We met on mutual. It was the only date either of us ever got off of mutual, and it was the only one we needed. Our first date was at Arctic Circle. I didn’t think the date went very well, but I made sure to get her number because I wanted to try to see her again just because she was so beautiful. But to my surprise, she texted me back and wanted to see me again. The second date went much better. Then I had to leave on a pre-planned vacation the day after the second date. I couldn’t get her out of my mind, but I was half way across the country. “I miss you,” I texted her. “Come back soon,” she texted back. Third date was bringing her to church with me after I got back. Fourth date was a fancy Italian restaurant and our first kiss. Fifth date I asked her to be my girlfriend. It is clear to me that we are soulmates!
Met On Mutual
These stories are submitted by real people who met on Mutual. You could be next!
It seems climate change is here to stay (RIP planet earth) which means summers will keep getting hotter and hotter. When temperatures reach ‘fry an egg on your driveway’ levels, it can be hard to think about anything else.
You can try to distract yourself, but the overwhelming heat will probably still occupy your mind and lead to numerous psychological challenges. You may just feel sluggish or irritable or you might have a more serious exacerbation of an underlying mental health condition.
“Extreme heat is a stressor both on the body and the mind,” says JoAnna Leuck, MD, Associate Dean for Academic Affairs at Burnett School of Medicine at Texas Christian University. “Individuals with mental health issues can have more extreme reactions to stress, which can cause their symptoms to worsen.”
Our body and mind like to stay in balance, but heat can throw that balance off. Dr. Nathan Carroll, Chief Resident Psychiatrist, Jersey Shore University Medical Center, observes, “As we feel the physical effects of heat, it can take a toll on our mental state. For example, a person feeling the effects of extreme heat might not be sleeping as well, so along with being fatigued, they may feel more irritable, angry, or anxious during the day.”
In this article, we’ll take you through some of the consequences of extreme heat on your brain and mental health, including its potential impact on mood disorders, cognitive function, and brain health. We’ll also share strategies for coping with extreme heat.
The Relationship Between Heat and Mental Health
Sandra Kushnir, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and CEO of Meridian Counseling, shares this story about heat and mental health: “One of my patients, who has been managing anxiety, noticed a significant increase in symptoms during a particularly hot summer. The constant discomfort from the heat made it difficult for them to sleep, leading to heightened anxiety and irritability. Through our sessions, we developed a plan that included staying hydrated, taking cool showers, and creating a cooler living environment. These strategies helped them manage their anxiety more effectively during the heatwave.”
In fact, research has shown a connection between heat and mental health. For example, a review of published studies on heat waves and mental health outcomes found that high temperatures were associated with a range of mental health impacts. The most evidence was found for increased suicide risk, however in extreme heat there was also evidence of increased emergency department visits and hospitalizations for a variety of mental health conditions.
JoAnna Leuck, MD
Extreme heat is a stressor both on the body and the mind. Individuals with mental health issues can have more extreme reactions to stress, which can cause their symptoms to worsen.
— JoAnna Leuck, MD
Furthermore, another study found that in extreme heat, the increase in mental health issues could at least partially be due to decreased environmental awareness and decreased capacity for the adoption of behavioral change in conditions such as psychosis and schizophrenia. In addition, mental health issues are often exacerbated by certain psychiatric medications’ capacity to increase heat vulnerability.
The extreme heat can have a substantial influence on mood, cognition, and behavior. “With extreme heat, there is… an increase in interpersonal conflict and violence,” says Leuck. “It can lead to mood changes, including anger and outbursts.”
Cheryl Groskopf, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles observes, “Neuroimaging studies have shown that extreme heat exposure can alter brain activity and connectivity, impacting cognitive functions like memory and attention. Your behavior might change too—you may snap at people more easily or have trouble completing tasks.”
This can be due in part to heat’s impact on neurotransmitters, which are the chemicals that help your brain cells communicate. The neurotransmitters serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine are thought to be involved in thermoregulation, and these are the very neurotransmitters that many psychotropic drugs such as antidepressants and antipsychotics target. In addition, “heat can increase the release of [the stress hormone] cortisol, which can impact anxiety and mood,” Groskopf says.
Heat and Mood Disorders
Heat can make symptoms of several mood disorders, like depression and bipolar disorder, worse. “For individuals with depression, the additional stress and discomfort from heat can deepen feelings of hopelessness and fatigue,” explains Kushnir. “Those with bipolar disorder might experience more intense manic or depressive episodes. The physiological strain of maintaining body temperature can lead to sleep disturbances, which further destabilizes mood.”
Other conditions can be impacted by extreme heat too. For example, Groskopf observes, “the embarrassment of being excessively hot or sweaty can amplify social anxiety and feeling self-conscious.”
Heat and Cognitive Function
In the face of extreme heat, ” there is not as much ability for certain cognitive functions, and one may have decreased memory, slower decision making, and decreased ability to pay attention to tasks,” says Leuck.
“Studies have shown that test scores and work productivity can decline significantly in hot environments,” explains Kushnir.
Heat and Brain Health
Brain health can suffer when the body is exposed to extreme heat for a long time, too. As Groskopf says, “There is some evidence that exposure to heat-stress can cause inflammation, which can even damage certain brain cells. Over time, this may lead to problems with memory, learning, and overall brain function.”
