9 Non-Verbal Signs They’re Into You

Figuring out if someone is into you can be one of the most confusing and mysterious aspects of dating. A big part of this is that so much of how we convey feelings of attraction is non-verbal. I mean, it’s exceedingly rare that someone will come up to you and say, “Hey, I think you’re hot and interesting. Do you want to go out on Friday night?” (although it’s helpful when they do!)

But no, most of us have to learn how to read much more subtle—and often totally non-verbal—romantic cues. This is why understanding body language is crucial when understanding attraction, says Alison Tarlow, PsyD, licensed clinical psychologist and certified addictions professional (CAP) atBoca Recovery Center.

“It often conveys more than words and can show feelings that a person may not say out loud,” she says. “When it comes to attraction, our bodies sometimes ‘speak’ more honestly than our words, by making subconscious, little gestures that we may not even realize.”

Body language is defined as body movements and gestures that communicate feelings and needs. Body language can take all kinds of forms, including more obvious presentations like touching your shoulder or eye contact—to more subtle forms, such as mirroring behaviors, changes in breathing, or fidgeting.

Let’s take a close look at the different ways that non-verbal body signs can look, how gender and cultural differences play into this, and tips for ensuring that you aren’t misinterpreting someone’s non-verbal cues.

Verbal Communication Cues

Although a lot of early romantic cues happen non-verbally, verbal cues are definitely also part of the picture.

“When someone is attracted to you, their verbal communication cues can be quite telling,” says Kristie Tse, LMHC, psychotherapist and founder at Uncover Mental Health Counseling. First, it can be helpful to observe how they are acting as they talk to you. “I often notice that they will give you their undivided attention, frequently looking straight into your eyes while having a conversation,” Tse says. “This focused gaze indicates genuine interest.”

Then, of course, you can take note of the kinds of things that they say to you. This might include phrases that reflect personal engagement, Tse says, such as asking deeper or more revealing questions about your thoughts and feelings. This shows that the person wants to connect with you on a more intimate level.

Take note, too, of how they respond to your answers, or to other things you say during conversation. “Their responses may also be enthusiastic and encouraging, suggesting they value what you have to say and feel a spark in the conversation,” Tse describes.

Finally, it can be helpful to notice the types of phrases that the person is using. Phrases like “I’d love to hear more about that,” or “You have such an interesting perspective,” usually indicate that someone is taking a deeper interest in you, says Sandra Kushnir, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder and CEO at Meridian Counseling.

“These comments show a desire to connect and engage on a personal level, suggesting that the speaker values the interaction and wants to build a closer relationship,” she says.

Non-Verbal Body Language Signs

Okay, so let’s get down to those all-important non-verbal cues. There are actually a ton of ways that someone can communicate attraction and romantic interest without using any words at all.

Here’s what the experts we interviewed had to say about the ways that non-verbal body language can be expressed.

Touching and Physical Contact

Certain types of touch and contact can indicate that someone is interested in you. “Physical contact, like a light touch on the arm or shoulder, can suggest a desire for closeness,” says Tse. Physical proximity is also a clue, says Dr. Tarlow. If you notice that someone is sitting or standing closer than necessary, this might mean they are interested in you.

You can also look at how a person’s own physical body language changes. For instance, says Tse, “if someone is frequently touching their own face or adjusting their clothing while in conversation, it often signals interest.”

Mirroring and Synchronization

Other types of more understated body language changes can indicate that someone is into you—two common types being mirroring and synchronization.

Mirroring is when someone subtly or unconsciously mimics a person’s gestures or postures. “I’ve observed that mirroring can create a sense of connection and intimacy,” Tse describes. Mirroring behaviors can suggest a strong connection and often occur before a verbal exchange, Tse adds.

Synchronization is similar to mirroring and may look like a person matching your pace of walking or breathing, says Kushnir. This can point to a deep level of attraction. Synchronization is a key behavior to be aware of, Tse emphasizes. “If they are matching your energy levels or speech patterns, it often points to a mutual attraction,” she says.

