Is Premarital Counseling Right for You? Techniques and Benefits

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Key Takeaways

  • Premarital counseling offers a neutral space for you and your partner to discuss and plan important aspects of your marriage.
  • This process equips you with tools that can help you and your partner communicate better with each other and resolve conflicts constructively.
  • Counseling ensures that you and your partner are on the same page regarding factors like whether you want kids, how you’ll raise them, and how you’ll manage your money.

Premarital counseling is a form of couples therapy designed to help partners prepare for marriage. It improves communication, resolves potential conflicts, and allows couples to align on key issues like finances, children, and values. The goal is to equip you and your partner with tools to strengthen the relationship and build a solid foundation for a lasting marriage.

Types of Premarital Counseling

“Premarital counseling helps couples create a blueprint for their lives together,” says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a licensed psychologist who specializes in relationships.

According to Romanoff, there are different types of couples therapy, and many of them can be universally applied to couples at any stage of their relationship, including premarital counseling. 

“Many clinicians will be integrative in their approach to couples therapy and will draw from several therapies, depending on the unique needs of their patients,” Romanoff says.

Types of therapy a premarital counselor may use include:

  • Gottman Method: The Gottman Method, developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, involves conducting a detailed assessment of you and your partner and then using a therapeutic framework to address areas of conflict. It aims to improve the quality of friendship between you and your partner, increase intimacy, and equip you with problem-solving skills that can help you build a stronger relationship.
  • Emotionally focused therapy (EFT): Emotionally focused therapy, developed by Drs. Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg, is a form of short-term therapy. It aims to improve the attachment and bond between you and your partner, leading to better communication and a stronger relationship.
  • Psychodynamic couples therapy: Psychodynamic couples therapy examines the underlying issues that motivate interaction cycles. Identifying and addressing factors like your hopes for closeness, love, and appreciation, and fears of abandonment and disapproval can help you and your partner better understand and accept each other. 

What You’ll Do In Counseling Sessions

In the initial stages of premarital counseling, you and your partner may be assessed, both individually and together. During the course of the counseling, both of you will be encouraged to share life experiences and events, which can help shed light on your expectations and motivations in a relationship. 

Premarital counseling also involves discussing important aspects of a marriage, including “financial planning, roles in the marriage, decision-making processes, family relationships, if children will be in your future, and how you wish to raise them,” says Romanoff.

Assessing You and Your Partner

Premarital counseling often requires you and your partner to fill out a questionnaire separately to determine how you feel about one another and what you expect from your relationship. These questionnaires can help your counselor identify your strengths, weaknesses, areas of compatibility, and potential problem areas. 

Your counselor will also assess the dynamic between you and your partner during counseling sessions and use those insights to guide the course of the therapy.

Sharing Life Events and Experiences

Premarital counseling can also involve “identifying and exploring significant life events and early childhood experiences, which impact the relationship and how each partner relates to the other,” says Romanoff. 

For instance, Romanoff explains that partners often choose each other for reasons that are not fully conscious; it is only with further processing that they may understand how familiar aspects of their partner relate to unresolved conflicts in the past.

Discussing Important Issues

Premarital counseling offers an opportunity to discuss several important aspects of a marriage, including:

  • Finances: Money can be a stressful and contentious issue for married couples, so deciding how to manage your finances in advance can help prevent problems down the road. 
  • Beliefs, values, and religion: Sharing your beliefs, values, and religious sentiments with your partner can help foster better understanding and respect. You can also discuss the implications of these aspects on your daily life.
  • Roles in the marriage: It’s important to discuss the roles you expect yourself and your partner to play in your marriage to prevent conflicts later on. 
  • Activities and time spent together: You and your partner can discuss how you plan to spend time together and what activities you enjoy doing together.
  • Children: Couples sometimes realize after getting married that they are not on the same page about whether or not they want to have children. Deciding in advance whether or not you want to have kids and how you want to raise them is important.
  • Family relationships: Premarital counseling can offer you a chance to be honest about your relationships with your own family, as well as any concerns you have about your partner’s family.

What Premarital Counseling Can Help With

Premarital counseling can help you and your partner prepare for married life together. Below are some aspects premarital counseling can help with.

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

Premarital counseling helps identify core beliefs, set realistic expectations for marriage, plan for the future, and decide the ways in which your lives will be merged.

— Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

  • Understanding your partner: Premarital counseling can help you develop a better understanding of your partner. In particular, it can help you understand your partner’s beliefs, values, expectations, motivations, priorities, and routine.
  • Setting realistic expectations: This form of counseling allows you to discuss all the important aspects of married life with your partner so that you both know what to expect. It also helps identify your strengths and weaknesses as individuals and as a couple.
  • Planning for the future: Much like you and your partner would meet with a wedding planner to plan your big day, seeing a premarital counselor can help you plan your marriage and your life together. 

