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Anger is often seen as an unpleasant, volatile, and disruptive emotion. But sometimes, it isn’t displayed openly at all. Suppressed anger is when you experience anger but do not express it, in either constructive or destructive ways, says David Klemanski, PsyD, MPH, a psychologist at Yale Medicine.

Everyone gets angry occasionally. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), anger is a normal human emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. Anger can range from faint annoyance to outright rage.

People, events, objects, situations, feelings, or memories can trigger anger. For example, a traffic jam, a pushy coworker, a broken zipper, or the memory of a rude comment can make you angry.

People react to anger in different ways. Some people express their anger verbally (shouting, cursing, arguing, or yelling), whereas others express it physically (throwing things, breaking objects, hitting walls, or getting into fights). However, some people don’t express their anger at all, and choose to suppress it instead.

While suppressed anger isn’t as easy to spot as outward anger, it can manifest in ways we might not expect, often leading to resentment, anxiety, depression, chronic stress, and strained relationships.

What Does Suppressed Anger Look Like?

Suppressed anger doesn’t always look like anger. It’s not about raising your voice or using harsh language—it often shows up in more subtle ways. Irritability, passive-aggressive behavior, feelings of exhaustion, and physical symptoms like headaches and muscle tension are a few common signs.

While there is no specific set of symptoms or characteristics of suppressed anger, there are some of potential ways it could manifest, according to Dr. Klemanski:

• Substitute emotions: Some people might substitute other emotions for anger. For instance, they might feel sad, depressed, anxious, guilty, or ashamed, rather than feeling angry.
• Numbness: Some people may deny their emotions to the extent that they may feel numb or shut down entirely.
• Passive aggression: Some people seek to avoid experiencing anger in order to avoid conflict. However, they may employ passive-aggressive behaviors instead. For instance, they may often pass sarcastic or snide comments, appear perpetually hostile and cynical, criticize everything, put others down constantly, or try to get back at people in indirect ways without telling them why they’re upset.
• Outbursts: After suppressing their anger for too long, some people eventually explode and have a major outburst of anger.

Take the Anger Test

This short, free 21-item test measures a variety of symptoms and feelings associated with anger, such as anger about the present and future, anger towards the self, and hostile feelings toward others.

This anger quiz was medically reviewed by Rachel Goldman, PhD, FTOS.

Negative Impacts

Suppressing emotions can be harmful to physical and mental health. Holding all that rage in doesn’t make it disappear or render it harmless. Instead, it just shifts the damage inward. Over time, suppressed anger can take a serious toll on your body, your mental health, and your relationships.

Below, Dr. Klemanski explains the impact of suppressing anger.

It Puts the Body in a State of Stress

On a physical level, suppressing emotions, anger included, can lead to physical stress on the body.

Anger is a biological response to perceived threats, so your body goes into a hyper alert state that is designed to help you survive. In this state, your blood pressure and heart rate increase and your body releases certain hormones, which give you a burst of energy.

It Affects Emotional Processing

All of our emotions are messages to us. Each time we overlook an emotion, we lose the opportunity to reflect, learn from it, and develop insights into our priorities and values.

Ignoring or suppressing emotions can create issues whereby people don’t adequately learn how to express themselves in critical moments or when emotions are experienced with greater intensity than usual.

It Can Lead to Mental Health Conditions

Anger can be a particularly intense negative emotion that might come from feeling disrespected, diminished, shamed, or belittled, or feeling a loss of power or control. 

Ignoring anger and the issues that caused it can lead to other mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, or even controlling behaviors related to habits, food, substances, etc.

It Can Damage Relationships

Suppressed anger can also wreak havoc on your personal relationships. It can cause you to act in ways that might be contrary to your personal values, thereby impacting your boundaries and your ability to be genuine and authentic with others.

How to Cope With Suppressed Anger

If you tend to suppress your anger rather than expressing it in a healthy manner, it may be helpful to see a mental healthcare professional who can help you cope with it. Dr. Klemanski outlines some of the treatment approaches that may be helpful:

Mindfulness

Mindfulness can be a healthy approach to developing awareness about when you experience an emotion, how intensely you experience it, and how you manage that emotion in the moment. Mindfully observing what triggers your anger and how you characteristically behave when you’re angry can help you express your emotions more constructively.

Emotional Management

Learning emotion management skills can be useful, including educating yourself about your emotions, understanding how emotions show up in your everyday life, and identifying triggers to your emotions.

It can also be helpful to learn how to both acknowledge and accept your emotional experiences rather than trying to rid yourself of them, so that you can learn how to manage them when it counts.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Using principles of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can also be useful, such as learning to replace unhelpful thought patterns with helpful ones, as well as practicing skills and strategies for managing intense emotions when they occur.

