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Neo-Freudian psychologists were thinkers who agreed with many of the fundamental tenets of Freud’s psychoanalytic theory but changed and adapted the approach to incorporate their own beliefs, ideas, and opinions. Psychologist Sigmund Freud proposed many ideas that were highly controversial, but he also attracted a number of followers.

Many of these thinkers agreed with Freud’s concept of the unconscious mind and the importance of early childhood. There were, however, a number of points that other scholars disagreed with or directly rejected. Because of this, these individuals went on to propose their own unique theories of personality and cognition.

Neo-Freudian Disagreements

There are a few different reasons why these neo-Freudian thinkers disagreed with Freud. For example, Erik Erikson believed that Freud was incorrect to think that personality was shaped almost entirely by childhood events. Other issues that motivated neo-Freudian thinkers included:

• Freud’s emphasis on sexual urges as a primary motivator
• Freud’s lack of emphasis on social and cultural influences on behavior and personality
• Freud’s negative view of human nature

Many neo-Freudians felt that Freud’s theories focus too heavily on psychopathology, sex, and childhood experiences. Instead, many chose to focus their theories on more positive aspects of human nature and the social influences that contribute to personality and behavior.

Major Neo-Freudian Thinkers

There were a number of neo-Freudian thinkers who broke with the Freudian psychoanalytic tradition to develop their own psychodynamic theories. Some of these individuals were initially part of Freud’s inner circle, including Carl Jung and Alfred Adler.

Carl Jung and Analytical Psychology

Carl Jung and Freud once had a close friendship, but Jung broke away to form his own ideas. Freud once viewed Jung as his protege, but their disagreements eventually led to the breakdown of their friendship and professional relationship.

Jung referred to his theory of personality as analytical psychology and introduced the concept of the collective unconscious. He described this as a universal structure shared by all members of the same species, containing all the instincts and archetypes that influence human behavior.

Like many other neo-Freudians, Jung also focused less on sex than Freud did in his work.

Alfred Adler and Individual Psychology

Alfred Adler was one of the early members of Freud’s psychoanalytic discussion group that met each week in Freud’s home. He played an essential role in establishing psychoanalysis but eventually broke away from Freud’s ideas.

Adler believed that Freud’s theories focused too heavily on sex as the primary motivator for human behavior.

His approach, known as individual psychology, was centered on the drive that all people have to compensate for their feelings of inferiority. The inferiority complex, he suggested, was a person’s feelings and doubts that they do not measure up to other people or to society’s expectations.

Erik Erikson and Psychosocial Development

While Freud believed that personality was mostly set in stone during early childhood, Erikson felt that development continued throughout life. He also believed that not all conflicts were unconscious. He thought many were conscious and resulted from the developmental process itself.

His eight-stage theory of psychosocial development concentrates on a series of developmental conflicts that occur throughout the lifespan, from birth until death. At each stage, people face a crisis that must be resolved to develop certain psychological strengths.

Karen Horney and Feminine Psychology

Karen Horney was one of the first women trained in psychoanalysis, and she was also one of the first to criticize Freud’s depictions of women as inferior to men. Horney objected to Freud’s portrayal of women as suffering from “penis envy.”

Instead, she suggested that men experience “womb envy” because they are unable to bear children. Her theory focuses on how behavior was influenced by a number of different neurotic needs.

Contributions and Criticisms of the Neo-Freudians

The neo-Freudians transformed and expanded some of Freud’s original psychoanalytic ideas. While many of these thinkers supported some of the basic tenets of psychoanalysis, such as the important impact of childhood events and the influence of the unconscious.

However, many of these thinkers disagreed with Freud’s emphasis on sex, his negative view of human nature, and his emphasis on psychopathology. Instead, many of the neo-Freudian thinkers believed that social and cultural influences significantly shaped human behavior and personality.

Many took a highly philosophical approach and lacked empirical, scientific support. Jung’s theories, for example, were primarily rooted in his observations of dreams, mythology, and legends. 

Impact of the Neo-Freudians

The work and theories of the neo-Freudian thinkers significantly impacted the field of psychology. Erikson’s work, for example, influenced the field of developmental psychology with its emphasis on how social and cultural factors impact human development throughout the entire lifespan.

