Sexual Dreams: Common Sex Dreams Explained

Everyone dreams, and some types of dreams tend to be a universal phenomenon—like dreaming about falling, being late for a test, and yes, even sex. Sexual dreams are actually completely normal and very common.

One older survey suggested that around one in five dreams is erotic. According to a study conducted by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, around 8% of all dreams involve some type of sexual activity.

While such evidence has shortcomings, it still shows that sex is definitely on the brain—even when we are sleeping.

“Sex dreams allow your curiosity to cathartically express itself, but in a safe way that hurts nobody,” explains Cheung. “The only time to worry is if you have repeated sex dreams most nights and are also thinking about cheating and having sex constantly during the day. If this is the case, seek out your therapist for advice.”

Keep reading to find some common sexual dreams and studies that have looked into what your sex dreams might mean.

The Most Common Sexual Dreams

If you’ve been having erotic dreams, you’re probably wondering whether your dreams are common or not. Most likely, you’re not alone as many people tend to have similar dreams. So, let’s take a look at some of the most common sex dreams.

Cheating on Your Partner

If you’ve ever had sexual dreams where you find yourself cheating on your significant other, don’t worry. This dream is actually quite common and can occur whether you’re married or unmarried.

Maybe not surprisingly, in another dream study, people that scored higher in terms of romantic jealousy, had more dreams where their partner was cheating on them. It’s also possible that men have more dreams where they cheat on a partner.

Another study surveyed 470 men and 575 women, all of whom were in a romantic relationship, found that men were more likely to report dreaming of someone other than their partner, especially an acquaintance.

It also revealed that higher relationship satisfaction made people in relationships more likely to dream about their partners, and those in shorter-term relationships with lower satisfaction rates were more likely to have dreams that featured a former partner.

Sex With Your Partner

On the flip side, it’s also quite common to have sexual dreams about your current partner. According to dream analyst Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, this could mean that you’re obviously attracted to them but also that there’s something else at play in your relationship.

“Having a sex dream with your partner can mean that you have recently connected on some level intellectually, spiritually, psychologically, [or] emotionally,” Loewenberg explains. Or it may signal the opposite, where it’s touching on a need to reconnect, “particularly if you have that dream when you’re either going through a dry spell or rocky period,” she explains.

Sex With a Boss or Authority Figure

According to the Sleep Foundation, dreams about having sex with a boss or someone in charge could mean that you are seeking their approval. That said, if you’re spending a lot of time with that person, or even having to spend a lot of time thinking about that person, the stress of their needs at your job could just be causing them to pop up everywhere.

Same-Sex Dreams

Cheung explains that, while same-sex dreams can feel disorienting if you’re not normally attracted to your sex, they’re completely normal.

“They are very common and entirely normal,” says Cheung. “The interpretation lies in what the other woman or man in your dream represents to you.”

Cheung explains that when people dream about things that are uncommon to them, it can be a sign that their brain is focusing on qualities that they wish they possessed themselves.

Multiple Partners

According to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, both genders reported more sexual dreams involving multiple partners at once. Cheung cited this study as well, explaining that this is an area where gender stereotypes can come into play.

“Gender stereotypes do perhaps transfer to choice of a dream partner, with women tending to dream about sex in a more intimate and personal way, meaning their dream lover is as significant as the dream sex,” explains Cheung. “But men tend to focus more on the dream sex rather than who they are actually having sex with in a dream, hence men dreaming more about sex with strangers or multiple partners.”

Research also suggests that men dream about sex more frequently than women in general. Married men appear to dream about sex less than single men, while married women dream about sex more than single women.

Sex With an Ex

Evidence suggests that sexual dreams about your ex are common. Fortunately, this typically isn’t something you have to worry about. Especially if you’re in another relationship, your mind could just be grouping together similar experiences from the past.

Cheung says that sexual dreams about an ex might suggest that you’ve moved on from them and are ready to use the lessons you learned from that relationship in your new one.

“It can indicate that something is missing from your current relationship, but it could simply be that you’re not spending enough personal quality time together and your intimacy needs are not being met,” says Cheung. “This dream could also have nothing to do with relationships and suggest something missing from other areas of your life, perhaps a sense of adventure.”

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Theories That Help Explain Sexual Dreams

Dream theories are important because they reflect research that aims to determine whether or not dreams have anything to do with real-life issues. They hope to help people better understand why they might have the same recurring themes within their dreams and what these themes can tell them about their life. This also applies to sexual dreams.

Continuity Theory

The continuity theory suggests that people’s thoughts and actions in dreams are a continuation of their actions in real life. This is also true for common themes and familiar faces from a person’s waking life.

Basically, all of these familiar things continue to pop up when people dream. One study even showed that how people react to an event in a dream aligns with how they would respond to that event if it were to occur in real life.

According to this theory, your reactions and responses in dreams, including your sexual dreams, is consistent with the person you when you are awake.

Non-Continuity Theory

This is when dreams get a little crazier. The non-continuity theory comes into play if your dreams start showing fictional people or timelines in your life begin to intermingle somehow.

Examples of sexual dreams that exhibit this theory would be if a person dreams about having sex with someone (like, say, their boss) whom they would never have sex with in real life, either due to lack of attraction or inability (like with a famous person).

Others think that these types of dreams could help people make potentially important associations about the patterns of things that they continually find themselves doing in real life.

In other words, if you’re frustrated with how you respond to something in real life and you find yourself dreaming about it consistently, it may be a sign that you need to start working on that in your daily life.

Why These Theories Matter

Psychologists think that both of these dream theories play an important role in our mental health. They show the cognitive connection and disconnection between our dreams and real life.

Sexual Dreams and Stress

Research suggests that dream recall tends to be more common when people are stressed. During the COVID-19 pandemic, people who reported having worse mental health during that time also reported more vividly recalling their dreams. While more research is needed, this may indicate that people are more likely to dream and remember these dreams when stressed.

So if you are having more sexual dreams, it might be a sign that something is happening in your life that needs to be addressed. This might be stress related to your relationship, or it might be other forms of anxiety and stress related to your work, health, finances, or other concerns.

Coping With Sexual Dreams

If you are having recurrent sexual dreams and want to stop having them, there are a few steps you can take. 

• Practice good sleep habits: Make sure you use good sleep practices like going to bed and waking at the same time each day, avoiding technology before bedtime, and maintaining a comfortable sleep environment.
• Evaluate your dreams: Consider the content of your sexual dreams and what they might mean. If there is some need that isn’t being met, think about the ways that you can address the need in your daily life.
• Manage your stress: Try to minimize your stress levels during the day and use effective relaxation strategies to help calm your mind and body before bedtime.

If your sexual dreams are distressing and connected to past trauma, talk to a licensed mental health professional. Nightmares are common in people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), so working with a trauma-informed therapist can help you get the treatment and help you need.