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Sigmund Freud’s theories provide a framework for understanding how the human mind works, why people behave the way they do, and what influences our thoughts and behaviors. Freud’s key ideas, including his concept of the unconscious mind, his structural model of the psyche, and his psychosexual theory of development, served as the basis for psychoanalysis.

Overview of Freud’s Theories

If you’ve ever taken or are currently taking psychology, chances are that you’ve spent a fair amount of time learning about Sigmund Freud’s theory. Even those outside the psychology field often have some awareness of Freudian psychoanalysis, the school of thought created by Sigmund Freud.

In simple terms, Freud’s theory suggests that unconscious memories, thoughts, and urges influence human behavior. This theory also proposes that the psyche comprises three aspects: the id, ego, and superego. The id is entirely unconscious, while the ego operates in the conscious mind. The superego operates both unconsciously and consciously.

Knowing more about Freudian psychology, along with the key concepts in psychoanalysis—like the unconscious, fixations, defense mechanisms, and dream symbols—can help you understand the influence Freud’s theories have had on contemporary psychologists.

Sigmund Freud’s Theory of Talk Therapy

One of Freud’s greatest contributions to psychology was talk therapy, the notion that simply talking about problems can help alleviate them. It was through his association with his close friend and colleague, Josef Breuer, that Freud became aware of a woman known in the case history as Anna O.

The young woman’s real name was Bertha Pappenheim. She became a patient of Breuer’s after suffering a bout of what was then known as hysteria. Symptoms included blurred vision, hallucinations, and partial paralysis.

Breuer observed that discussing her experiences provided some relief from her symptoms. It was Pappenheim herself who began referring to the treatment as the “talking cure.”

Freud concluded that her hysteria was the result of childhood sexual abuse, a view that ended up leading to a rift in Freud and Breuer’s professional and personal relationship. Anna O. may not have actually been Freud’s patient, but her case informed much of Freud’s work and later theories on therapy and psychoanalysis.

Freud’s Theory of Personality

According to Freud’s theory, there are a few different factors that affect personality. They include cathexis and anticathexis, along with life and death instincts.

Cathexis and Anticathexis

According to Freud’s psychoanalytic theory, all psychic energy is generated by libido. Freud suggested that our mental states were influenced by two competing forces: cathexis and anticathexis.

• Cathexis was described as an investment of mental energy in a person, idea, or object.
• Anticathexis involves the ego blocking the socially unacceptable needs of the id. Repressing urges and desires is one common form of anticathexis, but this involves a significant investment of energy.

If you are hungry, for example, you might create a mental image of a delicious meal that you have been craving. In other cases, the ego might harness some energy from the id (the primitive mind) to seek out activities related to the desire in order to disperse excess energy from the id.

Sticking with the same example, if you can’t actually seek out food to appease your hunger, you might instead thumb through a cookbook or browse through your favorite recipe blog.

Life Instincts and Death Instincts

Freud also believed that much of human behavior was motivated by two driving instincts: life instincts and death instincts.

• Life instincts (Eros) are those that relate to a basic need for survival, reproduction, and pleasure. They include such things as the need for food, shelter, love, and sex.
• Death instincts (Thanatos) are the result of an unconscious wish for death, which Freud believed all humans have. Self-destructive behavior was one expression of the death drive, according to Freud. However, he believed that these death instincts were largely tempered by life instincts.

Freudian Theory of the Psyche

In Freudian theory, the human mind is structured into two main parts: the conscious and unconscious mind.

• The conscious mind includes all the things we are aware of or can easily bring into awareness.
• The unconscious mind, on the other hand, includes all of the things outside of our awareness—all of the wishes, desires, hopes, urges, and memories that we aren’t aware of yet continue to influence behavior.

Freudian psychology compares the mind to an iceberg. The tip of the iceberg that is actually visible above the water represents just a tiny portion of the mind. On the other hand, the huge expanse of ice hidden underneath the water represents the much larger unconscious.

In addition to these two main components of the mind, Freudian theory also divides human personality into three major components: the id, ego, and superego.

• The id is the most primitive part of the personality that is the source of all our most basic urges. The id is entirely unconscious and serves as the source of all libidinal energy.
• The ego is the component of personality that deals with reality and helps ensure that the demands of the id are satisfied in ways that are realistic, safe, and socially acceptable.
• The superego is the part of the personality that holds all of the internalized morals and standards that we acquire from our parents, family, and society at large.