In addition, Kushnir observes, “In certain conditions such as heat stroke where the body can not regulate its internal temperature in the face of extreme heat, the blood-brain barrier [a protective layer of cells that defend your brain from types of damaging substances] is disrupted, potentially leading to neurological issues.”
Coping Strategies for Extreme Heat
There are several things you can do to cope with extreme heat.
Stay hydrated. Drink a lot of water and, as Carroll says, “Check up on family members who may forget to drink fluids.”
Wear light, breathable clothing and try to stay in shaded or indoor spaces, especially during the hottest times of the day. “Go to public spaces with air conditioning,” says Carroll, “such as libraries, malls, and shopping centers, if you don’t have [air conditioning]….”
Use a portable fan, if possible. “I once brought a mini portable fan to a friend’s wedding in the blazing summer heat,” says Groskepf. “Within an hour, there was a line of friends waiting to cool off with it. This small step made a huge difference and kept me more comfortable.”
Practice relaxation techniques, such as mindfulness and deep breathing. As Kushnir explains, “[relaxation techniques] can reduce stress and improve mood.”
Talk to your doctor about any psychiatric medications you’re on that may make you more sensitive to heat. Carroll explains, “Antidepressants, antipsychotics, and benzodiazepines can decrease our thirst sensations (so we can’t tell we’re getting dehydrated) [and] antipsychotics and anticholinergic medications can affect our internal thermoregulation. Lithium, a common medication for bipolar disorder, in particular, can increase the risk for dehydration, leading to a potentially toxic increase in its own blood level.”
Keep in Mind
While the effects of extreme heat can be difficult to handle, especially if you have a mental health condition, it can be done.
For example, Carroll tells this story: “One of my patients loves gardening, walking, and hiking. However, they are very sensitive to heat, were getting lightheaded during [a] heatwave, and are taking medications that are known to cause dehydration. We discussed staying hydrated, getting out of the midday heat, and getting into the shade. We also discussed changing their summer routine to avoid the worst effects of the heat.”
It can be difficult to change your routine, especially if it impacts what you can do, but in heat waves, it may be best to adjust things for the benefit of your mood, brain, and mental health.
Do you ever wonder if you’re too picky when you date?
If you tend to focus on what’s wrong when you meet someone new, you might be too picky. It’s a common self-protective habit, but what if I told you focusing on flaws could be blocking your success finding love?
In the video below, I share a personal story that made me realize the power of shifting my mindset when it came to dating.
It all started with a surprising little shift of perspective on a Sunday morning that made me realize I was unknowingly sabotaging my chances of finding a partner.
I realized I was wearing what I call “dating goggles.”
“Dating goggles” are the negative lenses we put on when meeting someone new, focusing on flaws rather than seeing true beauty and potential.
Once I learned how to take off my dating goggles, I was able to truly appreciate and connect with the person in front of me which made dating much more fun and successful.
In this conversation, my colleague and I explore the importance of stepping back from judgment and embracing curiosityand why doing that will help you find love.
We talk about why being too picky when you date doesn’t serve you AT ALL.
You’ll learn how embracing positivity and curiosity instead of focusing on flaws can transform your dating experience and chances of meeting your partner.
We also discuss the importance of consistency in dating so you can meet a reliable, respectful partner who shows genuine interest, and sincerely cares about you.
When you find someone who gives love effortlessly, rather than making you feel like you’re constantly pursuing it, that’s when you know you’re on the right path.
Join me in this video where I share my experiences and insights on how to break free from dating blocks and discover amazing connections!
On average, I read around 200 books a year with most being romance novels. I like all the subgenres—shifter romance, historical, mafia, marriage of convenience, the list goes on. I’m a dedicated member of the romance books Reddit channel, a regular #BookTok watcher, and a fanfiction fiend who spends days searching for hidden gems in Archive of Our Own (AO3), a fanfiction library.
Basically, I’m a book nerd. Have been since I was 13 and read the many One Direction fanfictions on Wattpad. My pre-teen years were all about gritty romances with bad boys who wore leather jackets, chain-smoked cigarettes, and treated the female protagonist like absolute sh*t. Oh, and tons of smut too.
Majority of my early romance reader experiences contain smut—aka sexually explicit scenes in books. Even now, in my early twenties, most of my novels have a degree of spice, whether that’s fade-to-black (when content happens off-page) or an in-your-face sexual moment between two characters.
Most single women (lol, me) are as faithless as ever over dating but their reading choices don’t reflect that. We’re all obsessed with book boyfriends, perfect romance, and fairytale love. After all, romance novels are a billion-dollar industry that’s growing unprecedently every year. However, does this obsession over fictional love and/or the perfect level of steaminess in these storybook relationships come at the expense of our dating lives? I’m not sure, but I did some digging to find out.
When Reading Smut Bleeds into Real Life
Perhaps, I’ve been single for too long (I have), but I often fantasize about book characters and wonder: why can’t I have that in real life? These book boyfriends are *literally* killing their enemies to protect their women and meanwhile, I can’t get a text back.
And I’m not the only one who feels this way. So many BookTokers have made videos comparing the disappointment that is real-life men to fictional characters.
