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What It Really Means and How to Find It


Key Takeaways

  • Happiness means feeling good about life and having positive emotions more than negative ones.
  • Building strong relationships with friends and family can help make you happier.
  • Doing things you love and finding a purpose can increase your happiness.

Happiness is something that people seek to find, yet what defines happiness can vary from one person to the next. Typically, happiness is an emotional state characterized by feelings of joy, satisfaction, contentment, and fulfillment. While happiness has many different definitions, it is often described as involving positive emotions and life satisfaction. 

When most people talk about the true meaning of happiness, they might be talking about how they feel in the present moment or referring to a more general sense of how they feel about life overall.

Because happiness tends to be such a broadly defined term, psychologists and other social scientists typically use the term ‘subjective well-being‘ when they talk about this emotional state. Just as it sounds, subjective well-being tends to focus on an individual’s overall personal feelings about their life in the present.  

Two key components of happiness (or subjective well-being) are:

  • The balance of emotions: Everyone experiences both positive and negative emotions, feelings, and moods. Happiness is generally linked to experiencing more positive feelings than negative ones.
  • Life satisfaction: This relates to how satisfied you feel with different areas of your life including your relationships, work, achievements, and other things that you consider important.

Another definition of happiness comes from the ancient philosopher Aristotle, who suggested that happiness is the one human desire, and all other human desires exist as a way to obtain happiness. He believed that there were four levels of happiness: happiness from immediate gratification, from comparison and achievement, from making positive contributions, and from achieving fulfillment. 

Happiness, Aristotle suggested, could be achieved through the golden mean, which involves finding a balance between deficiency and excess.

Signs of Happiness

While perceptions of happiness may be different from one person to the next, there are some key signs that psychologists look for when measuring and assessing happiness.

Some key signs of happiness include:

  • Feeling like you are living the life you wanted
  • Going with the flow and a willingness to take life as it comes
  • Feeling that the conditions of your life are good
  • Enjoying positive, healthy relationships with other people
  • Feeling that you have accomplished (or will accomplish) what you want in life
  • Feeling satisfied with your life
  • Feeling positive more than negative
  • Being open to new ideas and experiences
  • Practicing self-care and treating yourself with kindness and compassion
  • Experiencing gratitude
  • Feeling that you are living life with a sense of meaning and purpose
  • Wanting to share your happiness and joy with others

One important thing to remember is that happiness isn’t a state of constant euphoria. Instead, happiness is an overall sense of experiencing more positive emotions than negative ones.

Happy people still feel the whole range of human emotions—anger, frustrastion, boredom, loneliness, and even sadness—from time to time. But even when faced with discomfort, they have an underlying sense of optimism that things will get better, that they can deal with what is happening, and that they will be able to feel happy again.

“Even people who have experienced terrible trauma can still also experience happiness,” says Hannah Owens, LMSW, “though it is important to recognize that it might be more difficult for them to obtain the balance generally associated with overall happiness, and that their happiness might look very different from others’ who have not had to deal with such challenges.”

Types of Happiness

There are many different ways of thinking about happiness. For example, the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle made a distinction between two different kinds of happiness: hedonia and eudaimonia.

  • Hedonia: Hedonic happiness is derived from pleasure. It is most often associated with doing what feels good, self-care, fulfilling desires, experiencing enjoyment, and feeling a sense of satisfaction.
  • Eudaimonia: This type of happiness is derived from seeking virtue and meaning. Important components of eudaimonic well-being including feeling that your life has meaning, value, and purpose. It is associated more with fulfilling responsibilities, investing in long-term goals, concern for the welfare of other people, and living up to personal ideals.

Hedonia and eudemonia are more commonly known today in psychology as pleasure and meaning, respectively. More recently, psychologists have suggested the addition of the third component that relates to engagement. These are feelings of commitment and participation in different areas of life.

Research suggests that happy people tend to rank pretty high on eudaimonic life satisfaction and better than average on their hedonic life satisfaction. 

All of these can play an important role in the overall experience of happiness, although the relative value of each can be highly subjective. Some activities may be both pleasurable and meaningful, while others might skew more one way or the other.

For example, volunteering for a cause you believe in might be more meaningful than pleasurable. Watching your favorite tv show, on the other hand, might rank lower in meaning and higher on pleasure.

Some types of happiness that may fall under these three main categories include:

  • Joy: A often relatively brief feeling that is felt in the present moment
  • Excitement: A happy feeling that involves looking forward to something with positive anticipation
  • Gratitude: A positive emotion that involves being thankful and appreciative
  • Pride: A feeling of satisfaction in something that you have accomplished
  • Optimism: This is a way of looking at life with a positive, upbeat outlook
  • Contentment: This type of happiness involves a sense of satisfaction

How to Cultivate Happiness

While some people just tend to be naturally happier, there are things that you can do to cultivate your sense of happiness. 

Pursue Intrinsic Goals 

Achieving goals that you are intrinsically motivated to pursue, particularly ones that are focused on personal growth and community, can help boost happiness. Research suggests that pursuing these types of intrinsically-motivated goals can increase happiness more than pursuing extrinsic goals like gaining money or status.

Enjoy the Moment

Studies have found that people tend to over earn—they become so focused on accumulating things that they lose track of actually enjoying what they are doing.

So, rather than falling into the trap of mindlessly accumulating to the detriment of your own happiness, focus on practicing gratitude for the things you have and enjoying the process as you go. 

Reframe Negative Thoughts

When you find yourself stuck in a pessimistic outlook or experiencing negativity, look for ways that you can reframe your thoughts in a more positive way. 

People have a natural negativity bias, or a tendency to pay more attention to bad things than to good things. This can have an impact on everything from how you make decisions to how you form impressions of other people. Discounting the positive—a cognitive distortion where people focus on the negative and ignore the positive—can also contribute to negative thoughts.

Reframing these negative perceptions isn’t about ignoring the bad. Instead, it means trying to take a more balanced, realistic look at events. It allows you to notice patterns in your thinking and then challenge negative thoughts.

Avoid Social Comparison

Another way to cultivate happiness and to make sure that you are able to maintain your happiness, Owens says, is to stop comparing yourself to others.

“No two lives are alike, and focusing on what others have is a sure-fire way to feel envy and regret. Focus on the good things in your own life, and you’ll be more likely to find contentment in them,” she says.

Impact of Happiness

Why is happiness so important? Happiness has been shown to predict positive outcomes in many different areas of life including mental well-being, physical health, and overall longevity.

  • Positive emotions increase satisfaction with life.
  • Happiness helps people build stronger coping skills and emotional resources.
  • Positive emotions are linked to better health and longevity. One study found that people who experienced more positive emotions than negative ones were more likely to have survived over a 13 year period.
  • Positive feelings increase resilience. Resilience helps people better manage stress and bounce back better when faced with setbacks. For example, one study found that happier people tend to have lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol and that these benefits tend to persist over time.
  • People who report having a positive state of well-being are more likely to engage in healthy behaviors such as eating fruits and vegetables and engaging in regular physical exercise.
  • Being happy may make help you get sick less often. Happier mental states are linked to increased immunity.

