Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

We’ve all found ourselves stuck in those super awkward situations where conversation feels like a chore. Maybe we’re standing next to a coworker in the elevator, waiting in the buffet line with a distant cousin at a family wedding, or making small talk with a friend’s plus-one at a party. It’s not that we don’t want to connect—it’s just that it feels so…forced.

But don’t worry, we’ve got your back. Having a few go-to questions up your sleeve can help break the ice and make a forced social interaction less painful.

Event-Related Questions

These are some questions about the event or location that can help break the ice:

1. Have you been to an event like this before?
2. How do you know [the host]?
3. What brings you here today?
4. Have you tried the [food/drinks/activities] yet?
5. Isn’t this location amazing? What’s your favorite thing about the venue?
6. Did you come here with someone, or are you here by yourself?
7. Have you met anyone interesting here so far?
8. Are you from around here, or did you travel in for this?
9. Have you explored this area before? Any recommendations for what to check out nearby?
10. What’s been the most memorable moment for you today?

Personal Questions

These are some personal questions that can help you get to know the person better:

1. What’s your favorite way to relax and unwind?
2. What do your weekends look like?
3. Do you have any travel plans coming up?
4. Do you prefer to stay busy or take things slow?
5. What are you reading/watching at the moment?
6. What’s a song that’s been on repeat for you lately?
7. Do you believe in astrology? If so, what’s your sign?
8. What’s a guilty pleasure you’ll happily admit to?
9. What’s your biggest pet peeve?
10. What’s something you’re most grateful for today?

Work-Related Questions

These are some questions about work that can help you get to know the person professionally:

1. What do you do for work?
2. Which department do you work in?
3. What does your role involve?
4. What’s something about your job you really enjoy?
5. What’s your favorite part about working at [company]?
6. What’s the most interesting project you’ve worked on recently?
7. What’s the biggest challenge you’re dealing with right now?
8. What does work-life balance look like for you?
9. What was your dream job as a child?
10. What keeps you going when things get tough?

Family-Related Questions

These are some questions that can help you bond with the person over their family background and upbringing:

1. How’s [your partner/child/parent/relative] doing?
2. What’s one of your favorite memories with [shared relative]?
3. What’s your favorite thing about being a [parent/grandparent/uncle/aunt]?
4. What was it like growing up in [place]?
5. Do you get to see your family often?
6. What’s the funniest family story you can remember?
7. What’s your favorite family tradition?
8. What’s a phrase that’s used often in your family?
9. How do you usually spend the holidays?
10. What’s your favorite meal at home?

Hypothetical Questions

These are some lighthearted questions that can help you have a little fun together:

1. If you could have any job in the world, what would you pick?
2. If you could eat only one type of cuisine for the rest of your life, which one would it be?
3. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?
4. If you could do anything in the world without worrying about time or money, what would you do?
5. If you could switch lives with someone, who would you change places with?
6. If you could have the birthday party of your dreams, what would it involve?
7. If you could cast a spell on the whole world, what would it be?
8. If you could have three wishes, what would you ask for?
9. If you could spend a day with anyone, alive or dead, who would you choose?
10. If you could go on a date with any celebrity, who would you like it to be?

Why Asking the Right Questions Matters

The right questions can transform a forced interaction into a meaningful conversation by creating opportunities for deeper engagement, says Tatiana Rivera Cruz, MSW, LCSW, a therapist at ADHDAdvisor.

But, how do you choose the right questions? “Think about what you’d enjoy talking about. What do you want people to ask you? Try to use those insights to figure out what the other person might like to talk about,” says Aimee Daramus, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at Clarity Clinic, Chicago.

Another helpful strategy is to ask open-ended questions, says Cruz, because they invite others to share their thoughts, experiences, and feelings in more detail. With luck, you may even be able to turn it into a fun conversation or a genuine connection.

From minor challenges to major crises, stress is part of life. And while you can’t always control your circumstances, you can control how you respond to them. When stress becomes overwhelming or chronic, it can affect your well-being. That’s why it’s essential to have effective stress relievers that can calm your mind and body. 

No single stress relief strategy works for everyone in every situation. What helps at home might not be realistic in public, so it’s best to use various tools depending on where you are.

1. Taking a Walk

Exercise is a fantastic stress reliever that can work in minutes. Taking a walk allows you to enjoy a change of scenery, which can get you into a different frame of mind, and brings the benefits of exercise as well.

So whether you just need to take a stroll around the office to get a break from a frustrating task or you decide to go for a long walk in the park after work, walking is a simple but effective way to rejuvenate your mind and body.