And yes, I understand these characters are fictional but what they’re doing—being intentional and communicative, showing love and care—is what I want from my partner. Are my expectations too high or am I being delusional and ignoring how IRL dating works?
Sex therapist Dr. Katherine Hertlein leans more towards the latter. “It’s important to remember erotica characters and storylines are crafted for entertainment, with exaggerated and idealized relationships,” she says. “For example, while a romance novel might depict a partner who always knows exactly what to say and do, real-life relationships require communication and effort to understand each other’s needs.”
She continues, adding that most romance novels don’t include the mundane stuff (i.e. the awkward and dull but totally necessary conversations between potential partners). Things like communication challenges or conflict. They rarely—if ever—include the courting stage of dating. Romance novels, frankly, ignore all the bad parts of dating and relationships and paint a very pretty picture we all covet.
What Does Reading Smut Say About Relationships, Dating, and Sex?
There’s nothing wrong with reading erotica or smut. If anything, it’s a form of escapism, says Dr. Hertlein. “The growing popularity of romance and erotic novels suggests that more people are enjoying the escapism that comes with getting into these kinds of stories.“
More people are also eager to learn about their sexual desires, says Dr. Janet Brito, a sex therapist and founder of The Sexual Health School. She credits the popularization of smut to individuals seeking inspiration to improve their own sex lives and the rising interest in different relationship types like polyamory.
Even single people like myself who avidly read smut can find value. Research shows that consuming sexually explicit content helps people feel more sexually confident with themselves and their bodies. I wasn’t taught to feel okay with sex and sexual desires, but erotica and smut have become safe spaces for me to shed this shame and guilt.
Smut Promotes Unrealistic Sex
All of this to say, romance novels are still a fantasy, and so is the sex in them. Think about it—how often does smut show the awkwardness of sex?: queefing and farts, gag reflexes, failing condoms, or even the messiness of the lube. Smut has its benefits but it can be harmful to your relationship and sex life if you’re comparing your IRL sex life to a fictional one.
“Consuming a lot of erotic literature might lead to unrealistic expectations about sex,” Dr. Hertlein explains. “The scenarios, physical appearances, and behaviors depicted in smut are often exaggerated or idealized, which can create dissatisfaction with real-life sexual experiences.”
The scenarios, physical appearances, and behaviors depicted in smut are often exaggerated or idealized, which can create dissatisfaction with real-life sexual experiences.
— DR. KATHERINE HERTLEIN, SEX THERAPIST
Moreover, smut often promotes an unrealistic depiction of orgasms. A 2013 study found that most book female protagonists reach the Big O more than male characters and many of these orgasms occur via penetration, which is not realistic for most. (In fact, a 2015 study reported that 36.6% of women between 18 and 94 need clitoral stimulation to orgasm).
The 2013 study also concluded that female orgasms in books are presented as physical transformations that happen in minutes. Something, as a woman, I can say is very rare.
Smut helps readers with their desires and sex lives, but it also promotes unrealistic expectations of sex. The fact is sex is enjoyable but can be awkward, messy, and sometimes damn awful. Keep that in mind the next time you’re fantasizing over a fictional book character’s “perfect” sex.
How to Have a Healthy Sex Live While Reading Smut (Because, Yes, It’s Possible)
Sometimes, we readers get swept up in the fantasies. Eyes so glued to the paperback novel that IRL intimacy and sex have become non-existent. While a smut addiction does not exist, according to Dr. Brito, there is such a thing as too much smut, especially if it’s beginning to impact your relationships.
“It may become unhealthy if you’re neglecting other responsibilities or avoiding engagement in real-life relationships,” she says.
In other words, if you’re forgoing intimacy with your partner because they don’t “perform” like the book boyfriends or are abandoning quality time with your S.O. because you’re too focused on the novel, you might need to cut back on the smut.
You don’t have to quit entirely but establishing boundaries could help. “To maintain a healthy relationship with erotica without damaging your sexual and romantic relationships, set limits on reading time to ensure it doesn’t interfere with quality time with your partner,” Dr. Hertlein says. “Prioritize real-life intimacy by consciously focusing on physical and emotional connections with your partner over fictional experiences.”
Always reflect on your desire to read erotica, Dr. Hertlein adds. If you’re reading smut because you like it, great! But if you find yourself obsessed with the sex or romance in the novel because it’s lacking in your own life, maybe it’s time to put the book down.
Reminder
Romance novels and erotica are fantastical works and should not replace physical connection.
So, Does Smut Ruin Dating?
The short answer? No. The long answer? Too much smut can create intimacy, dating, and relationship issues. But that’s where discernment comes in.
“Accept that romance and smut books are primarily designed for entertainment,” Dr. Brito advises. “They often feature characters with ideal qualities and nearly perfect relationships. While they may include elements of real-life scenarios, their main purpose is to entertain you.”
Accept that romance and smut books are primarily designed for entertainment. While they may include elements of real-life scenarios, their main purpose is to entertain you.
Certain things like weird and awkward sex or miscommunication just aren’t entertaining, so most romance and erotica won’t include them. But that doesn’t mean they don’t happen in real life. Not every sexual moment between you and your partner (or even yourself) will be as magical as the novels claim. And dating sometimes sucks!
