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Family dynamics can be complicated. So complicated that we might want to cut our losses and go no contact. You’re certainly not alone if you feel this way. In fact, a growing number of us are becoming estranged from our biological family.

Why we choose to distance ourselves from our families is complex and personal. As a society, we tend to moralize this choice—as if you’re inherently a bad person for separating yourself from a harmful situation. But choosing to become estranged is a decision many don’t take lightly.

What Leads Someone To Cut Ties With a Family Member?

In any relationship, we exist on a spectrum from high contact to low contact to no contact. Decreasing your level of contact is a choice dependent on many factors, such as:

• Toxic and unhealthy relationships
• A denial or withholding of funds or resources
• Mental, physical, financial, or emotional abuse
• Substance addiction
• Mental illness
• Political polarization
• Different religious and/or cultural beliefs
• Shifting family dynamics, such as divorce or controlling marital partners

Alice Zic, MPH, LCSW, a trauma therapist, says it’s important to understand that estrangement isn’t a simple decision and that it often includes a deep level of thought, especially since many don’t want to reduce or eliminate contact with their family member(s). 

The Reasons May Not Be Obvious to Both Parties

The process of estrangement is rarely cut-and-dry. How much contact you have with a loved one shifts and changes. 

Joshua Coleman, PhD, a psychologist in private practice and a senior fellow with the Council on Contemporary Families, adds that estrangement is a scenario sometimes rife with miscommunication. 

“A lot of parents say, ‘Yeah, I made some pretty serious mistakes,’ but probably the majority don’t understand why that would produce an estrangement,” he explains. “Some just have no idea. Sometimes, it’s because the child is telling them, and they’re not accepting it. Other times, some adult children, probably because they’re conflict-avoidant, haven’t really told their parents, so they are operating in the dark.”

What Are the Psychological Effects?

Estrangement can lead to a variety of positive and negative mental health effects. For some, it brings feelings of sadness, grief, and a loss of control.

Studies show that the person choosing to separate themselves from their family member(s) experiences a host of emotions, ranging from anger, sadness, and stress at the beginning of the estrangement. Over time, these feelings will dwindle, though anger and sadness may remain at lower rates.

The reality is that estrangement is complicated, and how one feels about it depends on the person and their circumstances—especially considering most estrangements are marked by on-and-off-again cycles.

Patricia Dixon, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and owner of a Florida-based group practice, adds that social media glamorizes estrangement, noting that it “makes people more comfortable with becoming estranged because they can still stalk the person through social media,” she says. “So it’s almost as if, if I cut you off, [I can] still know what’s happening in your life.”

Instead of rushing towards estrangement, Dixon recommends setting boundaries and expectations in your relationships. This, she says, will help curb the mental and psychological stress that may come with being estranged and grieving your lost relationships.

How Society Views Estrangement

Societal narratives surrounding estrangement regularly place reunification or reconciliation on a pedestal and ignore the reality that estrangement can be painful, beautiful, illuminating, and a whole host of other experiences, often all at once.

Dixon believes this pressure to maintain familial relationships can actively harm those considering estrangement or who have actively gone no contact.

“This is someone you were once close to and they had a strong foundation in your life,” she says.

Culture Can Play a Part

Dixon says there is a cultural expectation to stay in contact with your family, which can be particularly damaging for people of color. 

“There tends to be this kinship for survival, for making it through the different discrimination that you may face as a person of color,” she says. “And so there becomes an added pressure of having to remain family and bonded because we’re supposed to protect each other. For somebody to step away from a family member, there’s this pressure and shame.”

Zic adds that these pressures can make estrangement more difficult, particularly if your cultural background stems from a collectivist culture.

How To Cope With Estrangement

What does coping with estrangement look like?

• Engage in physical or mental practices. Zic recommends therapy, meditation, or movement-based activities to help nourish and ground you.
• Find comfort in your chosen family. Your chosen family includes the people in your circle with whom you share a family bond, regardless of whether you are actually related to them. “Having chosen family [means having] people who remind you, ‘Hey, I trust you. We can navigate relationships differently,” Zic says.
• Speak to a mental health professional. Seek out a mental health clinician who understands the intricacies of estrangement.
• Visit an online support group. Websites like Together Estranged and Stand Alone have online support groups to help you cope with being estranged from your family.
• Group therapy. Research shows that group therapy reduces the psychological stress of estrangement.

Reconciling With Estranged Family

If reunification or reconciliation is a goal, Coleman recommends communicating expectations and a timeline. He often tells his clients interested in reconciling with their parents to “let their parents know the changes that they need or want them to make and that they’ll check back in with them in six months or some period of time.”

“Often adult children are saying to their parent, ‘You need to do your own therapy, you need to do your work.’ But they often don’t give the parent a timeline,” he says.

Keep in Mind

Ultimately, whether you decide to remain estranged from your family or seek reconciliation, know that either decision is completely valid. Family relationships are complicated. Sometimes, years of resentment, trauma, and buried feelings can’t be solved. And sometimes with therapy, changed behavior, and forgiveness, they can.

