How Our Vagus Nerve Controls Responses to our Environment

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Key Takeaways

  • The polyvagal theory explains how our body’s nervous system reads cues of danger and safety in our environment.
  • The vagus nerve, part of the autonomic nervous system, helps manage our responses to stress by either mobilizing us or calming us down.
  • Practicing activities like meditation, exercise, and breathing exercises can help calm the vagus nerve.

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel uncertain or in danger but you’re not sure why? You may look around and see no one else is bothered, but something still feels off to you.

You may not realize it, but you are walking around the world each day reading thousands of social cues in your environment. In our interactions with others, we pick up facial expressions, tones of voice, bodily movement, and more. We are constantly observing and interacting with the world and others as part of the human experience.

As we have these interactions with others, our sense of self is being shaped. We learn who we can trust and who feels dangerous to us. Our bodies are processing this type of information constantly through these interactions with the world.

Verywell / Brianna Gilmartin 

The Body’s Surveillance System

Our nervous system is a complex structure that gathers information from all over our body and coordinates activity. There are two main parts of the nervous system: the central nervous system and the peripheral nervous system.

Central Nervous System

The central nervous system consists of two structures:

  • Brain: This is the structure composed of billions of interconnected neurons, or nerve cells, contained in the skull. It functions as the coordinating center for almost all of our body’s functions. It is the seat of our intellect.
  • Spinal cord: This is a bundled network of nerve fibers that connects most parts of our body to our brain.

Peripheral Nervous System

The peripheral nervous system consists of all of the nerves outside of our brain and spinal cord. It can be categorized into two distinct systems:

  • Somatic nervous system (voluntary): This system allows our muscles and brains to communicate with each other. The somatic system helps our brain and spinal cord to send signals to our muscles to help them move, as well as sends information from the body back to the brain and spinal cord.
  • Autonomic nervous system (involuntary): This is the system that controls the glands and internal organs, such as the heart, lungs, and digestive system. This system runs the important parts of our body without us having to intentionally think about them. For example, we can breathe without having to think about taking a breath each time.

Reading Danger Cues

Our autonomic nervous system is complex and always busy. In addition to running important functions in our bodies, our autonomic nervous system is also helping us to scan, interpret, and respond to danger cues.

There are two separate systems at work within our autonomic nervous system that help us read and respond to danger cues:

  • Sympathetic nervous system. This system arouses our bodies to respond by mobilizing us to move when in dangerous situations. Many refer to this system as our “fight or flight” response to danger cues in our environment. It is also responsible for activating our adrenal glands to release epinephrine into our bloodstream, otherwise known as creating an adrenaline rush. When we see a snake, our sympathetic nervous system will read the cue of the potential threat and prompt our body to respond, likely involving a quick adrenaline rush and immediate movement away from the snake.
  • Parasympathetic nervous system. This system is involved in calming our bodies and conserving energy by slowing our heart rate, regulating our digestion, and lowering our blood pressure. Some refer to this system as the “rest and digest” system. As we begin to read that a cue is not dangerous, our body begins to calm down with the help of our parasympathetic nervous system.

The Vagus Nerve

One nerve is of particular interest to Dr. Stephen Porges, Ph.D. Dr. Porges is a distinguished university lecturer, scientist, and developer of what is referred to as The Polyvagal Theory. The vagus nerve is the tenth cranial nerve, a very long and wandering nerve that begins at the medulla oblongata, a part of the brain located in the lower part of the brain just above where the brain connects with our spinal cord.

There are two sides to this vagus nerve, the dorsal (back) and the ventral (front). From there, the two sides of the vagus nerve run down throughout our body. They are considered to have the widest distribution of nerves within the human body.

Scanning our Environment

From the time we are born, we are intuitively scanning our environment for cues of safety and danger.

We are wired for connection and, in order to help us survive, our bodies are designed and prepared for observing, processing, and responding to our environment.

A baby responds to the safe feelings of closeness with their parent or caregiver. Likewise, a baby will respond to cues that are perceived as scary or dangerous, like a stranger, a scary noise, or a lack of response from their caregiver. We scan for cues of safety and danger our entire lives.

Neuroception

In polyvagal theory, Dr. Porges describes the process in which our neural circuits read cues of danger in our environment as neuroception. Through this process of neuroception, we are experiencing the world in a way in which we are involuntarily scanning situations and people to determine if they are safe or dangerous.

