Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Some of us have an easy time believing and understanding that other people love us even when they aren’t physically present, and for others, that idea can feel hard to fathom. The notion of being able to have faith in how others feel about us is called emotional permanence.

What Is Emotional Permanence?

Do you find yourself wondering about how other people feel about you when you’re not around them? Are you concerned that your partner(s), friends, or even family members don’t love you as much as they say they do? When your loved ones aren’t there to tell and show you how they feel about you, do you doubt their feelings and worry about your relationship? Do you feel like when people are out of your sight, you are likely out of their mind? If so, you may be lacking emotional permanence.

If you don’t ever bother thinking about how others feel about you when you aren’t with them, you may either have a strong sense of emotional permanence already or it may not be a big factor in your life. “Emotional permanence is when you can maintain certainty that your partner or other loved ones cares about you even when you are not in their presence or when they are not actively telling you that they care about you,” says Dr. Patrice Le Goy. She adds that “it is the ability to regulate your emotions and not be swept away by doubt and insecurity.”

Emotional permanence can be considered a more specialized version of object permanence. That’s when you understand that things in your world still exist even if you can’t see them. In much the same vein, emotional permanence is the knowledge that feelings are real even when the person who has them isn’t right in front of you.

Emotional Permanence in Personal Growth & Mental Health

The biggest sign that you have a sense of emotional permanence is that you don’t spend a lot of time feeling deeply concerned about how others feel about you, particularly those who have already expressed that they love you. This is important for our mental health because, as Le Goy tells us, “emotional permanence gives you a steady foundation from which to build and make positive changes where needed.”

It will be much easier for you to move through life in a positive and growing manner if you have a sense of believing that you are loved by those around you. The experience of solid emotional well-being has been correlated in studies with the presence of love in our everyday lives.

What Are Signs of Emotional Permanence?

Perhaps you are unsure whether or not you have a sense of emotional permanence. Here are some signs of it; if you find that they fit you, then this is probably not an issue for you. However, if you don’t resonate with these ideas, you may be lacking in emotional permanence.

• You don’t need constant emotional validation from your loved ones
• Reassurance is nice if it happens naturally from others, but you don’t seek it out
• You feel settled and secure in your relationships
• Your emotions are stable and don’t fluctuate endlessly
• It’s easy for you to regulate your emotions
• You feel overall happy and positive about life
• “Doomsday thinking” isn’t something you engage in

What Does it Mean to Lack Emotional Permanence?

Lacking emotional permanence means that you are not secure in how others feel about you unless they are actively telling you—and even then, you might not believe them. Lacking emotional permanence can look like the following.

• You don’t trust how others feel when they aren’t there
• Validation and reassurance are strong needs for you
• Your emotions are unstable
• You engage in doomsday thinking
• Regulating your emotions is a challenge
• Your feelings fluctuate a lot
• It’s hard for you to believe how others feel about you
• You lack trust in others

How Do You Develop Emotional Permanence?

Luckily, even if you are lacking in emotional permanence there are many ways to strengthen it. They are centered around personal growth, and you might find that you have the easiest time with this with a therapist.

Introspection

The first step to changing your lack of emotional permanence is understanding why you’re missing it in the first place. “If someone has difficulty with emotional permanence, they can begin to build it by first understanding why they question their loved ones’ loyalty and dedication,” explains Le Goy. Spend time, either on your own or with a therapist, gaining a stronger understanding of your own feelings and beliefs. From there, it’s possible to change them.

Trust Building

Learning how to trust yourself and others is key to gaining emotional permanence. “People can cultivate emotional permanence by learning to trust themselves and ensure that they are building relationships with people who are also trustworthy and honest,” says Le Goy. Take small steps in establishing trust, and reassure yourself as frequently as needed.

Relearning Attachment Style

Emotional permanence can be impacted by how you were parented. If you were brought up in a manner that led you to be anxiously attached, that needs to be addressed. “If someone had inconsistent or neglectful caregivers growing up, it would make sense that it is challenging to believe that people can be consistently loving and caring,” says Le Goy. She tells us that “people who had these issues to consider can benefit from gaining insight around it, perhaps going to therapy and re-parenting themselves.”

This final step in establishing emotional permanence is very important. Le Goy explains that that’s because “this is when people “fill in the gaps” for themselves and take care of themselves and their needs in the way that we wish our caregivers had done for us when we were young.”