How to Be a Happier Person

Some people seem to have a naturally higher baseline for happiness—one large-scale study of more than 2,000 twins suggested that around 50% of overall life satisfaction was due to genetics, 10% to external events, and 40% to individual activities.

So while you might not be able to control what your “base level” of happiness is, there are things that you can do to make your life happier and more fulfilling. Even the happiest of individuals can feel down from time to time and happiness is something that all people need to consciously pursue.

Cultivate Strong Relationships

Social support is an essential part of well-being. Research has found that good social relationships are the strongest predictor of happiness. Having positive and supportive connections with people you care about can provide a buffer against stress, improve your health, and help you become a happier person.

In the Harvard Study of Adult Development, a longitudinal study that looked at participants over 80 years, researchers found that relationships and how happy people are in those relationships strongly impacted overall health.

So if you are trying to improve your happiness, cultivating solid social connections is a great place to start. Consider deepening your existing relationships and explore ways to make new friends. 

Get Regular Exercise

Exercise is good for both your body and mind. Physical activity is linked to a range of physical and psychological benefits including improved mood. Numerous studies have shown that regular exercise may play a role in warding off symptoms of depression, but evidence also suggests that it may also help make people happier, too.

In one analysis of past research on the connection between physical activity and happiness, researchers found a consistent positive link.

Even a little bit of exercise produces a happiness boost—people who were physically active for as little as 10 minutes a day or who worked out only once a week had higher levels of happiness than people who never exercised.

Show Gratitude

In one study, participants were asked to engage in a writing exercise for 10 to 20 minutes each night before bed. Some were instructed to write about daily hassles, some about neutral events, and some about things they were grateful for. The results found that people who had written about gratitude had increase positive emotions, increased subjective happiness, and improve life satisfaction.

As the authors of the study suggest, keeping a gratitude list is a relatively easy, affordable, simple, and pleasant way to boost your mood. Try setting aside a few minutes each night to write down or think about things in your life that you are grateful for.

Find a Sense of Purpose

Research has found that people who feel like they have a purpose have better well-being and feel more fulfilled. A sense of purpose involves seeing your life as having goals, direction, and meaning. It may help improve happiness by promoting healthier behaviors. 

Some things you can do to help find a sense of purpose include:

  • Explore your interests and passions
  • Engage in prosocial and altruistic causes
  • Work to address injustices
  • Look for new things you might want to learn more about

This sense of purpose is influenced by a variety of factors, but it is also something that you can cultivate. It involves finding a goal that you care deeply about that will lead you to engage in productive, positive actions in order to work toward that goal.

Challenges of Finding Happiness

While seeking happiness is important, there are times when the pursuit of life satisfaction falls short. Some challenges to watch for include:

Valuing the Wrong Things

Money may not be able to buy happiness, but there is research that spending money on things like experiences can make you happier than spending it on material possessions. 

One study, for example, found that spending money on things that buy time—such as spending money on time-saving services—can increase happiness and life satisfaction.

Rather than overvaluing things such as money, status, or material possessions, pursuing goals that result in more free time or enjoyable experiences may have a higher happiness reward.

Not Seeking Social Support

Social support means having friends and loved ones that you can turn to for support. Research has found that perceived social support plays an important role in subjective well-being. For example, one study found that perceptions of social support were responsible for 43% of a person’s level of happiness.

It is important to remember that when it comes to social support, quality is more important than quantity. Having just a few very close and trusted friends will have a greater impact on your overall happiness than having many casual acquaintances.

Thinking of Happiness as an Endpoint

Happiness isn’t a goal that you can simply reach and be done with. It is a constant pursuit that requires continual nurturing and sustenance.

One study found that people who tend to value happiness most also tended to feel the least satisfied with their lives. Essentially, happiness becomes such a lofty goal that it becomes virtually unattainable. 

“Valuing happiness could be self-defeating because the more people value happiness, the more likely they will feel disappointed,” suggest the authors of the study.

Perhaps the lesson is to not make something as broadly defined as “happiness” your goal. Instead, focus on building and cultivating the sort of life and relationships that bring fulfillment and satisfaction to your life. 

It is also important to consider how you personally define happiness. Happiness is a broad term that means different things to different people. Rather than looking at happiness as an endpoint, it can be more helpful to think about what happiness really means to you and then work on small things that will help you become happier. This can make achieving these goals more manageable and less overwhelming.

History of Happiness

Happiness has long been recognized as a critical part of health and well-being. The “pursuit of happiness” is even given as an inalienable right in the U.S. Declaration of Independence. Our understanding of what will bring happiness, however, has shifted over time.

Psychologists have also proposed a number of different theories to explain how people experience and pursue happiness. These theories include:

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

The hierarchy of needs suggests that people are motivated to pursue increasingly complex needs. Once more basic needs are fulfilled, people are then motivated by more psychological and emotional needs.

At the peak of the hierarchy is the need for self-actualization, or the need to achieve one’s full potential. The theory also stresses the importance of peak experiences or transcendent moments in which a person feels deep understanding, happiness, and joy. 

Positive Psychology

The pursuit of happiness is central to the field of positive psychology. Psychologists who study positive psychology are interested in learning ways to increase positivity and helping people live happier, more satisfying lives. 

Rather than focusing on mental pathologies, the field instead strives to find ways to help people, communities, and societies improve positive emotions and achieve greater happiness.


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How to Inspire and Motivate

Key Takeaways

  • Transformational leaders inspire their followers by sharing a clear vision and showing enthusiasm.
  • Transformational leadership encourages creativity and supports each follower individually.
  • Groups led by transformational leaders perform better and feel more empowered.

Transformational leadership is a leadership style that can inspire positive changes in those who follow. Transformational leaders are generally energetic, enthusiastic, and passionate. Not only are these leaders concerned and involved in the process, but they are also focused on helping every member of the group succeed.

Transformational leaders take control of situations by conveying a clear vision of the group’s goals. These leaders have a marked passion for the work and an ability to make the rest of the group feel recharged and energized.

Transformational leaders focus on helping members of the group support one another and provide them with the support, guidance, and inspiration they need to work hard, perform well, and stay loyal to the group. The primary goals of transformational leadership are to inspire growth, promote loyalty, and instill confidence in group members.

This article discusses the characteristics of transformational leadership and its effects on groups.

Verywell / Emily Roberts

History of Transformational Leadership

The concept of transformational leadership was initially introduced by leadership expert and presidential biographer James MacGregor Burns. According to Burns, transformational leadership can be seen when “leaders and followers make each other advance to a higher level of moral and motivation.”

Through the strength of their vision and personality, transformational leaders are able to inspire followers to change expectations, perceptions, and motivations to work towards common goals.

Later, researcher Bernard M. Bass expanded upon Burns’s original ideas to develop what is today referred to as Bass’s Transformational Leadership Theory. According to Bass, transformational leadership can be defined based on the impact that it has on followers. Transformational leaders, Bass suggested, garner trust, respect, and admiration from their followers.