As part of our autonomic nervous system, this process is happening without us being aware of it. Just as we are able to breathe without having to intentionally tell ourselves to take a breath, we are able to scan our environment for cues without telling ourselves to do so.

The vagus nerve is of particular interest during this process of neuroception. In the process of neuroception, both sides of our vagus nerve can be stimulated. Each side (ventral and dorsal) has been found to respond in distinct ways as we scan and process information from our environment and social interactions.

The ventral side of the vagus nerve responds to cues of safety in our environment and interactions. It supports feelings of physical safety and safe emotional connection to others in our social environment.

The dorsal side of the vagus nerve responds to cues of danger. It pulls us away from connection, out of awareness, and into a state of self-protection. In moments when we might experience a cue of extreme danger, we can shut down and feel frozen, an indication that our dorsal vagal nerve has taken over.

Three Developmental Stages of Response

Within his polyvagal theory, Porges describes the three evolutionary stages involved in the development of our autonomic nervous system. Rather than simply suggesting that there is a balance between our sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, Porges describes a hierarchy of responses built into our autonomic nervous system.

  • Immobilization. Described as the oldest pathway, this involves an immobilization response. As you might remember, the dorsal side of the vagus nerve responds to cues of extreme danger, causing us to become immobile. This causes us to respond to fear by becoming frozen, numb, and shutting down. It is almost as if our parasympathetic nervous system is kicking into overdrive as our response causes us to freeze rather than simply slow down.
  • Mobilization. Within this response, we tapped into our sympathetic nervous system which helps us mobilize in the face of a danger cue. We spring into action with our adrenaline rush to get away from danger or to fight off our threat. Polyvagal theory suggests this pathway was next to develop in the evolutionary hierarchy.
  • Social engagement. The newest addition to the hierarchy of responses is based on the ventral (front) side of the vagus nerve. This part of the vagus nerve responds to feelings of safety and connection. Social engagement allows us to feel anchored, which is facilitated by that ventral vagus pathway. In this space, we can feel safe, calm, connected, and engaged.

The Response Hierarchy in Daily Life

As we go through life engaging with the world, there are inevitably moments when we will feel safe and others when we will feel discomfort or danger. Polyvagal theory suggests this space is fluid and we can move in and out of these different places within the hierarchy of responses easily.

For example, we might experience social engagement in the embrace of a safe loved one and, within the same day, find ourselves in mobilization as we are confronted with danger such as a rabid dog, a robbery, or an intense conflict with a coworker.

There are also may be times when we read and respond to a danger cue in a way that leaves us feeling trapped and unable to get out of the situation. In those moments, our body is responding to increased feelings of anger and distress, moving into a more primal space of immobilization. Our dorsal vagus nerve is impacted and locks us down into a place of freezing, feeling numb, and, as some researchers believe, dissociating.

Danger cues can become overwhelming in these moments and we see no viable way out. An example of this could be moments of sexual or physical abuse.

Impact of Trauma

When someone has experienced trauma, particularly in experiences where they were left immobilized, their ability to scan their environment for danger cues can become skewed. Of course, our body’s goal is to prevent a terrifying moment like it again, so it will do whatever it needs to to protect us.

As our surveillance system kicks into overdrive, it can also incorrectly read cues in our environment as dangerous.

When our body picks up a cue within an interaction that signals we may not be safe, it begins to respond. For most, this cue moves them into a place of a mobilization response, springing into action to neutralize or escape the threat.

For those who have experienced trauma, a danger cue can move them directly to immobilization. As they come to associate numerous interpersonal cues as dangerous, such as a slight change of facial expression, a particular tone of voice, or certain types of body posturing, they may find themselves responding in a way that is familiar to them in an effort to prepare and protect themselves.

In these situations, mobilization may not be registered by the body as an option. This can be quite confusing for trauma survivors who are unaware of how this hierarchy of response is influenced by their interactions with others and the world.

What You Can Do

As humans, we are constantly scanning the environment around us for safety and danger. And, according to polyvagal theory, the way our nervous system perceives threats impacts how our brain and body will respond to the situation.

If you feel like you are experiencing excess immobilization or are seeing danger cues more often than you should, it may be helpful to work on exercises to calm the vagus nerve. Ways to calm the vagus nerve are mostly physical, including meditation, exercise, and breathing exercises. Psychotherapy may also be helpful, especially if your “fight-or-flight” response may be overactive due to past trauma.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Jodi Clarke

By Jodi Clarke, MA, LPC/MHSP

Jodi Clarke, LPC/MHSP is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. She specializes in relationships, anxiety, trauma and grief.