Other neo-Freudians, including Karen Horney, helped inspire the person-centered therapy of Carl Rogers. In this non-directive form of therapy, individuals take an active role in the therapy process.

Adler and the other neo-Freudians’ also influenced the work of psychologist Abraham Maslow, who developed an influential hierarchy of needs to explain human motivation.

Successful marriages are all about healthy communication and listening to each other. However, it’s not uncommon for couples to experience periods when talking to each other becomes a challenge and listening is absent.

When one or both of you are not responsive, you may have a problem. If the lack of listening continues, it could be a sign that your marriage is in jeopardy. Fortunately, there are ways to address this issue—whether the behavior is intentional or not—and get you and your partner back on track to feeling heard, supported, and connected.

What’s Behind These Listening Problems?

As you think about the possible causes of this ignoring behavior, be sure to consider how well you are listening and holding space for your partner as well. Remember, it’s easy to blame your spouse, but often, faulty communication is a two-way street.

“This type of issue usually involves both individuals in the relationship. A person may become blaming, attacking, and emotionally dysregulated due to a prolonged sense of not being heard,” says Avigail Lev, PsyD, the founder and director of the Bay Area CBT Center.

However, Lev also notes that it is important to avoid blaming the partner who feels unheard for their partner’s failure to listen.

A listening problem in a relationship could be related to many different issues. Common contributing factors include your (or your partner’s) method of delivery, personal issues that make either of you unable or unwilling to listen, or some combination of these elements.

The key is to be honest and kind—that is, say what you mean, but do it without hurting your partner. That said, you also need to share what is true for you.

Common Communication Breakdowns

Often, how we say things is just as important as what we say. A negative, argumentative tone, roundabout speaking, or passive-aggressiveness are just a few ways you may be inadvertently sabotaging your conversations.

Here are 10 problems with your communication delivery that could be causing your spouse to tune you out—as well as suggestions for how to fix the problem so that you both feel respected and heard.

Too Many Words

You may be taking too long to say what you want to say. Sometimes, when we’re nervous or expecting a negative response or conflict, we may become more long-winded than necessary. This can be frustrating or boring for your conversation partner—and your meaning can get lost in all those words.

Aim to get to the point. Still, a loving partner should be patient enough to hear what’s on your mind.

Monopolizing

Your spouse will probably zone out if they are rarely getting a chance to talk. In your attempt to get them to listen, you may inadvertently monopolize conversations. Good conversations allow both people to contribute.

Examine how you listen when your spouse is discussing an important topic with you. Model the listening you want to see from your partner—they may follow suit.

Hurtful Comments

If you have a history of saying things that are hurtful, insulting, intimidating, dismissive, or disrespectful of your spouse’s opinions, beliefs, and feelings, your spouse may not want to listen to what you have to say.

Likewise, if your conversations tend to quickly escalate into tense arguments, they may feel protective, defensive, angry, or out of control in these conversations.

They also may be disengaging from your talks in an attempt to avoid saying negative or hurtful things to you. Ideally, both of you can work toward having civil conversations where you both speak your minds without being cruel.

Ulterior Motives

Your partner may think that there’s a pattern of manipulation in what you say to them—and preemptively decide to tune you out. Avoid being manipulative or passive-aggressive, and be aware that your spouse may feel like you’re trying to take advantage of them. Even if you aren’t doing this intentionally, it’s still important to make sure being straightforward.

Lecturing

A talking style that comes across as preaching, lecturing, or questioning may make your spouse not listen. You may feel unheard and ignored, which understandably may make you feel your partner is being childish, putting you into the “teacher” or “boss” role.

But being the professor or attorney in your marriage will not help you get heard. Rather, being preachy is likely to garner resentment.

Instead, clearly explain your concerns or questions without asserting that you know best. Then, let your partner speak.

Generalizing

It’s all too easy to slip into generalizations, but often they aren’t really fair or true. Either way, they are unlikely to be helpful in making yourself heard. If you use too many negative generalities in your statements, your partner will feel attacked and assume that all you see are their faults.

They may feel that you only see everything they do as wrong and/or as a pattern that you’re using to condemn them. Even if the facts are on your side, no one likes to listen to a sweeping litany of all their faults. Instead, focus on the specific issues at hand, the present moment, and on the things that you and your partner can change.