The Positive Impact of Emotional Awareness

Having a strong sense of emotional permanence benefits us across the board. Knowing that we feel secure in our relationships further enables us to relax and enjoy life. “If we have emotional permanence, we can feel less anxious and insecure in our relationships and in our lives in general,” explains Le Goy.

This sense of reassurance can lead to us to move forward in our lives with faith and confidence. “Being confident that you are valued by those that you love can inspire us to be brave and take calculated risks in all areas of our lives,” she says.

Practical Tips for Managing & Expressing Emotions

If you struggle with managing your emotions, there are steps you can take to better get them under control. Le Goy cites introspection as a key way to gain deeper understanding of what’s going on with ourselves. “A large part of managing emotions in healthy ways is not just about finding solutions, but also finding the reasons why we are struggling with certain issues,’ she says. Additionally, “being able to search and seek to understand ourselves without judgment can go a long way in managing our emotions.”

It may take time for you to suss out why you feel the way you do about different things, and that’s ok. There’s no timeline for this work. From there, we can move forward. “Once we are very open with ourselves about how we got here, then we can search for healthy coping mechanisms to replace unhealthy practices—such as going for a walk outside instead of sitting at home worrying about our problems, journaling rather than venting to unsupportive people, etc,” Le Goy tells us.

The Journey Towards Emotional Permanence & Emotional Health

Because a lack of emotional permanence can be so deeply rooted in our past and our upbringing, we can’t expect that the journey to achieving it will be a fast one. However, it’s completely possible to improve our overall emotional health, and cultivating a sense of emotional permanence is no exception to that.

By examining how we developed the patterns we have, then looking into changing them, we can become more secure. From there, we can find ourselves happier and healthier in our relationships.

Many of us don’t break up with a significant other when we should, for many different reasons. Some of us are afraid to be alone; others fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy (“I’ve already invested so much time and effort in this relationship, I can’t give up now”). But most of us just ignore the signs that a relationship is falling apart because it’s easier to believe that everything is okay…until it’s not.

Knowing exactly when a relationship should be ended is a difficult task. It depends on the people involved and on the situation they live in. But there is fairly consistent evidence about the signs of relationship breakdown, unearthed by Dr. John Gottman.

The Four Horseman of the (Relationship) Apocalypse

Gottman discovered four negative communication styles that spell disaster for any and all relationships. He dubbed these “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.”

Criticism

The first horseman of communication is criticism. Criticizing is different than critiquing or complaining. Criticism is about the person’s character, rather than their behavior.

Here is the difference between a complaint and a criticism:

• Complaint: “I really wish you would help me with the dishes. It’s a lot of work to do by myself and while you relax on the sofa watching TV, I have to stay up and clean.”
• Criticism: “You’re just a selfish jerk. You never think about how I feel or all the work I do for you.”

When criticism is present in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that it’s doomed to end. Once in awhile, when we’re angry, we can resort to criticism. But when it becomes pervasive and when it is the only way you can bring up issues with each other, there’s a big problem.

If you criticize your partner constantly or feel like your partner is constantly criticizing you, it’s just a matter of time before it turns into something nastier: contempt. The relationship may be salvageable at this point, but it is a bad sign and it should make you consider whether leaving may be a better option.

Defensiveness

The second horseman is defensiveness, and it is typically in response to criticism (or perceived criticism). Defensiveness is an attempt to defend yourself from a perceived attack with a counter-complaint.

We can be defensive by shifting blame onto external situations, but more often than not we are defensive by shifting blame onto the partner calling for accountability.

Here’s an example of a defensive response:

• Complaint: “I feel like our sex life has been a bit stale lately, and I feel like you’re not really paying attention to my needs and desires in bed.”
• Defensive response: “Well, if you didn’t nag me about the dishes all the time, maybe I’d want to have sex with you.”

In general, humans do not like to be told they are doing something wrong or hurting other people. We have a tendency to want to think well of ourselves, and conversations like this threaten our self-esteem.

Defensiveness is really just a way of shifting the blame back onto your partner. You’re saying that the problem isn’t you, it’s them. Refusing to take even a small amount of responsibility for your role in the situation can cause your partner to feel unseen and unheard.