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How to Cope When You Feel This Way

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Key Takeaways

  • Therapy can help you understand and manage your feelings toward your dad.
  • Accepting your dad for who he is can help reduce disappointment.

Hating your dad isn’t the kind of thing you might bring up in day-to-day conversation. It’s complicated, messy, and *really* hard to talk about. But if just the thought of your dad makes your stomach churn with anxiety, you’re not alone. Maybe it’s because he was never around. Or maybe he was a toxic source of anxiety or abuse in your home growing up. Whatever the reason, you should know you are not alone in your feelings. 

It’s possible to feel hatred toward your father. These feelings typically develop in childhood, depending on your father’s behavior and parenting style. 

Hatred can be difficult to cope with and painful to live with. It can also lead to arguments and fights between you and your father, as well as tension and conflict with other family members. Understanding your feelings and processing them can help you manage them in healthy ways. 

Reasons Why You Might Think “I Hate My Dad”

Why you hate your dad can be complex. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University, outlines some of the reasons why you might hate your father. These reasons are listed below:

Lack of Emotional Connection

You may feel detached from your father if you grew up in a nuclear family where your father was busy pursuing his career and spent less time with you as a result. Alternatively, if your father abandoned you, you may have longed for a connection with him, which can eventually cause you to resent him.

Regardless of the circumstances, children need their parents to have a significant presence in their early life. When this need is not met, children can develop strong feelings of anger and hatred toward their parents.

Authoritarian Parenting Style 

Most children express some type of developmental rebellion during their formative years. While this is typically a normative process, parental reactions tend to vary from permissive to controlling.

When parents use too much force to control rebellious children, it can inspire further hatred and insurgence in their children. 

Instead of helping their children actualize the independence and autonomy they are pursuing, some parents utilize an authoritative approach and actually cause their children to gravitate further toward rebellious behaviors. 

Child Abuse

Children are dependent on their parents for survival. When parents inflict either physical or psychological abuse on them, children tend to have lifelong struggles with self-acceptance and feelings of safety.

Family Violence

Children are perceptive and are acutely aware of relational dynamics among their primary caretakers. When their father is abusive toward their mother, children become protective and may view their father as a threat to their own well-being. 

When children witness the suffering of their mother at the hands of their father, it damages their relationship with him and pulls them into a parent-like role where they adopt an incongruous amount of responsibility to protect the vulnerable adults in their world.

Mental Health Impact of Hating Your Father

Romanoff explains how conflict in your relationship with your father can affect your mental health and your relationships with others.

Difficulty With Trust and Intimacy

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

Children who experience strong negative feelings toward their fathers tend to have trouble in their attachment to others as adults.

— Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

Conflict in the relationship with their father in childhood creates deep-rooted feelings of mistrust. This can lead to hesitation in getting closer to others due to the anticipation of hurt associated with intimacy. 

Difficulty With Emotional Relationships

When parents act in unpredictable ways or abuse their children, their children grow up to have difficulty understanding their emotions and the feelings of others. This limits their ability to build stable and close relationships.

Ultimately, they may struggle to connect with others, avoid intimacy, or be highly anxious in relationships.

Coping Strategies If You Feel “I Hate My Dad”

Romanoff suggests some strategies that can help you cope with the hatred you’re feeling toward your father.

Break the Cycle

Recognize the ways in which your father impacted you and how that may alter your relationship with men or romantic partners.

This is referred to as an attraction of deprivation, as these individuals will seek out partners who are unsatisfying or disappointing in ways that are familiar to them, and believe that they will finally get their unmet needs from childhood met in the present through a corrective emotional experience. Typically, there is a fallacy to this type of thinking as these partners rarely change.

Instead, pick partners out of inspiration–meaning people whose love you don’t have to constantly earn, who you don’t want to change, and who inspires you to be the best version of yourself.

Seek Therapy

It is important to recognize the enduring impact our relationships with caregivers have on current functioning. Therapy can be a great tool to not only recognize and identify this influence, but also interrupt the maladaptive patterns that are extensions from this primary relationship.

If your father is toxic and still in your life, a therapist can also help you learn how to deal with them while still protecting your mental health. A toxic father is one who is more damaging than nurturing or isn’t available to you in any meaningful way.

