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“Masking” refers to when an individual hides or suppresses symptoms, behaviors, or difficulties they are experiencing. While it can happen intentionally, it often occurs unconsciously over time as an individual receives negative feedback for their authentic presentation.

While many think of masking as a neurodivergent behavior, particularly for autistic people or those with ADHD, people with various diagnoses mask for a variety of reasons. Learn how masking manifests for people with various mental health concerns, the problems it can cause, and how to overcome this habit.

What Is Masking?

Masking, sometimes referred to as “camouflaging,” occurs when someone attempts to hide their mental health symptoms in an effort to blend in with people around them. They may copy other people’s demeanor or actions or engage in compensatory behaviors. The goal of masking is to appear as though you are not experiencing mental health symptoms or struggling even when this is not true.

Masking can be compared to writing with your non-dominant hand. Up until the mid-20th century, children who are naturally left-handed were punished and forced to use their right hand instead because this was considered “correct.”

These children grew into adults who used their right hand even though this is not what came naturally to them. They were forced to mask which hand they favored, and even if they learned to write this way, it took extra effort to learn and maintain.

Neurodivergent children and those with mental health issues learn to present in the way they think adults consider “correct,” much like writing with their non-dominant hand. While they might be able to look convincingly like their neurotypical peers, the act takes additional effort and resources to pull off.

What Does Masking Look Like?

Masking can present in different ways, all of which can be stressful and require the individual to suppress or hide who they really are in order to fit in:

• Social Masking. This refers to when someone engages in social behaviors that do not come naturally to them, such as making eye contact even when it is uncomfortable or mirroring body language to avoid standing out.
• Behavioral Masking. This can mean hiding fidgeting or stimming behavior.
• Compensation. An individual might compensate by spending more time and energy on tasks than their peers in order to hide that they are struggling. People with ADHD often mask by compensating.

Why Do People Mask?

In short, people mask to protect themselves from backlash that occurs when they are not masking or to be accepted by other people.

Stigma about mental health and neurodivergence, as well as fear of ableism and discrimination, lead to masking among various populations. People may also mask because they simply want to fit in or be like their peers.

A person may not realize that they are masking. From a young age, the people around us communicate expectations for behavior. Neurodivergent children, or those with any mental health difficulty, may realize that they do not live up to these expectations as naturally or easily as many of their peers, and this realization causes stress. In an effort to fit in and meet these standards, they may begin to mask their symptoms and behave in ways that are not natural to them.

When masking happens unintentionally, the person might not recognize that it is happening and could continue masking even when their natural behaviors are not harmful, or when no one is around to judge them or take issue with their behavior.

Signs of Masking

Since masking can occur unconsciously, you might not realize that you are doing it or the impact it is having on your mental health. It takes time to realize that you are masking and to unlearn the behavior.

If you notice that you tend to look to others before deciding what to do in various situations, you might be masking by mimicking their behavior. If you do not feel like these choices come naturally to you, and you instead try to copy what you see, you might be masking your social behavior.

If you find that you suppress certain body movements because you are worried that they will look strange or people will comment on them, you may be masking your behavior in order to fit in. You might notice that there are certain movements or actions that you find calming, but you do not feel comfortable with anyone seeing them. This can be a sign of behavioral masking.

You may feel exhausted after social engagements, like you need to spend time alone in order to decompress and “feel like yourself.” This might be a sign that you are masking in those settings.

The Impact of Masking

Feeling like you must behave in a way that is inauthentic to your true self is exhausting, especially when you believe that others will not accept you or punish you for showing your true self.

Masking has been shown to increase mental health issues and stress, and for autistic people in particular, long-term masking increases the risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors.

In the long term, masking can lead to burnout, especially in autistic people. Behaving in ways that do not come naturally over a long enough period of time wears the person out in unsustainable ways.

In addition to the mental health concerns of masking, individuals who mask may struggle to receive appropriate support for their difficulties because they do not show symptoms in a way that others can recognize.

Masking can prevent people from receiving an accurate diagnosis, as professionals do not recognize masked traits. This is particularly prevalent in autistic women, who are often not diagnosed with autism because their behavior mimics that of their neurotypical peers.

