Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Before Scott Capozza, PT MS, went to his college roommate’s wedding six weeks after finishing his cancer treatment, he’d been told a lot about how his health would be affected. He knew about the loss of white blood cells, he knew he was going to lose his hair, and he knew the nausea would come. However, his body had a different surprise in store. 

“We’re putting our tuxes on, we’re getting ready for his wedding,” starts Capozza. “And the rest of the guys are having a conversation with me, and the only way that I could hear them was because I could look in my reflection, look back at their reflection, and see that their mouths were moving. That they were trying to talk to me.”

It would be more than a decade before he would go and get an updated hearing test, confirming that his treatment had caused significant hearing loss along with pulmonary fibrosis, lung scarring that meant he couldn’t run for recreation like he used to. Now working at Smilow Cancer Hospital’s Survivorship Clinic as a physiotherapist who is board-certified in oncology, he uses that knowledge to support his patients. 

No oncology appointment in the world can fit every possible symptom for every possible person, but those who spoke to us for this story highlighted six symptoms that still fly under the radar. Here are some of their stories. 

The Mental Health Toll

“There’s a period of grief that happens where you have to mourn the person that you were and learn to love the person that you are,” Julie Dunnigan, CEO of Cancer Support Community Arizona, tells Verywell Mind.

Cancer Support Community Arizona is a non-profit that provides free support services to those affected by cancer, including survivors, families, and caregivers. When it comes to how mental health can shape survivors—in a situation where many get diagnosed with conditions like anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder—it can be reconciling how you feel with how your family feels that can be a difficult roadblock.

“Even if you have really supportive family at home, there’s this thing where once your last appointment is done and you get to ring that bell, whether it’s the chemo bell or the radiation bell, it feels, as a survivor, like your family kind of scrubs their hands and say, ‘Oh, cancer is done, yay, we beat it. We’re done with it, right?’ But as a survivor, you’re really never done with cancer.”

On “Scanxiety”

Part of this is what clinicians and other professionals call scanxiety, the significant impact that knowing a follow-up is looming can bring upon a survivor. For many, it can feel like they’re expected to go back to how they were before, before not just a life-threatening ordeal, but one that can have dire financial consequences.

For Dunnigan, a cancer survivor herself, her anxiety spiked once she shifted from being on a treatment plan that required being at the hospital five days a week to only being seen every few months. 

“I was seeing the doctor or the nurse, and then at my last appointment, they said, ‘OK, well, we won’t need to see you for six months,” she explains. “And that was so stressful for me, because I was getting seen by a medical professional every single day, and now I felt like they were just dropping me like a hot potato.”

In Dunnigan’s line of work, she finds that having sustained mental health support for processing the emotions that come with cancer treatment—and holding space for caregivers and loved ones to work on their own experiences as well—is of tremendous benefit

Self-perception Shifts

Capozza, whose self-image shifted after he could no longer run, says that part of his work as a physical therapist, specializing in oncology, is to share his experiences. It helps to know firsthand what some of the common challenges are—such as stability and energy—and to help people find their way back to the things they loved to do before their diagnosis.  For him, that means biking instead of running and putting the focus he used to have on marathons into helping his kid run at their own events.

“I don’t run anymore, and I think partly because I physically can’t run, but also mentally, I know what I was at one point, and I’m not that now,” says Capozza.

Chemo Brain

Susanna F. Greer, PhD, chief scientific officer at the V Foundation, says that one thing patients tell her all the time is that they have “chemo brain.”

“Survivors can experience issues with memory, with concentration, and I think you might just call that mental clarity for a long time after treatment,” says Greer. “I think it’s real, it’s biological. It’s not in a patient’s head, and it can impact a lot of things about our lives: our jobs, our relationships. And I think one of the things that I hear a lot is [about] self-esteem.”

Sleep Disturbances and Fatigue

We know that sleep disturbances can be really common during treatment. They are also equally common during survivorship. This can be because of stress, because your life has changed, hormonal changes, pain, medications that you’re on, etc. Fatigue isn’t just a symptom; it’s a barrier to healing.