Components of Transformational Leadership

Bass also suggested that there were four different components of transformational leadership. The four main elements of transformational leadership are:

  1. Intellectual stimulation: Transformational leaders not only challenge the status quo; they also encourage creativity among followers. The leader encourages followers to explore new ways of doing things and new opportunities to learn.
  2. Individualized consideration: Transformational leadership also involves supporting and encouraging individual followers. To foster supportive relationships, transformational leaders keep lines of communication open so that followers feel free to share ideas and so that leaders can offer immediate recognition of the unique contributions of each follower.
  3. Inspirational motivation: Transformational leaders have a clear vision that they can articulate to followers. These leaders can also help followers experience the same passion and motivation to fulfill these goals.
  4. Idealized influence: The transformational leader serves as a role model for followers. Because followers trust and respect the leader, they emulate this individual and internalize their ideals.

Groups led by this type of leader tend to be both successful and loyal. They give a lot to the team and care deeply about the group’s ability to accomplish its goals. Turnover tends to be relatively low as transformational leaders can inspire a great deal of commitment in their followers.

Transformational Leadership Traits

So what are some typical signs of a transformational leader? Common characteristics of transformational leaders include:

Recap

While each leader is different, transformational leadership is characterized by a number of key traits. Five of the main qualities of a transformational leader are authenticity, self-awareness, humility, collaboration, and interdependence.

Examples of Transformational Leadership

Recognizable figures who are often cited as examples of transformational leadership include:

  • Barack Obama: The former U.S. President was known for his transformational approach to running his administration, as well as his unifying, motivating, and hopeful communication style.
  • Nelson Mandela: The former President of South Africa was famous for serving as a source of authentic inspiration.
  • Oprah Winfrey: The media mogul is famous for her charismatic, visionary, and inspirational leadership style.
  • Steve Jobs: Jobs was famous for his visionary leadership that transformed Apple into a leader in the technology industry.

Effects of Transformational Leadership

In their classic text, Transformational Leadership, authors Bass and Riggio explained that these leaders inspire people to achieve extraordinary results. Group members are not just encouraged to participate; they are also inspired to become leaders themselves.

Transformational leaders can accomplish this by being responsive and empowering. The individual’s goals become better aligned with the purposes of the entire group so that each group member’s success furthers the organization’s goals.

Researchers have found that this style of leadership can have a positive effect on the group. Some of these effects include:

  • Better performance: Those led by transformational individuals have better performance and are more satisfied than those in groups with different types of leaders.
  • Better well-being: Employees who identified a higher level of transformational leadership in their employers also reported higher levels of well-being. The effect stayed significant even after researchers controlled for factors linked to well-being, such as job strain, education, and age.
  • Sense of empowerment: This is attributed to the fact that transformational leaders believe that their followers can do their best, leading group members to feel inspired and empowered.

The transformational style of leadership can be highly effective when used appropriately, but it might not necessarily be the best choice for every situation. In some cases, groups may require a more managerial or autocratic style that involves closer control and greater direction, particularly in situations where group member are unskilled and need a lot of oversight.

How to Become a More Transformational Leader

Becoming a more transformational leader may provide many benefits. Researchers believe that such results can help companies develop leadership training programs that can be used to teach transformational leadership skills.

Acquiring communication skills such as resolving workplace conflicts and recognizing employees’ needs are important parts of transformational leadership. Such programs can serve as essential parts of health promotion efforts in the workplace to help improve employee well-being.

What can you do to become a more transformational leader? Leadership experts suggest that a robust and positive future vision plays a critical role. Not only is it essential to believe in this vision yourself, but you’ve also got to inspire others to buy into your vision as well.

You can also develop your transformational skills by being:

  • Genuine
  • Passionate
  • Supportive
  • Trustworthy

One way to improve your own leadership skills is to assess your own current leadership style and think about ways in which your strengths can benefit the group you are leading. By evaluating your own skills, you will be better able to play to your strengths and work on improving your areas of weakness.

Transformational Leadership vs. Transactional Leadership

Transformational leadership is often contrasted with transactional leadership, which is a style that is essentially the opposite of transformational. In the transactional approach, leaders motivate their subordinates through the use of rewards and punishment.

While the transformational approach focuses on communication, inspiration, and positive reinforcement, transactional leaders supervise, monitor performance, and create routines to maximize efficiency. While the transactional approach can be effective in some situations, it does not foster loyalty, innovation, or creativity.

Transactional

  • Motivates using rewards and punishments

  • Focused on compliance

  • Tends to focus on short-term goals

  • Uses extrinsic rewards (pay, promotions, etc.)

Transformational

  • Motivates using enthusiasm and charismatic inspiration

  • Focused on commitment

  • More focused on long-term success

  • Uses intrinsic rewards (esteem, pride, etc.)

Potential Pitfalls of Transformational Leadership

While transformational leadership is often viewed as one of the best approaches to leadership, that doesn’t mean that it is necessarily right for every situation. For example, when group members need more guidance and direction, it can be more effective to utilize a more transactional approach.

The transformational style can help improve group cohesion and commitment, but it can also contribute to burnout when group members feel constantly pressured to give up all of their time and effort to support the goals of the group.

In situations where a lot of creativity and innovation are important to success, a transformational style is often a beneficial approach. But if the focus is on achieving a prescribed set of short-term goals, taking a more transactional approach might lead to less chaos and better results.

Are You a Transformational Leader?

Try our fast and free quiz to find out if you tend towards transformational leadership or one of the other styles.


This leadership styles quiz was reviewed by Rachel Goldman, PhD, FTOS.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Allen GP, Moore WM, Moser LR, Neill KK, Sambamoorthi U, Bell HS. The role of servant leadership and transformational leadership in academic pharmacyAm J Pharm Educ. 2016;80(7):113. doi:10.5688/ajpe807113

  2. Choi SL, Goh CF, Adam MB, Tan OK. Transformational leadership, empowerment, and job satisfaction: The mediating role of employee empowermentHum Resour Health. 2016;14(1):73. doi:10.1186/s12960-016-0171-2

  3. Psychology Today. Are you a transformational leader?

  4. Jacobs C; Pfaff H; Lehner B, et al. The influence of transformational leadership on employee well-being: Results from a survey of companies in the information and communication technology sector in Germany. J Occup Environ Med. 2013;55(7):772-778.​ doi:10.1097/JOM.0b013e3182972ee5

Additional Reading

Kendra Cherry

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the “Everything Psychology Book.”


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Sexual Dreams: Common Sex Dreams Explained


Key Takeaways

  • Sexual dreams are completely normal and very common.
  • If sexual dreams are causing distress, it might be helpful to seek advice from a licensed mental health professional.

Everyone dreams, and some types of dreams tend to be a universal phenomenon—like dreaming about falling, being late for a test, and yes, even sex. Sexual dreams are actually completely normal and very common.