But it’s not up to society to decide this for you. Chat with a therapist, set boundaries with your family, communicate your expectations, and go from there.

The Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator (MBTI) is a self-report questionnaire that sorts people into 16 different personality types based on their preferences in how they think, make decisions, and interact with the world. You can use the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator to explore your strengths in how you think and relate to others. Created by Isabel Myers and Katherine Briggs, based on Carl Jung’s theory, it’s now one of the most popular personality frameworks in the world.

How the MBTI Works

Based on the answers to the questions on the inventory, people are identified as having one of 16 personality types. The goal of the MBTI is to allow respondents to further explore and understand their own personalities, including their likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, possible career preferences, and compatibility with other people.

No one personality type is “best” or “better” than another. It isn’t a tool designed to look for dysfunction or abnormality. Instead, its goal is simply to help you learn more about yourself. The questionnaire consists of four scales.

Extraversion (E) – Introversion (I)

Jung first explored the extraversion–introversion dichotomy in his theory of personality types, which describes how people respond and interact with the world around them. While these terms are familiar to most people, the way in which they are used in the MBTI differs somewhat from their popular usage.

• Extraverts (also often spelled extroverts) are “outward-turning” and tend to be action-oriented, enjoy more frequent social interaction, and feel energized after spending time with other people.
• Introverts are “inward-turning” and tend to be thought-oriented, enjoy deep and meaningful social interactions, and feel recharged after spending time alone.

Sensing (S) – Intuition (N)

This scale examines how people gather information from the world around them. Just as with extraversion and introversion, everyone spends some time sensing and intuiting, depending on the situation. According to the MBTI, people tend to be dominant in one area or the other.

• People who prefer sensing tend to pay close attention to reality, particularly to what they can learn from their own senses. They tend to focus on facts and details and enjoy getting hands-on experience.
• Those who prefer intuition pay closer attention to patterns and impressions. They enjoy thinking about possibilities, imagining the future, and abstract theories.

Thinking (T) – Feeling (F)

This scale focuses on how people make decisions based on the information that they gathered from their sensing or intuition functions.

• People who prefer thinking place a greater emphasis on facts and objective data. They tend to be consistent, logical, and impersonal when making decisions.
• Those who prefer feeling are more likely to consider people and emotions when arriving at a conclusion.

Judging (J) – Perceiving (P)

The final scale involves how people tend to deal with the outside world.

• Those who lean toward judging prefer structure and firm decisions.
• People who lean toward perceiving are more open, flexible, and adaptable. These two tendencies interact with the other scales.

The 16 Myers-Briggs Types

Each type is then listed by its four-letter code:

• ISTJ – The Inspector: Reserved and practical, they tend to be loyal, orderly, and traditional.
• ISTP – The Crafter: Highly independent, they enjoy new experiences that provide first-hand learning.
• ISFJ – The Protector: Warm-hearted and dedicated, they are always ready to protect the people they care about.
• ISFP – The Artist: Easy-going and flexible, they tend to be reserved and artistic.
• INFJ – The Advocate: Creative and analytical, they are considered one of the rarest Myers-Briggs types.
• INFP – The Mediator: Idealistic with high values, they strive to make the world a better place.
• INTJ – The Architect: Highly logical, they are both very creative and analytical.
• INTP – The Thinker: Quiet and introverted, they are known for having a rich inner world.
• ESTP – The Persuader: Outgoing and dramatic, they enjoy spending time with others and focusing on the here and now.
• ESTJ – The Director: Assertive and rule-oriented, they have high principles and a tendency to take charge.
• ESFP – The Performer: Outgoing and spontaneous, they enjoy taking center stage.
• ESFJ – The Caregiver: Soft-hearted and outgoing, they tend to believe the best of others.
• ENFP – The Champion: Charismatic and energetic, they enjoy situations where they can put their creativity to work. 
• ENFJ – The Giver: Loyal and sensitive, they are known for being understanding and generous.
• ENTP – The Debater: Highly inventive, they love being surrounded by ideas and tend to start many projects (but may struggle to finish them).
• ENTJ – The Commander: Outspoken and confident, they excel at planning and organizing projects.

Taking the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator can provide a lot of insight into your personality, which is probably why the instrument has become so popular. Even without taking the formal questionnaire, you can probably immediately recognize some of these tendencies in yourself.

When working in group situations in school or at work, for example, recognizing your own strengths and understanding the strengths of others can be very helpful. When you are working toward completing a project with other members of a group, you might realize that certain members of the group are skilled and talented at performing particular actions. By recognizing these differences, the group can better assign tasks and work together on achieving their goals.

How MBTI Compares to Other Tests

The MBTI is just one approach to personality typing. Personality typing refers to systems that categorize people based on their traits, tendencies, and other characteristics. Other popular types of personality tests include:

However, the Myers-Briggs types differ in some important ways. First, the MBTI is not really a “test.” There are no right or wrong answers, and one type is not better than any other type. The purpose of the indicator is not to evaluate mental health or offer any type of diagnosis.