One possible way to tackle fatigue, though it may sound counterintuitive, is exercise. Kathryn Hudson, MD, Director of Survivorship at Texas Oncology, says that exercise can be one way to help reduce your level of fatigue and improve your sleep if you’re a cancer survivor. However, if that isn’t helping, or if your fatigue levels are proving difficult to live with, she says it’s important to inform your doctor and seek additional support.

“If you sit down with your cancer physician or provider and really try to nail down what’s going on and [are] not making much progress, it’s always good to see a sleep therapist,” Hudson explains. “Physical therapy can help fatigue as well. So, don’t be afraid to reach out to other specialists who could help with these symptoms so that you can have a better quality of life.”

The (Gender) Identity Crisis

Cancer can create a seismic shift when it impacts a person’s sexual health, fertility, and even a sense of their own gender identity. Dunnigan says it’s something she sees regularly with those she supports. For some, the removal of breast tissue can change a person’s sense of femininity. For others, erectile dysfunction can cause a change in self-perception, and treatment can cause severe mental health distress if it means the person can no longer have their own biological children.

“If side effects have affected your sexual desire or your erectile function…all of those changes really mean that you’re a different person coming out of it than you were going in,” says Dunnigan. “And so how do you learn to love the new person that you are with these limitations or this newness?”

Fertility and Sexual Health Challenges

“There’s plenty of research that shows oncologists don’t ask about fertility as often as they should, and I think that’s often because it can get overshadowed by the diagnosis and everything that needs to happen to start treatment,” Hudson adds.

However, there are areas where we’re garnering more information. Hudson points to recent research that has found that vaginal estrogen—a common treatment for dryness and side effects that can cause painful sex—is not a risk factor for cancer recurrence. Previously, there was concern that this could be the case. 

Bottom Line

Finding out you have cancer is an experience no one wishes to have. Still, despite how common the disease is, Greer sees these underdiscussed symptoms as part of the all-too-common discombobulation that comes with the diagnosis. 

“No one expects to get that phone call. So we’re always caught off guard, thrown into a world of vocabulary we don’t understand, where there seems to be a necessity to make decisions very quickly, and so the focus is often on that immediacy and not about what happens to me. The stress and anxiety of being a cancer survivor is oftentimes worse than being a cancer patient, because humans are made for action.”

For those who spoke to Verywell Mind for this story, the hope is that the more people can talk about their experiences, bring their concerns to their healthcare professionals, and find community, the better off everyone will be.

Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts / Amazon Music

When you think of the term chronic illness, what comes to mind? Many of us likely picture someone in constant physical pain or who’s always under the weather. Those mental images can definitely be accurate. But mental health conditions and some skin conditions like psoriasis count, too. If you’re a little confused about what constitutes chronic illness, it’s OK; we’ve got you covered. 

According to the CDC, a chronic illness is any condition lasting for a year or more that impacts someone’s daily functioning or requires treatment (or both). If this sounds stressful, it’s because it is. And, not only can chronic illness cause physical pain—it can wreak havoc on our mental health (more on this later).

To better understand how chronic illness can impact someone’s life, we interviewed Nitika Chopra, the founder and CEO of the chronic illness community Chronicon. Chopra has kindly agreed to talk about her experience living with psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis, and myasthenia gravis (an autoimmune disease that weakens skeletal muscles). She also offers some tips for dealing with chronic illness, like finding your supportive community and cultivating love for the most important person in your life—you. 

We *Need* to Shed Some Light On the Mental Health Effects of These Common Chronic Illnesses

Before we get into what causes chronic illnesses and how to conquer them, it helps to get some background knowledge on what they are. In doing so, we can learn to be more empathetic about what others are going through.