One older survey suggested that around one in five dreams is erotic. According to a study conducted by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, around 8% of all dreams involve some type of sexual activity.

While such evidence has shortcomings, it still shows that sex is definitely on the brain—even when we are sleeping.

Theresa Cheung, a dream expert author who has researched the topic for more than 25 years, explains that sex dreams are not only normal, they’re healthy.

“Sex dreams allow your curiosity to cathartically express itself, but in a safe way that hurts nobody,” explains Cheung. “The only time to worry is if you have repeated sex dreams most nights and are also thinking about cheating and having sex constantly during the day. If this is the case, seek out your therapist for advice.”

Keep reading to find some common sexual dreams and studies that have looked into what your sex dreams might mean.

The Most Common Sexual Dreams

If you’ve been having erotic dreams, you’re probably wondering whether your dreams are common or not. Most likely, you’re not alone as many people tend to have similar dreams. So, let’s take a look at some of the most common sex dreams.

Cheating on Your Partner

If you’ve ever had sexual dreams where you find yourself cheating on your significant other, don’t worry. This dream is actually quite common and can occur whether you’re married or unmarried.

If you’re having this dream, it’s possible that you’re feeling a certain amount of jealousy or a lack of intimacy with your partner.

Maybe not surprisingly, in another dream study, people that scored higher in terms of romantic jealousy, had more dreams where their partner was cheating on them. It’s also possible that men have more dreams where they cheat on a partner.

Another study surveyed 470 men and 575 women, all of whom were in a romantic relationship, found that men were more likely to report dreaming of someone other than their partner, especially an acquaintance.

It also revealed that higher relationship satisfaction made people in relationships more likely to dream about their partners, and those in shorter-term relationships with lower satisfaction rates were more likely to have dreams that featured a former partner.

Sex With Your Partner

On the flip side, it’s also quite common to have sexual dreams about your current partner. According to dream analyst Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, this could mean that you’re obviously attracted to them but also that there’s something else at play in your relationship.

“Having a sex dream with your partner can mean that you have recently connected on some level intellectually, spiritually, psychologically, [or] emotionally,” Loewenberg explains. Or it may signal the opposite, where it’s touching on a need to reconnect, “particularly if you have that dream when you’re either going through a dry spell or rocky period,” she explains.

Sex With a Boss or Authority Figure

According to the Sleep Foundation, dreams about having sex with a boss or someone in charge could mean that you are seeking their approval. That said, if you’re spending a lot of time with that person, or even having to spend a lot of time thinking about that person, the stress of their needs at your job could just be causing them to pop up everywhere.

Same-Sex Dreams

Cheung explains that, while same-sex dreams can feel disorienting if you’re not normally attracted to your sex, they’re completely normal.

“They are very common and entirely normal,” says Cheung. “The interpretation lies in what the other woman or man in your dream represents to you.”

Cheung explains that when people dream about things that are uncommon to them, it can be a sign that their brain is focusing on qualities that they wish they possessed themselves.

Theresa Cheung, dream expert

Dream lovers can represent aspects of yourself that you need to integrate [into your own life] in order to grow.

— Theresa Cheung, dream expert

Multiple Partners

According to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, both genders reported more sexual dreams involving multiple partners at once. Cheung cited this study as well, explaining that this is an area where gender stereotypes can come into play.

“Gender stereotypes do perhaps transfer to choice of a dream partner, with women tending to dream about sex in a more intimate and personal way, meaning their dream lover is as significant as the dream sex,” explains Cheung. “But men tend to focus more on the dream sex rather than who they are actually having sex with in a dream, hence men dreaming more about sex with strangers or multiple partners.”

This is also a good thing to remember if you are worried that your partner has shared that they have dreams about having sex with multiple partners. It’s probably indicative that they are more focused on the physical components of the dreams rather than personal ones.

Research also suggests that men dream about sex more frequently than women in general. Married men appear to dream about sex less than single men, while married women dream about sex more than single women.

Sex With an Ex

Evidence suggests that sexual dreams about your ex are common. Fortunately, this typically isn’t something you have to worry about. Especially if you’re in another relationship, your mind could just be grouping together similar experiences from the past.

Cheung says that sexual dreams about an ex might suggest that you’ve moved on from them and are ready to use the lessons you learned from that relationship in your new one.

While she also emphasizes that dreams about having sex with an ex don’t necessarily have anything to do with your current relationship, it may be worth looking into if they’re constant.

“It can indicate that something is missing from your current relationship, but it could simply be that you’re not spending enough personal quality time together and your intimacy needs are not being met,” says Cheung. “This dream could also have nothing to do with relationships and suggest something missing from other areas of your life, perhaps a sense of adventure.”

Press Play for Advice On Dream Interpretation

Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, featuring therapist and dream interpreter Jesse Lyon, shares science-backed strategies that you can use to better understand your dreams. Click below to listen now.

Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts / Amazon Music

Theories That Help Explain Sexual Dreams

Dream theories are important because they reflect research that aims to determine whether or not dreams have anything to do with real-life issues. They hope to help people better understand why they might have the same recurring themes within their dreams and what these themes can tell them about their life. This also applies to sexual dreams.

Continuity Theory

The continuity theory suggests that people’s thoughts and actions in dreams are a continuation of their actions in real life. This is also true for common themes and familiar faces from a person’s waking life.

Basically, all of these familiar things continue to pop up when people dream. One study even showed that how people react to an event in a dream aligns with how they would respond to that event if it were to occur in real life.

According to this theory, your reactions and responses in dreams, including your sexual dreams, is consistent with the person you when you are awake.

This theory also says that even if the events in the dream are far-fetched or unrealistic, the dreamer’s reaction is consistent with who they are in real life.

Non-Continuity Theory

This is when dreams get a little crazier. The non-continuity theory comes into play if your dreams start showing fictional people or timelines in your life begin to intermingle somehow.

Examples of sexual dreams that exhibit this theory would be if a person dreams about having sex with someone (like, say, their boss) whom they would never have sex with in real life, either due to lack of attraction or inability (like with a famous person).

Some experts believe that non-continuity is a way for our brains to consolidate memories by integrating old memories with new ones so they’re more easily accessible.

Others think that these types of dreams could help people make potentially important associations about the patterns of things that they continually find themselves doing in real life.

In other words, if you’re frustrated with how you respond to something in real life and you find yourself dreaming about it consistently, it may be a sign that you need to start working on that in your daily life.

Why These Theories Matter

Psychologists think that both of these dream theories play an important role in our mental health. They show the cognitive connection and disconnection between our dreams and real life.

Dreams Don’t Always Reflect Desires

It’s important to note that neither of these dream theories states that your dreams are an accurate reflection of your desires. In fact, they could just be a reflection of your stress levels or your brain’s need to be creative.

Sexual Dreams and Stress

Research suggests that dream recall tends to be more common when people are stressed. During the COVID-19 pandemic, people who reported having worse mental health during that time also reported more vividly recalling their dreams. While more research is needed, this may indicate that people are more likely to dream and remember these dreams when stressed.