How Premarital Counseling Can Strengthen Your Relationship 

Premarital counseling is designed to equip you and your partner with tools to navigate married life together. These are some of the benefits this therapy can offer:

  • Learn constructive communication: A core aspect of premarital counseling is communication, as “partners learn to convey their positions clearly without attacking or arming the other,” says Romanoff.
  • Develop conflict resolution skills: Premarital counseling also teaches you and your partner problem-solving and conflict-resolution skills. “Initially, communication often leads to conflict, but with time, couples can have more constructive discussions,” says Romanoff.
  • Focus on the positive aspects: Premarital counseling can help you and your partner focus on the positive aspects of your relationship rather than the negative. 
  • Eliminate dysfunctional behavior: Premarital counseling can identify unhealthy behaviors and patterns in a relationship and help you correct them. 
  • Build decision-making processes: Premarital counseling can help you and your partner develop healthy and equitable decision-making processes.
  • Alleviate fears related to marriage: If you or your partner are anxious about what married life will entail, premarital counseling can help you discuss important issues and give you some clarity.

Does It Really Work?

The aim of premarital counseling is to improve your relationship with your partner and help you build a strong foundation for marriage.

One study found that couples who engaged in premarital counseling reported higher levels of satisfaction in their relationship.

Premarital counseling also allows you and your partner to decide important aspects of the relationship before they become an issue.

“Couples tend to seek therapy when they are in crisis and the relationship is constrained. This means that the couple is already polarized, and each partner is defensively posturing, which makes it more difficult to communicate and make progress effectively,” says Romanoff. 

While couples therapy can also be helpful if you’re having marriage problems down the road, premarital counseling can help you discuss important topics for the relationship without being under the immediacy of the problem, according to Romanoff. This can make it easier for you and your partner to work together to solve your issues.

Things to Know Before You Start

If you take part in premarital counseling, you may find that you also want to see a counselor or therapist separately to deal with the issues you encounter in your joint sessions.

“Couples therapy will often uncover unexpected personal reactions and experiences that have been well buried. Frequently, couples decide to initiate individual therapy to have their own space to process all that it brings up for them,” says Romanoff.

It’s also worth noting that while premarital counseling aims to help strengthen the bond between you and your partner, it could also expose irreconcilable differences in your personalities or expectations. For instance, not wanting to have children could be a dealbreaker for one of you.

In that case, you and your partner are probably better off discovering and discussing these issues before you get married.

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

One of the most effective aspects of premarital counseling is the opportunity to improve communication skills by instilling strategies, teaching tools, and unpacking repetitious conflicts in the relationship.

— Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

How to Get Started

Premarital counseling requires participation from you and your partner, so both of you should be willing to give it a try. If your partner is reluctant, explain why it’s important to you and what you hope to gain from it. 

You can find a premarital counselor through your friends, family, workplace, insurance provider, or religious institution. If you’re seeing a mental health practitioner for other reasons, they may be able to provide a recommendation as well. Local and state mental health agencies also often have resources you can turn to.

You will have to schedule your counseling sessions at a time and place that both you and your partner can attend. 

Sanjana Gupta Bio Photo

By Sanjana Gupta

Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.


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The Best Books for PTSD, According to an Expert

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Key Takeaways

  • Books can be a powerful tool for healing trauma, gaining insight, and educating oneself about PTSD.
  • Our top therapist-approved picks include “Transformed by Trauma,” “Struggle Well,” and “Forgiving What You Can’t Forget.”
  • Look for evidence-based books that are targeted to your specific needs and a good fit for your lifestyle.

PTSD books can be a powerful tool for healing the hurt caused by trauma. They give us stories to relate to and a format in which to document and record our experiences and insights, helping to promote more in-depth discussions during therapy sessions. 

Trauma is an emotional wound, but unlike physical wounds, the damage can be harder to see and heal. It can create painful symptoms and emotions, such as nightmares, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, or physical pain such as headaches. Alongside evidence-based treatments, books can provide tools for healing and processing your experiences.

Final Verdict

“Transformed by Trauma” is a good place to start because it uses science-backed Positive Psychology techniques. “The Complex PTSD Workbook” is a helpful option for those needing more in-depth concepts, education, and writing exercises. Both can be used in conjunction with talk therapy.

What to Look for in a Book for PTSD 

Evidenced-based techniques

It’s important to find a self-help book that relies on science and evidence-based techniques to ensure the most success possible from following its guidance. The more progress a person feels like they are making, the more likely they are to continue on their journey of healing. 