Poor Timing

Another issue could be that your timing may simply be off. Your spouse probably won’t listen attentively when tired, stressed out, preoccupied with other thoughts, in a rush, or busy with something else. Tell your spouse you want to talk, and ask if it is a good time. If your spouse says no, respect that—and set up a better time.

Bringing Up Old Baggage

Any conversations about topics or issues that have been discussed at length previously but keep getting brought up again (and again), may cause a spouse to tune out. If you keep raising old issues or topics, consider why you’re doing this.

Are there lingering issues that need to be resolved? Is there something you can’t forgive, solve, or let go? If so, have that talk, and then put the issue to rest.

Excessive Negativity

Does your spouse complain that you are always complaining, whining, or speaking negatively? You may feel justified or think that’s their way of deflecting attention on their own negativity.

Either way, consider your tone and the way you address the topics you bring up. Even if you’re “right,” maybe there is a way to discuss the issue in a less accusatory, more positive (or at least neutral) way.

Additionally, rather than simply making accusing statements, such as “You did” this or that, use “I feel” statements to move the conversation into different territory. For example, “I feel ignored when you don’t listen to me” is likely more effective at getting your partner’s attention than saying, “You never listen.”

Reactiveness

Another key reason your spouse may be putting you on mute is if you have a history of overly reactive conversations. They may think you try to push their buttons or just dislike that your talks tend to quickly escalate from calm discussion to argument. Not listening could be a way that they cope or attempt to avoid these reactive fights.

If you find yourself struggling not to become reactive, try taking a breath before speaking or try counting to 10 in your head while you figure out what you really want to say—and consider alternative meanings to what you just heard from your partner before jumping to conclusions.

Pause and take a break if either of you gets too angry to continue talking productively. Remember that you love each other.

Your Spouse’s Own Personal Issues

Your partner could also be ignoring you for reasons that aren’t directly about you at all. Instead, they may be unwilling to unable to listen, no matter how well you try to communicate. Some examples of those reasons include:

• Your spouse may not be interested in the subject you are talking about. Consider finding someone else to talk to about this topic instead.
• They may be afraid of intimacy. “Not listening” may be their way of ignoring the difficult feelings you want to talk about.
• Your partner may disagree with you and/or not want to hear your advice, thoughts, or opinions.
• They may want to spare your feelings by not telling you what they really think.
• Your spouse may be wiped out, distracted, and/or have a short attention span, making it hard for them to give you their full attention.
• Your partner may have the habit of racing ahead of what you are saying by thinking of how to respond while you’re talking, instead of actively listening.
• They may believe that ignoring what you say will make the issue or situation go away and/or may not like what you have to say.
• Your spouse may think it is easier to be perceived as not listening than to say no.
• They may feel intimidated and/or not comfortable expressing their opposing view—and tuning out feels like an easier option.

When to Seek Help

If you suspect your spouse may have personal or emotional issues that are standing in the way of honest, effective communication, you’ll certainly want to bring up these concerns—and work on whatever is derailing healthy dialogue.

Additionally, own any of your issues that might be getting in the way of productive conversations, as well. If trying to talk things over isn’t working, couples therapy might be a way to help you clear the air for better listening.

If you need to make a quick decision, there’s a good chance you’ll rely on a heuristic to come up with a speedy solution. Heuristics are mental shortcuts that allow people to solve problems and make judgments quickly and efficiently. Common types of heuristics rely on availability, representativeness, familiarity, anchoring effects, mood, scarcity, and trial-and-error.

However, heuristics have both benefits and drawbacks. These strategies can be handy in many situations but can also lead to cognitive biases. Becoming aware of this might help you make better and more accurate decisions.

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History of the Research on Heuristics

Nobel-prize winning economist and cognitive psychologist Herbert Simon originally introduced the concept of heuristics in psychology in the 1950s. He suggested that while people strive to make rational choices, human judgment is subject to cognitive limitations. Purely rational decisions would involve weighing every alternative’s potential costs and possible benefits.

However, people are limited by the amount of time they have to make a choice and the amount of information they have at their disposal. Other factors, such as overall intelligence and accuracy of perceptions, also influence the decision-making process.