Freud’s Theory of Psychosexual Development

Freudian theory suggests that as children develop, they progress through a series of psychosexual stages. At each stage, the libido’s pleasure-seeking energy is focused on a different part of the body.

The five stages of psychosexual development are:

1. The oral stage: The libidinal energies are focused on the mouth.
2. The anal stage: The libidinal energies are focused on the anus.
3. The phallic stage: The libidinal energies are focused on the penis or clitoris.
4. The latent stage: A period of calm in which little libidinal interest is present.
5. The genital stage: The libidinal energies are focused on the genitals.

The successful completion of each stage leads to a healthy personality as an adult. If, however, a conflict remains unresolved at any particular stage, the individual might remain fixated or stuck at that particular point of development.

A fixation can involve an over-dependence or obsession with something related to that phase of development. For example, a person with an “oral fixation” is believed to be stuck at the oral stage of development. Signs of an oral fixation might include excessive reliance on oral behaviors such as smoking, biting fingernails, or eating.

Freud’s Theory of Dream Analysis

The unconscious mind played a critical role in all of Freud’s theories, and he considered dreams to be one of the key ways to take a peek into what lies outside our conscious awareness.

He dubbed dreams “the royal road to the unconscious” and believed that by examining dreams, he could see not only how the unconscious mind works but also what it is trying to hide from conscious awareness.

Freud believed the content of dreams could be broken down into two different types:

• The manifest content of a dream included all the actual content of the dream—the events, images, and thoughts contained within the dream. The manifest content is essentially what the dreamer remembers upon waking.
• The latent content, on the other hand, is all the hidden and symbolic meanings within the dream. Freud believed that dreams were essentially a form of wish fulfillment. By taking unconscious thoughts, feelings, and desires and transforming them into less threatening forms, people are able to reduce the ego’s anxiety.

Freud often utilized the analysis of dreams as a starting point in his free association technique. When working with a client, he would focus on a particular dream symbol, then use free association to see what other thoughts and images immediately came to the client’s mind.

Freud’s Theory of Defense Mechanisms

Even if you’ve never studied Freud’s theories before, you have probably heard the term “defense mechanisms.” When someone seems unwilling to face a painful truth, you might accuse them of being “in denial.” If they try to look for a logical explanation for unacceptable behavior, you might suggest that they are “rationalizing.”

Denial and rationalization represent different types of defense mechanisms, or tactics that the ego uses to protect itself from anxiety. Some of the best-known mechanisms of defense include denial, repression, and regression, but there are many more.

Freud’s Theory of Female Psychology

Freud’s perspective on women was, and continues to be, one of his most controversial. One of his theories relating to female psychology is known as the Electra complex, also sometimes referred to as penis envy.

According to Freud, females start out close to their mothers. But once they realize they don’t have a penis, they start to hate their moms for mutilating them, then become close to their dad. At the same time, females start to imitate their mom because they fear the loss of her affection.

Freud’s Ideas About Religion

Freud theorized that religious beliefs are essentially delusions, and also that turning away from these types of ideologies is preferable because religion does not lead to happiness and fulfillment; in fact, it is a belief structure not based on evidence.

Freud felt that a person’s religious views were, at least in part, a result of their relationship with their father. He believed that people tend to depict their idea of a “God” based on the qualities and traits of the father figure in their life and that these qualities changed as their relationship with their father changed.

It is believed that Freud’s theory of religion was influenced by his relationship with his own father. Freud had a Jewish upbringing, which he said he had no desire to change, yet he also stated that he was “completely estranged from the religion of his fathers—as well as from every other religion.”

The Lasting Impact of Freud’s Work

While Freud’s theories have been widely criticized, they are still important because his work has made contributions to psychology as we know it today.

Psychotherapy

Many contemporary psychologists do not give credence to Freud’s ideas, but the theories remain important. Research has validated the effectiveness of various forms of talk therapy, including one finding that psychodynamic therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy were both effective for treating depression.

Freud’s belief that mental problems could be resolved by actually talking about them helped revolutionize psychotherapy.

Freud’s theories have also sparked a major change in how we view mental illness by suggesting that not all psychological problems have physiological causes.

Science

Freud’s contributions have also impacted the foundational science of what we know about psychology today. His idea that our thoughts are largely unconscious has withstood scientific scrutiny, for instance, retaining their importance in understanding human development and behavior.

Culture

Freud has even influenced thoughts about how society has formed into what it is today. Some believe that his theories help explain some of the successes of modern society while also explaining some of its failures.