So, let’s talk about what some common chronic illnesses look like and why they can be so debilitating—both physically and mentally: 

• Arthritis: A condition that causes cartilage between the joints (like the knees, knuckles, and wrists) to wear away over time. As a result, the bones start to rub together, and as one can imagine—that’s extra painful.This pain can be present all day, every day, and leads to severe depression, anxiety, and exhaustion.     
• Cancer: As most of us know, cancer can be a traumatizing diagnosis. Approximately 15% to 20% of cancer patients experience health anxiety, feelings of demoralization, and existential distress.
• Diabetes: Diabetes is a chronic condition in which someone cannot properly regulate their blood sugar levels. Did you know that people with diabetes are two to three times more likely to have depression? Some even experience what’s known as “diabetes distress,” where the burden of keeping up with daily medications and checking blood sugar levels gets too frustrating to handle.
• HIV/AIDS: Even though this immune system-attacking virus is no longer a death sentence as it used to be decades ago (and medication can ensure partners don’t infect one another), stigma remains rampant. People still fear HIV/AIDS and still ostracize and judge others who have it. To add insult to injury, people living with the virus internalize the stigma, which can lead to shame, depression, and despair. In order to combat stigma, it’s important to normalize talking about HIV/AIDS and continuously allow people to share their stories.  
• Chronic skin conditions: People living with chronic skin conditions like eczema, vitiligo, or psoriasis, often get depressed and feel lonely. And, considering we live in a culture that’s obsessed with looking “perfect” (whatever that means), those with skin conditions frequently deal with low self-esteem, self-consciousness, and embarrassment.
• Long COVID: This may be surprising, but long COVID is most definitely considered a chronic condition. We’re all pretty aware of the physical effects (those body aches are a nightmare!), but how does long COVID impact our mental health? A study found that people affected by long COVID experience anxiety, depression, PTSD, and suicidal ideation.

So, why is knowing all of the above even important? Well, for starters, learning information and discussing sensitive topics is one of the first steps in shutting down stigma. Conversations put shame to bed and normalize what people are going through.

Plus, with some more understanding of chronic illness, we can learn to extend more empathy and compassion—something everyone deserves.

So, How Can Those of Us With a Chronic Illness Build Community *And* Feel Good About Ourselves?

Chopra opened up about living with multiple chronic conditions, “I was feeling very, very alone with my chronic illnesses, and then [I] kind of just assumed ‘Oh, maybe there aren’t that many of us.'”

She soon learned, however, that there are nearly 133 million people in the United States who have a chronic illness! That’s a big community to connect with and the whole reason why she started Chronicon—so no one would have to feel as alone as she did.

She believes that “There’s a lot of trust and intimacy in community care” and shared some awesome tips about how to live your best life when living with a chronic illness. This includes both building healthy (and helpful) support systems and cultivating self-love.

Body neutrality has also been shown to improve self-esteem for those living with a chronic condition or disability.

Stay Away From Superficial Friendships and Fake Friends

Chopra makes it clear that superficial friendships are less than fulfilling. And for good reason: superficial friendships or fake friendships are not only unfulfilling, but they also make us feel crappy.

We can all relate, right? You meet someone you think is sort of cool and you hang out with them a few times, maybe you hang out with them a lot, but there’s no real sense of connection. You don’t ask them for advice, and you certainly don’t call them when you need a shoulder to cry on. Maybe these friendships work for some people, but a more stable and reliable support system is recommended for people with chronic illnesses.

Chopra told Minaa B., the host of The Verywell Mind Podcast, that many people with chronic illnesses long for deep connections with others who really *get* their struggles and their needs. She recalls how living with psoriasis, a visible chronic illness, made her feel different from others. 

“I was never like anyone around me…My psoriasis…was incredibly visible. It was from the tip of my foot to the [top] of my head,” she says. Chopra notes how important it was to find people who cared enough to learn about her conditions: “When I think about making friends, I was always trying to be like everyone else. And my needs were different than other people.”

Eventually. she learned to “filter out” the people who didn’t view friendship in the same way she did. 

So, if you’re the type of person who wants something real when it comes to friendships, don’t be afraid to walk away from relationships that don’t serve you. 

Use the Spoon Theory to Explain Your Needs to Others

Life looks a little different when you’re living with a chronic illness—which is totally OK, by the way—just try to get a little vulnerable with people so they can meet you where you are.

Chopra says that the Spoon Theory really comes in handy when she’s trying to explain her energy limitations to others. But first, what is the Spoon Theory?

As an example, Chopra tells us that an able-bodied person may wake up with 10 spoons, aka full energy, but someone with a chronic condition may only wake up with six spoons of energy. Then, doing life stuff throughout the day costs us more energy. So, the person starting with just six spoons will burn out faster than someone starting off with 10 spoons. 