Journaling

It can be helpful to maintain a journal where you note down things that made you angry, how they made you feel, and what you did at the time. This can help improve your emotional awareness.

Takeaways

Sometimes we get angry for valid reasons, whereas other times we get angry for trivial reasons. However, regardless of the cause, we need to be able to regulate our emotions and express them in healthy ways. While having angry outbursts isn’t the answer, it’s important to learn how to set boundaries and communicate negative emotions constructively.

Suppressing anger can harm our relationships and affect our mental and physical health. If you tend to suppress your anger, it can be helpful to start being more mindful about what causes you to feel angry, how you respond in those situations, and how it affects your life and your relationships. A mental health professional can help you work through the anger-related issues you’re facing.

Do you ever feel a little more relaxed after walking around barefoot on the grass or sand? That’s the idea behind earthing, also known as grounding. It’s a wellness practice that allows people to directly connect their bodies with the Earth and use its natural electric charges to stabilize them. This practice involves walking barefoot outdoors or using indoor grounding systems while sleeping or sitting.

Although earthing can positively impact the mind, this form of grounding differs from the practice used in mental health treatment. Earthing research suggests reduced pain, stress, and inflammation and improved overall mental well-being. This technique restores the connection between the body and the electrical currents of the earth. 

While it might sound a little out there, many people swear it helps them reduce stress, tame inflammation, and improve sleep.

History of Earthing

Throughout history, Indigenous societies have espoused the Earth’s healing power benefits and described it in varying ways. For example, in Chinese medicine, the term Qi—pronounced “chee”—is defined as the vital energy that fills the universe.

Ancient philosopher Ge Hong said, “People reside within qi, and qi resides within people. From heaven and earth down to the ten thousand things, each one requires qi to live.”

This belief and study of the earth’s natural energies could also be found in Europe in the 19th century. In 1891 Louis Kuhne published “The New Science of Healing.” Then, Adolf Just wrote “Return to Nature” in 1896, which encouraged people to begin walking barefoot outdoors.

A few decades later, George Starr White,an American medical doctor, began investigating the use of sleeping while grounded—connected to copper wires affixed to home pipes—to improve the quality of sleep.

Modern scientists continue to advocate for Earth’s electrons’ ability to balance our body’s electrical current. This grounding technique continues to grow and get mainstream attention as people search for simple, inexpensive ways to heal themselves. 

Should I Try It?

There are signs that an earthing practice will benefit your life. You may want to try earthing if:

Types of Earthing

Earthing techniques focus on reconnecting your energy with the earth through direct or indirect contact. These methods include:

• Walking outside barefoot
• Laying on the ground
• Going swimming or taking a bath
• Gardening
• Using grounding mats, blankets, patches, and socks

How to Practice Earthing

There are many ways to reconnect with the earth in your daily life and hopefully restore your body’s natural defense system.

Here are ways you can practice earthing:

• Take a walk: Find ways to connect your bare feet with the ground by walking on grass, across the sand or the mud. Pay attention to the feeling of the land beneath your feet, and be mindful of sharp objects as you go.
• Play in the dirt: Dig into the earth and get the soil between your fingers. You can create a garden in your yard or windowsill—if you’re in an apartment—and directly link to the energy in the dirt.
• Ground yourself indoors: When going outside is not an option, grounding mats come in handy by replacing the direct connection you’d get being barefoot outside. Grounding mats bring Earth’s electrical currents into the home or office by replicating the physical connectivity of a nature walk.

What Are the Benefits?

New treatments will emerge as modern scientists continue tapping into ancient holistic practices. Research shows a promising connection between earthing and measurable improvements in these health issues.

May Improve Chronic Fatigue and Sleep Disorders 

One study found that people who used grounding mats for four weeks decreased fatigue, sleep disruptions, and improved length of sleep. They also reported an improvement in their depression, stress, and pain.

May Boost Immunity

Some researchers believe that the Earth connects all living cells through a living matrix held together by electrical conductivity. This behaves similarly to antioxidants as an immune defense system that restores the body’s natural immunity by connecting to the matrix.

May Improve Heart Health

Some research also suggests that prolonged use of grounding techniques reduced blood pressure levels in those experiencing hypertension. Studies suggest that earthing can positively impact cardiovascular health through its ability to lower blood pressure and increase blood viscosity.

Tips for Earthing

If you want to give earthing a try, there are a few important things to remember. Earthing, like other forms of treatment, isn’t a quick fix. It requires patience and perseverance; however, the benefits are encouraging. Here are some tips once you decide to add earthing as part of your healing journey:

• Speak to a professional. If you’re new to the idea of earthing, you should find a guide to lead you. A growing earthing community can provide resources, connections, and best practices.
• Stick to a routine. Once you’ve got the ball rolling, go full steam ahead. The more you work on grounding yourself, the faster you’ll begin seeing improvements. Try to start your day with a grounding routine to get into the habit of doing it.
• Pay attention. However you choose to practice earthing, be observant of yourself and your surroundings. Stay in the moment.