To understand where psychology is today, it is essential to take a look at where we’ve been and how we got here. Freud’s work provides insight into an important movement in psychology that helped transform how we think about mental health and how we approach psychological disorders.

By studying Freud’s theories and those that came after, you gain a better understanding of psychology’s fascinating history. Many terms such as defense mechanism, Freudian slip, and anal retentive have become a part of our everyday language. By learning about his work and theories, you can understand how these ideas and concepts became woven into the fabric of popular culture.

Deep conversation starters help you move beyond small talk and open the doors to more meaningful, honest, and emotionally resonant connections. These conversation starters often focus on hypothetical situations, past experiences, emotions, fears, dreams, and values. For example, deep questions might focus on a favorite childhood memory or causes that a person is most passionate about.

Deep Conversation Starters to Get to Know Someone

These are some conversation starters that can help you get to know someone better:

1. What do you consider your best quality?
2. What’s one thing you can’t live without?
3. Who are your role models?
4. Which is your favorite movie and why?
5. Which song best represents your life?
6. What is your healthiest habit?
7. What is your worst habit?
8. What stresses you out?
9. What is your deepest fear?
10. When was the last time you cried?

Unfortunately, researchers have found that while people benefit from deep conversations, people often stick to small talk because they overestimate how awkward these conversations will be.

Deep Questions About Love and Relationships

These are some conversation starters that can help you have a meaningful conversation about love and relationships:

1. Have you ever been in love? What was your first experience with love?
2. What does love mean to you? How would you describe it?
3. What do you think about love at first sight?
4. What are your thoughts about the idea of soul mates?
5. What qualities do you value most in a partner? Why are they important to you?
6. What do you believe are the key ingredients for a successful relationship?
7. What do you consider a deal breaker in a relationship?
8. What is the worst date you’ve ever been on?
9. What would your ideal date involve?
10. What is your love language? How do you like to give and receive love?
11. What lessons have you learned about love from your upbringing? What are ideas about love that you are learning or unlearning?
12. Who are your relationship role models?
13. What are your long-term relationship goals? What does life and retirement look like with your loved one by your side?
14. Tell me about a time when you felt truly loved and understood in a relationship. What made it special?
15. Have you ever been deeply hurt or hurt someone badly in a relationship? What happened?
16. What is the worst disagreement or fight you’ve had in a relationship? How did you solve it?
17. What is your biggest regret from your past relationships?
18. What are your current relationships like with your ex-partners?
19. What is the most valuable lesson you’ve learned in a relationship?
20. How do you maintain a healthy balance between independence and togetherness in a relationship?

Questions About Dreams, Wishes, and Values

These are some conversation starters that can help you have a meaningful conversation about wishes, dreams, and values:

1. What did you want to be when you were young? 
2. What is your dream job now?
3. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?
4. If you could have three wishes granted to you right now, what would you ask for?
5. If money weren’t an issue and you could do anything in the world, what would you do?
6. Which skill do you want to learn/improve on?
7. What does happiness look like to you?
8. What are the things you are most grateful for?
9. What are your biggest challenges right now?
10. What legacy or impact would you like to leave behind in the world? How would you like to be remembered by others?

Conversations About Childhood and Upbringing

These are some conversation starters that can help you have a meaningful conversation about childhood and upbringing:

1. What is your most cherished memory of growing up?
2. What is your relationship with your parents/siblings like?
3. What are qualities about your parents/siblings that you like and admire, and what are characteristics they have that are more challenging?
4. What was it like being the oldest/youngest/middle/only child of the family?
5. What were holidays or vacations like in your family?
6. How does your family celebrate important occasions?
7. What does “home” mean to you?
8. Which meal or dish reminds you most of home?
9. What was growing up in your hometown like?
10. Who are the people who have made you who you are today?

Meaningful Conversations vs. Small Talk

While small talk, typically casual and lighthearted, can help break the ice, it may not necessarily help you form a deep, emotional bond with someone. These are some of the differences between meaningful conversations and small talk, according to Dr. Romanoff.

According to researchers, conversation is a useful source of learning and serves as a central part of society and culture. It allows people to:

• Communicate norms
• Convey morality
• Share knowledge
• Offer differing perspectives
• Create a shared understanding

At the same time, experts have found that people underestimate what they’ll learn from these conversations. This discourages them from participating in conversations and becomes an obstacle when it comes to learning from others.