Your perfect partner may not be a billionaire mafioso who kills any man who looks at you. It’s very unlikely you’ll randomly stumble upon the heir to a multi-million-dollar corporation and fake marry him to save your family from their rising debt. Frankly, you’ll kiss lots of toads before you meet the prince.
Because, unfortunately, that’s the real world. And we live there, not in the sentences and fragments of an author.
Takeaways
It’s so easy to get swept into the romanticism of it all, but being rooted in fantasy only leads to disappointment and maybe resentment.
Dating is already hard and I don’t need to make it any harder by being delusional. Finding a book boyfriend (does a thing even exist?) is not as easy as these female protagonists proclaim. And even if I find one, there’s no certainty that we’ll be compatible, have a happily ever after, or even have a good sex life. Hell, we may break up after two to three years.
The story may be set in stone but real life never is. Keep that in mind the next time you’re scrolling on Hinge and believe you found the *one.* Chances are, they’re nothing more than another number.
The goal of Mutual is to bring people together, and that all starts with helping people meet and start conversations.
Until now, the only way to interact with people on Mutual has been by swiping up and down on their profiles. This is a great way to express interest and start a connection, but we thought we could do one better! I mean, we have the biggest community of LDS singles on the planet. Why have only one way to interact with them?
The Mutual team has been working for the past six months to bring an innovative new way to connect with the people on Mutual.. We are so excited to finally share this feature with you!
Benefits of Speed Dating
See other people who are online right now, during the session.
Invite others to short, 5-minute text conversations. Break the ice and see if there is a connection!
No chemistry? No problem or commitment once the chat ends.
So, how does speed dating work?
Each week at pre-scheduled times, speed dating sessions will be enabled for several hours.
Once a week, you’ll receive 1 free ticket to enter a session for 1 hour. MutualUp users have unlimited tickets.
During a session, review the profiles of other people online who also have joined the session.
See someone you want to talk to? Send them a request.
The other person will receive a notification indicating that someone is requesting a speed date and can choose to accept or decline.
If a speed date is accepted, you both will jump into a 5-minute timed text chat session to get to know each other.
After the time is up, both you and they will have the choice to keep the conversation going (and match!) or to politely decline.
Why you will love Speed Dating
Unlike other speed dating events, things here aren’t random. You can see who you are requesting to talk to, as well as those who request to talk to you. (We may add random matching features in the future.)
Everyone in a live Speed Dating session has the same goal – meeting someone to talk to RIGHT now. No more guessing at intentions or wondering if the other person is ever going to message you back. You know they’re online and ready to chat, too!
Sending a speed dating request (or accepting one!) isn’t a marriage proposal. 😉 Take a chance! If you both hit it off and want to continue the conversation, great! If not, no pressure; that’s the whole point of speed dating.
Conclusion
Here at Mutual, we care deeply about helping people connect. Speed dating is the first of many ideas we are working on to help more people find their person.
Thank you for trusting us! We are here for you. 🫶
The Mutual Team
Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: What happens if I get multiple requests to chat? A: You will see the requests in the order in which they come in. Accepting them will put you in a “busy” state and let others know you are unavailable.
Q: Will there be Video or Audio calls? Or just text? A: We are launching with text chats only for now. However, video and voice may be an option in the future if there is enough interest!
Q: What happens if we both choose to continue the conversation? A: Both you and the other person will leave speed dating and go to the normal Mutual chat tab, where you can continue to talk without a time limit.
Q: Will we only be shown profiles that fit our filters? Such as age and distance? A: You will only see people that match your filters for age and distance. People will not be able to see you if they are outside of your age range. People will be able to see if you are within their distance range and their age is within your age filter.
Q: I encountered something weird or broken with Speed Dating. What should I do? A: We built the first version of Speed Dating focused primarily on simplicity, stability, and scalability, but there are bound to be bugs and issues that arise that we didn’t catch in our internal testing. If you encounter any issues or have ideas or feedback, please submit it using our feedback form here or email us at support@mutual.app.
Mutual Team
Our team of love experts at Mutual works hard to make sure you have the most helpful dating advice out there. Whether you’re still searching for your person or working to move your relationship from the chat bubble to in-person, we’ve got your back every step of the way.
We’ve all been there: swamped with deadlines, overwhelmed with multiple tasks, and exhausted by never-ending assignments. Whether it’s a looming deadline, a major project, or the daily grind, staying productive when stressed feels like an uphill battle.
Taking care of yourself is key to managing work stress effectively, says Ashley Peña, LCSW, the executive director at the mental health care center, Mission Connection. “Having the right tools to focus on your well-being can directly support how you manage stress.“
But what does this self-care look like? We tagged some mental health experts and got their recommendations on the best stress-relief strategies that can help improve your work productivity.
At a Glance
Stress and work form a vicious cycle that throws our productivity off track.
Prioritizing tasks, compartmentalizing projects, setting realistic deadlines, and managing time efficiently can help us stay productive when we’re uber stressed.
However, if you don’t have a healthy work-life balance, no amount of project management can prevent burnout.