Being constantly defensive in a relationship is a bad sign. It means that the defensive partner is not willing to look at their own behavior and adjust it to stop whatever is harming the other partner. It means that the defensive partner is treating the other as simply an object to fulfill their needs and not a whole person with needs, feelings, and ideas of their own.

If your partner constantly reacts defensively towards you (and you to them), it may be time you take a good hard look at your relationship. It may be time to end things.

Contempt

The third horseman is contempt. We show contempt when we treat others with disrespect.

Contempt can be expressed in many different ways. When we insult others, we use sarcasm, mimic them, roll our eyes, or scoff at them. We call them names or ridicule them. The purpose of this behavior is to diminish the other, to make them feel worthless.

When contempt is present in a relationship, it’s a big red flag. It means that the partners have stopped respecting each other as partners and are now just trying to assert dominance. There is little love or respect left anymore, and animosity and resentment will grow.

If you are being treated this way, there’s a very good chance that your partner just doesn’t care for you anymore. If you are treating your partner with contempt, ask yourself why you’re still with them. If there is no respect between partners, there is little chance that the relationship can be salvaged.

Stonewalling

The last horseman is stonewalling and it is the most damaging behavior to engage in. Just as defensiveness is a response to criticism, stonewalling is usually a response to contempt.

When stonewalling appears in a relationship, communication has essentially broken down. Stonewalling occurs when the listener avoids eye contact, withdraws, shuts down, or simply stops responding to their partner.

This is the feeling when you’d rather do anything else than have the conversation. You only talk when absolutely necessary, and any foray into more vulnerable territory is met with a quick escape or silence.

Should You Break Up?

The important thing to remember is that all couples engage in criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling at times. But consistently using one or more of these behaviors is a definite sign that something is not right in your relationship.

Of course, if you’re both willing to put in the work, a couple’s therapist may be able to help you both stop using these communication strategies and give you the tools to effectively communicate your emotions. Ultimately, you are the best judge of your own relationship and situation.

Getting a new puppy is fun and exciting. You now get to spend your evenings cuddled up with a cute furry friend as you catch up on your favorite shows. You have playdates, long walks in the park, a new companion to spend time with, and someone who will always be happy to see you when you get home.

For most people, getting a new puppy is guaranteed to immediately lift their spirits. Opening the door after a long day at work and seeing your new little furry friend bounding up to you has been shown to elicit oxytocin, a chemical messenger responsible for putting you in a good mood.

Others, however, experience a surprising emotional response akin to sadness, known as puppy blues. 

What Are the Puppy Blues?

Puppy blues is a term used to describe a range of emotional responses that include being overwhelmed, anxious, sad, and sometimes regretful about getting your new puppy. You may experience these emotions soon after your puppy arrives despite having looked forward to getting your puppy for some time.

It’s a lot like the emotional rollercoaster new parents feel, says Michael Kane, MD, Chief Medical Officer and Psychiatrist at Indiana Center of Recovery. You might feel incredibly sad, question your decision, or feel you’re not cut out for puppy parenting.

Signs of the Puppy Blues

Recognizing the symptoms of puppy blues can help you manage these feelings effectively. These symptoms can vary widely from person to person, but there are several common signs that you might be struggling with your new pup:

Overwhelming Fatigue

When you have a new pup, you can expect to feel a little tired from late-night potty breaks and early-morning walks. However, some people also report experiencing emotional exhaustion. They feel drained and lethargic, making it hard to enjoy spending time with their new puppy.

Persistent Anxiety or Worry

Constantly worrying about your puppy’s health, behavior, and overall well-being can be a sign of puppy blues. You might find yourself feeling anxious about whether you are doing enough for them or being a good pet parent.

Feelings of Regret or Doubt

Doubting your decision to adopt a puppy or feeling regret, especially when training them gets challenging, are strong indicators of puppy blues. While feeling frustrated occasionally is normal, regretting your decision or even considering returning your new pup isn’t typical.

Irritability and Mood Swings

Minor issues with your new pup may make you more irritated or angrier than usual. For instance, you might find yourself snapping at your puppy for something as minor as peeing in the wrong place. You might also feel guilty afterward for doing so.

Social Withdrawal 

If you’re turning down invitations to hang out with your friends, feeling reluctant about spending time outside your home because of your puppy, or even avoiding talking about your puppy with loved ones, it could be a sign of puppy blues.