How to Have a Meaningful Conversation

Dr. Romanoff shares some tips that can help you have a meaningful conversation with someone:

• Ask open-ended questions and invite the other person to describe what a situation was like for them or how they felt.
• Be vulnerable and share information about yourself. Consider sharing personal information first to gain the other person’s trust.
• Adopt an attitude of curiosity and genuine interest in what the person is saying.
• Be thoughtful and try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes to see things from their perspective.
• Listen actively and ask follow-up questions.
• Empathize with them and offer emotional validation, so they feel seen and heard.

You may feel nervous about trying to initiate deep conversations with a friend, loved one, or someone you don’t know very well just yet, but learning more about them—and allowing them to learn more about you—is a great way to deepen your connection and build the kind of intimacy that helps sustain relationships over the long term. The more you learn and the more you share about yourself, the easier it will be to have more intimate conversations in the future without feeling uncomfortable.

The INFJ personality is one of the 16 Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) types, defined by Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, and Judging. Also known as the Advocate or Idealist, people with this personality type sometimes feel misunderstood, partly because it’s so rare. INFJs are known for their seeming contradictions, since they can be easy-going and perfectionistic, logical yet emotional, and both creative and analytical.

Characteristics of an INFJ Personality

• Compassionate: With their strong sense of intuition and emotional understanding, INFJs can be soft-spoken and empathetic. This does not mean that they are pushovers, however. INFJs have deeply held beliefs and the ability to act decisively to get what they want.
• Helpful: While they are introverted by nature, people with an INFJ personality type can form strong, meaningful connections with other people. They enjoy helping others, but they also need time and space to recharge.
• Idealistic: What sets the INFJ apart is their ability to translate their idealism into action. They don’t just dream about changing the world—they make it happen.
• Organized: People with an INFJ personality type like to exert control by planning, organizing, and making decisions as early as possible.
• Emotional and logical: When making decisions, INFJs place a greater emphasis on their emotions than on objective facts. But this doesn’t mean they see the world through rose-colored glasses. INFJs understand the world, both the good and the bad, and hope to be able to make it better.

The INFJ personality type is considered the rarest of the MBTI types, making up only 1% to 3% of the U.S. population. One study found that around 5.43% of participants had an INFJ personality type.

Strengths of the INFJ Personality Type

• Sensitivity: INJFs are also sensitive and responsive to the needs of others.
• Highly creative and artistic: They are good at solving problems and are good at coming up with innovative solutions.
• Focused on the future: They are good at planning and can be “big picture” thinkers.
• Value close, deep relationships: While they are quiet and reserved, they tend to have a tight circle of meaningful friends and family.
• Idealistic and principled: They have a strong sense of right and wrong, want to make the world a better place, and enjoy thinking about the meaning of life.

Potential Weaknesses

• Sensitivity: They can sometimes be overly sensitive and are easily hurt by criticism or negative feedback
• Difficulty opening up: They may have a hard time being open, and people sometimes describe them as difficult to get to know.
• Perfectionism: INFJs can have overly high expectations, and the standards they set for themselves and others may be unrealistic.
• Stubbornness: They may have difficulty changing plans or adjusting their expectations, leading to excessive rigidity.
• Conflict avoidance: They dislike confrontation and may try to avoid it, which can lead to resentment and unresolved conflicts.

Types of INFJ Personalities

The INFJ personality type is also sometimes further subdivided into two different types:

• An INFJ-A is referred to as an “Assertive Advocate” and often displays confidence with a relaxed demeanor.
• An INFJ-T is known as a “Turbulent Advocate” and tends to be less confident and more easily stressed.

Cognitive Functions of the INFJ Personality

The MBTI was created in the 1940s by Isabel Myers and her mother, Katherine Briggs. It is based on the theories of Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jung. Jung identified four key psychological functions:

1. Thinking
2. Feeling
3. Sensing
4. Intuition

Each of these functions tends to be either outwardly focused (extraverted) or inwardly focused (introverted).

Think of the different cognitive functions as ingredients that go into making up a personality type. The specific recipe for each type is controlled by how these ingredients combine and interact. The MBTI relies on two key factors that combine in different ways, yielding 16 types. First is the functions themselves, and second is the hierarchical order of those functions.

• Dominant function: Each type possesses a dominant function that is the core characteristic of that type.
• Auxiliary function: This is then supported by an auxiliary function, which is another well-developed aspect of personality.
• Tertiary and inferior functions: The tertiary and inferior functions are less conscious and not as well-formed, but can still have an impact on personality.

The dominant, auxiliary, tertiary, and inferior functions for INFJs are as follows.