Even if the behavior or trait being masked does not harm the individual, someone else, or cause irreparable damage, masking can still cause more harm than good.

Unmasking

As you begin to recognize your masking behavior, you might not feel comfortable or safe fully unmasking in every situation. Stigma and discrimination are valid concerns, and everyone is sometimes in a setting where they cannot fully be their authentic self (for example, many people have a “work face”).

At the same time, learning who you are and how you behave when you are unmasked can help you recognize when it is safe to unmask. Find spaces where you feel safe unmasking, and try out different social interaction styles or stimming behaviors. As you get to know your authentic self, you might feel less burned out or worn down by masking.

As a psychologist and autistic adult, I have supported others experiencing limerence and also experienced this state of mind firsthand.

Cheshire Cat, an autistic adult describes the experience as “having a special interest that’s a person … with the highest highs and the lowest lows that you have yet to imagine possible.” Cat says that learning about limerence was validating of their experience but also surprising. The feelings are intense, overwhelming, and difficult to cope with.

Andi, another autistic adult, agrees that the experience is “intense and obsessive, like they’re the only thing you can think about.” She shares that it can also come with a sense of shame: “Why can’t I stop?”

Understanding what you are feeling can help you cope with limerence in healthy ways.

What Is Limerence?

Many autistics, including Cheshire Cat and Andi, describe limerence as having a special interest in another human. This can be parasocial–feeling strong, and can feel similar to an intense crush, with amplified feelings and difficulty redirecting your thoughts and attention.

Suz Vera Burroughs, MS, Ed, BCTMB, describes limerence as “intense, involuntary fixation on another person.” Many autistic people experience limerence, but it can happen to anyone and can also be common among those with ADHD, PTSD, and other forms of neurodivergence.

Nikki Huijun Li, LMFT, R-DMT, shares that limerence can feel like “obsessing” or abandoning other interests. While this can lead to feelings of shame, Li has found it helpful to “name that experiencing limerence doesn’t make you a bad person.”

Why Limerence Can Be More Intense for Autistic People

While the experience of limerence is not unique to autistic people, it is common for autistics, as autistic traits can predispose one to experiencing limerence. Many autistic people have intense interests, and when that intensity is focused on a person, limerence can occur. They can also get stuck on an area of interest, struggling to shift focus to something else. This is also known as hyperfocus or hyperfixation.

Many autistics also have a drive to seek sensory input, including emotions. Limerence can include romantic attraction, which can be a very positive and enjoyable feeling. This can lead to a drive to pursue that emotion.

When Is It Limerence and Not Love?

Not sure if what you are experiencing is limerence versus a healthy attachment or love? Here are some signs:

• Intrusive thoughts about a person that are difficult to redirect
• Intense feeling of being drawn to the person
• Feeling a close connection when the person has not indicated that this is reciprocated
• Feeling emotionally dependent on the person, even if you have only known them a short time
• Feeling the urge to repeatedly make contact with them, even if they have not responded

How to Cope With Limerence

• Seek support: Burroughs states, “It’s good to talk with someone about the tension between two beliefs: hope that some parts can be ‘fixed,’ and despair that others cannot. Ultimately, that is the wrong frame. The truth is more holistic: We can work skillfully with both our wiring and our wounding. This confusing time can surface a lot of grief and seems to be a stage that’s needed in order to process and prepare for what’s next.”
• Let go of shame: Li shares that limerence can come with feelings of shame about how intense the emotions are or how one’s behavior might change around limerence. They emphasize the importance of remembering that feeling limerence does not equate to being a “bad person.”
• Practice a grounding meditation: Burroughs shares, “One meditation I use for these moments is what I call the ‘open palm practice,’ which I designed specifically for limerence-type feelings.” [Here’s what it looks like]:
• Sit somewhere comfortable and put on something steady in the background: This might be Lo-Fi study beats, ambient gaming music, or any sound that helps you stay grounded.
• Place the open palm of your dominant hand in front of your solar plexus, and gently ask yourself: ‘What does it mean to hold on with an open palm?’
• This simple exercise reminds me that authentic connection is both mutual and consensual. Fear of abandonment, like a tight grip, can crush what’s delicate. But when we hold with openness, we make space for something far more nourishing to land, and maybe stay, by choice.’”