One study found that combining walking and relaxation could be a particularly effective way to reduce stress.

2. Physical Touch

Physical touch can do a lot to relieve your stress. Hugging a loved one can be especially beneficial.

Oxytocin also causes a reduction in blood pressure. It reduces the stress hormone norepinephrine and can produce a sense of relaxation. 

So don’t be afraid to ask a loved one for a hug if you need it. It’s good for both of you, and it can be one of the simplest forms of stress relief available.

3. Leisure Activities

Leisure activities can be a wonderful way to relieve stress. Yet many people feel that their lives are too busy for hobbies, games, or extra fun.

But building time for leisure into your schedule could be key to helping you feel your best. And when you feel better, you’ll perform better, which means leisure time may make your work more efficient.

Whether you find joy in caring for a garden or you like making quilts, hobbies and leisure are key to living your best life.

4. Exercise

Physical activity is key to managing stress and improving mental health. And the best news is, there are many different kinds of activities that can reduce your stress.

Join a gym, take a class, or exercise outside. There are many different ways to get more physical activity in your day, too.

Walking, strength training, kayaking, hiking, and spin class are just a few different ways to relieve stress.

5. Yoga

Yoga combines physical movement, meditation, light exercise, and controlled breathing—all of which provide excellent stress relief.

And while you’re likely to reap immediate benefits from a single yoga session, you’re likely to receive long-term benefits if you incorporate it into your life in a consistent way. 

Yoga offers a variety of physical, psychological, and spiritual benefits. To get started, you might take a class, enroll in an online program, or use an app to help you begin practicing.

6. Guided Imagery

Guided imagery is like taking a short vacation in your mind. It can involve imagining yourself being in your “happy place”—maybe picturing yourself sitting on a beach, listening to the waves, smelling the ocean, and feeling the warm sand underneath you.

Research suggests that guided imagery has the potential to positively affect attentional control and reduce stress levels.

Guided imagery can be done with a recording where you listen to someone walk you through a peaceful scene. Or, once you know how to do it yourself, you can practice guided imagery on your own. 

Simply close your eyes for a minute and walk yourself through a peaceful scene. Think about all your sensory experiences and allow yourself to feel like you’re there. After a few minutes, open your eyes and return to the present moment.

7. Meditation

Meditation can provide short-term stress relief and lasting stress management benefits. There are many different forms of meditation to try, each unique and appealing.

You might develop a mantra that you repeat in your mind as you take slow, deep breaths. Or, you might take a few minutes to practice mindfulness, which involves being in the moment. Simply pay attention to what you see, hear, taste, touch, and smell.

8. Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Progressive muscle relaxation involves relaxing all the muscles in your body, group by group. To practice, you can start with a few deep breaths.

Then, practice tightening and relaxing each muscle group, starting with your forehead and moving down to your toes. 

With practice, you’ll learn to recognize tension and tightness in your muscles, and you’ll be able to relax more easily. Each time you practice, however, you should experience a feeling of relaxation sweeping through your body. 

9. Breathing Exercises

Focusing on or changing the way you breathe can make a big difference to your overall stress level. Breathing techniques can calm your body and your brain in just a few minutes.

The best news is that no one around you will know you’re doing them. So whether you’re in a stressful meeting or sitting in a crowded theater, breathing exercises could be key to reducing your stress. 

While there are many different breathing exercises, like karate breathing, a few simple ones include:

1. Breathe in through your nose and watch your belly fill with air. Count slowly to three as you inhale. Hold for one second, and then slowly breathe out through your nose as you count to three again.
2. Breathe in through your nose and imagine that you’re inhaling peaceful, calm air. Imagine that air spreading throughout your body. As you exhale, imagine that you’re breathing out stress and tension. 

10. Aromatherapy

Aromatherapy has real benefits for stress relief—it can help you to feel energized, more relaxed, or more present in the moment.

Emerging research suggests certain scents can alter brain wave activity and decrease stress hormones in the body.

So whether you enjoy candles, diffusers, or body products, consider incorporating some aromatherapy into your day. 

11. Create Art

Getting in touch with your creative side may have been easy for you during childhood, but it’s not too late to pick it up again if you’ve lost touch with your penchant for artwork.

Consider coloring in a coloring book if you aren’t into drawing or painting. Adult coloring books have risen in popularity, and for good reason—coloring can be a great stress reliever.