Sadness or Depressive Symptoms

Feeling uncharacteristically sad or experiencing symptoms similar to depression, such as losing interest in activities you used to enjoy, could suggest you have puppy blues.

Puppy blues symptoms can include a lot of anxiety and stress, says Dr. Paola Cuevas, an experienced veterinarian, and behaviorist with Dogster.com.

Some people feel guilt from thinking they did something wrong, self-blame, or even doubt about the decision and their capability to care for the puppy. Although this is called “puppy blues,” it could also happen to those adopting a new adult dog, as the adjustments can be equally overwhelming and create anxiety.

Coping Strategies for Puppy Blues

Experiencing puppy blues can be challenging, but there are effective ways to cope with these feelings and connect with your new puppy.

• First, you need to understand that no puppy is perfect and that training takes time. Set attainable goals for both you and your puppy to prevent feeling frustrated or like you’ve failed at training them.
• Next, create a routine to help your puppy thrive, so you can too. Establishing a predictable schedule for meals, walks, playtime, and sleep can help you and your puppy feel less anxious.
• Connect with other pet owners who can be empathetic and advise you on the best way to train your new pet. Joining puppy classes or online groups can also help you feel less isolated.
• It’s essential to take breaks and create time for yourself. Arrange for someone else to watch your puppy for a few hours so you can relax or indulge in activities you enjoy.

Self-care is crucial in managing your mental health. You can’t expect yourself to be a perfect pet parent right away. You’ll have to learn and adjust as you go. Remember to take care of yourself. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating well, and taking breaks when needed. It’s normal for your puppy to be demanding at first, so give yourself some grace, Dr. Kane says.

If your feelings of sadness or anxiety become overwhelming, consider speaking to a mental health professional. It’s essential to address your feelings before they become more severe. While these strategies can help lighten the emotional burden of puppy blues, asking for help and taking things one step at a time is okay.

Know that this is a process and that your puppy and you will eventually be so close that you can feel and communicate with each other without words or reasons for struggle or frustration, Dr. Cuevas adds.

Managing Expectations and Setting Realistic Goals

Setting realistic expectations during your new puppy’s early days is crucial. You must understand that you and your puppy are adjusting to a new life together, and patience will get you the best results.

Be compassionate with the puppy. They are going through a massive transition from having their mother’s guidance and their sibling’s company 24/7 to having to learn to live in our houses, get used to a new and unfamiliar environment, learn new rules, and learn to be by themselves for short periods. It is a huge change for them, says Dr. Cuevas.

According to Dr. Cuevas, you should keep in mind that puppies have no bladder control until they are about 16 weeks of age, for example. A puppy will need to be taken outside or to the designated area every couple of hours, typically about one hour per month of age plus one, so a 2-month-old puppy will need to go every 2 -3 hours, a 3-month-old puppy every 3 – 4 hours, etc. Puppies must also be taken out every time they wake up after a nap, before bed, and 15 minutes after every meal. 

Focus on setting small, achievable training goals rather than expecting perfection. For instance, work on one command at a time and appreciate the progress, no matter how gradual it may seem. There’ll be occasional setbacks, so brace yourself for them.

On some days, it’ll feel like you are taking two steps back for every step forward. However, this is a normal part of the training process. Learn to recognize and celebrate small successes. Whether it’s your puppy responding to their name for the first time or successfully going outside to potty, these moments are significant achievements in your puppy’s development and can lift your spirits.

Seeking Professional Help for Puppy Blues

While coping strategies and a supportive network can help with puppy blues, sometimes you might need professional help to get you through the funk. If you still feel anxious and sad despite your best efforts to overcome these emotions, it might be time to consult a mental health expert. Persistent emotional distress can affect your ability to care for yourself and your puppy and enjoy the time you spend together.

If you experience symptoms of depression or severe anxiety, it’s essential to talk to a mental health professional. These feelings can be intense and may require treatment beyond self-help strategies. Sometimes, your puppy’s behavior might be the source of your stress. A professional dog trainer or behaviorist can provide support if you’re struggling with training or behavioral issues that seem unmanageable.

If the blues feel too heavy, don’t hesitate to seek help. This could mean consulting a professional dog trainer to address specific challenges or talking to a counselor to manage the emotional strain. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not defeat. It’s about finding the best way forward for both you and your puppy, says Dr. Kane.