In the 1970s, psychologists Amos Tversky and Daniel Kahneman presented their research on cognitive biases. They proposed that these biases influence how people think and make judgments.

Simon’s research demonstrated that humans were limited in their ability to make rational decisions, but it was Tversky and Kahneman’s work that introduced the study of heuristics and the specific ways of thinking that people rely on to simplify the decision-making process.

How Heuristics Are Used

Heuristics play important roles in both problem-solving and decision-making, as we often turn to these mental shortcuts when we need a quick solution.

Here are a few different theories from psychologists about why we rely on heuristics.

• Attribute substitution: People substitute simpler but related questions in place of more complex and difficult questions.
• Effort reduction: People use heuristics as a type of cognitive laziness to reduce the mental effort required to make choices and decisions.
• Fast and frugal: People use heuristics because they can be fast and correct in certain contexts. Some theories argue that heuristics are actually more accurate than they are biased.

You probably make hundreds or even thousands of decisions every day. What should you have for breakfast? What should you wear today? Should you drive or take the bus? Fortunately, heuristics allow you to make such decisions with relative ease and without a great deal of agonizing.

There are many heuristics examples in everyday life. When trying to decide if you should drive or ride the bus to work, for instance, you might remember that there is road construction along the bus route. You realize that this might slow the bus and cause you to be late for work. So you leave earlier and drive to work on an alternate route.

Heuristics allow you to think through the possible outcomes quickly and arrive at a solution.

Types of Heuristics

There are many different kinds of heuristics. While each type plays a role in decision-making, they occur during different contexts. Understanding the types can help you better understand which one you are using and when.

Availability

The availability heuristic involves making decisions based upon how easy it is to bring something to mind. When you are trying to make a decision, you might quickly remember a number of relevant examples.

For example, imagine you are planning to fly somewhere on vacation. As you are preparing for your trip, you might start to think of a number of recent airline accidents. You might feel like air travel is too dangerous and decide to travel by car instead. Because those examples of air disasters came to mind so easily, the availability heuristic leads you to think that plane crashes are more common than they really are.

Familiarity

The familiarity heuristic refers to how people tend to have more favorable opinions of things, people, or places they’ve experienced before as opposed to new ones. In fact, given two options, people may choose something they’re more familiar with even if the new option provides more benefits.

Representativeness

The representativeness heuristic involves making a decision by comparing the present situation to the most representative mental prototype. When you are trying to decide if someone is trustworthy, you might compare aspects of the individual to other mental examples you hold.

A soft-spoken older woman might remind you of your grandmother, so you might immediately assume she is kind, gentle, and trustworthy. However, this is an example of a heuristic bias, as you can’t know someone trustworthy based on their age alone.

Affect

The affect heuristic involves making choices that are influenced by an individual’s emotions at that moment. For example, research has shown that people are more likely to see decisions as having benefits and lower risks when in a positive mood.

Anchoring

The anchoring bias involves the tendency to be overly influenced by the first bit of information we hear or learn. This can make it more difficult to consider other factors and lead to poor choices. For example, anchoring bias can influence how much you are willing to pay for something, causing you to jump at the first offer without shopping around for a better deal.

Scarcity

Scarcity is a heuristic principle in which we view things that are scarce or less available to us as inherently more valuable. Marketers often use the scarcity heuristic to influence people to buy certain products. This is why you’ll often see signs that advertise “limited time only,” or that tell you to “get yours while supplies last.”

Trial and Error

Trial and error is another type of heuristic in which people use a number of different strategies to solve something until they find what works. Examples of this type of heuristic are evident in everyday life.

People use trial and error when playing video games, finding the fastest driving route to work, or learning to ride a bike (or any new skill).

Difference Between Heuristics and Algorithms

Though the terms are often confused, heuristics and algorithms are two distinct terms in psychology.

Examples of algorithms include instructions for how to put together a piece of furniture or a recipe for cooking a certain dish. Health professionals also create algorithms or processes to follow in order to determine what type of treatment to use on a patient.

How Heuristics Can Lead to Bias

Heuristics can certainly help us solve problems and speed up our decision-making process, but that doesn’t mean they are always a good thing. They can also introduce errors, bias, and irrational decision-making. As in the examples above, heuristics can lead to inaccurate judgments about how commonly things occur and how representative certain things may be.