12. Eat a Balanced Diet

A poor diet can increase your stress reactivity. Emotional eating and reaching for high-fat, high-sugar foods can provide a temporary sense of relief that adds to your long-term stress.

Refined carbs, like cookies and potato chips, can cause a spike in blood sugar. When your blood sugar crashes, you might experience more stress and anxiety.

Consuming a healthy diet can help you combat stress over the long haul. Foods like eggs, avocado, and walnuts support mood regulation and energy balance. 

13. Stress Relief Supplements

Some vitamins and supplements may have benefits for stress relief. What vitamins help with stress? A daily multivitamin may help address nutritional deficits and ensure you get the necessary vitamins and minerals to feel your best. Other supplements that may help relieve stress include:

• Melatonin: This natural hormone can help regulate your body’s circadian rhythm. Improving sleep can help you feel less stressed.
• Ashwagandha: This adaptogenic herb is thought to help improve the body’s resilience to mental and physical stress.
• L-theanine: This amino acid has been shown to help reduce stress, promote relaxation, and improve sleep quality.
• B vitamins: Some research indicates that B vitamins may help lower homocysteine levels, reduce stress, and improve mood.

14. Positive Self-Talk

The way you talk to yourself matters. Harsh self-criticism, self-doubt, and catastrophic predictions aren’t helpful. If you’re constantly thinking things like, “I don’t have time for this,” and “I can’t stand this,” you’ll stress yourself out.

Positive self-talk can help you develop a healthier outlook. An optimistic and compassionate conversation can help you manage your emotions and take positive action. 

15. Gratitude

Gratitude helps you recognize all the things you have to be thankful for. Whether you’re grateful for a sunny day or thankful you arrived at work safely, think about all the good things you have in life.

Gratitude also reminds you of all of the resources you have to cope with stress, which can be quite empowering. 

So whether you decide to make it a habit to identify what you’re grateful for as you sit around the dinner table or you decide to write down three things you’re grateful for in a gratitude journal every day, make gratitude a regular habit. 

16. Reassess Your To-Do Lists

If you’re trying to squeeze 20 hours’ worth of work into 16 hours, you’re going to feel stressed. Reducing your workload could be key to helping you get through the day feeling better.

That could mean stepping away from a committee you joined or hiring someone to complete some of your household chores for you, 

Honing your time management skills can allow you to minimize the stressors that you experience and better manage the ones you can’t avoid.

17. Obtain Social Support

Having supportive people in your life is the key to stress management. If you lack emotional support and friendship, it’s important to get it.

That may mean reaching out to your existing network. Perhaps confiding in a family member or distant friend can help you become closer, and it may give you the social support you need.

You may also need to expand your network. Join an organization, attend a support group, or get professional help if you lack supportive people in your life. 

18. Cut Out Things That Add to Your Stress

Sometimes, the best way to reduce your stress is to cut something out of your life. Get rid of the things that are adding to your stress so you can experience more peace. 

Watching the news, being constantly connected to your digital devices, drinking alcohol, and consuming too much caffeine are just a few of the things that may add more stress to your life. Making some changes to your daily habits could be instrumental in helping you feel better.

Short-Term vs. Long-Term Stress Relief Strategies

Some stress relief strategies work fast (deep breathing), while others take time to be effective (eating a healthy diet). A number of helpful techniques, such as deep breathing and meditation, are fast-acting tools that you can do anywhere, anytime.

Whether you’re about to be interviewed for a job or you’re feeling overwhelmed by your child’s behavior at the playground, it’s important to have some stress reduction tools that can lower your stress right now.

But it’s also important to find ways to calm mental stress over the long term. Certain habits can promote resilience to stress and increase overall wellness. For example, those who exercise or meditate regularly tend to become less stressed in the face of a difficult challenge.

So it’s essential to create a lifestyle that will help you ward off stress and deal with challenges in a healthy way. 

The terms ADD and ADHD describe the same neurotype. “ADD” is an outdated term that once referred to people who struggled with focus but weren’t hyperactive. Today, the “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders” (DSM-5-TR) recognizes ADHD as a single condition with three types: inattentive, hyperactive-impulsive, and combined presentation.

ADD is now officially known as “attentional deficit/hyperactivity disorder, predominantly inattentive presentation” in the DSM.

Key Differences Between ADD and ADHD

While many people continue to use the terms ADD and ADHD interchangeably, it’s important to recognize that they are not the same. Here are some key points to be aware of:

• ADD is an older term for what is now known as the inattentive type of ADHD. 
• The term ADHD has been used to describe both inattentive and hyperactive types since the mid-1990s.
• However, some people continue to use the term ADD as a way to indicate that the condition does not include hyperactivity as a characteristic.
• The DSM-5-TR currently recognizes three subtypes of ADHD: inattentive type (sometimes casually called ADD), hyperactive-impulsive type, and combined type.