Work Toward Acceptance

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

It’s important to accept the father you have instead of distorting the father you wish he would be.

— Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

Most of our pain comes from distorting the reality of people to fit our desires for who we need them to be.

Once you can separate fantasy from reality, you free yourself from perpetual disappointment and can live a more stable and consistent life without the ups and downs of intermittently viewing him through the lens of fantasy and reality. 

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

  1. Bi S, Haak EA, Gilbert LR, El-Sheikh M, Keller PS. Father attachment, father emotion expression, and children’s attachment to fathers: The role of marital conflict. J Fam Psychol. 2018;32(4):456-465. doi:10.1037/fam0000395

  2. Saunders H, Kraus A, Barone L, Biringen Z. Emotional availability: theory, research, and intervention. Front Psychol. 2015;6:1069. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2015.01069

  3. Wang J, Huang X, Li Z, et al. Effect of parenting style on the emotional and behavioral problems among Chinese adolescents: the mediating effect of resilience. BMC Public Health. 2024;24(1):787. doi:10.1186/s12889-024-18167-9

  4. Rebbe R, Victor B, Cuccaro-Alamin S, Palmer L. Child protection responses to domestic violence exposure: Co-occurring safety concerns and investigation outcomes. Child Maltreat. doi:10.1177/10775595241301085

  5. Nelson E. Toxic masculinity and the generative father in an age of narcissism. J Jungian Scholarly Studies. 2019;14. doi:10.29173/jjs6s

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By Sanjana Gupta

Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.


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What It Means to Be in a Platonic Relationship

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Key Takeaways

  • A platonic relationship is a close, non-romantic bond that provides emotional intimacy and support.
  • These relationships foster greater well-being, empathy, and belonging without romantic or sexual pressure.
  • Challenges like blurred boundaries or unmet needs can happen, but good communication can help keep these connections healthy and strong.

A platonic relationship is one in which two people share a close emotional bond but do not have a romantic or sexual relationship. They may even feel love for each other, referred to as platonic love. This concept originates in the ideas of the ancient philosopher Plato, from whose name the term is derived.

Plato believed that platonic love could bring people closer to a divine ideal. However, the modern use of ‘platonic relationship’ or ‘platonic love’ is focused on the idea of people being close friends without sexual desire. This term can apply to both opposite-sex and same-sex friendships. 

Verywell / Madelyn Goodnight


What Being in a Platonic Relationship Means

A platonic relationship is different from a romantic relationship. While both types of relationships often involve having a deep friendship and sometimes even love, people in a romantic relationship are typically physically intimate whereas there is no sex or physical intimacy in a platonic relationship.

It is possible to desire physical intimacy (such as hugging, kissing, or touching) or sex with the other person but not be engaged in these activities. If no physical intimacy or sex exists between you and the other person, it is a platonic relationship—even if the desire is there.

How to Tell If Yours Is Platonic

There are a number of characteristics that distinguish a platonic relationship from other relationship types. In addition to the lack of a sexual aspect, a platonic relationship also tends to be marked by:

  • Closeness: Both people in the relationship feel a closeness to each other and feel that they share things in common. 
  • Honesty: Both individuals feel that they can share what they really think and feel with the other person.
  • Acceptance: These relationships tend to feel easy and comfortable. Both people feel that they are safe and free to be themselves. 
  • Understanding: People who share a platonic relationship have a connection, but they also recognize and respect each other’s personal space. They don’t try to force the other person to do things they don’t want to do or be something that they are not.

Platonic relationships are often friendships. And while the lack of a sexual relationship is what characterizes this type of connection, it does not necessarily mean that the individuals in the relationship are not attracted to each other or could not start to feel attracted to one another.

Different Types of Platonic Relationships

  • Bromance: This is a term used to describe a close, affectionate, non-sexual relationship between two men.
  • Womance: This term is used to describe an emotional, non-sexual, non-romantic bond between two women.
  • Work spouse: This phrase is sometimes used to describe a close but non-sexual connection between colleagues or co-workers that involves bonds and sometimes even roles similar to that of a marriage.

How to Form a Platonic Relationship

Platonic relationships can be important for psychological well-being. Research has found that having social support plays a vital role in mental health, so building a network that includes family, platonic friends, and other loved ones can be important for your overall wellness.