So, keep the following in mind: 

• If you have a chronic illness or disability: Be open about your needs. Chopra says that when walking with a group of friends, she’ll ask them to slow down so she can keep up: “I stroll. I don’t walk really fast. Part of that is because of my arthritis.” It’s important to speak up because other people are simply unaware of your needs. “They would’ve never guessed that the reason why I need to walk so much slower is because I’m dealing with…my health in these specific ways,” says Chopra.
• If you know someone with a chronic illness or disability: Ask them what they need or how you can support them. If you don’t quite understand their illness and they’re open to discussing it, really make an effort to absorb what they’re saying. You can also do some research on your own, which would minimize the amount of emotional labor you’d require of your loved one—a win-win!

Body Neutrality aka Loving What Your Body Can Do for You Can Boost Self-Esteem

The term body neutrality gets thrown around a lot on social media but for good reason! Body neutrality is the act of appreciating what your body can do for you rather than what it looks like (that’s body positivity).

Because our bodies are constantly changing, body neutrality is more realistic and achievable than body positivity. Let’s face it: loving how you look 24/7 is a tall ask. But appreciating that you’re alive and having overall respect for the body you live in can help us boost our self-worth.

You can practice body neutrality by:

• Thinking about your strengths or talents: Maybe you’re a great artist or writer. Maybe you’re really good at “Jeopardy!” or you know how to calculate math equations in your head (which is amazing, by the way). Whatever is unique to you, own that.
• Revising negative self-talk: Instead of telling yourself, “I wish I weighed X pounds,” say, “My weight has nothing to do with my self-worth.” Instead of saying, “I need a flat stomach,” say, “I appreciate that my stomach breaks down the food I eat on a daily basis to provide my body with energy.”
• Writing down all of the things your body can do: Doing this can shift the focus away from what your body can’t do. We don’t need that negativity!

Who are you, really? It seems like a simple question, but the answer is often complex and plays a big role in shaping how you think, feel, and interact with the world around you. Your identity is a set of physical, mental, emotional, social, and interpersonal characteristics that are unique to you.

It encapsulates your core personal values and your beliefs about the world, says Asfia Qaadir, DO, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at PrairieCare. While we are often born with traits and temperaments that play a role in shaping who we become, identity is shaped by upbringing, experiences, relationships, and culture.

Defining Identity

Your identity gives you your sense of self. It is a set of traits that distinguishes you from other people, because while you might have some things in common with others, no one else has the exact same combination of traits as you.

Your identity also gives you a sense of continuity,or the feeling that you are the same person you were two years ago and you will be the same person two days from now.

What Makes Up a Person’s Identity?

Identity doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It’s shaped by *many* things, both internal and external. Personality, culture, relationships, experiences, beliefs, gender, and other factors all combine to influence who we are and how we see ourselves.

These are some of the factors that can contribute to your identity:

• Physical appearance
• Physical sensations
• Emotional traits
• Education
• Profession
• Life experiences
• Genetics 
• Health conditions
• Family
• Nationality
• Race 
• Ethnicity
• Social community 
• Peer group 
• Political environment
• Language
• Religion
• Spirituality
• Gender and gender identity
• Sexuality 
• Personality
• Interests
• Goals
• Values
• Beliefs 
• Memories
• Finances 

All of these factors interact together and influence you in unique and complex ways, shaping who you are. Identity formation is a subjective and deeply personal experience.

Identity Development Across the Lifespan

Identity development is a lifelong process that begins in childhood, starts to solidify in adolescence, and continues through adulthood.

Childhood

Childhood is when we first start to develop a self-concept and form an identity.

As children, we are highly dependent on our families for our physical and emotional needs. Our early interactions with family members play a critical role in the formation of our identities.

During this stage, we learn about our families and communities, and what values are important to them, says Dr. Qaadir. 

Traumatic or abusive experiences during childhood can disrupt identity formation and have lasting effects on the psyche.

Adolescence

Adolescence is a critical period of identity formation. Kids often spend a lot of time testing out different identities to figure out what feels right for them.

In Erik Erikson’s stage theory of psychosocial development, this period is often known as identity vs. role confusion. Erikson believed that teens who develop a solid identity enter adulthood with a strong sense of self.