Respecting Boundaries

Remember, while feelings of limerence can be intense, it is still not appropriate to cross people’s boundaries. “Morgan,” who asked to go by a pseudonym in this piece for anonymity, is an autistic adult who was on the receiving end of limerence. They had joined an online social group and connected with someone from the group in real life, “Skylar.” Morgan said they enjoyed meeting Skylar but did not feel “a personal friendship” from the interaction.

After spending time together, Skylar asked to send them a gift for an upcoming holiday. Morgan agreed, but after sending the initial gift, Skylar began sending Morgan love letters and messaging them on several different platforms. Morgan felt like Skylar had taken “big leaps and assumptions” about the nature of their connection and relationship, including referring to their meeting as a “date” when this had never been discussed.

Burroughs shares an experience being on the receiving end of limerence also: “While I have compassion and so on, it was very intimidating and even frightening. If you’re in the throes of it right now, please take a breath, step back, and calm the f down (kindly),” she says. “Your nervous system may be telling you that this connection is a matter of survival, but that’s old wiring talking.”

Bottom Line

Feelings are valid, even when they are intense. It is easy to feel ashamed or guilty about intense feelings toward another person, especially if they aren’t mutual. It is OK to feel limerence and struggle to cope with rejection, but it is also important to respect boundaries.

Acting on your limerance can be intense, uncomfortable, or even upsetting for the recipient. Know that if your feelings are not reciprocated, this is not a reflection of your worth or that your feelings are wrong.

On the flip side, being on the receiving end of behaviors stemming from limerence can feel uncomfortable and intense—you are allowed to set boundaries.

Trauma can impact people in a variety of ways and can even have a lasting impact on the brain. In some cases, it can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a trauma- and stressor-related disorder that results in improper processing and storage of traumatic memories.

Because of the way these memories are stored, people with PTSD exhibit symptoms such as recurrent memories regarding the event; traumatic nightmares; dissociative flashbacks; hypervigilance; engaging in risk-taking behavior; and an exaggerated startle response.

Not all people with PTSD experience the same symptoms or have the exact same pattern of brain changes. However, researchers have been able to use neuroimaging techniques to look at some of the different areas of the brain that play a role in the development of the condition.

PTSD is associated with changes in different regions of the brain, including the prefrontal cortex, the mid-anterior cingulate cortex, and the right inferior frontal gyrus. These areas are associated with functions such as fear conditioning, emotional regulation, and autonomic functions. Following trauma, areas of the brain linked to the fear response become hyperactive, while areas responsible for calming this response become underactive. The result is the emergence of PTSD symptoms such as hypervigilance, distorted recall, and impulsive behavior.

Parts of the Brain Impacted by PTSD

Certain structures of the brain are closely related to some of the symptoms of PTSD. These structures include:

• The amygdala and hippocampus (which are part of the limbic system)
• Several parts of the prefrontal cortex (PFC)
• The mid-anterior cingulate cortex
• The right inferior frontal gyrus

Both the amygdala and the mid-anterior cingulate cortex become over-stimulated when a person has PTSD. However, the hippocampus, right inferior frontal gyrus, ventromedial PFC, dorsolateral PFC, and orbitofrontal cortex all become hypoactive, some to the point of atrophy.

The Amygdala

The amygdala is a small, almond-shaped region of the brain that plays a role in several functions, including:

• Some mating functions
• The assessment of threat-related stimuli (i.e., assessing what in the environment is considered a danger)
• The formation and storage of emotional memories
• Fear conditioning
• Memory consolidation

The Prefrontal Cortex (PFC)

The prefrontal cortex (PFC) is an area of the brain found in the frontal lobe. This region of the brain plays an important part in PTSD. Some of the key functions of the prefrontal cortex include:

The ventromedial PFC helps suppress negative emotions and plays a role in personal and social decision-making. It also plays a major role in the latter part of memory consolidation and regulates extinction—the weakening and eventual dissipation of a conditioned response.