ADD (inattentive type ADHD) doesn’t manifest in the same way that predominantly hyperactive-impulsive or combined types do. Children with these presentations have different traits.

Children with hyperactive ADHD, for example, tend to have more challenges managing symptoms in classroom settings. Kids with this neurotype are sometimes labeled as having disciplinary problems when they are not provided the appropriate support and accommodations.

Children with inattentive-type ADHD are generally not disruptive in school. They may even sit quietly in class, but that doesn’t mean they’re not struggling to focus. In addition, not all children with inattentive-type ADHD are alike.

Children with combined type ADHD display several symptoms of both the hyperactive-impulsive type and the inattentive type.

Characteristics of ADD (Inattentive Type ADHD)

People with the inattentive type of ADHD struggle to pay attention or stay focused for long periods of time. To be diagnosed with this type, a person must display six of the following nine symptoms:

• Difficulty sustaining attention 
• Often seeming not to be listening
• Ignoring details
• Difficulty organizing tasks and activities 
• Frequently losing things
• Getting easily distracted
• Forgetfulness
• Avoiding tasks that require sustained mental effort
• Trouble following instructions

Children with ADHD without the hyperactivity component may appear to be bored or disinterested in classroom activities. They may be prone to daydreaming or forgetfulness, work slowly, and turn in incomplete work.

Their assignments, desks, and lockers may look disorganized. They may lose materials at school and at home, or misplace schoolwork and fail to turn in assignments. This can frustrate teachers and parents, who often mislabel this as a behavioral issue. This results in children earning poor marks in class and not getting the support they need.

Hyperactive-Impulsive ADHD

This presentation of ADHD is characterized by hyperactive and impulsive behavior. To be diagnosed, a person must display six of the following symptoms:

• Fidgeting hands and feet or squirming while seated
• Running or climbing inappropriately, or feelings of restlessness
• Difficulty engaging in activities quietly
• Seeming to always be on the go
• Excessive talking
• Blurting out responses
• Problems taking turns
• An inability to stay seated
• Frequently interrupting others

Combined Type ADHD

This presentation of ADHD involves exhibiting symptoms of both the inattentive and hyperactive-impulsive types. To be diagnosed with this type of ADHD, a person must display six or more inattention symptoms and six or more hyperactive-impulsive ADHD symptoms.

ADD Characteristics in Kids vs. Teens vs. Adults

While traits of the condition are similar in kids, teens, and adults, they may also change over time. Children may be more likely to be affected by hyperactivity. These characteristics may become more noticeable and disruptive when children are in classroom settings centered around neurotypical expectations.

While ADD characteristics change as people age, teens and adults will likely continue to experience symptoms such as lack of attention, difficulty remembering information, and trouble with organization.

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Diagnosing ADD vs. ADHD

If you are curious about whether your child has ADHD, talk to your child’s school counselor, teacher, or physician about appropriate treatment. If you have any questions, begin these discussions today. Earlier support and accommodation can ensure that your child experiences fewer disruptions.

Your child’s pediatrician may recommend seeing a child psychologist who can further evaluate your child to see if they fit the criteria for ADHD and, if so, what traits they have and what type of support they may need. Not only can this evaluation help differentiate ADHD from other issues that may be causing difficulty with schoolwork, but it can be used to follow a child’s response to accommodations over time.

Treatment for Inattentive ADHD

While ADHD is considered a disability, it is important to note that this is because we live in a society based on neurotypical expectations. However, it is not a condition that requires a “cure.” Instead, it is a form of neurodivergence. It is essential to recognize this and offer people the right support and accommodations to help them thrive.

ADHD support often involves medications, classroom accommodations, and parent support. The type of treatment chosen depends on the child’s needs and characteristics. Some may need no treatment with suitable accommodations, but there is also nothing wrong with taking medications if needed or desired.

Medications

ADHD is often treated with one of three types of medication: psychostimulants, antidepressants, or non-stimulant drugs. These medications can help children with inattentive type ADHD (ADD) stay on task and focused.