Some things that you can do to help foster platonic relationships include:

  • Join social networking groups where you can meet people.
  • Sign up for workshops or classes on topics that interest you.
  • Participate in online communities.
  • Volunteer for causes you care about in your community.

In addition to developing new platonic relationships, it is also important to understand how to keep the ones you have now healthy and strong. Some ways to do this include being supportive, maintaining boundaries, and practicing honesty.

What Are the Benefits?

There are several reasons why having platonic relationships is important for your health and well-being. Some of the positive effects that these relationships may bring to your life include:

Improved Health

Research suggests that having love and support from people in your life can have important health benefits. Physically, this type of platonic love and support can lower your risk for disease, improve your immunity, and decrease your risk for depression and anxiety.

Your platonic support system can help provide emotional support as well. They do this by listening to what you have to say, providing validation, and helping you when you are in need.

Lower Stress

Stress can take a serious toll on both your physical and mental health. Chronic or prolonged stress can contribute to health problems such as cardiac disease, high blood pressure, digestive issues, and decreased immunity. It can also play a role in mood problems such as anxiety or depression. 

Having strong platonic relationships outside of immediate family and romantic partnerships has been found to help people better cope with sources of stress. Not only that, but having supportive platonic friendships also lowers the stress that people face.

Increased Resilience

Platonic relationships can play a role in helping you become more resilient in the face of life’s challenges. Whether you have troubles in your romantic relationships, problems in your family, work struggles, or health challenges, your platonic relationships can support you as you weather these storms. 

One study found that one of the biggest predictors of a person’s ability to recover after a traumatic or stressful event was the presence of strong friendships.

Tips for a Healthy Platonic Relationship

Platonic relationships are not always easy to find. When you do establish a strong platonic bond, it is important to continue to nurture and strengthen that connection. Some things that you can do to help keep these relationships healthy include:

  • Don’t make the other person do all the work: Don’t rely on the other person to make all the plans or initiate all the contact. Reach out to them regularly to invite them to participate in activities.
  • Stay in touch: Call, text, or email the other person from time to time just to keep the lines of communication open. Let them know you are thinking of them, reach out to share a funny joke you know they’ll enjoy, or just ask them how they are.
  • Show up for them: Other people can be an important source of emotional support, but it’s just as important for you to reciprocate that support. Be there when they need you, even if it is just to lend an open and supportive ear.

It is also important to know when to let go of a platonic relationship. Unhealthy relationships can create stress, so don’t be afraid to end your association if the other person is unkind, manipulative, hurtful, or doesn’t support you the way you need.

When They Get Complicated

It is important to note that platonic relationships are not the same as unrequited love. An unrequited relationship is essentially a crush that involves one person being romantically or sexually interested in someone who does not return their feelings. True platonic relationships do not involve an unequal balance of emotions.

This does not mean that a platonic relationship can’t or won’t develop into something romantic or sexual. While such a relationship can potentially turn into a strong romantic relationship, you also run the risk of losing the friendship if you end up breaking up. 

If maintaining a platonic relationship is important to you, focus on establishing and maintaining clear boundaries. For example, set limits on things such as time spent together, amount of contact, and physical intimacy.

Platonic Boundaries

Some boundaries to maintain in a platonic relationship include:

  • Don’t gossip or complain about your partners to each other.
  • Don’t engage in physical contact beyond casual intimacy (i.e., avoid things like handholding, kissing, or “friends-with-benefits” situations).
  • Don’t ditch your partner to spend time with your platonic friend.
  • Don’t hide your platonic relationship from your partner.
  • Give each other plenty of space.
  • Make time for your other relationships.

If You Want Something More

Platonic relationships don’t always stay that way. It isn’t uncommon for some relationships to shift into something more.

Research suggests that as many as two-thirds of romantic couples start out as friends first, and many people report preferring a friends-to-lovers method of starting a relationship.

If you want to extend a platonic relationship or platonic love into a sexual or romantic relationship, it is important to be open and honest with the other person. Express your interest without pressuring them.

