballs into all kinds of problems.

Keeping secrets from your partner is a recipe for disaster. When romantic partners keep secrets from each other, their trust in each other erodes and their confidence in their relationship starts to waver. This, in turn, can negatively affect your relationship.

But even if porn isn’t kept a secret—even if partners are open and honest about their consumption—it can still do real harm.

Decreases Satisfaction

There is some research out there that suggests porn viewing can improve a couple’s sex life. For some couples, it might add a little “spice” to an already awesome experience. But for the majority, research says that porn does the exact opposite. 

In “An Open Letter on Porn,” world-renowned clinical psychologists and relationship experts Drs. John and Julie Gottman write about how porn negatively affects relationships. 

Obstructs Emotional Intimacy

Frequent porn use can also cause users to emotionally detach from their partners. Michael Taylor, a marriage and family therapist in Kentucky, agrees, saying “Pornography is a poor substitute for the bonding version of sex. The vulnerability is removed in pornography, and that makes it too simplistic to produce the security and bonding that are a significant part of the physical interaction of a couple.”

In the most extreme cases, porn can separate the user from their partner—both in terms of time and emotions. The resulting emotional detachment from sex is very dangerous to the viability of the marriage.

Creates Unrealistic Expectations

When you go to the movies, you know that the movie has been edited, and that the people on screen are actors who have been paid to bring a scripted character to life.

But for some reason, people have difficulty making these same connections when they watch porn. They forget that real sex isn’t the same as the perfectly scripted scenes they see on the internet. This leads them to have unrealistic expectations about sex and a warped view of what a sexual partner should look like and be willing to do—expectations that can never be met.

Decreases Self Esteem

Janie Lacy, a licensed mental health counselor and certified sex addiction therapist in Florida, says, “Pornography can lower the sense of self-esteem and self-worth of the wife because she may compare herself to the women that her husband is viewing on the screen.” And research shows that her assessment is spot on.

For example, some women worry they can’t compete with the beautiful young women her partner is viewing on the screen. Many even begin to view themselves as “sexually undesirable, worthless, weak, and stupid.”

Reasons for Porn in Marriage

If you discover that your partner has been watching porn, you might feel distressed, angry, or betrayed. Some people may even feel that viewing porn is the same as cheating.

It can be helpful to understand some of the reasons why even a committed partner might view porn.

• Porn may act as a substitute for affection: Some researchers suggest that when the need for affection is not met, people may turn to pornography to fulfill these social needs and combat feelings of loneliness.
• Porn use may be a way to cope with stress: Porn can sometimes act as a coping mechanism when people are dealing with stress or other mental health issues. It may serve as a form of escape or provide a sense of stress relief.
• Porn activates the brain’s reward pathways: People may view porn because it activates the reward circuitry in the brain, releasing “feel good” chemicals that produce feelings of pleasure. It can have a powerful effect on the brain, which is why porn use is sometimes described as addictive.

If Porn Is a Problem in Your Marriage

Of course, there are relationships in which porn use is mutually enjoyed. But if porn isn’t OK with you, then it’s not OK in your relationship and should be addressed. Unfortunately, this is an important conversation that far too few couples have.

Here are some tips on how to broach the topic of porn with your partner and get back on track:

• Start your conversation right. The first few minutes of a difficult conversation generally determine the outcome, so be direct and calm. Use the same tone and attitude you would use for any low-pressure topic. Do you want steak for dinner? Are you into having a porn conversation with me tonight?
• Leave judgment at the door. Tread lightly and choose your words wisely. Nothing is more upsetting or alienating than feeling like your sexuality is being judged.
• Ask questions. Ask them what they like about porn. Find out if their porn use is something they consider a problem and need to work on, or if they think that porn is OK.
• Own your feelings. Take the time to calmly and clearly explain why you feel the way you do about porn. Be honest about why it bothers you. This may require you to open up about insecurities you may have about what you look like or how you have sex.

If you can’t resolve the issue alone, consider seeking the help of a couples’ counselor or sex therapist. You can also look into marriage counseling to see if you think there are other problems in your marriage that may be leading to excessive pornography use.