• Psychostimulants: Psychostimulants affect neurotransmitters in the brain, and may help to boost energy and increase alertness. The extended-release form is often recommended (instead of the immediate-release form). Psychostimulants include amphetamines such as Adderall and methylphenidates such as Ritalin and Concerta.
• Antidepressants: Antidepressants also affect neurotransmitters in the brain, and may help to improve mood and attention. Common antidepressants prescribed for the inattentive presentation of ADHD include Wellbutrin (bupropion) and Effexor (venlafaxine).
• Non-stimulant drugs: Non-stimulant medications, such as Strattera (atomoxetine), Qelbree (viloxazine), and Intuniv (guanfacine), can be helpful for those who experience unwanted side effects from stimulants. They affect a specific neurotransmitter, norepinephrine, and may help regulate emotions and improve focus on specific tasks.

As with any medication, there are common side effects. Psychostimulants, antidepressants, and non-stimulants can cause dizziness, loss of appetite, upset stomach, and more. Be sure to talk to your doctor if you notice that your child is experiencing any unusual symptoms.

Therapy and Support

Whether or not parents choose medication, support and accommodations can help children develop new coping skills and better understand their neurotype.

Often, a combination of various methods is used, including:

• Family therapy: Your doctor or therapist might recommend family therapy so all family members can learn healthy ways to support your child. With young children, a therapist will usually meet with you and your child. A session often includes the therapist facilitating a conversation with your child or even providing them with an activity to help them express their feelings.
• Parent support: It can also be helpful for parents to learn more about how to best support a child with a form of neurodiversity. Parents may also learn strategies such as play therapy and talk therapy to allow their child to freely express their feelings and help them adopt healthy coping mechanisms to deal with challenging emotions.
• Accommodations at school: Your child may meet the criteria for extra assistance under the Individuals With Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) or Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973. Accommodations may include extra time on tests, additional breaks, changes to their environment, positive reinforcement, and assignments made specifically for your child.
• Peer support: With this approach, a therapist or trained professional will lead a group of children in activities that teach them how to interact constructively with their peers. Skills such as having conversations, coping with teasing, and making friends are taught. Parents and teachers may be trained to reinforce the lessons at home and school.

Lifestyle Changes

Many people find that holistic methods are effective at managing some characteristics of ADHD in children. Engaging in regular physical exercise has been shown to improve mood, attention, and executive functioning in adults and children with ADHD.

Studies have shown improved focus and emotional regulation in people with ADHD after they practiced yoga.

Radical acceptance is the ability to accept situations that are outside of your control without judging them, which reduces the suffering they cause. You can learn how to practice radical acceptance by accepting things for what they are and acknowledging your emotions without denying, avoiding, or ignoring the situation. It can be an effective way to process your feelings and manage difficult experiences.

Life is often full of hard, challenging, and painful times that are often unavoidable and out of our control. It’s normal to feel anxious when dealing with difficult or stressful situations. Instead of becoming overwhelmed by stress or regret, learning how to practice radical acceptance reduces the risk that this pain turns into lasting suffering.

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How to Embrace Radical Acceptance

Radical acceptance isn’t always easy, but learning more about it and looking for ways to incorporate this practice into your life can help you strengthen this ability. Learn more about the steps you can take to improve your ability to engage in radical acceptance.

1. Pay attention to what triggers resistance; notice when you can’t accept something and when it seems like you are fighting against what is happening.
2. Remind yourself that, in this moment, reality can’t be changed.
3. Accept the lack of control, and remind yourself that the causes of this reality are outside your control.
4. Think about what you would do if you could accept what happened (and then do those things as though you had already accepted what happened).
5. Imagine what things would be like if you accepted the situation.
6. Use relaxation strategies, mindfulness practices, journaling, and self-reflection to understand your emotions.
7. Let go of judgment and allow yourself to safely feel your emotions.
8. Observe how emotions resonate in your body. Is there any tightness, pain, or restriction?
9. Accept that life can be worthwhile even when experiencing pain.
10. Decide to commit to the practice of acceptance when you feel resistance come up again.

These steps can help you stop thinking about how things “could have been” and live more in the present moment.

There are many books, podcasts, and other resources about radical acceptance. If you are unable to move through difficult feelings on your own, try seeing a therapist who can help you work through them safely.

Signs of Radical Acceptance

Learning how to practice radical acceptance isn’t necessarily easy. In fact, it can require a lifetime of practice to truly master it.

Radical acceptance is most often applied in situations when you can’t fix or change what has happened or when something feels unfair, like the loss of a loved one or losing one’s job.

While grief and disappointment are normal emotions, suffering results when the initial pain is prolonged due to a lack of acceptance. 