Heuristics can also contribute to stereotypes and prejudice. Because people use mental shortcuts to classify and categorize people, they often overlook more relevant information and create stereotyped categorizations that are not in tune with reality.

How to Make Better Decisions

While heuristics can be a useful tool, there are ways you can improve your decision-making and avoid cognitive bias at the same time.

Slow Down

We are more likely to make an error in judgment if we are trying to make a decision quickly or are under pressure to do so. Taking a little more time to make a decision can help you see things more clearly—and make better choices.

Whenever possible, take a few deep breaths and do something to distract yourself from the decision at hand. When you return to it, you may find a fresh perspective or notice something you didn’t before.

Identify the Goal

We tend to focus automatically on what works for us and make decisions that serve our best interest. But take a moment to know what you’re trying to achieve. Consider some of the following questions:

• Are there other people who will be affected by this decision?
• What’s best for them?
• Is there a common goal that can be achieved that will serve all parties?

Thinking through these questions can help you figure out your goals and the impact that these decisions may have.

Process Your Emotions

Fast decision-making is often influenced by emotions from past experiences that bubble to the surface. Anger, sadness, love, and other powerful feelings can sometimes lead us to decisions we might not otherwise make.

Is your decision based on facts or emotions? While emotions can be helpful, they may affect decisions in a negative way if they prevent us from seeing the full picture.

Recognize All-or-Nothing Thinking

When making a decision, it’s a common tendency to believe you have to pick a single, well-defined path, and there’s no going back. In reality, this often isn’t the case.

Sometimes there are compromises involving two choices, or a third or fourth option that we didn’t even think of at first. Try to recognize the nuances and possibilities of all choices involved, instead of using all-or-nothing thinking.

Narcissist discard is when a person with narcissistic tendencies ends their relationship with you. It can often feel like you’ve been used and discarded.

“A narcissistic personality is someone who needs to feel better than other people. They want to be the most important person in the room, or at least accepted by the most important people in the room,” says Aimee Daramus, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist.

While people often use the term “narcissist” casually to refer to people who are selfish and self-absorbed, narcissistic personality disorder is in fact a mental health condition. Research sugg that this condition can make it difficult for people to maintain interpersonal relationships with family, colleagues, and other members of their community.

Narcissist Discard in Relationships

It can be helpful to understand narcissist discard in the context of a narcissistic relationship. These are the stages of narcissistic relationships, according to Dr. Daramus:

Appreciation

Narcissistic relationships often start off at a fervent pitch. The person will seem like someone special, and they’ll make you feel unique. Whether romantic, professional, or otherwise, the relationship will move fast.

All this attention can feel nice, but it’s important to recognize it for what it is—love-bombing. This involves showering someone with attention, affection, and praise in order to manipulate or take advantage of them.

Depreciation

Eventually, the person with narcissistic tendencies will start picking you apart and finding faults with you. They’ll set you against others by telling you why another person is better than you; meanwhile, they’ll be praising you to make someone else feel small.

They’ll gaslight you, by distorting your sense of reality and blaming you for the distress it causes you.

Repetition

You’ll find yourself feeling confused, anxious, depressed, and scrambling to be good enough. If you try to pull away, they’ll react with hurt and rage, but then the cycle of appreciation and depreciation will start again.

Discard

They will use you for personal gain, and when you’re no longer of use to them, they will discard you. 

Reasons for Narcissist Discard

What causes a narcissist to discard you? According to a 2017 study, people with narcissistic personality disorder often have trouble maintaining long-term relationships. They tend to use people to prop up their sense of self, often due to a deficiency of parental affection in childhood. They think of others as objects to discard when they’re no longer useful.

Dr. Daramus lists some reasons why a person with narcissistic tendencies might discard you:

• You were too difficult for them to control
• You were easily manipulated by them, causing them to look down upon you
• You no longer fuel their ego, so they’ve moved on to someone else who can supply what they need
• You may not be able to help them any further with their life goals, so they’ve found someone who can
• They feel that they can “level up” and move on to someone “better,” in some dysfunctional way

Mental Health Impact of Narcissist Discard

Below, Dr. Daramus unpacks the impact of being discarded on your mental health, as well as on your partner who has narcissistic tendencies.