The Transition to a Happy and Healthy Relationship

Like any new relationship, building a strong bond with your puppy takes time and effort. It’s essential to remember that you’re both learning and growing together, so be patient and kind to yourself and your puppy. With proper care, training, and lots of love, you can overcome the initial challenges of owning a puppy and develop a happy and healthy relationship that will last a lifetime, says Dr. Sal Raichbach, PsyD, Chief Clinical Officer at Haven Health Management.

Focus on rewarding your puppy’s good behaviors rather than punishing the bad. This positive reinforcement strengthens your bond and encourages your puppy to repeat those good behaviors. Spend quality time with your puppy that isn’t just about training or discipline. Play games, go on leisurely walks, or simply relax together.

For most new pet parents, puppy blues passes during the first six months and often sooner, says Dr. Cuevos. The anxiety you’re feeling now should dissipate, and be replaced by the warm feelings of your dog’s companionship, loyalty, and unconditional love. Your dog will bring out the best in you; you’ll develop patience and learn that you can forgive without holding grudges.

Final Thoughts

Adopting a new puppy has highs and lows. The initial excitement often comes with unexpected challenges, and experiencing puppy blues is a common phase many new pet owners go through. Remember, feeling overwhelmed as you adjust to the demands of caring for your pup is perfectly normal.

Implementing consistent routines, using positive reinforcement when training, and taking time for self-care will help you create a fulfilling relationship with your puppy. With time, patience, and effort, the puppy blues will fade, and you’ll find yourself forming an incredible bond with your puppy. The early struggles will become distant memories as you and your puppy learn and grow together. It’s a beautiful journey that, despite the rocky start, can lead to a fulfilling relationship full of love and joy, Dr. Kane adds.

Metaphors about life are figures of speech that state that one thing is actually another thing. They are a way of creating a comparison that while not literally true, provides a figurative meaning. This can help you think about your life and problems in a different way, also serving as a source of encouragement, motivation, or gratitude.

Here we explore some common metaphor examples about life that can be used to inspire you in your daily life. These metaphors may also help you better understand some of the challenges you face, giving you the ability to see more clearly why you feel the way you do or even how to move forward.

How Metaphors About Life Begin

As children, we begin to understand and organize the world. If we think of the brain as a filing cabinet, childhood is when we open new files and label them. We then spend the rest of our lives putting material in these files.

Metaphors often begin as a way to understand the world around us, both as individuals and within the communities in which we live. They can make it easier to know where to place this information in our internal filing system.

Impact of Metaphors for Life

Even if we don’t know the origin of certain life metaphors, many have stood the test of time for good reasons. These metaphor examples not only help us define and describe an experience but they can be used to improve our lives in many ways.

For example, some people see life as a battle. Every encounter is a struggle, and if they don’t win, they feel like they have lost. Others view life as an adventure. Each new day brings new opportunities to explore, and if something goes badly today, there’s always tomorrow.

If you are facing a challenge, a metaphor might help you see the big picture and give you strength. For example, someone going through cancer treatment may look at the journey as climbing a mountain. It may be difficult at the moment, but the view that lies at the top helps them keep pushing forward.

Metaphors can also provide a picture that helps others enter your world. A picture is often worth a thousand words, but a word picture (a metaphor) can sometimes do the same. Alternatively, a negative metaphor may help you see that you haven’t been living your life the way you wish. It might be the stimulus you need to make changes.

Common Metaphor Examples for Life

Metaphors for life are not always obvious. We may have to stand back a long way to see patterns. Because the way we look at things can have a great impact on how our lives unravel, it’s worthwhile to think about the metaphors that fit the life we currently live.

Metaphors can be positive or negative. These are just examples and not every metaphor will resonate with every individual. Take a moment to think of other metaphor examples that may describe your life or serve you better.

Garden

If you see your life as a garden, you may feel that relationships with family and friends can be cultivated like flowers or vegetables. Relationships, like flowers, need regular watering. They need sunshine. Sometimes they need to be pruned. Sometimes you need to weed the garden (or eliminate toxic friends).

The end result of careful and regular care, with timely interventions for insect infestations or decay, can lead to plants (or relationships) that are growing, producing oxygen that helps you breathe. They also create beauty as they flower and bloom.