While this can be hard to practice when things are going very badly, letting your emotions run wild will only add to your suffering and the pain you are experiencing. It’s true that you can cause more misery to yourself when you avoid or dwell on negative feelings.

Signs of Lack of Acceptance

It can also be helpful to look at what a lack of acceptance can look like. When you pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and relationship patterns, you may notice events or situations you have not accepted.

Thought patterns that signal a lack of acceptance:

• “I can’t deal with this.”
• “This is not fair.”
• “Things shouldn’t be like this.”
• “I can’t believe this is happening.”
• “It’s not right.”
• “Things should be different.”
• “Why is this happening to me?”

Feelings and behaviors indicating a lack of acceptance:

• You blame yourself for everything bad that happens in your life.
• You feel stuck and don’t think you can improve anything.
• You wish that things were different, but you feel powerless.
• You are angry with the world.
• You resort to maladaptive coping mechanisms (such as alcohol or drugs).

Relationship patterns that reveal a lack of acceptance:

• You are constantly nagging your spouse, hoping that they will change.
• You are often disappointed by the choices that others make.
• You feel resentful of things that have happened in the past.
• You tend to hold grudges.

Origins

Radical acceptance is based on the notion that suffering comes not directly from pain, but from one’s attachment to the pain. It has its roots in Buddhism and the psychological paradigm put forth by Carl Rogers that acceptance is the first step towards change.

The lack of judgment that is an important part of radical acceptance does not involve approval of the situation. Instead, it involves accepting reality for what it is and not getting caught up in an emotional reaction to that reality.

The concept of radical acceptance originated in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), which was proposed by psychologist Marsha Linehan in 1993. This type of therapy was designed to help those diagnosed with borderline personality disorder who experience intense emotions. However, it is also helpful for other issues such as depression and eating disorders.

During DBT, clients are taught how to practice distress tolerance, which enables them to stop turning painful situations into longer-term suffering.

Rather than signaling approval of a situation, distress tolerance signals acceptance and emotional detachment. It involves a focus on what you can control and a freeing of resources to allow you to practice self-care.

This means letting go of bitterness and releasing unhelpful emotions. Once these emotions are managed, it is possible to find solutions and make plans for change (where possible).

In fact, the word dialectical refers to the duality of the emotional mind and logical mind that must be balanced through what is called the wise mind in DBT. This refers to taking thoughtful action after removing the overly emotional part of how you handle a problem in your life.

Why Practicing It Can Be Hard

Some people have a hard time accepting situations because they feel as though acceptance is the same thing as being in agreement with what happened or saying that it is OK. In other cases, people don’t want to acknowledge the pain that would come with acceptance.

Whatever your reasons for a lack of acceptance, know that these feelings are normal, and many other people have felt the exact same way. That does not mean that it is impossible for you to feel differently or eventually get to a place of acceptance. It will just require practice and dedication.

Avoiding your emotions means creating more problems in the long run, such as anxiety, depression, addiction, and other mental health concerns. Instead, practicing calm acceptance will allow you to process your emotions and move forward.

Coping Statements to Foster Radical Acceptance

Here is a list of coping statements you can use when you are feeling as though you can’t accept situations and move on. Keep these handy with you so that you can use them in the moment when you are feeling out of control.

• When I fight against negative emotions, I only fuel them to grow larger.
• I can’t change the things that have happened in the past.
• I am able to accept the present moment exactly as it is.
• I can get through difficult emotions even if it is hard.
• I will get through this no matter what.
• I will survive, and this feeling will fade even though this feels painful right now.
• It’s possible for me to feel anxiety but still manage this situation in an effective way.
• It’s possible for me to accept what happened and still end up happy.
• I can choose to make a new path even if I feel bad.
• When I remain rational, I am better able to make good choices and solve problems.
• It’s better to take the right actions than keep judging or blaming.

Appropriate vs. Inappropriate Radical Acceptance

Ultimately, it’s up to you when to use (and when not to use) radical acceptance. However, there are some helpful tips to keep in mind when choosing a situation in which you can safely practice radical acceptance.

When It’s Not Appropriate

In some situations, you will not want to engage in radical acceptance because it would not be considered appropriate. Most of these involve situations where it is more prudent to try and make a change in the situation rather than accept things the way that they are.