Impact on Your Mental Health

People with narcissistic tendencies make you emotionally dependent on them. They try to define you rather than letting you define yourself.

Additionally, people with narcissistic tendencies try to make others financially or professionally dependent on them as well, so you may also experience financial losses or professional setbacks.

While the entire process can be traumatic, you may be better off in the long run. Remaining in the relationship can cost you your identity and self-worth, as you’ll have to focus your life around satisfying them.

Impact on the Person With Narcissistic Tendencies

People with narcissistic tendencies typically don’t let go of their source of attention and admiration unless they’ve secured a new one. If they lose something important to their self-image by discarding you, they’ll feel the loss and come back.

Coping With Narcissistic Discard

Dr. Daramus suggests some strategies that can help you cope when a narcissist discards you:

Focus on Your Own Needs

Try to remember who you were and what you wanted before this relationship. Instead of subverting your needs, start paying attention to them and expressing them.

Learn More About Healthy Relationships

Learn or re-learn how healthy relationships develop, often more slowly and with less fire and drama than narcissistic relationships.

Healthy relationships are characterized by trust, openness, respect, communication, boundaries, and mutual give-and-take. As you become more adept at spotting these characteristics, you’ll be better able to see the unhealthy aspects of your relationship with a narcissistic person.

Seek Authentic Support

Surround yourself with genuinely supportive people. Relationships with people who have narcissistic tendencies can leave you feeling isolated and questioning your reality.

Practice Self-Regulation Skills

Consider learning emotional regulation techniques to help you manage the pain of the separation. Emotional regulation skills allow you to take stock of the situation and then respond appropriately. This allows you to recognize what you are feeling, accept these feelings, and explore strategies to help you cope.

Examine Past Relationships

Reflect on the factors that attracted you to a relationship with this person in the first place. You may be surprised to find that they resemble a figure in your childhood, such as a parent, who was unavailable to you.

Sober curious is a term that means questioning your relationship with alcohol and thinking about trying sobriety, even if you are not ready to commit to it.

“The Sober Curious movement is a growing group of individuals who opt to drink less or not at all as a lifestyle choice,” says Peter M. Vernig, PhD, a licensed psychologist and vice president of mental health services at Recovery Centers of America. “The movement pushes back at the normalization of heavy drinking and stereotypes that those who do not drink are less social or have less fun.”

According to Ruby Warrington, author of “Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Connection Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol,” and founder of Club Söda, “[Being sober curious] means, literally, to choose to question, or get curious about, every impulse, invitation, and expectation to drink, versus mindlessly going along with the dominant drinking culture.”

Often, sober curious individuals think more consciously about the decision to drink alcohol. What makes sober curiosity so widespread, though, is its adaptable meaning. ‘Sober curious’ tends to mean something different to every sober curious individual, making it an inclusive cultural movement.

What Is Sober Curiosity?

Unlike sobriety, which is often a lifestyle chosen as a result of alcoholism or alcohol use disorder, sober curiosity is often defined as having the option to choose, to question, or to change your drinking habits for health-focused reasons (mental and/or physical). The sober curious movement has encouraged individuals to recognize the often-unhealthy habits that are associated with alcohol.

Being sober curious, but not fully sober, is not usually an option for those with serious alcohol disorders, in which extreme alcohol cravings, withdrawal symptoms, dangerous actions, depression, or other physically or mentally problematic symptoms result from drinking alcohol.

History of Sober Curiosity

Being sober hasn’t always been popular. Our culture, in many ways, revolves around alcohol. From tailgating at sporting events and celebrating weddings to attending happy hours and networking events, we celebrate many of life’s greatest events with champagne, wine, beer, and cocktails.

Though alcohol may not be a dangerous problem for all, it can still be a problem. You don’t have to hit ‘rock bottom’ to make a serious lifestyle change—and the sober curious movement recognizes that and helps to break the stigmas that have long been associated with sobriety. 

Though some individuals have been sober curious for decades, the term was created by Warrington. Her event series called Club SÖDA NYC stands for Sober or Debating Abstinence and features panels, writing workshops, and sober retreats.