As teenagers, we start to intentionally develop a sense of self based on how the values we’re learning show up in our relationships with ourselves, our friends, family members, and in different scenarios that challenge us, Dr. Qaadir explains.

This is the period where we start to become independent and form life goals. It can also be a period of storm and stress, as we experience mood disruptions, challenge authority figures, and take risks as we try to work out who we are.

Adulthood

As adults, we begin building our public or professional identities and deepen our personal relationships, says Dr. Qaadir. As adults, we may also face times when we question or want to explore aspects of our identities, a period often referred to as an identity crisis.

Why Identity Is So Important

Having a strong sense of identity is important because it:

• Creates self-awareness: A strong sense of identity can give you a deep sense of awareness of who you are as a person. It can help you understand your likes, dislikes, actions, motivations, and relationships.
• Provides direction and motivation: Having a strong sense of identity can give you a clear understanding of your values and interests, which can help provide clarity, direction, and motivation when it comes to setting goals and working toward them.
• Enables healthy relationships: When you know and accept yourself, you can form meaningful connections with people who appreciate and respect you for who you are. A strong sense of identity also helps you communicate effectively, establish healthy boundaries, and engage in authentic and fulfilling interactions.
• Keeps you grounded: Our identities give us roots when things around us feel chaotic or uncertain, says Dr. Qaadir. “Our roots keep us grounded and help us remember what truly matters at the end of the day.”
• Improves decision-making: Understanding yourself well can help you make choices that are consistent with your values, beliefs, and long-term goals. This clarity reduces confusion, indecision, and the tendency to conform to others’ expectations, which may lead to poor decision-making.
• Fosters community participation: Identity is often shaped by cultural, social, political, spiritual, and historical contexts. Having a strong sense of identity allows you to understand, appreciate, and take pride in your cultural heritage. This can empower you to participate actively in society, express your unique perspective, and contribute to positive societal change.

Tips for Reflecting on Your Identity

Dr. Qaadir suggests some strategies that can help you reflect on your identity:

• Art: Art is an incredible medium that can help you process and reflect on your identity. It can help you express yourself in creative and unique ways.
• Reading: Reading peoples’ stories through narrative is an excellent way to broaden your horizons, determine how you feel about the world around you, and reflect on your place in it.
• Journaling: Journaling can also be very useful for self-reflection. It can help you understand your feelings and motivations better.
• Conversation: Conversations with people can expose you to diverse perspectives and help you form and represent your own.
• Nature: Being in nature can give you a chance to reflect undisturbed. Spending time in nature often has a way of putting things in perspective.
• Relationships: You can especially strengthen your sense of identity through the relationships around you. It is valuable to surround yourself with people who reflect your core values but may be different from you in other aspects of identity, such as personality styles, cultural backgrounds, passions, professions, or spiritual paths, because that provides perspective and learning from others.

What is it that inspires us to chase after our goals and push through obstacles? Motivation is the psychological force that explains why a person does something. It is the driving force behind human actions.

For instance, motivation is what helps you stick to a fitness routine or go after that promotion at work. In short, motivation causes you to act in a way that gets you closer to your goals. This drive includes the biological, emotional, social, and cognitive forces that activate human behavior.

Motivation also involves factors that direct and maintain goal-directed actions. However, such motives are rarely directly observable. As a result, we must often infer the reasons why people do the things that they do based on observable behaviors.

Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts

What Are the Types of Motivation?

Motivation isn’t one-size-fits-all. People are driven by different things depending on the situation, their goals, and their personality. Psychologists typically categorize motivation into two main types:

• Extrinsic motivation arises from outside of the individual and often involves external rewards such as trophies, money, social recognition, or praise.
• Intrinsic motivation is internal and arises from within the individual. For example, one might do a complicated crossword puzzle purely for the gratification of solving a problem.

Why Motivation Is Important

Motivation serves as a guiding force for all human behavior. So, understanding how motivation works and the factors that may impact it can be important for several reasons.