Also, unlike many other psychological evaluations, your results are not compared against any norms. Instead of looking at your score in comparison to other people’s results, the instrument’s goal is to simply offer further information about your unique personality.

The History of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

Both Myers and Briggs were fascinated by Jung’s theory of psychological types and recognized its real-world applications. During World War II, they began researching and developing an indicator to help understand individual differences.

By helping people understand themselves, Myers and Briggs believed that they could help people select occupations that were best suited to their personality types and lead healthier, happier lives.

Myers created the first pen-and-pencil version of the inventory during the 1940s, and the two women began testing the assessment on friends and family. They continued to fully develop the instrument over the next two decades.

Is the MBTI a Reliable and Valid Test?

According to the Myers & Briggs Foundation, the MBTI meets accepted standards of reliability and validity. The official website for the test suggests that it has a 90% accuracy and test-retest reliability rating. One older study found that while the scale showed strong internal consistency and test-retest reliability, variations were observed.

Other studies indicate that the instrument’s reliability and validity have not been adequately demonstrated. For example, some research suggests that many people get different results when they retake the test later, and that the test is not a good predictor of success in different careers.

How the MBTI Is Used Today

Because the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator is relatively easy to use, it has become one of the most popular psychological instruments currently in use today. Approximately two million U.S. adults complete the inventory each year.

The real MBTI must be administered by a trained and qualified practitioner and should include a follow-up of the results. Today, the questionnaire can be administered online via the instrument publisher, CPP, Inc., and includes receiving a professional interpretation of your results.

The current version of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator includes 93 forced-choice questions in the North American version and 88 forced-choice questions in the European version. For each question, there are two different options from which the respondent must choose.

Problem-solving is a mental process that involves discovering, analyzing, and solving problems. The ultimate goal of problem-solving is to overcome obstacles and find a solution that best resolves the issue.

The best strategy for solving a problem depends largely on the unique situation. In some cases, people are better off learning everything they can about the issue and then using factual knowledge to come up with a solution. In other instances, creativity and insight are the best options.

In order to correctly solve a problem, it is often important to follow a series of steps. Researchers sometimes refer to this as the problem-solving cycle. While this cycle is portrayed sequentially, people rarely follow a rigid series of steps to find a solution.

The following steps include developing strategies and organizing knowledge.

1. Identifying the Problem

While it may seem like an obvious step, identifying the problem is not always as simple as it sounds. In some cases, people might mistakenly identify the wrong source of a problem, which will make attempts to solve it inefficient or even useless.

Some strategies that you might use to figure out the source of a problem include :

• Asking questions about the problem
• Breaking the problem down into smaller pieces
• Looking at the problem from different perspectives
• Conducting research to figure out what relationships exist between different variables

2. Defining the Problem

After the problem has been identified, it is important to fully define the problem so that it can be solved. You can define a problem by operationally defining each aspect of the problem and setting goals for what aspects of the problem you will address

3. Forming a Strategy

After the problem has been identified, it is time to start brainstorming potential solutions. This step usually involves generating as many ideas as possible without judging their quality. Once several possibilities have been generated, they can be evaluated and narrowed down.

The next step is to develop a strategy to solve the problem. The approach used will vary depending upon the situation and the individual’s unique preferences. Common problem-solving strategies include heuristics and algorithms.

• Heuristics are mental shortcuts that are often based on solutions that have worked in the past. They can work well if the problem is similar to something you have encountered before and are often the best choice if you need a fast solution.
• Algorithms are step-by-step strategies that are guaranteed to produce a correct result. While this approach is great for accuracy, it can also consume time and resources.

4. Organizing Information

Before coming up with a solution, you need to first organize the available information. What do you know about the problem? What do you not know? The more information that is available the better prepared you will be to come up with an accurate solution.

When approaching a problem, it is important to make sure that you have all the data you need. Making a decision without adequate information can lead to biased or inaccurate results.

5. Allocating Resources

Of course, we don’t always have unlimited money, time, and other resources to solve a problem. Before you begin to solve a problem, you need to determine how high priority it is.

At this stage, it is important to consider all of the factors that might affect the problem at hand. This includes looking at the available resources, deadlines that need to be met, and any possible risks involved in each solution. After careful evaluation, a decision can be made about which solution to pursue.

6. Monitoring Progress

After selecting a problem-solving strategy, it is time to put the plan into action and see if it works. This step might involve trying out different solutions to see which one is the most effective.

It is also important to monitor the situation after implementing a solution to ensure that the problem has been solved and that no new problems have arisen as a result of the proposed solution.

Effective problem-solvers tend to monitor their progress as they work towards a solution. If they are not making good progress toward reaching their goal, they will reevaluate their approach or look for new strategies.

7. Evaluating the Results

After a solution has been reached, it is important to evaluate the results to determine if it is the best possible solution to the problem. This evaluation might be immediate, such as checking the results of a math problem to ensure the answer is correct, or it can be delayed, such as evaluating the success of a therapy program after several months of treatment.

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