How Stress Impacts Work (and Vice Versa)
Stress and work have a bidirectional relationship, where each can significantly impact the other. Stress is not inherently bad—it can sometimes motivate you to stay on track. But it can also be super damaging to your emotional and mental health. How? We explain below.
How Stress Impacts Work
Stress impacts our work depending on the level of stress we’re experiencing, says Jenna Nielsen, MSW, LCSW, a therapist at ADHDAdvisor. “A small amount of stress may make our work better or more valuable; whereas, high stress typically causes us to make mistakes, become overwhelmed, or feel incapable of the job,” she says.
Peña explains our body releases hormones like cortisol, norepinephrine, and adrenaline when we’re stressed and these hormones can affect our work by causing emotional fluctuations, irritability, and difficulty concentrating. “The higher the stress, the more these hormones are released, leading to more noticeable side effects,” she adds.
According to research, these are some of the ways that stress can affect our performance at work:
Decreased productivity: Stress can impair our focus, concentration, and decision-making abilities, leading to lower productivity.
Increased errors: When we’re stressed, we’re more prone to making mistakes and oversights, affecting the quality of our work.
Poor communication: Stress can make us irritable and less empathetic, hindering collaboration and teamwork.
Burnout: Chronic stress can lead to burnout, which is characterized by extreme exhaustion, reduced motivation, and an inability to function.
Absenteeism: Physical and mental health issues caused by stress can lead to increased sick days.
How Work Causes Stress
Maybe it’s not procrastination or lounging around at work. You might have a high-stress job filled with demanding managers and overloading tasks. Or, your company is doing layoffs and you’re anxiously worried your name is next on the chopping block. In those cases, work can exacerbate your stress levels in different ways:
Excessive workload: An excessive workload or unrealistic expectations can create significant stress.
Poor work-life balance: All work and no time to relax can affect our mental and physical well-being, causing us to be chronically stressed out.
Job insecurity: Fear of losing our jobs is a major stressor that can take a toll on our performance.
Negative relationships: Conflict with our colleagues or managers can increase our stress levels.
Workplace environment: A toxic or unsupportive work environment can heighten stress levels. Issues like poor management, office politics, layoffs, bullying, harassment, or a lack of collaboration can contribute to a stressful and unhealthy atmosphere.
How to Stay Productive
Who said you can’t be productive and stress-free? These strategies can help you get work done without feeling overwhelmed:
Create a schedule: Plan your day with specific time blocks for each task. Include short breaks for rest and recharge.
Prioritize: List your tasks in order of priority and focus on the most critical tasks first. You’ll feel less stressed when the more urgent stuff is out of the way.
Break it down: Divide larger tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks to make your workload feel less overwhelming. Completing smaller tasks and progressing steadily toward your goal will help boost your confidence.
Establish deadlines: Set realistic deadlines to avoid procrastination and stay on track.
Manage your time: Use time-management techniques like the Pomodoro Technique to help you get things done efficiently.
Avoid multitasking: Focus on one task at a time. Avoid multitasking as trying to do too many things at once can bump up your stress levels and reduce your efficiency.
Declutter: Keeping your workspace neat, organized, and uncluttered can reduce distractions and improve your focus.
Delegate tasks: Don’t be afraid to delegate tasks to colleagues or team members when possible. This can help reduce your workload.
Take a break: If you see your work quality decreasing, it’s time to take a break, says Nielsen. It might sound counterintuitive but breaks can refresh your mind and give you renewed focus.
Take a mental health day: If your stress levels are too high and you can’t function, take a mental health day to relax and recharge your batteries.
Strategies to Calm Down Quickly
When stress hits hard at work and you feel an anxiety attack coming, you need to calm down quickly to regain your focus and get back to “work” mode. Here are some strategies that can help:
Deep breathing: Take slow, deep breaths. Inhale through your nose for a count of four, hold for four counts, and exhale through your mouth for another four. Repeat this a few times to lower your heart rate and relax your mind.
Counting: Distract your mind by counting backward from 100 by sevens.
Meditation: Spend a few minutes meditating. Close your eyes and focus on breathing, putting aside any intrusive thoughts.
Music: Listen to soothing music that calms you down. Choose something instrumental or with a slow tempo.
Muscle relaxation: Progressive muscle relaxation helps release stored stress in the body. Tense and release different muscle groups, starting from your toes and working your way up.
Grounding: Anchor yourself in the present moment with the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. This involves looking around you and identifying five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
Mindful observation: Pick an object and spend a few minutes observing it closely. Notice its shape, color, texture, and any other details.
Visualization: Close your eyes and visualize a place where you feel calm and happy, such as a beach, forest, or a cozy room. Imagine yourself there, focusing on the sights, sounds, and feelings associated with that place.
Walking: Leave your desk and take a short walk, preferably outside. A change of scenery and a little fresh air goes a long way.
Aromatherapy: If possible, use a few drops of calming essential oils like lavender or chamomile on a tissue or diffuser. The soothing scent can help you relax.
How to Tell Your Manager You’re Struggling
Sometimes meditation techniques or a well-planned task list aren’t enough to alleviate workplace stress. You might have to get your manager involved. It is daunting? Abso-freaking-lutely. But chatting with your boss is the first step towards getting the support you need. Once your manager knows about your issues, they can collaborate with you to find solutions like reducing workloads or adopting new strategies and procedures that promote a healthier work-life balance, says Peña.