Subtle Signs and Microexpressions

Sometimes non-verbal body language cues can be very small, subtle, and can be quite easy to miss entirely. “Subtle signs and microexpressions of non-verbal attraction can often go unnoticed but reveal a great deal about someone’s feelings,” Tse says.

For instance, a fleeting smile can indicate comfort or interest, Tse notes. “I’ve noticed that someone’s eyes may momentarily widen when they see a person they are attracted to, a microexpression that conveys surprise and excitement,” she describes. “Their body may lean in slightly, suggesting they want to be closer without crossing personal boundaries.”

According to Dr. Tarlow, other subtle examples of non-verbal body language to watch for includes:

• Dilated pupils when looking at you
• A quick raise of the eyebrows when they see you
• Lips slightly parting or licking lips
• Flushed cheeks or ears
• Feet pointing towards you even when their body is angled away
• Preening behaviors, like adjusting clothes or hair when they see you

Cultural and Gender Differences

We don’t always think about it, but the way that we display our non-verbal attraction cues is greatly shaped by cultural influences and societal norms regarding gender and sexuality.

One example is the phenomenon of eye contact. Although making eye contact may seem like a classic way that you would express your interest in someone romantically, in some cultures, doing so is a big no-no. In certain cultures, engaging in eye contact is seen as a sign that you’re paying close attention to someone or are into them, but in other cultures, this same gesture might be considered rude or inappropriate, says Kushnir.

For instance, Tse shares, “in many Asian cultures, displaying direct eye contact can be seen as confrontational or disrespectful, while in Western cultures, it often signifies interest and engagement.”

Gender norms can vary greatly from one culture to another, and the ways we expect people of different genders to behave is baked into the culture in more ways than we might realize. This is often seen in how different genders express body language in romantic contexts, with men traditionally often showing their interest in more overt ways than women.

“As a psychotherapist, I have noticed that men might exhibit more open and assertive body language, such as leaning forward or taking up more space, which can be misinterpreted in women as overwhelming,” Tse describes. “Women, on the other hand, might use softer gestures like subtle touches or tilting their heads while listening, which can suggest warmth or interest but might be challenging for men to interpret accurately without a direct context.”

The bottom line is that when it comes to non-verbal body language, context is everything. “These nuances mean it’s essential to be attuned to the individual and the cultural background they come from, as context can alter the meaning of seemingly simple actions,” Tse says.

Misinterpretations and Context

There is nothing more awkward, embarrassing, and downright distressing than misinterpreting someone’s non-verbal body language. But it does happen—more frequently than you might realize. “It’s pretty common for misinterpretation of nonverbal cues,” says Dr. Tarlow. “Someone may appear attracted to you when they’re simply just being friendly or have a naturally flirty personality.”

Dr. Tarlow shared the example of a client she worked with. She thought her coworker was interested in her because she frequently touched her shoulder while they chatted. “But after watching him more, she realized he did this with everyone,” Dr. Tarlow said. “It was just how he communicated.”

Again, context is vitally important. So is keeping in mind that everyone has a unique personality and communication style. Dr. Tarlow shared her tips for avoiding misinterpreting someone’s body language signals:

• Consider the setting you are in and your relationship to this person
• Look for patterns of signs instead of isolated behaviors
• Pay attention to the person interacts with others for comparison
• When in doubt, don’t assume anything; communicate openly whenever appropriate

Keep in Mind

Dating and pursuing romantic relationships can be a wild ride. One of the most bewildering aspects is trying to figure out if someone is interested in you or not. That’s why understanding non-verbal body language is so essential, because subtle signs—like leaning in when someone talks to you, or microexpressions like adjusting their clothing when they see it—are easy to miss if you aren’t looking for them.

That said, it’s easy to misinterpret body language, or not understand the context which it’s coming from. That’s why it’s important not to overstep or assume anything right away. Get to know the person better, including what their unique body language looks like, before you jump in headfirst with assumptions.

But also don’t be afraid to follow your instincts, and definitely go for it if the signals are strong and you are feeling them too.