Targets specific needs

There are different ways that people can experience trauma, and a book that speaks to your specific experience is the most helpful. Trauma caused by violence or war is very different from childhood trauma.

Fits your current lifestyle

Trauma recovery requires time, energy, and focus. However, in real life, things can get very busy. Do what you can. If you only have 15 minutes a day to read, that’s better than nothing. If you have more time and space to focus on your recovery specifically, choose more in-depth resources.

Frequently Asked Questions


  • What is the best therapy for PTSD?

    While the “best” therapeutic method for treating PTSD depends on the individual, certain types of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and psychodynamic therapy are most common. In CBT, patients focus on shifting the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that disrupt their daily lives. Research has shown that exposure therapy in CBT helped between 61% and 82% of patients in eliminating their PTSD.

    Psychodynamic therapy focuses on the unconscious aspects of PTSD and how past traumatic events contribute to current behavior. This type of therapy has been shown to reduce anxiety and depressive symptoms. Still, other interventions can help treat PTSD, such as cognitive processing therapy, group therapy, and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR).


  • Does PTSD ever go away?

    There’s no cure for PTSD, but it’s very treatable. To overcome or lessen the intensity of present symptoms of PTSD, most people must confront, process, and integrate the traumatic experiences of their past. To do this, psychotherapy and/or medication are highly recommended. Keep in mind that it can take time and resources to find the treatment that’s right for you, but getting help is the first step toward healing.


  • Is reading good for PTSD?

    Countless mental health professionals and patients alike point to books as an important part of the healing process for PTSD. A book dedicated to this condition can help you better understand your own experience, relate to the experiences of others, and develop strategies to cope.

    However, reading isn’t easy for everyone living with PTSD. In fact, the level of concentration, retention, and analysis required can make it quite difficult for some. In this case, listening to an audiobook or tackling shorter articles can help you accomplish the same goals without adding further stress to your healing journey.

Why Trust Verywell Mind 

As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with over 15 years of experience working with clients who struggle with mental health issues, Mary K. Tatum understands the importance of finding quality resources and techniques that work for each person. Not everyone will have the same kind of healing journey, therefore having lots of options to choose from is vitally important in creating an emotionally healthy lifestyle.


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11 Ways to Get Better Sleep

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice


Key Takeaways

  • Sleep problems are common (and frustrating), but improving your sleep hygiene can help you get a better night’s rest.
  • Establishing a bedtime routine, creating a comfortable sleep environment, and maintaining a consistent sleep schedule are good places to start.
  • If you consistently experience trouble sleeping, consult a doctor or mental health professional who can help identify potential causes.

A good night’s sleep supports learning and memory, emotional regulation, cardiovascular and metabolic function, and the removal of toxins from the body. Unfortunately, many people struggle with sleep.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that 70 million Americans deal with chronic sleep problems. A poor night’s sleep can cause fatigue, concentration problems, moodiness, headaches, and more.

1. Create a Bedtime Routine

Having a bedtime routine means that you consistently perform activities that wind you down for sleep. Repeating your routine each night will help signal to your body that it’s time to rest.

Some examples of activities in bedtime routines include:

  • Sipping some peppermint tea (which promotes relaxation)
  • Taking a warm shower
  • Changing into comfy pajamas
  • Flossing and brushing your teeth
  • Doing some light stretching
  • Reading a few pages of a book
  • Listening to a guided sleep meditation

2. Make Sure Your Bedroom Is Comfortable

Ideally, your bedroom is a cool, dark place where there are no loud noises that keep you from falling asleep. If there is any light coming into your room, try blocking it out with blackout curtains or a sleep mask. You can also try a white noise machine or earplugs to drown out any sound.

Diffusing essential oils in your room may help bring on sleep as well. For instance, inhaling lavender has been shown to improve sleep quality in people with self-reported sleep issues.

Try to avoid using your bed as a place to eat meals, watch TV, or work on your laptop during the day. This is so that you don’t associate your bed with activity, but rather, with rest.

Invest in Your Bedding

An old or uncomfortable mattress or pillow can result in interrupted sleep, back pain, and neck pain. To avoid this:

  1. Select a supportive bed and pillows: Sleep on a bed and pillow that have enough support and comfort for your body.
  2. Look for quality bedding: Some people like linen or cotton sheets and comforters because they’re breathable materials.

3. Ditch the Blue Light Before Bed

The blue light that your phone, laptop, and TV emit stimulate your brain and can prevent the relaxation you need for sleep. It’s recommended that you stop using electronics at least an hour before bed.

4. Avoid Eating Close to Bedtime

It’s often difficult to fall asleep on a full stomach. Of course, you don’t want to be hungry when you go to bed, either. Try eating your last meal about two to three hours before bed. If you’re hungry just before you go to sleep, try eating a light snack like fruit or a few crackers.