• If you are in an abusive relationship or someone is treating you poorly or with disrespect
• If you are being harassed, taken advantage of, or not treated fairly at work
• If you are experiencing burnout or a lack of motivation with your current situation
• When you are intentionally not taking action out of fear
• When acceptance becomes an obstacle to actually improving your situation or standing up for yourself

When It Is Appropriate

On the other hand, there are situations in which radical acceptance is entirely appropriate, including the following:

• If you are going through the end of a relationship
• If you are experiencing an unexpected change (such as job loss)
• If a loved one has died
• If you’ve experienced a traumatic event (such as neglect or abuse as a child)
• If you refuse to accept what happened and are avoiding emotions
• If you feel stuck or unable to move on from a negative event
• If you have tried other ways to deal with your pain and nothing has worked

Different Types of Acceptance

Radical acceptance isn’t quite the same as some other forms of acceptance. Below, you’ll see how radical acceptance is similar to (and different from) mindfulness practices and how it is separate from regular acceptance. Knowing how to differentiate them can help you better determine when each one is best applied.

• Mindfulness: Mindfulness is the focus on the present moment and is only one method of practicing radical acceptance. Mindfulness has origins in the Buddhist tradition of maintaining a state of zen and calm. When you are in a state of mindfulness, you are living in the present moment without any thought or judgment. Radical acceptance builds on mindfulness such that it is the overall goal.
• Regular acceptance: While the meaning of the word acceptance often implies that you have come to agree with a situation, radical acceptance doesn’t mean that you agree. Instead, radical acceptance aims to get to the point where you can see the options in your situation.

For example, if you are in chronic pain, you could choose to believe that even if life is painful, there are good moments, and life is worth living. Living your life with this mindset is the idea behind radical acceptance.

Another example is coping with death. Rather than focusing on the injustice of a death or why it should not have happened the way that it did, radical acceptance allows you to focus on your grief and the best way to handle it. In this way, you are still reacting, but with less intense emotions. You are goal-oriented and focused on finding a way out of your situation. 

Ironically, sometimes it is only when you finally come to terms and accept what has happened that you are able to go ahead and make the changes that will allow you to feel better about everything as a whole.

The average IQ (or mean) on many tests is 100. This can vary a bit because test publishers may use different scoring systems in their IQ (intelligence quotient) tests.

The standard deviation is 15 points, which means that 68% of scores lie between 85 and 115. Scores above this range are considered above average, while scores below this range are considered below average. Most people score near the average range, which is designed to fit into a normal distribution curve (aka “bell curve.”)

A low IQ score is anything 70 and below. A low score and other indicators might suggest that a person has an intellectual disability. Anything over 140 is considered a genius IQ score. For context, while there is no evidence that he was ever tested, Albert Einstein had an estimated score of around 160.

How the Average IQ Is Calculated

Historically, IQ tests have been scored in one of two ways.

• Mental age method: In the first method, a person’s mental age was divided by chronological age and then multiplied by 100. This formula was used during the early development of IQ tests, particularly by Alfred Binet and Theodore Simon.
• Standard score method: The other methods involve comparing scores against the scores of others in the individual’s same age group. This is the method used in modern IQ tests, such as the Wechsler scales and Stanford-Binet intelligence scales.

In the standard score method, psychometricians utilize a process known as standardization to make comparing and interpreting the meaning of IQ scores possible. This process is accomplished by administering the test to a representative sample and using these scores to establish standards, usually referred to as norms, by which all individual scores can be compared.

Because the median score is 100, experts can quickly assess individual test scores against the median to determine where these scores fall on the normal distribution. This means 50% of the scores fall above the median and 50% fall below it.

For example, on the Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale and the Stanford-Binet test, scores between 90 and 109 are considered average IQ scores. On these same tests, scores between 110 and 119 are considered high average IQ scores. Scores between 80 and 89 are classified as low average.

Ninety-five percent of scores fall within two standard deviations (between 70 and 130). Outliers beyond those points represent only a small portion of the population, which means that only a small percentage of people have a very low IQ (below 70) or a very high IQ (above 130).

How Average IQ Is Measured

Intelligence tests are designed to measure crystallized and fluid intelligence.

• Crystallized intelligence involves your knowledge and skills you have acquired throughout your life
• Fluid intelligence is your ability to reason, problem-solve, and make sense of abstract information

Fluid intelligence is considered independent of learning and tends to decline in later adulthood. On the other hand, crystallized intelligence is directly related to education and experience and tends to increase as people age.

IQ tests are administered by licensed psychologists. There are different kinds of intelligence tests, but many involve a series of subtests that are designed to measure things like:

• Mathematical abilities
• Language skills
• Memory
• Reasoning skills
• Information processing speed
• Verbal comprehension
• Perceptual organization
• Working memory

Scores on these subtests are then combined to form an overall IQ score.

