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While we often think of stress as something negative to be avoided, it is a natural and expected part of daily life. You might be surprised to hear that some stress is actually considered “good stress.” Also known as eustress, it is the type of stress you might feel before a first date or important competition. 

When we feel good stress, our heart rate increases, our breathing rate increases, and we feel a thrill of excitement. It’s a short-term change in our bodies that helps us to feel prepared, energized, and ready to perform at our best. 

We rarely hear people say, “I’m really feeling stressed. Isn’t that great?” But we’d feel rudderless and unhappy if we didn’t have some stress in our lives—the “good stress” variety. If we define stress as anything that alters our homeostasis, then good stress, in its many forms, is vital for a healthy life. Bad stress, or distress, can even turn into good stress and vice versa, depending on the situation.

What Is Good Stress?

“Good stress,” or what psychologists refer to as “eustress,” is the type of stress we feel when we are excited. Our pulse quickens and our hormones surge, but there is no threat or fear.

We feel this type of stress when we ride a roller coaster, compete for a promotion, or go on a first date. There are many triggers for this good stress, and it keeps us feeling alive and excited about life.

According to Yerkes-Dodson law, stress can improve performance–at least, up to a certain point. Once you pass that point, stress can take a toll on your ability to perform well.

Good Stress vs. Bad Stress

Another type of stress is acute stress. It comes from quick surprises that need a response. Acute stress triggers the body’s stress response as well, but the triggers aren’t always happy and exciting. This is what we normally think of as “stress” (or “bad stress”).

Chronic stress is another form of bad stress. It occurs when we repeatedly face stressors that take a heavy toll and feel inescapable. A stressful job or an unhappy home life can bring chronic stress. This is what we normally think of as serious stress.

Because our bodies aren’t designed for chronic stress, we can face negative health effects (both physical and emotional) if we experience chronic stress for an extended period of time.

How Can Good Stress Be Beneficial?

How exactly can stress be helpful? When you feel excited about something, your more likely to feel alert and motivated. It can improve your mood and help you perform your best. But those aren’t the only benefits.

• Cognitive benefits: Research suggests that short-term stress positively impacts memory. This can be useful in some situations, such as when taking an exam.
• Better resilience: When you face a stressful situation, it can help you learn more about yourself, your skills, and your limits. As you learn more about what you are capable of, you’re more likely to feel able to handle such situations in the future.
• Stronger immunity: While bad stress hurts your immune system, some research indicates that short-term stressors can help improve your body’s ability to deal with illness and injury. In one study, for example, researchers found that short-term stress improves immunity in people with infections or wounds.

Examples of Good Stress

Yes, you can add good stress to your life! Ideally, you choose activities and set goals that make you feel good, happy, and excited. To gauge whether or not an activity is worth your time, pay attention to how the thought of it makes you feel.

Examples of ways you can create more good stress in your life include:

• Taking on work projects that you are excited about: These projects allow you to use your strengths but also challenge you to learn new things.
• Learning more about something that you are passionate about: Hobbies and personal interests can be a great source of eustress. You might try out new skills or try out new things that hold your interest and challenge your current abilities.
• Engaging in physical exercise: Moving your body can be a form of good stress. As you keep working, you can add challenges that help build your physical strength, flexibility, and endurance.
• Traveling to new places: Travel brings new experiences and challenges and allows you to meet new people and learn more about different cultures. It can be stressful, but it’s a good sort of stress as long as you’re excited and having fun.

Sometimes these changes might not start off great, however. Losing your job or ending a relationship can create bad stress. Changing how you look at the situation, such as viewing it as a chance for growth, can help shift negative stress into good stress.

Whether something counts as good stress or bad stress can also vary from one person to the next. Something that one person experiences in a positive way might trigger distress in someone else.

How Good Stress Can Become Bad Stress

Good stress can become bad for you if you experience too much of it. (Thrill seekers know this firsthand.) This is because your stress response is triggered either way, and if you’re adding that to chronic stress, or several other stressors, there is a cumulative effect.

Be in tune with yourself and acknowledge when you’ve had too much. You may not be able to eliminate all stress, but there are often ways to minimize or avoid some of the stress in your life, which can make it easier to handle the rest.

How Bad Stress Can Become Good Stress

Not all forms of bad stress can become good stress, but it is possible to change your perception of some of the stressors in your life. This shift can change your experience of stress.

If you perceive something as a challenge instead, the fear you normally experience may turn into excitement, anticipation, or at least resolve. You can often make the shift in perception by:

• Focusing on the resources you have to meet the challenge
• Seeing the potential benefits of a situation
• Reminding yourself of your strengths
• Having a positive mindset (getting into the habit of thinking like an optimist)

As you practice looking at threats as challenges more often, it becomes more automatic, and you experience more good stress and less bad stress.

Helpful. Cooperative. Giving. Compassionate.