Discuss what it might mean to the relationship and how it might ultimately affect your friendship. Platonic relationships can serve as a great foundation for a romantic relationship, but it is important to be honest and communicate openly.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

  1. Weger H Jr, Cole M, Akbulut V. Relationship maintenance across platonic and non-platonic cross-sex friendships in emerging adults. J Soc Psychol. 2019;159(1):15-29. doi:10.1080/00224545.2018.1439876

  2. American Psychological Association. Manage stress: Strengthen your support network.

  3. Dunbar RIM. Why friendship and loneliness affect our health. Ann N Y Acad Sci. 2025;1545(1):52-65. doi:10.1111/nyas.15309

  4. Amati V, Meggiolaro S, Rivellini G, Zaccarin S. Social relations and life satisfaction: The role of friends. Genus. 2018;74(1):7. doi:10.1186/s41118-018-0032-z

  5. van Harmelen A-L, Kievit RA, Ioannidis K, et al. Adolescent friendships predict later resilient functioning across psychosocial domains in a healthy community cohort. Psycholog Med. 2017;47(13):2312-2322. doi:10.1017/S0033291717000836

  6. Stinson DA, Cameron JJ, Hoplock LB. The friends-to-lovers pathway to romance: Prevalent, preferred, and overlooked by science. Soc Psychol Personal Sci. 2022;13(2):562-571. doi:10.1177/19485506211026992

Kendra Cherry

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the “Everything Psychology Book.”


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What Is Masturbation Addiction?

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Key Takeaways

  • Masturbation becomes problematic when it feels compulsive or begins to interfere with daily life, relationships, or well-being.
  • Excessive masturbation can lead to reduced sexual satisfaction, guilt, and emotional distress.
  • Recognizing triggers, seeking healthy coping strategies, and seeking professional help can support recovery and balance.

Masturbation addiction involves engaging in masturbation so frequently or compulsively that it starts to feel uncontrollable. Although it is not a diagnosable mental health condition, it can have a significant impact on daily life, relationships, and well-being for those whose sexual behavior is out of control.

Verywell / Jiaqi Zhou


When Does Masturbation Become an Addiction?

Just to be clear: Self-pleasure is a very normal and healthy aspect of human sexuality, and no one should be discouraged from doing so. It is a perfectly acceptable practice whether you’re in a relationship or not.

However, for some people, the tendency to masturbate can grow to be excessive or compulsive, to the point that the behavior feels to have gotten out of control. In this case, the behavior is sometimes referred to as masturbation addiction.

Masturbation, sexual addiction, and porn addiction fall under the larger umbrella category of behavioral or process addictions, compulsive behaviors that share many characteristics of addictions to substances. Still, these terms are descriptive rather than established diagnostic categories.

Sexual addiction is also sometimes referred to as compulsive sexual behavior. While not included in the DSM, compulsive sexual behavior disorder, which can include masturbation, has been introduced in the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11).

Common Signs of Masturbation Addiction

While engaging in masturbation regularly does not necessarily mean that you have a problem, any of the following could signify that it’s time to reach out for help:

  • Masturbation takes up a lot of your time
  • Your personal or work life is suffering because of masturbation
  • You choose masturbation over in-person activities (e.g., going home instead of staying at a party, choosing to be alone instead of with a partner)
  • You find yourself engaging in masturbation in public or in places where you would rather not (e.g., a public restroom)
  • You’re masturbating when you don’t feel like it or when you’re not aroused
  • You masturbate to cope with negative emotions
  • You find yourself feeling guilty or upset during or after masturbating
  • You find yourself thinking about it often

How to Recognize Compulsive Masturbation

Since masturbation addiction is not a diagnosable mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, there are no set criteria to determine whether it is a problem for you.

However, a doctor or therapist could ask questions to identify whether it is a problem for which you might need to receive treatment.

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What Causes Masturbation Addiction?

What are the causes of masturbation addiction? Below are some potential causes of feeling the need to excessively or compulsively masturbate:

  • Underlying depression or anxiety that you manage by using masturbation to lift your mood, relax, or reduce stress
  • An inclination toward addiction because of your neurobiology (e.g., research suggests that people with compulsive sexual behavior showed greater connections between certain brain structures similar to those involved in drug reward circuits)
  • Emotional pain caused by life circumstances that you seek to push away by focusing on addictive sexual behaviors

How It Can Affect Your Life

Masturbation is normal and healthy, but it can start to have negative effects on your life if it becomes compulsive or excessive. While masturbation itself is healthy, engaging in it in a way that feels uncomfortable or uncontrollable can lead to emotional distress.