Common IQ Tests

Many tests are in use today, and each type of test measures, scores, and interprets performance differently. A few of the most common IQ tests in use today include:

• The Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale for Adults
• The Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Children
• The Stanford-Binet Intelligence Scales
• The Kaufman Assessment Battery for Children
• The Cognitive Assessment System
• The Differential Ability Scales
• The Woodcock-Johnson Tests of Cognitive Abilities

Limitations and Controversies

Although an IQ score can predict things such as academic success, experts caution that it is not necessarily a guarantee of life success. Sometimes people with very high IQs do not fare well in life, while those with average IQs may thrive.

It’s important to remember that IQ tests do not fully capture every aspect of human intelligence, and often ignore things like emotional intelligence, social skills, and creativity.

IQ tests have numerous limitations, and have long been a source of controversy. Ever since the inception of the very first tests of intelligence, both academics and armchair psychologists have debated differences in intelligence.

Race and IQ Scores

During the 1920s, the US Army utilized IQ testing on recruits and found that different populations showed group differences in average IQ scores. Such findings helped fuel the eugenics movement and those who supported racial segregation.

The 1994 book The Bell Curve rekindled the argument and controversy, as the book promoted the notion that racial group differences in average IQ scores were largely the result of genetics. Critics suggest that such group differences are more accurately a product of environmental variables.

Such arguments over race and IQ reflect the age-old nature versus nurture debate. Are certain traits, characteristics, and abilities more heavily influenced by genetics or by environmental causes? Those who believe that race is a determinant of IQ are taking the side of nature, suggesting that heritability is the primary determinant of IQ.

In response, the American Psychological Association formed a special task force led by psychologist Ulric Neisser to investigate the book’s claims. The task force found no direct evidence to support genetic explanations for test score differences between Blacks and Whites. Instead, it stated that there are no known explanations for such differences.

Nationality Differences in Average IQ Scores

Studies of cognitive ability suggest differences exist in IQ scores among different nations. Such studies remain limited, but some explorations of this topic have been conducted by creating estimates of average IQ for different nations. Such differences may be largely linked to environmental influences such as:

• Socioeconomic factors
• Literacy rates
• Educational rates
• Life expectancy

One study found that countries like Finland and East Asian countries had higher average IQ scores, which is believed to be attributable to factors like educational quality.

Sex Differences in Average IQ Scores

Over the years, some researchers have argued that either males or females held an advantage in terms of IQ while others have argued that there are no significant differences between men and women.

Research has found that there are slight differences in the performance of verbal and spatial tasks, with women performing better on some verbal tasks and men performing better on some spatial ability tasks. However, researchers believe that this disparity is only partially due to biological differences and is also influenced by culture, experiences, and education.

What Does It Mean to Have an Average IQ?

While some limited generalizations can be made in relation to your average IQ score, keep the following in mind:

• It means you have average reasoning and problem-solving skills. Your IQ score might be a good general indicator of your reasoning and problem-solving abilities, but many psychologists suggest that these tests don’t tell the whole story.
• An average IQ score might not tell the whole story about your capabilities. A few things they don’t measure are practical skills and talents. You might have an average IQ score, but you might also be a great musician, a creative artist, an incredible singer, or a mechanical whiz. Psychologist Howard Gardner developed a theory of multiple intelligences designed to address this perceived shortcoming in popular conceptions of IQ.
• IQ scores are not necessarily set in stone. Researchers have also found that they can change over time. Education has a positive effect on IQ scores during adolescence. Scores increase by approximately one to five points for every additional year of schooling.
• Some experts suggest that EQ might matter even more than IQ. IQ tests also fail to address things like how curious you are about the world around you and how good you are at understanding and managing emotions. Some experts, including writer Daniel Goleman, suggest that emotional intelligence (often referred to as EQ) might even be more important than IQ.
• High or average IQ doesn’t guarantee success: Researchers have found that while having a high IQ can indeed give people an edge in many areas of life, it is certainly no guarantee of life success.

Don’t stress out if you’re not a “genius.” The truth is, the vast majority of people aren’t geniuses either. Instead, most people are somewhere within a 15-point range of the average IQ score.

Just as having a high IQ doesn’t ensure success, having an average or low IQ doesn’t ensure failure or mediocrity. Even if you have what is considered a low IQ, you may be smart in many other ways and have many other talents and abilities that aren’t reflected on a single test. Other factors, such as hard work, resilience, perseverance, and overall attitude, are important pieces of the puzzle.