“My hope is that extending the invitation to get sober curious will help people realize that there other ways to experience whatever it is [they] are seeking in alcohol—without the toxic, and often devastating, side effects,” Warrington says.

Health Benefits of Being Sober Curious

Drinking frequently or heavily has several serious health effects. In the short term, it can increase interpersonal conflict, cause hangovers, change behavior, and contribute to injuries and accidents. It can leave you tired, cause an inflammatory response that affects your immune system, and interfere with daily life. 

Abstaining from alcohol, has been shown to have health benefits. One study found that after being sober for one month, people experience decreases in blood pressure and a lower risk for alcohol-related conditions.

Other benefits of sobriety include:

• Better concentration and memory
• Better sleep
• Stronger immune system
• Lower cardiovascular risk
• Decreased risk of cancer
• More energy
• Better mental health

One study found that short-term abstinence can improve blood pressure, insulin resistance, weight, and cancer-related growth factors. Other research has found that lighter alcohol consumption is associated with a decreased risk for depression.

Why Interest in Sober Curiosity Is Growing

Often referred to as “generation sober,” the millennial generation has embraced sober curious culture and has actually made sobriety more culturally acceptable.

All across the country, individuals are opening sober bars filled with mocktails and non-alcoholic drinks such as kombucha. One reason sober bars are popping up across the country is that they remove the pressures and dangers of alcohol while providing a space for socialization and community, which all humans crave.

Evidence also suggests that Gen Z is perhaps even more interested in the sober curious or sober lifestyle than their millennial counterparts and that Gen Z consumes less alcohol than previous generations.

One potential explanation for this is that younger generations are more aware of the risks of alcohol and are more cautious about its behavioral and health effects. A study conducted by Google found that 41% of Gen Z participants associate alcohol with anxiety, vulnerability, and abuse.

Increasing numbers of young people aren’t just sober curious; they are skipping alcohol altogether. A study published in JAMA Pediatrics found that the percentage of college-age students abstaining from alcohol has grown from 20 to 28% over the past twenty years.

How to Get Sober Curious

Giving up alcohol isn’t always easy, especially if you are regularly in social situations where you might feel pressured to drink by friends, family, or co-workers. If you want to try being sober curious, some strategies can help you take a more mindful approach to drinking.

Pay Attention to Your Alcohol Consumption

One of the key components of being sober curious involves thinking about your own relationship with alcohol. Consider some of the reasons why you drink. Is it to cope with stress, to feel more comfortable in social situations, or to fit in with your social group? 

Make a Plan

The next step is to think about what being sober curious might mean in your life. For example, it might mean giving up alcohol for a period of time, such as participating in Dry January, or it might involve gradually decreasing your alcohol use. It might also mean limiting yourself to a single drink once each week when you are out with friends or replacing your usual cocktail with a non-alcohol option.

Sometimes, you might consider engaging in other activities that don’t put drinking front and center. Or you might come up with some responses you might give if someone offers you a drink in a social situation. Simply saying “no thank you” is always an option, but you might want to prepare some excuses in case people pressure you or try to interrogate your reasons for not drinking.

Find Support

It can be helpful to talk to other people interested in being sober curious. Having a friend who is also sober curious can make it easier to navigate social situations where drinking is encouraged or expected.

You might also consider joining a support group, attending sober curious events, or visiting a sober bar or coffee shop.

Explore Sober Activities

It’s also a good idea to start pursuing hobbies and activities that don’t involve drinking. Ideas you might explore include local recreation centers or parks, art classes, reading, playing an instrument, or dancing.

“Many Sober Curious people choose to reduce their drinking, while others stop altogether. Whether quitting permanently or not, they often enjoy the benefits of decreased alcohol consumption including improved sleep and focus,” Vernig explains.

Resources and How to Get Help

If you are interested in learning more about what it means to be sober curious, check out Ruby Warrington’s book or her accompanying podcast. You can also look for events hosted by Club Söda if you want to learn more.

If you believe you might have a drinking problem or want additional help to abstain from alcohol, consider talking to your doctor or a mental health professional. Your doctor can supervise your detox, recommend treatment options, and refer you to local resources in your area that can help. They can also prescribe medications that can help with withdrawal, cravings, and abstinence.

Other resources that can help include recovery support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous and SMART Recovery.