Research has also found that the stress hormone cortisol is associated with changes in dream content and recall.

So if you are having more sexual dreams, it might be a sign that something is happening in your life that needs to be addressed. This might be stress related to your relationship, or it might be other forms of anxiety and stress related to your work, health, finances, or other concerns.

Coping With Sexual Dreams

If you are having recurrent sexual dreams and want to stop having them, there are a few steps you can take. 

  • Practice good sleep habits: Make sure you use good sleep practices like going to bed and waking at the same time each day, avoiding technology before bedtime, and maintaining a comfortable sleep environment.
  • Evaluate your dreams: Consider the content of your sexual dreams and what they might mean. If there is some need that isn’t being met, think about the ways that you can address the need in your daily life.
  • Manage your stress: Try to minimize your stress levels during the day and use effective relaxation strategies to help calm your mind and body before bedtime.

If your sexual dreams are distressing and connected to past trauma, talk to a licensed mental health professional. Nightmares are common in people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), so working with a trauma-informed therapist can help you get the treatment and help you need.


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What Happens in Your Brain When You Orgasm?

Key Takeaways

  • During orgasm, the brain releases dopamine and oxytocin, which make you feel good and help you connect with your partner.
  • The cerebellum helps with muscle tension and increases nerve activity, sending signals back to the brain.

Most of us have a lot going on in our heads during sex. But it’s not just all those thoughts and feelings bopping around in our heads—what’s actually going on at the neurological level can have a big impact on your sexual experiences.

The term ‘mind-blowing orgasm’ exists for a reason—it isn’t just a physical experience. While our body is being stimulated, our brain is being stimulated as well. This leads to the increased release of certain neurotransmitters, including dopamine, oxytocin, and norepinephrine.

The Brain During Foreplay

Before things even start heating up, the brain and body are already coming alive. The genital sensory cortex, the part of the brain responsible for communicating back and forth with the genitals, begins firing.

Penfield’s homunculus (aka cortical homunculus) theory suggests that each of us has a “little man” in our brains, that is, a person within ourselves. According to this theory, the neurons in each body part of the “little man” map with the neurons in our bodies.

In women, the clitoris, vagina, and cervix each activate slightly different parts of the brain. The perineal (groin) region is also stimulated in the process of stimulating the clitoris, vagina, or cervix, something that was only discovered recently.

Since each of these parts can lead to orgasm on its own, combining stimulation in more than one of these areas can lead to a more intense orgasm. Men can only achieve orgasm from the penis, meaning there are also fewer areas of the brain affected/lit up than in women.

The Brain During Arousal

As things start to get more heated, touch leads to arousal and the front medial lobe of the brain turns on. This is the part of the brain that is responsible for initiating sexual behavior. 

Depression is associated with a blunted reward signal in this same part of the brain, which may explain why sexual dysfunction occurs in people with depression.

Meanwhile, the continued stimulation activates the hippocampus, which manages our memories. So, we may associate certain sights and smells with past sexual encounters or fantasize about past encounters to turn up our arousal levels. This part of the brain also assigns emotional significance to the incoming erotic stimuli.

The amygdala, which governs both the fight-or-flight response and human sexual drive, starts getting involved as one becomes more aroused. It acts as a sexual control center. Once stimuli are assigned an emotional relevance, they are then communicated to the prefrontal cortex, which modulates sex drive.

The amygdala is so important to sex drive that lesions on it can lead to abnormal hypersexual states. This is what occurs with Kluver-Bucy syndrome.

The Brain Right Before Orgasm

As we approach orgasm, it’s not just our genitals that are active. Our cerebellum—the part of the brain that controls our body’s movements—sends signals to our thighs, glutes, and abs to begin tensing.

This muscle tension contributes to orgasm by increasing blood flow to the area and increasing nerve activity. In turn, this sends signals back to the brain to be aroused.

The frontal cortex also joins in on the fun pre-orgasm. This part of the brain is associated with planning and more abstract thought. Therefore, it may be responsible for our mind wandering to sexual fantasies just before we reach orgasm.

During this stage, the anterior cingulate cortex, which is thought to be involved in modulating pain, also turns on. Its orgasmic role is to inhibit pain so that all we feel is pleasure. 

The Brain During Orgasm

Several things happen to the brain during orgasm. For instance, climaxing turns off the part of the orbitofrontal cortex that is responsible for decision-making, which can lead to feeling out of control. This may result in seemingly involuntary sensations like screaming louder than intended at the time of climax or just feeling more daring in bed.

Once it’s game time, several neurotransmitters join the party. They include oxytocin, dopamine, and vasopressin.

Oxytocin

The hypothalamus releases oxytocin, a feel-good bonding hormone created in the pituitary gland during sex and then released in the hypothalamus. This causes uterine contractions in females.

Fun Fact

In men, the part of the hypothalamus related to sex drive is 2.5 times larger than it is in women, providing a biological explanation for why it seems like men have sex on the brain more than women—because they literally do.

This gland plays a role in releasing other hormones as well. It also regulates body temperature (important as things get hot and heavy) and manages sexual behaviors. 

Dopamine

During orgasm, dopamine is released from the ventral tegmental area (VTA) of the brain, which communicates with other areas to assess how well our human needs are being satisfied. Associated with pleasure and desire, this feel-good hormone acts on the reward system in the nucleus accumbens—the same area associated with drug addiction and Pavlovian responses.

If the VTA has assessed that these needs have been met, it will send dopamine to the nucleus accumbens to reinforce the motivation to keep seeking these feelings of desire. The path between the nucleus accumbens and VTA is known as the “reward circuit.”

This is why just seeing our partner or one specific movement might lead to orgasm—because our body is conditioned to know what’s next and want it.

Vasopressin

The hormone vasopressin is associated with regulating sexual motivation. While both men and women have it, its levels increase dramatically in erection and male sexual arousal, leading to increased male desire to continue engaging in sexual activity. Following ejaculation, these levels drop back to baseline.

Vasopressin may also be responsible for feelings of possessiveness experienced after sex as its biological function is to develop attachment. However, it may also be responsible for feelings of aggression.

The Brain After Orgasm

Orgasm signals the parasympathetic nervous system to shut down, calming the body. The brain also pumps out serotonin, which is responsible for good mood, relaxation, and post-sex drowsiness which can make us want to nap.

Both men and women may release oxytocin, though women typically release more of the feel-good, connecting hormone. Oxytocin may help relieve pain, potentially helping to reduce headaches after sex or reducing pain from rougher (consensual) sex.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
  1. Sayin HU, Schenck CH. Neuroanatomy and neurochemistry of sexual desire, pleasure, love and orgasm. SexuS J. 2019;4(11):907-946.