If someone uses those words to describe you, it’s usually meant as a compliment. And you’d likely take it that way. After all, it’s important to help others, and not just think of yourself. But when tending to the needs of others overshadows taking care of your own needs, it may be more than just showing kindness. You could be struggling with a savior complex.

“Someone has a savior complex if they have a desire or control to assist people so much that they might neglect their own well-being to do so. The term describes someone who feels they have a mission to fulfill based on what they consider their special capabilities,” explains Cassandra Boduch, MD, Chief Medical Officer, PsychPlus. “A savior complex can also be known as a messiah complex or white knight syndrome,” she adds.

While a “Savior Complex” is not a formally diagnosable condition, some mental health professionals find the concept clinically useful. The motivation behind the savior complex impacts you mentally and emotionally. You get your sense of purpose from helping or “saving” others. If it goes too far, it can have a negative impact on your daily life and overall wellness.

If you are a helpful, caring person, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you suffer from a savior complex. There are specific signs to be aware of. We take a look at what the signs are, the causes of a savior complex, and what steps you can take to overcome this in your life if you’re struggling. Ultimately, being a little more selfish sometimes can help.

How Do You Know If You Have a Savior Complex?

Countless sources, from magazine articles to wellness gurus to scientific studies, say helping others is a way to help you feel happier and more fulfilled. Even the cliché “it’s better to give than to receive” is often touted as a key to longevity and feeling good about yourself. Dealing with a savior complex, however, goes beyond just being good to others. You are, instead, helping others at the expense of helping yourself.

Signs include:

• Getting your sense of value and purpose exclusively or primarily from being the sole source of help for someone
• Being unable to say “no” to others’ requests
• An inability to put boundaries in place on your time and energy, because you feel like someone else “needs” you
• Ignoring your own self-care needs while overexerting yourself to make sure someone else’s needs are met
• Continuing to work until you get burned out, trying to fulfill others’ expectations of you

“Seeking out or being attracted to ‘damaged’ people and making it your responsibility to help, save, or rehabilitate them” is another sign, according to GinaMarie Guarino, LMHC, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, and founder of PsychPoint.com. It’s also important to note, Guarino says, that “many people with a savior complex will struggle when not feeling needed by another person.”

What are some other actions and reactions you may show when you have a savior complex?

• You feel like others’ happiness or unhappiness is your fault.
•  When someone doesn’t show appreciation for what you’ve done, you get frustrated and resentful.
• You protect or shield others from the consequences of their actions.
• You draw your self-worth and value exclusively or excessively from your ability to help someone else.

Causes and Consequences of a Savior Complex

While there’s no one cause for the savior complex, several factors can lead to it. Dealing with trauma or grief can be a significant factor. This is especially true when a person struggles with guilt over not having been able to help someone important in their life, so they try to make up for it by trying to help others. This can be impactful at any age, but particularly in childhood.

“Being ‘parentified’ or forced to take on adult or parent-like responsibilities during childhood” is another cause, explains Guarino. “An example of being parentified is a child growing up with the responsibility of caring for an alcoholic parent.”

They also can have problems in their relationships with family and friends, and frequently find themselves being taken advantage of by others. People close to a person with a savior complex just assume that person will take care of them, without any regard to their needs. It can lead to a toxic, one-sided relationship, where your boundaries and feelings are not respected.

The intense focus on constantly pushing yourself to please others can wreak wreaks havoc on your mental health.

“[Those with savior syndrome] are very hard on themselves and self-scrutinize their work constantly which makes it hard for them to celebrate their wins. This harsh self-scrutiny leads them to become workhorses because the work they produce is never felt as good enough. This is partly why I see this in high-functioning depression,” states Judith Joseph, MD, MBA, Board Certified Psychiatrist and Researcher, and Chair of Women in Medicine Initiative at Columbia University Vagelos College of Physicians and Surgeons.

You can end up feel overwhelmed, resentful, angry, and misused. If you feel like any of this describes you, you’re not alone.

Strategies for Overcoming the Savior Complex

The first step to making a change is recognizing these behaviors in your life. But if your self-worth is tied to always helping someone else, it can be challenging to overcome.

Then work on taking care of yourself. That means strengthening your sense of self-worth and your self-esteem. Decide that others’ approval and validation won’t be your exclusive focus. Determine what else brings you love and value—whether it’s a higher power, spirituality, following your passions and creativity, living a healthy lifestyle or another focus in your life. Create your own goals and build in time to work on achieving them.

Take time for self-care. Make it a priority. Schedule it in. And then stick to your schedule.

Finally, set clear, decisive boundaries. Learn that “no” is a complete sentence. Recognize that some people who benefitted from your savior complex won’t like to hear it. And be okay with that fact.

Of course, there may be times when you have to drop everything to help someone or make a decision to put aside your own plans for someone else’s. But being aware of the reasons behind your actions, and not taking your desire to help to an extreme, makes all the difference.