5. Stop Drinking Water Two Hours Before Sleep

Drinking water right before you go to bed often means you’ll be getting up in the middle of the night (perhaps even multiple times) to go to the bathroom. Make sure you drink enough water throughout the day so that you can stop drinking at least two hours before your nighttime routine.

6. Avoid Alcohol and Caffeine Before Bed

Alcohol and caffeine are both energy stimulants as well as bladder stimulants. If you’re having trouble sleeping, try limiting your alcohol and caffeine intake during the day, but especially before bed.

Even some foods contain caffeine, like chocolate, so be cautious about what you’re eating as a bedtime snack.

7. Cut Out Nicotine

Nicotine is another stimulant that is known to negatively affect sleep quality. In addition to its other health risks, such as cardiovascular disease and cancer, smoking is linked with insomnia, sleep apnea (a condition in which breathing stops and restarts throughout the night), and other sleep disorders.

8. Be Consistent

Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day, even on weekends. Of course, it’s natural to have nights where you stay up later than usual, whether you’re preparing for the next morning or having fun at a social gathering. It’s OK if you fall off track; just try to get to bed at your usual time the following evening.

It’s recommended that most adults get between seven and nine hours of sleep per night.

9. Get Up When You Can’t Sleep

On some nights, it can be challenging to fall asleep or stay asleep. You may toss and turn, stare at the clock, count sheep, and become frustrated.

If you’ve been tossing and turning for 20 minutes or more, get out of bed and do something relaxing, such as reading a book, journaling, listening to music, or meditating. Then, return to bed and try again. 

10. Be Physically Active During the Day

A daytime routine is just as important as a bedtime routine. Including regular physical exercise into your routine can help you feel more tired at night and improve your sleep. Research also finds that exercise enhances the effects of the natural sleep hormone melatonin.

Melatonin is also widely available in supplement form or in certain foods like tart cherries.

11. Skip the Daytime Nap

Taking long naps or napping too close to your bedtime can make it difficult to fall asleep and stay asleep for the night.

Find What Works for You

Sleep hygiene refers to the habits that help set you up for a good night’s sleep. You can optimize your routine and your environment to help you sleep better. But there’s no one-size-fits-all solution here. It’s all about finding what works best for you.

You may need to try different methods to find what gives you the best sleep. However, improving sleep hygiene may not resolve underlying sleep problems or mental health disorders.

If you are having trouble sleeping and you can’t find a healthy way to improve your sleep, it’s best to talk to a doctor or mental health professional.

Potential Causes of Sleep Problems

It’s possible that causes other than poor sleep hygiene are contributing to your sleep problems.

Common sleep disorders include:

  • Insomnia: A condition in which people have difficulty falling or staying asleep
  • Narcolepsy: A condition that causes drowsiness and unexpected falling asleep during the day
  • Restless legs syndrome: A condition that causes the urge to move your legs as a result of uncomfortable sensations in the body
  • Sleep apnea: A condition in which breathing stops and restarts during the night, resulting in limited oxygen getting to the body

Mental health conditions can also contribute to sleep difficulties. These include:

Depressive symptoms can also cause you to sleep longer than usual (for instance, if you’re sleeping 10 hours a day and have trouble getting out of bed).

Some medications can contribute to sleep difficulties, such as:

How Are You Sleeping? Take the Quiz

Try our fast and free sleep quiz to help you determine whether or not some of your sleep issues could potentially be connected to a sleep disorder:


This sleep quiz was medically reviewed by Shaheen Lakhan, MD, PhD, FAAN.

How to Find Help

If you’re experiencing minor sleep difficulties, it may help to try a sleep-tracking app like SleepWatch. However, if your sleep difficulties are more severe and aren’t improving, try visiting a primary care doctor. They will likely ask you about your sleep routine and what your sleep issues are, give you a physical exam, and review your medical history.

Be sure to tell a doctor about any medications, vitamins, or supplements you’re taking, even if you don’t believe they’re interfering with your sleep.

Providing a full picture of your health and lifestyle can help a doctor determine what changes you may be able to make to get better sleep.

A doctor may refer you to a mental health professional (such as a therapist or psychiatrist) if you have a mental health condition that is contributing to your sleep problems. A doctor may even refer you to a sleep specialist.

A sleep specialist can diagnose sleep disorders and even teach you cognitive or behavioral modifications to improve your sleep quality. In some cases, it may be recommended that you participate in a sleep study. During a study, you sleep in part of a lab that is set up as a bedroom. A specialist monitors your brain activity while you sleep and can then diagnose any sleep disorders.


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