  2. Wise NJ, Frangos E, Komisaruk BR. Activation of sensory cortex by imagined genital stimulation: an fMRI analysisSocioaffect Neurosci Psychol. 2016;6:31481. doi:10.3402/snp.v6.31481

  3. Catani M. A little man of some importance. Brain. 2017;140(11):3055-3061. doi:10.1093/brain/awx270

  4. Levin RJ. The clitoral activation paradox — Claimed outcomes from different methods of its stimulation. Clin Anat. 2018;31(5):650-660. doi:10.1002/ca.23192

  5. Wise NJ, Frangos E, Komisaruk BR. Brain activity unique to orgasm in women: an fMRI analysis. J Sex Med. 2017;14(11):1380-1391. doi:10.1016/j.jsxm.2017.08.014

  6. Safra L, Chevallier C, Palminteri S. Depressive symptoms are associated with blunted reward learning in social contexts. PLoS Comput Biol. 2019;15(7):e1007224. doi:10.1371/journal.pcbi.1007224

  7. Calabrò RS, Cacciola A, Bruschetta D, et al. Neuroanatomy and function of human sexual behavior: A neglected or unknown issue? Brain Behav. 2019;9(12):e01389. doi:10.1002/brb3.1389

  8. Klimenko O, Cardona Restrepo BN, Navarro Mercado MM. Correlates between sexual desire and disposition to sexual fantasies with inhibitory control and cognitive planning in young Colombians. CES Psicol. 2021;14(3):94-116. doi:10.21615/cesp5512

  9. Fuchs PN, Peng YB, Boyette-Davis JA, Uhelski ML. The anterior cingulate cortex and pain processing. Front Integr Neurosci. 2014;8:35. doi:10.3389/fnint.2014.00035

  10. Cera N, Vargas-Cáceres S, Oliveira C, et al. How relevant is the systemic oxytocin concentration for human sexual behavior? A systematic review. Sex Med. 2021;9(4):100370. doi:10.1016/j.esxm.2021.100370

  11. Poeppl TB, Langguth B, Rupprecht R, et al. The neural basis of sex differences in sexual behavior: A quantitative meta-analysis. Front Neuroendocrinol. 2016;43:28-43. doi:10.1016/j.yfrne.2016.10.001

  12. Corbit LH, Fischbach SC, Janak PH. Nucleus accumbens core and shell are differentially involved in general and outcome-specific forms of Pavlovian-instrumental transfer with alcohol and sucrose rewards. Eur J Neurosci. 2016;43(9):1229-1236. doi:10.1111/ejn.13235

  13. Klawonn AM, Malenka RC. Nucleus accumbens modulation in reward and aversion. Cold Spring Harb Symp Quant Biol. 2018;83:119-129. doi:10.1101/sqb.2018.83.037457

  14. Rahardjo HE, Ückert S, Tsikas D, Bannowsky A, Kuczyk MA, Becker AJ. Courses of arginine-vasopressin in the systemic and cavernous blood through different stages of sexual arousal in healthy males and patients with erectile dysfunction. Androlog. 2023:7978734. doi:10.1155/2023/7978734

  15. Terranova JI, Ferris CF, Albers HE. Sex differences in the regulation of offensive aggression and dominance by arginine-vasopressin. Front Endocrinol. 2017;8:308. doi:10.3389/fendo.2017.00308

  16. Purves D, Augustine GJ, Fitzpatrick D, et al. Autonomic regulation of sexual function. Neuroscience: 2nd edition.

  17. Marazziti D, Baroni S, Mucci F, et al. Sex-related differences in plasma oxytocin levels in humans. Clin Pract Epidemiol Ment Health. 2019;15:58-63. doi:10.2174/1745017901915010058

Theodora Blanchfield AMFT

By Theodora Blanchfield, AMFT

Theodora Blanchfield is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist and mental health writer using her experiences to help others. She holds a master’s degree in clinical psychology from Antioch University and is a board member of Still I Run, a non-profit for runners raising mental health awareness. Theodora has been published on sites including Women’s Health, Bustle, Healthline, and more and quoted in sites including the New York Times, Shape, and Marie Claire.


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What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Key Takeaways

  • The intelligence type test helps you learn about your unique abilities and strengths.
  • The quiz is based on Howard Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences, which includes eight types.
  • You can use your intelligence type as a guide to try new activities that match your strengths.

Are you an outdoorsy type, or do you fancy yourself more of an artiste? Maybe you’re a wordsmith, or someone who sees the world in numbers and logic.

According to Harvard psychologist Howard Gardner, there are 8 distinct types of intelligence, a framework that has held sway in the world of developmental psychology for decades.

The Intelligence Type Test

Do you truly know yourself? Our free and fast quiz can help you determine what your intelligence style might be based on how you think, the kind of things you like to do, and areas where you tend to shine brightest.

Who Is This Intelligence Types Test For?

This quiz is not meant to tell you whether or not you are smart by the standards of traditional intelligence testing. Nor is it meant to tell you your learning style. Rather, this quiz is specific to Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences, and is more of a reflection of your unique abilities, strengths, and interests.

WIth that in mind, this quiz is for everyone! We all have strengths and weaknesses in different areas. Sometimes, those may conform more closely to traditional ideas of intelligence, but one of the tenets of this framework is that those traditional ideas are too limiting, too reductive, and often biased.

About Multiple Intelligences

The multiple intelligences theory was introduced by Howard Gardner in 1983 in his book Frames of Mind and refined over the years.

His theories initiated a number of attempts to improve schools around the country, and he promoted many efforts to better understand diverse populations in a way that IQ testing could not.

What This Quiz Actually Says About You

Remember, this quiz is for entertainment purposes only. Also, it’s important to note that many of us have strengths across a wide variety of intelligences. While you may lean more toward verbal-linguistic or interpersonal, it’s certainly possible to have an affinity for the outdoors or for music.

None of us can be boiled down to the result of a single quiz or intelligence framework. All of the years you’ve lived and experiences you’ve had add up to much more than that. The whole point of multiple intelligences is that we shouldn’t be labeled just a number.

So, no, a result of logical-mathematical doesn’t mean you are a math nerd and nothing else! You likely have interests and strengths that point to a variety of intelligences. This quiz merely provides a different way to think about yourself that you may never have before. After all, a little self-reflection never hurts.

How to Act on Your Quiz Results

Let’s face it, you already know your strengths, weaknesses, and areas of greatest interest far better than we can ever know. Our suggestion, then, is to think about your intelligence type as a loose guideline.

If you’re looking to change some habits or learn a new skill, maybe your intelligence type can provide an entry point that will make it easier for you to get started. For example:

  • If you have naturalistic intelligence and want to exercise more, think about the different ways that getting outside can help you get in shape.
  • If you lean toward interpersonal intelligence and want to learn a new language, it might be best to learn in a group or class setting.
  • If you are a logical-mathematical person who wants to get a better hold of your personal finances, put together a neatly organized budgeting chart to get started.

We should always strive to try new things, but it certainly doesn’t hurt to try new things that you are pretty sure you will enjoy based on everything you know about yourself, including your intelligence type. And if you’re looking for an entirely new experience, seek out something fun that touches on one of the types you are typically less drawn to—you might just surprise yourself with what you can do.

Kendra Cherry

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the “Everything Psychology Book.”