The dorsolateral PFC modulates decision-making and working memory. Working memory actively holds transitory information before it becomes part of the long-term memory during memory consolidation.

The orbitofrontal cortex, one of the least understood parts of the brain, seems to be involved in sensory integration and signaling expected rewards and/or punishments in a given situation. It also modulates emotion and decision-making.

As a whole, the prefrontal cortex is interconnected to many brain functions, including memory consolidation and regulating slow-wave sleep (non-REM sleep, referred to as “deep sleep“).

The Mid-Anterior Cingulate Cortex

The primary function of the mid-anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) is to monitor conflict. The ACC also plays a role in:

• Emotional awareness (particularly empathy)
• Registering physical pain
• Regulating autonomic functions like heart rate and blood pressure

The Hippocampus

The hippocampus helps regulate smell, spatial coding, and memory. More specifically, the hippocampus helps store long-term memories, basically helping to decide what goes from being a short-term memory to what becomes a long-term memory. This process of turning short-term memory into long-term memory is what is referred to as memory consolidation.

Damage to the hippocampus can also release excess cortisol (a stress hormone). High cortisol levels lead to heightened alertness, stress, and fear.

The Right Inferior Frontal Gyrus

The right inferior frontal gyrus is involved in modulating risk aversion. Studies show that transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) of this brain region may reduce some risk-taking behavior.

The Brain’s Response to Trauma

When your brain identifies some type of threat, the amygdala is responsible for initiating a fast, automatic reaction known as the fight-or-flight response.

The amygdala also communicates with other areas of the brain, including the hypothalamus, which then releases the stress hormone cortisol. It is the brain’s prefrontal cortex that must then assess the source of the threat and determine if the body needs to stay on high alert to deal with the threat or if the brain needs to begin calming down the body.

The prefrontal cortex acts as a braking system that helps return your body to a normal state when you realize that the threat doesn’t pose a danger or after the threat has passed.

In other words, the part of the brain that triggers a fight-or-flight response responds too strongly, often in a way that is disproportionate to the danger posed by the threat. At the same time, the part of the brain responsible for calming this reaction does not work well enough.

The Consequences of Trauma

The National Institute of Mental Health reports that an estimated 3.6% of U.S. adults had PTSD in the past year. Approximately 6.8% of all adults will experience this condition at some point in their lives.

When examining the functions of the various structures of the brain, the correlation between a change in those structures’ activity levels and some PTSD symptoms becomes clearer.

Hypervigilance

The amygdala’s overactivity presents as symptoms of hypervigilance and an exaggerated startle response. Because the amygdala overreacts, norepinephrine is released, but the prefrontal cortex does not adequately control or deal with it.

As a result, people with PTSD experience symptoms of hypervigilance. They become overly aroused and are on high alert, which can make it hard to relax and sleep. A person may feel that they are always tense, and even small triggers can lead to react as if they are facing or re-experiencing their original trauma.

Distorted Recall

The hippocampus is involved in explicit memory processes and in the encoding of context during fear conditioning. When the hippocampus fails to function optimally, it impacts the way a person remembers and recalls memories, especially memories that contain a fear element—such as those related to trauma.

In terms of PTSD symptoms, this results in:

• Recurrent memories regarding the event
• Distorted negative beliefs
• Dissociative flashbacks

Impulsive Behavior

Changes to the right inferior frontal gyrus help to explain why people with PTSD may suddenly engage in high-risk activities.

How to Treat PTSD

Treatments for PTSD can help address some of the effects of trauma on the brain. Such treatments target many of the cognitive and emotional symptoms of PTSD, and may include psychotherapy or medication.

Types of therapy that may be used include:

The two medications that are FDA-approved for the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder are Zoloft (sertraline) and Paxil (paroxetine). Other medications that may be prescribed off-label include Prozac (fluoxetine) and Effexor (venlafaxine).

Self-care strategies such as using relaxation techniques, getting enough sleep, engaging in regular exercise, and practicing mindfulness meditation can also be helpful for managing the condition’s symptoms.