Understanding motivation can:

3 Key Components of Motivation

If you’ve ever had a goal (like losing 20 pounds or running a marathon), you probably already know that simply having the desire to accomplish these things is not enough. You must also be able to persist through obstacles and have the endurance to keep going in spite of difficulties.

These different elements or components are needed to get and stay motivated. Researchers have identified three major components of motivation: activation, persistence, and intensity.

• Activation is the decision to initiate a behavior. For example, enrolling in psychology courses to earn a degree is activation.
• Persistence is the continued effort toward a goal even though obstacles may exist. An example of persistence would be showing up for your psychology class even though you are tired from staying up late the night before.
• Intensity is the concentration and vigor required to pursue a goal. For example, one student might coast by without much effort (minimal intensity) while another studies regularly, participates in classroom discussions, and takes advantage of research opportunities outside of class (greater intensity).

Tips for Improving Your Motivation

Everyone experiences fluctuations in their motivation and willpower. Sometimes you feel fired up and highly driven to reach your goals. Other times, you might feel listless or unsure of what you want or how to achieve it.

If you’re feeling low on motivation, there are steps you can take to help increase your drive. Some things you can do to develop or improve your motivation include:

• Adjust your goals to focus on things that really matter to you. Focusing on things that are highly important to you will help push you through your challenges more than goals based on things that are low in importance.
• If you’re tackling something that feels too big or too overwhelming, break it up into smaller, more manageable steps. Then, set your sights on achieving only the first step. Instead of trying to lose 50 pounds, for example, break this goal down into five-pound increments.
• Improve your confidence. Research suggests that there is a connection between confidence and motivation. So, gaining more confidence in yourself and your skills can impact your ability to achieve your goals.
• Remind yourself about what you’ve achieved in the past and where your strengths lie. This helps keep self-doubts from limiting your motivation.
• If there are things you feel insecure about, try working on making improvements in those areas so you feel more skilled and capable.

What Causes Low Motivation?

We all experience dips in motivation from time to time. It’s normal and often happens during times when we are stressed, anxious, or struggling with problems like poor sleep or relationship conflicts.

There are a few things you should watch for that might hurt or inhibit your motivation levels. These include:

• All-or-nothing thinking: If you think that you must be absolutely perfect when trying to reach your goal or there is no point in trying, one small slip-up or relapse can zap your motivation to keep pushing forward.
• Believing in quick fixes: It’s easy to feel unmotivated if you can’t reach your goal immediately, but achieving goals often takes time.
• Thinking that one size fits all: Just because an approach or method worked for someone else does not mean that it will work for you. If you don’t feel motivated to pursue your goals, look for other things that will work better for you.

Theories of Motivation

Throughout history, psychologists have proposed different theories to explain what motivates human behavior. The following are some of the major theories of motivation.

Instincts

The instinct theory of motivation suggests that behaviors are motivated by instincts, which are fixed and inborn patterns of behavior. Psychologists such as William James, Sigmund Freud, and William McDougal have proposed several basic human drives that motivate behavior. These include biological instincts that are important for an organism’s survival, such as fear, cleanliness, and love.

Drives and Needs

Many behaviors such as eating, drinking, and sleeping are motivated by biology. We have a biological need for food, water, and sleep. Therefore, we are motivated to eat, drink, and sleep. The drive reduction theory of motivation suggests that people have these basic biological drives, and our behaviors are motivated by the need to fulfill these drives.

Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is another motivation theory based on the desire to fulfill basic physiological needs. Once those needs are met, the hierarchy expands to include other needs, such as those related to safety and security, social needs, self-esteem, and self-actualization.

Arousal Levels

The arousal theory of motivation suggests that people are motivated to engage in behaviors that help them maintain their optimal level of arousal. A person with low arousal needs might pursue relaxing activities such as reading a book. In contrast, those with high arousal needs might be motivated to engage in exciting, thrill-seeking behaviors such as motorcycle racing.

Takeaways

Understanding motivation is important in many areas of life beyond psychology, from parenting to the workplace. You may want to set the best goals and establish the right reward systems to motivate others as well as to increase your own motivation.

Knowledge of motivating factors (and how to manipulate them) is used in marketing and other aspects of industrial psychology. It’s an area where there are many myths, and everyone can benefit from knowing what works with motivation and what doesn’t.