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Prozac Withdrawal Timeline, Symptoms, and Coping


Key Takeaways

  • Prozac withdrawal symptoms may begin 1.5 to 10 days after stopping the medication and can last about two months.
  • Tapering off Prozac with your healthcare provider’s guidance can help prevent or reduce withdrawal symptoms.

When you think of antidepressants, Prozac is probably one of the first to come to mind. Prozac (fluoxetine) is an antidepressant used to treat a variety of disorders, including major depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), panic disorder, and some eating disorders.

When you stop taking this medication, there is a chance that you may experience Prozac withdrawal for a couple of months after stopping this drug while your brain adjusts to lower levels of serotonin.

Prozac belongs to a class of medications known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). These drugs increase the amount of serotonin in your brain, which helps improve your mental health. When you quit taking this medication, it takes some time for your body to adjust. This means that you may experience withdrawal symptoms such as nausea, digestive problems, dizziness, disrupted sleep, and mood changes.

Keep reading to learn more about what you can expect from Prozac withdrawal, including how long it will last and the symptoms you may experience after you stop taking fluoxetine.

Prozac Withdrawal Timeline

The good news is that among the SSRIs, Prozac is the least likely to cause withdrawal symptoms. The reason for this is Prozac’s long half-life.

A drug’s half-life is the time it takes for 50% of the drug to be removed from your body. Most SSRIs have a half-life of approximately one day, but Prozac’s half-life is four to six days. This is important because withdrawal symptoms typically begin when a drug is about 90% out of your body.

Prozac is unique among antidepressants because its withdrawal symptoms typically don’t appear for several weeks. Unfortunately, this is a bit of a double-edged sword because Prozac withdrawal symptoms also tend to last longer—about two months.

The longer timeline associated with Prozac withdrawal increases the risk of misdiagnosis. Because withdrawal symptoms appear later and last longer, it is often mistaken for a relapse. This may lead people to unnecessarily start taking antidepressants again.

Prozac Withdrawal Signs and Symptoms

Recognizing the signs of Prozac withdrawal, along with the extended timeline on which they occur, can help you distinguish withdrawal symptoms from relapse. Symptoms associated with SSRI withdrawal are varied, affecting many different bodily systems.

  • Digestive. You may experience nausea, vomiting, cramps, diarrhea, or appetite loss.
  • Balance. You may become dizzy or lightheaded, sometimes making it difficult to walk.
  • Sleep problems. You may have nightmares, unusual dreams, excessive/vivid dreams, or insomnia.
  • Overall. You may have flu-like symptoms, including headache, muscle pain, weakness, and tiredness.
  • Mood. You may have extreme anxiety, agitation, panic, suicidal ideation, depression, irritability, anger, mania, or mood swings.
  • Bizarre sensations. You may experience brain zaps (like an electrical shock or shiver in your brain), pins and needles, ringing in the ears, strange tastes, or hypersensitivity to sound.
  • Motor control. You may have tremors, muscle tension, restless legs, unsteady gait, or difficulty controlling speech and chewing movements.

Prozac withdrawal symptoms can range from mildly bothersome to severe and incapacitating. They generally begin between 1.5 to 10 days after a decrease in dosage or discontinuation of the drug. The Discontinuation-Emergent Signs and Symptoms Scale, or DESS, is a checklist you can use to evaluate your symptoms and their severity.

What Are the Effects of Stopping Prozac?

Antidepressants like Prozac are among the most commonly prescribed medications in America. In a given month, more than 40 million people take an antidepressant. About one in four have been taking them for ten years or more.

One of the reasons long-term antidepressant use is so common is that people are afraid to stop taking them. These concerns center around the potential for relapse of symptoms and possible withdrawal. And these fears are not entirely unfounded.

Prevalence of Antidepressant Withdrawal

More than half of people (56%) who quit antidepressants experience withdrawal symptoms such as irritability, dizziness, nausea, and prickling sensations. Going off antidepressants can also increase your risk of relapse, including the return of symptoms of depression or anxiety. Quitting is also associated with a 60% increase in suicide attempts.

It is important to work with your healthcare provider to weigh these risks against the potential risks of continuing Prozac. Fluoxetine has a number of side effects that can negatively impact your life. While many of these dissipate over time, sexual side effects may continue even after you have stopped taking the drug.

How to Prevent Prozac Withdrawal

Fortunately, quitting Prozac doesn’t have to be a nightmare. If you are worried about withdrawal, your provider may recommend tapering your dose versus quitting cold turkey.

When you taper its use by taking progressively smaller doses over a period of time, you can often prevent or reduce Prozac withdrawal symptoms.

Your provider may recommend a short taper of one to two weeks (given the long half-life of Prozac, in some respects, it tapers itself) or a longer taper that plays out over the course of several weeks or months. Recent research suggests that a longer taper (at least one month) that continues until your dose is down to zero is the best way to minimize SSRI withdrawal.

Coping With Prozac Withdrawal

If you are currently experiencing Prozac withdrawal symptoms, there are ways to ease your discomfort, including:

  • Therapy: Psychotherapy can help you better manage anxiety, and even reduce your chances of relapse.
  • Social support: Tell your friends and family that you are experiencing withdrawal symptoms. They can provide encouragement, and letting them know about what you are experiencing can help minimize the risk of conflict and discord.
  • Fitness: A healthy amount of physical activity, about 45 minutes of moderate activity three times a week, can reduce stress and irritability. Research has also shown that exercise can help people find relief from withdrawal symptoms.
  • Herbal remedies: Over-the-counter (OTC) supplements like valerian root and melatonin can help relieve insomnia.
  • OTC medications: Headaches and stomachaches can be treated with OTC pain relievers and anti-nausea medications. 

If you are experiencing Prozac withdrawal, talk to your doctor about remedies that might help. They can refer you to a therapist, prescribe medications that may help, or suggest other approaches that you may find helpful.

Warnings When Stopping Prozac

One important aspect of quitting Prozac that you should be aware of is that there is a risk that symptoms of major depression will return. Studies show that Prozac can increase the risk of suicidal thinking and behavior (suicidality) in those diagnosed with major depressive disorder (MDD), especially children and adolescents.

As a result, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) issued a black box warning (the FDA’s most serious warning) that Prozac usage may increase the risk of suicidality.

The FDA urges patients, families, and health professionals to closely monitor warning signs of suicidality in children and adolescents who take the antidepressant, especially at the beginning of treatment or when doses are changed.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, the signs of suicidality to be on the lookout for include:

  • Planning how you would commit suicide if you were going to do it
  • Talking or thinking about suicide more than normal, for example, “I wish I were dead”
  • Gathering the means to commit suicide, such as bullets or pills
  • Feeling hopeless or trapped
  • Having intense mood swings
  • Engaging in risky or self-destructive activities, such as driving drunk
  • Becoming preoccupied with death, dying, or violence
  • Getting affairs in order or giving away belongings
  • Saying goodbye to people as if it were the last time

There are also risks of Prozac overdose, so make sure you seek immediate care. Symptoms of a Prozac overdose include confusion, dizziness, fever, hallucinations, and loss of consciousness. If you think you or someone else is experiencing a Prozac overdose, seek medical attention immediately.