Battle

You may see a battle as a metaphor for your life if everything is a competition or a struggle. In a battle, you are always either winning or losing. If a battle represents your life, you may wish to look at how life isn’t always about winning or losing.

Mission

Viewing your life as a mission can be either positive or negative. You may feel that you have talents and gifts you wish to share. On the other hand, you might feel that you need to convince others that your point of view is the only correct one.

Just as with missions throughout history, your life can be a platform to bring goodness to the world. Alternatively, you may see your mission as the need to impose your beliefs on those who do not wish to hear them.

Journey

A journey is a common metaphor for life as it reminds us that the destination is not our only goal. Like with any journey, there are times when the roads are straight and times when they are winding.

This metaphor example helps us remember that there will be ups and downs and potholes along the way—times when life will feel easy and times when life feels hard. Yet, there are also often wonderful surprises and fun discoveries that we would never have experienced if it weren’t for the route we chose.

Adventure

An adventure can also be a beautiful metaphor for life. We don’t always know where we are going, but the thrill of our travels (our day-to-day living) leaves us excited and ready to see and experience new things.

Building

A building is a solid metaphor for life and can be a reminder that a sturdy foundation is needed before building higher. Once you have a firm foundation in place, whatever that means to you, it’s easier to confidently add floors and rooms that will stand the test of time and weather.

Roller Coaster

This metaphor example can describe life or it can describe the speed bumps we encounter. For example, people with a chronic disease know the roller coaster effect of a challenging diagnosis. Using the metaphor of a roller coaster also illustrates what many people who have had hardships understand so well.

You don’t fully experience the high points of your journey without the contrast of the lows. For example, studies are now finding that being diagnosed with cancer doesn’t just introduce challenges but can also change people in positive ways as well.

Stained-Glass Window

The metaphor of a stained-glass window illustrates not just the variety of lights and colors which make up our world, but the beauty in every person and situation. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude by taking the time to see what isn’t obvious at a quick glance can be illustrated by this metaphor.

Mountain Climb

Climbing a mountain is a great metaphor for many parts of our lives. It can describe our educational path or the steps we take in climbing the corporate ladder. Life often consists of hierarchies.

This metaphor example also illustrates that it typically takes hard work, determination, and sometimes sheer endurance to get where we wish to go. Most mountain paths are not directly uphill, but take us down through valleys to get to the next peak.

Race

A race can be both a positive and negative metaphor for life. In the biblical sense of the metaphor, we are called to run the race of life not only for the prize.

A race can also be a negative metaphor, as in the “rat race,” describing how sometimes we are so busy going from one place to another that we never really stop to enjoy any particular moment. In yet another negative sense, a race can describe the practice of always finding the fastest route, or needing to keep up with the proverbial Joneses.

Courtroom

If you view life as a courtroom, life can be challenging. In a courtroom, everything in life should be fair. Real life, however, is not always fair.

Good people die young and criminals go free. If you try to constrain your life to the metaphor of a courtroom, you open yourself up for repeated disappointment.

Stepping Stones

Stepping stones can be a metaphor for life in many ways. In a negative sense, stepping stones may describe the phenomena in which we barely get comfortable where we are before we look for a better job or a bigger house. In another sense, stepping stones can be a positive metaphor for a life lived with goals in mind and conscious awareness of the steps needed to get there.

This metaphor can also describe how we sometimes take a detour right or left along our way to prevent negative influences from catching up with us. An example of this type of metaphor is stepping stones crossing a stream in a garden.

Classroom

Life is a classroom in so many ways and there are always new lessons to learn no matter your age. This metaphor can be a reminder to keep your mind active and strive to continue to learn throughout your life.

Prison

A prison can be a metaphor for a life in which you feel out of control. You may feel like you don’t have choices and that others have the power. If this is you, it might be helpful to visualize a key to the door by which you can escape to your freedom, and what that might mean in real life.

Battery

A battery represents a life metaphor example of being drained and recharged through life, such as the daily drain of energy related to work, followed by weekends and evenings in which to recharge. Often taking small periods of time to recharge at frequent intervals leaves your battery less likely to die (lose all energy).

How to Use These Metaphor Examples

The examples above are just a few of the metaphors that illustrate people’s lives. What metaphors fit your life? Do they work for you or do they cause problems and limit your choices? It’s possible to change metaphors or modify yours (such as finding the key to the prison cell) but it can take some effort.