More Studies Need to Be Done

Like with all therapy, chronic illnesses have underlying medical issues that need to be addressed by your doctor.

Earthing studies are under-researched and usually have fewer research subjects—sometimes 50 or fewer people. Also, scientists like Gaétan Chevalier, director of the Earthing Institute, have done studies that have not been consistently replicated. The lack of mainstream support and funding can slow down progress. 

Takeaways

In addition to the possible positive effects it may have on physical and mental health, research has consistently shown that activities like spending time outdoors and mindfulness can positively impact psychological health. While it isn’t something that should be used alone to treat a condition, earthing can potentially be part of a self-care routine.

Demiromantic is a type of romantic attraction that falls on the aromantic spectrum. When a person identifies as demiromantic, they only experience romantic feelings for someone after forming a strong emotional bond with that person.

Not all people experience romantic attraction in the same way, and romantic attraction is not synonymous with sexual attraction. If you have ever felt like you didn’t seem to fall in romantic love as easily as other people or if you rarely experience romantic feelings for other people, there’s a chance that demiromantic might be an identity label that suits you.

Jump to Key Takeaways

1. You Don’t Fall in Love Often

While it might seem like all of your friends are starting new relationships all the time, you rarely find yourself falling in love with other people.

2. You Rarely Experience Crushes

While you might feel sexually attracted to other people, you don’t have romantic crushes very often. And when you do, they are often on people that you know very well.

3. You Only Fall for Close Friends

When you do experience romantic attraction, it often involves developing feelings for a friend you’ve known for a long time. The more you get to know them, the more deeply you feel about them.

4. You’ve Never Experienced Love at First Sight

You might see people as attractive or appealing, but that doesn’t mean that you experience feelings of love immediately. To feel romantically toward someone, you have to get to know them far beyond appearances and the surface level.

5. Your Relationships Tend to Move Slowly

Because it takes time to build real emotional bonds that lead to romantic feelings, a demiromantic relationship often progresses at a slower pace. 

6. You Feel Sexually Attracted Without Romantic Feelings

Many people who are demiromantic still feel sexually attracted to people and can have any sexual orientation. They might engage in physical relationships without experiencing romantic feelings for their partners.

7. You Haven’t Had Many Romantic Relationships

Because demiromantic people don’t experience romantic feelings as often, they may find that they have far fewer romantic relationships than their peers.

8. It Takes Time for You to Trust and Open Up to Someone

Building emotional intimacy takes time and effort. Such feelings may develop slowly, and you may find that it takes time to disclose things about yourself to another person, at least until you know them well and begin to feel comfortable. It’s only after you start to build this trust and intimacy that romantic feelings start to emerge.

9. You Prefer Deep, Long-Term Relationships Over Brief Flings

Because people who are demiromantic often start relationships built on existing friendships, their romantic relationships are often long-lasting.

What the Split Attraction Model Means

To understand what it means to be demiromantic, it can be helpful to learn a bit about the split attraction model. This concept suggests that romantic attraction and sexual attraction are two distinct aspects of a person’s orientation.

Key points to remember about the split attraction model and how this applies to demiromanticism include:

• Sometimes people’s romantic feelings are aligned with their sexual feelings, but that is not always the case.
• People can be asexual but still have romantic feelings, and aromantic people can still have sexual feelings.
• In the case of demiromanticism, people do experience romance, but only in certain instances when they feel a close connection to another person. They may experience sexual attraction without romantic attraction, or they may not experience sexual attraction at all.

Where Demiromantic Falls on the Sexuality Spectrum

There are a number of terms that are similar or related to demiromantic, but that have important differences. It can be helpful to consider where demiromanticism falls on the sexuality spectrum to better understand what it means.

For example, aromantic is a term used to describe a person who does not experience romantic attraction to other people at all. This does not mean that they don’t feel sexual attraction but instead indicates that they never develop romantic feelings. 

Not everyone’s experience is the same, however, which is why demiromanticism is considered part of the aromantic spectrum. This spectrum includes aromantic, aroflux, demiromantic, grayromantic, lithromantic, and recipromantic identities.

Alloromantic, on the other hand, indicates that a person does experience romantic attraction. It is an umbrella term that encompasses a range of romantic attractions, including opposite-gender, same-gender, all-gender, or both-gender attractions.

Are Demiromantic and Demisexual the Same?