Dominant: Introverted Intuition

People with an INFJ personality type are dominant in introverted intuition. This means:

• INFJs tend to be highly focused on their internal insights.
• Once they have formed an intuition about something, INFJs tend to stick to it very tightly, often to the point of being single-minded in their focus.
• INFJs are sometimes viewed as stubborn and unyielding.

Auxiliary: Extraverted Feeling

The auxiliary function for an INFJ is extraverted feeling. This means:

• INFJs are highly aware of what other people are feeling but are sometimes less aware of their own emotions.
• INFJs sometimes struggle to say no to other people’s requests. They are so attuned to what other people are feeling that they fear causing disappointment or hurt feelings.

Tertiary: Introverted Thinking

The tertiary function for INFJs is introverted thinking. This means:

• INFJs make decisions based on ideas and theories that they form based on their own insights.
• INFJs rely primarily on their introverted intuition and extroverted feeling when making decisions, particularly when they are around other people. When they are alone, however, people with this personality type may rely more on their introverted thinking.
• In stressful situations, an INFJ might try to rely on emotions when making decisions, especially if it means pleasing other people. Under less stressful conditions, an INFJ is more likely to rely more on their intuition.

Inferior: Extraverted Sensing

The inferior function for an INFJ is extraverted sensing. This means:

• While this is a less developed and largely unconscious aspect of the INFJ, it does have an impact on personality.
• This aspect of personality helps INFJs pay attention to the world around them and stay aware of their surroundings.
• Extroverted sensing also helps INFJs live in the present moment rather than simply worrying about the future.
• This aspect of personality also helps INFJs appreciate physical activities such as hiking and dancing.

What Are INFJs Like in Relationships?

• Expressive: INFJs also have a talent for language and are usually quite good at expressing themselves. They have a vivid inner life but are often hesitant to share this with others, except for those closest to them.
• Quiet leaders: While they are quiet and sensitive, INFJs can also be good leaders. Even when they don’t take on overt leadership roles, they often act as quiet influencers behind the scenes.
• Value-driven: They have strong values: INFJs are driven by their strong values and seek out meaning in all areas of their lives, including relationships and work. People with this type of personality are often described as deep and complex.
• Meaningful relationships: INFJs may not have a huge circle of acquaintances, but their close friendships tend to be remarkably close and long-lasting.
• Prosocial and caring: INFJs are interested in helping others and making the world a better place. They tend to be excellent listeners and are good at interacting with people with whom they are emotionally close and connected.

While they care deeply about others, INFJs tend to be introverted and only willing to share their “true selves” with a select few. After being in social situations, INFJs need time to themselves to “recharge.”

Which Careers Are Best for the INFJ Personality?

In the workplace, INFJs are known for being:

• Creative: They do well in careers where they can express their creativity.
• Principled: Because people with INFJ personalities have such deeply held convictions and values, they do exceptionally well in jobs that support these principles. INFJs often do best in careers that mix their need for creativity with their desire to make meaningful changes in the world.
• High-achieving: INFJs are usually high achievers and excel in academics and the workplace. They can be perfectionists at times and put a great deal of effort into their work.
• Easy to get along with: Co-workers tend to feel that INFJs are hardworking, positive, and easy to get along with. Because they are introverted, however, they may find that they need to retreat at times to recharge.

In managerial roles, INFJs can sometimes struggle to exert authority. They tend to lead with sensitivity and are good at helping subordinates feel appreciated in the workplace. Jobs that require a great deal of routine or adherence to strict rules can be difficult for INFJs.

Tips for Interacting With INFJs

If someone in your life is an INFJ, here are some tips for interacting with them based on the relationship you have.

• Friendships: Because they are reserved and private, INFJs can be difficult to get to know. They place a high value on close, deep relationships and can be hurt easily—although they often hide these feelings from others. Interacting with an INFJ friend involves understanding and supporting their need to retreat and recharge.
• Parenting: Because INFJs are so skilled at understanding feelings, they tend to be very close and connected to their children. They have high standards and can have very high behavioral expectations. INFJs are concerned with raising kind, caring, and compassionate children. They encourage their children to pursue their interests and reach their potential.
• Relationships: INFJs have an innate ability to understand others’ feelings and enjoy close, intimate relationships. They tend to flourish with romantic partners who share their core values. As a partner, it is important to provide the support and emotional intimacy that an INFJ craves. Sincerity, honesty, and authenticity are all traits that the INFJ appreciates in their partner.