Not sure how to approach your manager? Here are a few tips:
Be prepared: Take some time to think about the specific issues you’re facing and how best to articulate them. Being prepared for the conversation will help you communicate more clearly.
Document examples: Note down specific instances where stress has impacted your work. This helps illustrate your points and makes the conversation more productive.
Schedule a meeting: Request a private meeting with your manager to discuss your concerns. Avoid bringing up the topic in group settings or when your manager is in the middle of something.
Open the conversation: Start by expressing that you value your role and want to do your best. For example, “I really enjoy working here and want to be as effective as possible, but I’ve been experiencing a lot of stress lately.”
Share specific concerns: Concisely explain the factors contributing to your stress. Be specific about what’s bothering you, whether it’s the workload, deadlines, or particular tasks.
Explain the impact: Describe how stress is affecting your work performance: “Since I’m staffed on so many projects, I’ve been finding it difficult to meet my deliverables for any of them.”
Offer solutions: Instead of just complaining, offer potential solutions or suggestions for improvement. For example, “I’ve noticed that balancing multiple projects simultaneously has been challenging. Could we discuss prioritizing tasks or possibly delegating some responsibilities?”
Listen actively: Be open to your manager’s feedback and suggestions, as they may be able to offer solutions you hadn’t thought of.
Collaborate on a plan: Work together to create a plan that addresses your stress and improves your work situation. This could include adjusting workloads, setting more realistic deadlines, or providing additional support or resources.
Check-in regularly: After the initial conversation, schedule follow-up meetings to discuss your progress and any other concerns. Stress management is an ongoing process, so maintaining open communication is crucial.
Long-Term Strategies for Work-Life Balance
One of the best ways to reduce work stress is to stop working. Sounds unbelievable, but I’m serious. Hear me out: a healthy work-life balance is key to staying productive and maintaining stability, says Peña. Below, you’ll find strategies that’ll help you balance work and home:
Maintain office hours: Establish specific work hours and stick to them. Communicate these boundaries to your managers and coworkers.
Set boundaries: Don’t overcommit yourself. Be realistic about what you can handle and don’t be afraid to decline additional tasks or responsibilities you don’t have the bandwidth for.
Practice self-care: Make your physical and mental well-being non-negotiable. Nielsen says to ensure you’re eating a balanced diet, getting regular exercise, staying hydrated, treating any physical illnesses, avoiding mood-altering substances, and maintaining quality sleep.
Allow for personal time: It’s important to find some time to pause, reflect, and spend time with family, says Peña.
Find relaxing hobbies: Engage in relaxing activities such as reading, yoga, or outside with nature.
Plan vacations: Use your vacation time to disconnect from work and recharge. Plan regular vacations or staycations to relax and unwind.
Accept your limits: Remember that we are only human. Nielsen says it’s important to accept that you are doing your best and you’re only capable of so much.
Practice gratitude: Focus on the aspects of your life you’re thankful for to foster a positive mindset.
Ask for help: If you’re struggling with chronic stress, Nielsen recommends talking to a trusted family member, friend, manager, life coach, or mental healthcare provider about how it’s impacting you and asking for help.
Consider career changes: If your workload doesn’t let up and your health is suffering, it may be time to think about changing your job or career.
Takeaways
Stress can take a toll on your productivity as well as your health. Find ways to manage it—not just in the short-term to make that deadline—but in the long run to maintain a healthy and sustainable work-life balance.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Salam, A., Segal, D. M., Abu-Helalah, M. A., Gutierrez, M. L., Joosub, I., Ahmed, W., Bibi, R., Clarke, E., & Qarni, A. A. A. (2019). The impact of work-related stress on medication errors in Eastern Region Saudi Arabia. International Journal for Quality in Health Care: Journal of the International Society for Quality in Health Care, 31(1), 30–35. https://doi.org/10.1093/intqhc/mzy097
Bayes, A., Tavella, G., & Parker, G. (2021). The biology of burnout: Causes and consequences. The World Journal of Biological Psychiatry: The Official Journal of the World Federation of Societies of Biological Psychiatry, 22(9), 686–698. https://doi.org/10.1080/15622975.2021.1907713
While I’m a big fan of Meetup groups, speed dating events, and chatting up strangers pretty much anywhere (I met my husband at a restaurant), if you want to know where to find a single man, playing Pickleball is by far the most fun way to uplevel your social life and meet an eligible single man.
Yes, I admit it, I’m totally obsessed with the game!
If you don’t know what it is, Pickleball is a fun and easy sport that combines elements of tennis, ping-pong, and badminton. In fact, it’s the fastest-growing sport in the USA!
It’s a sport that doesn’t take itself too seriously. It has a funny name, a quirky sound, and a simple rule: have fun!
And anyone can play, regardless of age. I’ve played with 20-year-olds and 90-year-olds.
It’s a game you can enjoy at any level. If you’re not at all athletic, that’s perfectly fine. And if you’re sporty, you can play in tournaments and spend a lifetime mastering the game.
It’s a game men and women can play together.
I’ve been a tennis player my whole life and mostly played with women. In my opinion, Pickleball is way more fun. It’s a sport where men and women often play together. It’s a great way to meet single men!