A person who engages in masturbation too frequently or compulsively may feel:

  • Lower sexual satisfaction, making it more challenging to experience sexual arousal or pleasure with a partner
  • Reduced self-esteem if the behavior leads to feelings of shame, frustration, or if it conflicts with personal values and beliefs
  • Interference with other areas of life, such as personal relationships or work
  • Emotional distress if excessive masturbation leads to social withdrawal, isolation, secrecy, and depression

Treatment and Recovery Options

If you find yourself with a masturbation problem that you can’t seem to solve on your own, it may be necessary to seek professional help from your doctor, a counselor, or a sex therapist.

Therapy

Talk therapy, particularly cognitive behavioral therapy, may help you to determine the underlying cause of your masturbation addiction, which will allow you to develop strategies to reduce the behavior.

For example, if you are dealing with past trauma, your therapist could help you process the trauma and help you find better coping skills for managing emotional pain.

In addition, if you are using masturbation as a way to cope with life stress, a therapist could help you with that as well.

It’s important to recognize that you may need weeks or months to work through underlying problems, even though on the surface the behavior may seem simple and straightforward.

Get Help Now

We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs, including Talkspace, Betterhelp, and Regain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Medication

While there is no approved medication for masturbation addiction, a physician could help you determine if medications might help. Sometimes another mental disorder, such as major depression or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), is present, which could improve with medication.

Naltrexone, a medication that is FDA-approved to treat opioid and alcohol use disorders, can sometimes be helpful.

Coping With Chronic Masturbation

If you are unable to seek out therapy at this time, below are some suggestions to help get your behavior under control:

  • Engage in activities you enjoy: Taking time to participate in other activities can help shift your focus from masturbation to other fulfilling behaviors. Some activities to try include yoga, running, and meditation.
  • Join a support group: Finding others who are dealing with the same issue as you can be very comforting and validating. For example, you can join Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous or an online forum to meet other people who can relate to your struggles.
  • Let go of stigma: Do you perceive masturbation to be shameful or immoral and feel that you must keep it a secret? It may help to examine any religious, cultural, or spiritual influences on your perception of the behavior.
  • Be present in your personal relationships: Try to make the effort to go on dates or plan outings with your significant other or family members and friends. This can help to ease the urges you have to be alone to engage in chronic masturbation. This will also help to strengthen your connections with loved ones and build a sense of belonging.

  • Identify your triggers: Do you notice that being bored or being alone leads you to engage in masturbation? Do you attempt to relieve stress with masturbation? If so, you can try to find other activities that alleviate boredom, loneliness, or stress. This way, when you feel these emotions, you’ll have other coping skills to rely on instead.

Additionally, it may help to limit or eliminate sexual triggers such as pornography and any sexual devices you may have in your home.

If you are struggling with masturbation addiction, know that you are not alone. There are others who are dealing with this kind of addiction too and will be able to understand and validate your experiences.

If you are unable to alleviate your urges to masturbate and you are finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate on work and your personal relationships, a trained mental health professional will be able to work with you to help identify your triggers and provide you with healthy coping skills.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

  1. Zhu L, Ma W, Zhang R, et al. Evaluation and treatment of compulsive sexual behavior: current limitations and potential strategies. Front Psychiatry. 2025;16:1621136. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2025.1621136

  2. American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. DSM-5-TR. American Psychiatric Association Publishing; 2022. doi:10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787

  3. Mayo Clinic. Compulsive sexual behavior – Symptoms and causes.

  4. Golec K, Draps M, Stark R, Pluta A, Gola M. Aberrant orbitofrontal cortex reactivity to erotic cues in Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder. J Behav Addict. 2021;10(3):646-656. doi:10.1556/2006.2021.00051

  5. Zimmer F, Imhoff R. Abstinence from masturbation and hypersexuality. Arch Sex Behav. 2020;49(4):1333-1343. doi:10.1007/s10508-019-01623-8

  6. Malandain L, Blanc JV, Ferreri F, Thibaut F. Pharmacotherapy of sexual addiction. Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2020;22(6):30. doi:10.1007/s11920-020-01153-4

  7. Savard J, Öberg KG, Chatzittofis A, Dhejne C, Arver S, Jokinen J. Naltrexone in compulsive sexual behavior disorder: A feasibility study of twenty men. J Sex Med. 2020;17(8):1544-1552. doi:10.1016/j.jsxm.2020.04.318

Additional Reading

Arlin Cuncic

By Arlin Cuncic, MA

Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of The Anxiety Workbook and founder of the website About Social Anxiety. She has a Master’s degree in clinical psychology.


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