Importance of Long-Term Treatment

Your long-term outlook will depend on your particular circumstances, such as why you stopped taking Prozac and what symptoms you are currently experiencing. If Prozac didn’t help or you had to stop taking it because of unwanted side effects, you will need to develop a long-term plan to treat your depression. This may include trying different antidepressants or combinations of antidepressants.

Watch for Signs of Relapse

More than 40% of people who have a depressive episode will go on to have at least one more episode in their lifetime. For this reason, maintenance treatment is vital. Maintenance treatment is essentially a long-term treatment designed to prevent relapse. It can include medication, psychotherapy, or a combination of the two.

Research suggests that people who participate in psychotherapy while discontinuing antidepressants are less likely to relapse than those who do not. Therefore, the American Psychological Association (APA) recommends various forms of psychotherapy, including cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, or interpersonal psychotherapy, to reduce your chances of relapse.

Resources

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline connects you with staff or volunteers at a crisis center near you. The people on the other end of the line can help you calm down and figure out what to do next.

If your doctor isn’t helping, consider finding a new psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist in your area. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) has a searchable directory of qualified providers. You can also call them at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).

If you have health insurance, you can also search the company’s list of local providers who accept your insurance.


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How to Use, Scientific Basis, Other Coping Strategies

Key Takeaways

  • The 3-3-3 rule helps calm anxiety by focusing on three things you can see, hear, and move.
  • Engaging your senses helps shift your focus from anxious thoughts to the present moment.

Many of us struggle with anxiety in our daily lives, whether it’s due to work stress, personal challenges, or just the general chaos of the world around us. However, there are strategies we can use to cope with anxiety and keep it from overwhelming us. Enter: the 3-3-3 rule.

The 3-3-3 rule is a super simple technique that can help you regain control and calm your mind. It essentially requires you to identify three things you can see, three things you can hear, and three ways you can move your body.

“It’s basically a way of distracting yourself from your anxiety by shifting your attention to your senses,” says Aimee Daramus, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at Clarity Clinic, Chicago. “By redirecting your focus away from anxious thoughts, it grounds you in the present moment,” says Leigh McInnis, LPC, executive director of Newport Healthcare in Virginia.

In this article, we’ll explore what the 3-3-3 rule is, how it works, and why it can be a game-changer for anyone looking to manage their anxiety more effectively.

How to Use the 3-3-3 Rule for Anxiety

If you find yourself getting caught up in anxious thoughts, you can use the 3-3-3 technique to bring your attention back to the present moment.

Here’s how to do it:

  • Look around: Identify three things you can see. Take a moment to really observe these objects, noting their details, colors, and shapes. “This process helps to shift your focus from internal anxiety to your external environment,” says McInnis.
  • Listen closely: Find three sounds you can hear. These could be as loud as a blaring siren or as subtle as the hum of an air conditioner. 
  • Move your body: Move three parts of your body. It could be as simple as rolling your shoulders, wiggling your toes, or turning your head. Pay attention to the sensations caused by each movement.

The beauty of the 3-3-3 rule lies in its simplicity and accessibility—it’s a technique you can use anywhere and anytime. What’s more, you can repeat it as many times as needed, until you feel more calm and collected.

Pro Tip

If you’re prone to anxiety, it may be helpful to be prepared. Dr. Daramus suggests making:

  • A sensory bag with tiny objects to touch and look at
  • A photo album on your phone with pictures you enjoy looking at
  • A playlist of sensory music

This way, if you find yourself feeling anxious, you have something with you to look at or listen to.

Scientific Basis of the 3-3-3 Rule

The 3-3-3 rule is a grounding technique. By engaging our body and our physical senses, grounding techniques interrupt the flow of anxious thoughts and bring our focus back to the present moment.

It works because we only have so much attention to give at any moment. If we’re giving our attention to a tree, a flower, a bird, or a picture on our phone, the anxiety is denied that attention, so it automatically decreases.

Let’s unpack how this technique works:

  • Engages the senses: Anxiety often has us ruminating over stressful or negative thoughts. The 3-3-3 rule forces us to shift our attention away from those thoughts and focus on our sensory experiences. Engaging the senses diffuses the hyper-alert state we’re in, says McInnis.
  • Promotes mindfulness: The 3-3-3 rule encourages mindfulness by directing our attention to our surroundings (things we see and hear) and our body (our movements). This helps to redirect our focus away from anxious thoughts and grounds us in the present moment, McInnis explains.
  • Calms the stress response: Anxiety often triggers the body’s stress response, leading to physical symptoms like increased heart rate and muscle tension. Grounding exercises, like the 3-3-3 technique, activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which counteracts the stress response and relaxes the body.
  • Disables triggers: The 3-3-3 rule helps redirect our attention from internal anxiety triggers to external, non-threatening stimuli. This can help reduce the power of the trigger.
  • Relieves muscle tension: Physical movement relieves muscle tension, a common symptom of anxiety, and promotes a sense of control over the body, further anchoring us in the present.

Other Coping Strategies for Anxiety

There are several techniques that can help us manage anxiety. What works for one person may not always work for another, so it can be helpful to try different methods to find what works best for you.

These are some coping strategies that may be helpful:

  • Deep breathing: Taking slow, deep breaths can help you relax and calm down. This is an easy exercise that you can do just about anywhere. All you have to do is start paying attention to your breath and the way the air fills up your lungs as you inhale and exhale. Keep your focus on your breath, bringing it back if it wanders, until you feel calmer.
  • Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR): PMR is a relaxation technique that involves tensing and then slowly releasing different muscle groups in your body. You can start from your toes and work your way up to your head, tensing each muscle group for a few seconds before releasing it. This exercise is best performed when you’re lying down on your back, so you can relax completely.
  • Visualization: Imagining peaceful scenes can help reduce your anxiety by distracting your mind from stressful thoughts. When you feel anxious, try to close your eyes and visualize a place where you feel safe and relaxed, such as a beach or a forest.
  • Journaling: If you like, you can write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal, to help reduce anxiety. You can spend a few minutes each day writing down what’s on your mind or keeping a gratitude journal to focus on positive aspects of your life.
  • Social support: Talking to friends, family, or a support group can be comforting. When you feel anxious, reach out to talk to someone you trust.
  • Hobbies: Doing things you enjoy can distract your mind from anxious thoughts, while also providing a sense of happiness and accomplishment. Make time for your hobby, whether it’s reading, painting, gardening, or playing an instrument.
  • Exercise: Physical activity reduces stress hormones and releases endorphins, which are natural mood lifters. Walking, running, dancing, swimming, and yoga are all great options.
  • Therapy: If you’re having difficulty coping with anxiety, it can be helpful to reach out to a mental healthcare provider. A therapist can help you explore the causes of your anxiety, identify triggers, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
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By Sanjana Gupta

Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.


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