What kind of single men will you meet?
You’ll meet a diverse group of people from many different cultures and backgrounds. My pickleball buds are some of the most wonderful and interesting folks I’ve ever met.
Any way you slice it (pun intended), playing Pickleball is an amazing way to grow your social circle, meet single men of all ages, and maybe even find the love of your life.
So, where can you find a single man?
On the Pickleball court!
My friends John and Heather met while playing pickleball at their local YMCA. They got married on the Pickleball court where they met!
My mom once told me people show their true colors when playing a sport, and she was right. You can tell a lot about people on the court.
Pickleball requires communication and teamwork so it’s easy to spot a man who is someone supportive, positive, and encouraging. Keep an eye out for the good ones when you play!
Where to play Pickleball (and meet single men)…
No matter where you live or travel, it’s easy to find people to play with because Pickleball is everywhere. Just do a Google search.
Look for “open play” where you can show up and play with whoever’s there. Just bring a paddle and join the fun.
Sometimes referred to as “drop-in”, open play is a great place to meet single men in a relaxed and playful environment where it’s easy to connect, laugh together, and simply have a blast. You never know who you might hit it off with on the court!
But first, consider taking a beginner’s clinic to learn the basics. You can Google those too.
For me, Pickleball has been the perfect physical and mental health elixir. I enjoy being outside (you can play inside too), I love spending time with old and new friends, and moving my body feels great. Pickleball delivers all of the above and so much more!
No matter what your level of experience, Pickleball is a fun time with awesome people where you can be yourself and have a blast.
It’s also a great place to find a single man!
So, whether you’re looking to make new friends or meet one special person, Pickleball might be the answer for you.
Take my advice – go grab a paddle, and head to the nearest court. You’ll be glad you did! And let me know how it goes!
Want to learn more about where to meet a quality single man?
You raised them, loved them, and launched them into the world. Now your kids are adults with lives of their own. It’s a beautiful thing, right? Absolutely. But let’s be real: navigating relationships and boundaries with adult children can also be a little…tricky.
We want to support their independence while still maintaining our own sanity and well-being. The goal is to figure out how to love our adult kids without losing ourselves in the process. That’s where boundaries come in.
“Boundaries define how we’d like to be treated by others. For parents, specifically with adult children, setting boundaries is about promoting healthy relationships and mutual respect,” says Carly Harris, LMFT, Family Program Director for Young Adult Services, Newport Healthcare.
As our children go from childhood to adulthood, we need to adjust our boundaries with them as our relationship with them redefines itself, says Claudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love.”
As our children go from childhood to adulthood, we need to adjust our boundaries with them as our relationship with them redefines itself.
— CLAUDIA DE LLANO, LMFT
At a Glance
An adult child who lives at home and doesn’t help out around the house. A parent who keeps coming over unannounced. These are some examples of why we need clear boundaries in order to maintain healthy, respectful relationships between parents and adult children.
As children grow into adults, it’s important for parents to let them live their lives and make their own decisions. Similarly, it’s important for parents to maintain their own identity, personal space, and well-being by setting healthy boundaries with their children and showing them what behavior is and isn’t acceptable.
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Recognizing the Need for Boundaries
Setting boundaries with your adult children might feel counterintuitive to the unconditional love you hold for them. However, it’s essential for maintaining a healthy relationship, because boundaries protect your well-being as well as your children’s. Here’s how:
Maintaining mutual respect: Boundaries help define what is acceptable and what isn’t in the parent-child relationship. This mutual understanding fosters respect and helps prevent misunderstandings and conflicts.
Encouraging independence: Establishing boundaries encourages adult children to take responsibility for their own lives. It supports their growth into independent, self-sufficient individuals who can make decisions and handle challenges on their own.
Preserving parental identity: As parents, we often define ourselves by our children. Having clear boundaries is essential for protecting our time, energy, and identity outside of the parent-child relationship. It ensures that we can pursue our own interests and needs without feeling guilty.
Preventing resentment: Overinvolvement can lead to feelings of resentment on both sides. Boundaries can help prevent this.
Strengthening relationships: Healthy boundaries can lead to more positive interactions. When parents and children know and respect each other’s limits, it can lead to more harmonious and supportive relationships.
Research shows us that cohesive families give each family member support, warmth, intimacy, and access to resources, without interfering in their lives or compromising their autonomy.
Understanding Your Children’s Adulthood
Understanding that your children have transitioned into adulthood is crucial for setting effective boundaries. This involves recognizing that they are individuals with their own lives, hopes, dreams, and challenges. The experts help us explore what that might look like.
Promoting Autonomy
By treating your children like adults, you can encourage them to take responsibility for their own lives. This includes letting them handle their health, lifestyle, finances, relationships, and career decisions independently.
One of the markers of launching our children successfully into adulthood is trusting and facilitating their independence in a way that sets them free with the confidence to navigate the world, says de Llano. “This requires setting up firm yet flexible boundaries that gives them a sense of personal responsibility as well as an ability to take risks and make decisions.”
Accepting Their Decisions
Your children need to make their own decisions, even if their choices differ from your expectations, values, or principles.