It is important to note that being demiromantic and demisexual are not the same thing, although they can be related and occur together. The two exist on different spectrums; demiromanticism refers to romantic attraction while demisexuality refers to sexual attraction. 

Similar to demiromanticism, people who are demisexual need to feel an emotional connection with another person in order to be sexually attracted to them.

What to Know About Dating a Demiromantic

When it comes to relationships, the things that make a demiromantic person fall in love involve building close connections with a potential partner. “Like any relationship, open compassionate communication is key,” explains Natalie Hoskins, PhD, Assistant Professor of Communication Studies at Middle Tennessee State University.

So what else might a demiromantic person look for in a relationship? 

Communication matters because people in relationships rarely perceive things in the same way, regardless of their romantic or sexual identities, explains Hoskins, a communication scholar who studies gender, health communication, and interpersonal wellness. “Individuals bring immense differences into relationships, such as beliefs, values, and temperaments,” she says.

Because people perceive and process information differently, it is essential to take the time to talk to your partner and see things from their perspective.

When it comes to demiromantic relationships, building friendships and spending time getting to know one another are also important. What may start as a platonic friendship may eventually lead to romantic feelings once a sense of closeness has been established. 

It is also important to note that it may take more time for someone who is demiromantic to start to feel these romantic feelings. Because they tend not to emphasize romance, it may take a bit longer to decide if what they are feeling is a close friendship or something more amorous. 

But that doesn’t mean that demiromantic people should feel pressured to look for romance in their friendships if that’s not what they are feeling. Many friendships remain platonic, and feelings of romance may never develop no matter how close of a bond you may form.

How to Support Someone Who’s Demiromantic

If you are in a relationship with a demiromantic person, it is important to take steps to understand your partner’s needs and how they may differ from your own. 

“Normative beliefs about romance and sexuality influence our interactions, such that partners who are not demiromantic may struggle to understand their demiromantic partner’s needs,” Hoskins says.

If you know someone who is demiromantic, whether they are your partner, a friend, or a family member, there are things you can do to offer your support.

• Learn more: Listen to what the demiromantic people in your life have to say. While their experience might not be the same as yours, listen to their perspective without judgment and focus on learning more about their unique experiences with attraction and romantic relationships. It can also be helpful to educate yourself more about different identity terms, including asexual, aromantic, graysexual, and polyamorous.
• Offer validation: Because our world is often so focused on a specific approach to romantic relationships, demiromantic people may feel ignored, invalidated, and misunderstood. You can help by listening and letting them know that their feelings and experiences are valid.
• Use appropriate language: Remember that demiromantic people can have all different types of sexual orientations and gender identities. Strive to use the correct language and pronouns when talking to your friend or partner. Try not to make assumptions about someone’s feelings or experiences. If you aren’t sure, share your own pronouns and then ask what the other person uses.
• Be an ally: Don’t be afraid to speak out against discrimination against demiromantic people and other marginalized sexual minorities. Letting people know that they have your support can be an important source of strength.
• Respect people’s boundaries: While you might be curious about other people’s lives and experiences, remember that they are not obligated to educate you or share those intimate parts of their lives with you. Show respect for their boundaries and their privacy. Because demiromantic people tend not to prioritize romance, remember that they may be less interested in discussing it with others as well.

The most important thing you can do is be supportive. Each person is the expert in their identity. Your role is to show acceptance and support for who they are.

Where to Learn More

If you are interested in learning more about what it means to be demiromantic, or you want to explore other romantic or sexual identities, you may find the following resources helpful:

• Glossary of Must-Know Sexual Identity Terms: Explore this list of terms and definitions if you are unsure of what a specific identity term means.
• LGBTQ+ Glossary: This resource, created by PFLAG, also offers explanations for different sexual and gender identity terms.
• Demiromanticism and Demisexuality, San Jose State University School of Information: This resource, created as a graduate project, provides information on demiromanticism and demisexuality. It includes sections on community resources, culture, and history.
• The Asexual Visibility & Education Network: This site offers forums on different romantic orientations, including information and discussion on demiromanticism.
• A Handbook for Coming Out: This resource, created by The Trevor Project, provides guidance to LGBTQIA+ young people about coming out.

It’s important to remember you can still have long-lasting, meaningful romantic relationships if you are demiromantic. Romance might not be your top priority and you might not feel an instant connection with another person. Instead, it may be something that you develop for another person over time, which can lead to a lasting connection.

Key Takeaways

• Demiromantic people typically only experience romantic attraction after forming an emotional bond with the other person.
• Key demiromantic signs include rarely forming crushes, only falling for close friends, slow-burn relationships, and long-lasting connections.
• Whether you are demiromantic, dating someone who is, or want to be a supportive ally, learning more about the demiromantic identity can foster better self-awareness, healthier connections, and more inclusive conversations.