Taking the time to think about the metaphors that fit your life can help you find patterns that aren’t working well for you, motivate you in positive directions, and help you cope with the obstacles we all periodically face. Think of your life metaphors today, but don’t stop there.

Periodically re-think your life metaphors. Are they positive metaphors that bring you peace and contentment, help you reach goals, or allow you to see the beauty around you? Or are they negative metaphors that are limiting your life?

Good mental health includes having metaphors that help you see the big picture of your life. After thinking about your life metaphors, learn about other ways in which you can become a positive thinker and reduce stress in your life.

American psychologist Henry Murray (1893–1988) developed a theory of personality organized in terms of motives and needs. Murray described needs as a “potentiality or readiness to respond in a certain way under certain given circumstances.” Keep reading to learn about the different types of needs and how they can impact your personality.

Murray’s Types of Needs

Theories of personality based on needs and motives suggest our personalities are a reflection of behaviors controlled by needs. While some needs are temporary and changing, other needs are more deeply seated in our nature.

According to Murray, these psychogenic needs function mostly on the unconscious level but play a major role in our personality. Murray identified two types of needs:

• Primary needs: Basic needs based on biological demands, such as the need for oxygen, food, and water.
• Secondary needs:  Psychological needs, such as the need for nurturing, independence, and achievement. While these needs may not be fundamental for basic survival, they are essential for psychological well-being.

Psychogenic Needs

Murray and his colleagues identified 24 psychogenic needs. According to Murray, all people have these needs, but each individual tends to have a certain level of each need. Each person’s unique level of needs plays a role in shaping their individual personality.

Murray also believed environmental factors play a role in how these psychogenic needs are displayed in behavior. Murray called these environmental forces “presses.”

The following is a partial list of Murray’s 24 psychogenic needs separated into categories based on important psychogenic needs.

Ambition Needs

Ambition needs are related to the need for achievement and recognition. The need for achievement is often expressed by succeeding, achieving goals, and overcoming obstacles. The need for recognition is met by gaining social status and displaying achievements. Sometimes ambition needs even involve a need for exhibition, or the desire to shock and thrill other people.

Materialistic Needs

The materialistic needs center on acquisition, construction, order, and retention. These needs are resolved by obtaining items, such as buying material objects that we desire. In other instances, these needs compel us to create new things. Obtaining and creating items are an important part of materialistic needs, as well as keeping objects and organizing them.

Power Needs

Power needs tend to center on a desire for independence as well as a need to control others. Murray believed autonomy was a powerful need involving the desire for independence and resistance.

Other key power needs he identified include abasement (confessing and apologizing), aggression (attacking or ridiculing others), blame avoidance (following the rules and avoiding blame), deference (obeying and cooperating with others), and dominance (controlling others).

Affection Needs

Affection needs are centered on our desire to love and be loved. We have a need for affiliation and seek out the company of other people. Nurturance, or taking care of other people, is also important for psychological well-being. Humans also have a need for succorance, which means being helped or protected by others. Murray also suggested playing and having fun with other people was also a critical affection need.

While most of the affection needs centered on building relationships and connections, Murray also recognized rejection can be a need because turning people away and creating boundaries is also an important part of maintaining mental wellness. Unhealthy relationships can be a major detriment to an individual’s well-being, so knowing when to walk away can be important.

Information Needs

Information needs center around both gaining knowledge and sharing it with others. According to Murray, people have an innate need to learn more about the world around them. He referred to the need to seek knowledge and ask questions as cognizance.

In addition to gaining knowledge, he believed people have a need for exposition. He described exposition as the desire to share what they have learned with other people.

Related Research

Murray’s psychogenic needs have been researched extensively. For example, research on the need for achievement revealed that people with a need for achievement tend to select challenging tasks for themselves. Studies also found that people who rate high on affiliation needs tend to have larger social groups and spend more time in social interaction. They are also more likely to suffer loneliness when faced with little social contact.

Murray used the psychogenic needs to develop the thematic apperception test (TAT), a tool used to assess personality based on the assumption that psychogenic needs can be seen exerted on an external stimulus. The TAT was not very reliable, but this test and, more generally, the basis of Murray’s psychogenic needs, contributed to the development of modern personality testing.