Chances are they’ll make mistakes along the way, but you have to let them learn their lessons. Allowing adult children to problem solve without interference teaches them to manage the challenges of everyday life, says de Llano.
“It’s important to recognize that adulthood means autonomy, and as parents we really do need to respect that. Sometimes our adult child just doesn’t want to listen to our advice and that’s okay,” says Harris.
It’s important to recognize that adulthood means autonomy, and as parents we really do need to respect that. Sometimes our adult child just doesn’t want to listen to our advice and that’s okay.
Respecting Their Boundaries
Just as you’re setting rules, your children might be too. It’s essential to respect their boundaries and give them the space they need to explore their careers, relationships, and interests without interfering.
“We can provide light guidance as they navigate setting their own boundaries, but again, we have to allow them to make their own decisions through their own autonomy over their lives,” says Harris.
Recognizing Their Individuality
As your children grow up, it’s important to let them become their own people. “Adulthood is about defining one’s own person outside of the family system—this is a process of self-discovery where the child may develop differing opinions, ideas, and even values that lead to self-differentiation,” de Llano explains.
As much as you might wish them to, your child may not have the same beliefs, values, and priorities that you do. You also can’t use the timeline you followed as a young adult to judge your child’s progress or success because times change, says Harris.
As parents, we need to support our children without feeling the need to bend them to our will, in order to help them form a solid sense of self that includes positive self-esteem and the ability to forge their own path in life, says de Llano.
Building New Relationships
Perhaps the most important part of understanding your child’s adulthood involves building a new relationship with them. “At this developmental phase, it’s appropriate to focus on being a mentor rather than a director in your child’s life,” says Harris.
At this developmental phase, it’s appropriate to focus on being a mentor rather than a director in your child’s life.
Setting and Modeling Healthy Boundaries
These are some strategies that can help you set and model healthy boundaries with your adult children:
Recognize your needs: Identify your own needs and limits. Understand what boundaries are important for your well-being and why they matter.
Communicate honestly: Have an honest conversation with your children about your boundaries. Clearly outline what behaviors are acceptable and what are not. Explain your reasons and ask for their inputs.
Be flexible: Boundaries need to be adapted to the needs, personality, and individuality of each child, says de Llano. “Rigid boundaries can push people apart, whereas permissive boundaries can cause too much fragmentation.” Research shows that it’s important to be open to discussion and negotiation while setting boundaries.
Learn to say no: When your children make requests that violate your boundaries, learn how to say no without feeling guilty.
Lead by example: Model the behavior you expect from your adult children. Respect their boundaries as you expect them to honor yours.
Enforce your boundaries: If you set a boundary, stick to it consistently. Being inconsistent can confuse your children and make it hard for them to take you seriously.
Prioritize your well-being: Practice self-care and make your own physical, mental, and emotional well-being a priority, showing your children that it’s okay to prioritize personal needs.
Defining Personal Limits
These are some examples of setting boundaries and modeling ideal behavior with adult children.
Finances
Boundary: “No, I won’t be able to lend you any more money, but I’m happy to help you polish up your resume so you can apply for a job.”
Model behavior: Show your children how you manage your own finances responsibly and discuss your budgeting strategies with them.
Time and Availability
Boundary: “I love spending time with you but I already have plans today. I wish you would give me some notice before coming over, so I can make sure I’m available.”
Model behavior: Reciprocate the favor by checking your children’s availability before making plans and not showing up unannounced.
Chores
Boundary: “If you’re going to live with us for some time, you need to help out around the house. Let’s make a list of some chores you could do.”
Model behavior: Be neat, clean, organized, efficient, and hands-on, so your children learn what self-sufficiency looks like. Assign them age-appropriate chores from a young age, so they’re involved in the housework.
Personal Space
Boundary: “We’re happy for you to use the kitchen, but please clean up after yourself when you’re done instead of leaving a mess for the next person.”
Model behavior: Respect your children’s personal space and don’t misuse it.
Belongings
Boundary: “Please let us know before borrowing something, otherwise we cannot find it when we need it.”
Model behavior: Don’t help yourself to your children’s belongings. Ask before borrowing something and return it in a timely manner.
Seeking Support
If you or your children are struggling to set healthy boundaries with each other, you may find it difficult to interact with each other without negativity or conflict. This can take a toll on your relationship and harm your family dynamics. Seeking support can help you resolve some of these issues and build a healthier relationship with each other.
These are some forms of support that may be helpful:
Therapy: A therapist can help you set boundaries and improve your communication. Family therapy may be particularly helpful in this scenario.
Counseling: Many communities and organizations offer counseling services that can provide support and advice.
Life coaching: Life coaches can help with personal development, goal setting, and communication. They can help you or your children figure out your lives and learn to be more independent of each other.
Mediation: A neutral third party, such as a trusted friend or family member, can facilitate communication between you and your children.
Support groups: Connecting with others who have similar experiences can be validating and provide practical advice. You can find a support group near you or online.
Reading material: There are many self-help books and articles that focus on setting boundaries and improving family relationships.
Takeaways
As your children grow up, your relationship with them will change and it’s important for your boundaries to reflect that. Setting boundaries with adult children is an act of love and respect, leading to healthier relationships for everyone involved.
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