Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Sleep became a distant memory after I had twins—three non-consecutive hours on a good night. Balancing two newborns, a preschooler, and a full-time job had me running on fumes, way too much caffeine, and sheer willpower. But it was the constant brain fog that left me feeling disconnected and scattered.

“Brain fog is a term used to describe a wide range of cognitive difficulties, including problems with focus, memory, processing (thinking) speed, and mental clarity,” Dr. Simon Faynboym, MD, a psychiatrist and medical director at Neuro Wellness Spa, says. “Unlike normal mental fatigue, which is temporary overuse of your cognition, brain fog feels more persistent and can occur even without significant mental exertion.”

Brain fog is pretty much what it sounds like—a hazy, zoned-out feeling that makes focusing a major challenge. Your thoughts seem fuzzy, and doing simple tasks often feels like wading through molasses. For me, that looked like leaving my wallet at the bank, missing doctor’s appointments, and occasionally mixing up my twins. Oops. Yeah, not my finest moments.

Lack of sleep is a major culprit, but there are many reasons why brain fog might creep up on you. Certain medical and mental health conditions are sometimes involved, but it’s often just everyday things like stress, dehydration, or poor diet. Even spending too much time staring at your phone can leave you feeling a little out of it. If you’re stuck in a spaced-out funk, getting to the bottom of the problem is key. Once you recognize the “why,” it’s a lot easier to find ways to clear the fog.

What Does Brain Fog Feel Like?

“People experiencing brain fog often describe it as feeling ‘mentally cloudy,’ ‘feeling mentally off’ or ‘hazy,’ with symptoms such as forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, slow thinking, and confusion,” Dr. Faynboym explains. While brain fog is often characterized as just being tired or forgetful, it’s a lot more than that. Researchers sometimes refer to it as sluggish cognitive tempo.

We all get that drained, overly tired, and kind of fuzzy feeling once in a while after a long day. Brain fog is similar, but it typically feels a lot more pervasive. It’s not a diagnosable condition, but it can be a sign of something deeper.

When your brain is foggy, you might feel:

• Forgetful and always losing track of things
• Sluggish and low energy, like you’re running on 1% battery
• Unfocused and hazy
• Inattentive
• Confused
• Spacey
• Disconnected like your brain’s stuck in “airplane mode”
• Zoning out mid-convo
• Like your thoughts are endlessly buffering
• Struggling to form coherent thoughts
• Having constant brain farts (“Wait, what was I saying?”)

To me, it feels like being lost in a slow-moving haze while the rest of the world speeds past. Imagine that moment when you walk into a room and can’t remember what you were doing–except it lasts all day. Everything just feels a little bit…off.

What Causes Brain Fog?

Brain fog can crop up for a number of reasons (and sometimes, it can be many factors working together). Medical conditions and illnesses can often play a role. However, lifestyle variables like sleep (or the lack thereof) can also seriously interfere with your ability to think clearly.

“Brain fog, or temporary mental clouding, can have multiple causes,” says psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Gary Small, the chair of psychiatry at Hackensack University Medical Center and author of “The Memory Bible.” “Readily remediable triggers include lack of sleep and dips in blood sugar from a missed meal. However, hypoglycemia also can result from undiagnosed or poorly controlled diabetes.”

Medical Conditions

Brain fog isn’t always the outcome of a bad night’s sleep. Sometimes, it’s a sig of an underlying medical problem. A few common culprits that can leave you feeling out of sorts include:

Treatments for medical conditions can also affect your mental clarity and energy levels. Certain medications, for example, can leave you feeling groggy and foggy. Research has also found that chemotherapy can lead to brain fog, which researchers refer to as “chemo brain.”

Post-Illness Effects

Being sick can have lingering effects, so it’s pretty normal to feel a little bit “off” even though you’ve recovered from an illness. The flu, COVID-19, or even just a bad cold can make you feel like your brain’s still trying to play catch up.

While you might feel like jumping right back into the full swing of things, sometimes it’s best to hold back and give yourself the time you need to recover fully.

Lifestyle Factors

Brain fog doesn’t always stem from illness. There are times when it’s all about how you’re treating yourself. Poor sleep, dehydration, stress, overwork, or an unbalanced diet can make it hard to think clearly.

Life can be hectic, and sometimes, it’s easy to lapse into bad self-care habits. It might not seem like a big deal, but your brain definitely notices. Brain fog might be its way of letting you know that something needs to change.

Hormonal Changes

Hormonal factors can also affect how sharp or foggy your mind feels. “The hormonal changes from pregnancy and menopause can cloud thinking as well,” Dr. Small explains.

If you’ve ever had PMS, been pregnant, given birth, or experienced menopause, you know how tough those hormonal shifts can get. It can make it harder to focus and mess with your clarity.

How Brain Fog Is Diagnosed

Remember: brain fog isn’t a recognized mental health condition, but a symptom of something else that’s going on with your health. Figuring out what’s causing it is like putting a puzzle together. Your doctor will ask questions about your symptoms, including when they started, how long they last, and how they impact your day-to-day life.

They’ll also ask questions about any recent illnesses or stresses, any medications you are taking, and your eating and sleeping habits.

When to See a Healthcare Provider

We all have those days where we feel kind of off our game, but if your brain fog is sticking around for longer than you’d expect, it might be time to chat about it with your healthcare provider. 

“It’s important to reach out to your doctor when brain fog becomes frequent or severe enough to interfere with daily life,” Dr. Faynboym says. 

If you always feel spaced out, making it hard to function at work, school, and daily life, that’s your cue to seek a professional opinion. If your brain fog is happening with other symptoms like headaches, fatigue, or mood changes, don’t ignore it.

Diagnostic Tests and Evaluations

To learn more about what might be causing your brain fog, your doctor may run some tests to help them better understand what’s going on.

• Blood tests: Your doctor will likely conduct blood tests to look for underlying problems like nutritional deficiencies (such as iron or B12), thyroid problems, or glucose imbalances.
• Cognitive tests: Healthcare professionals will also probably check your cognitive abilities with memory or problem-solving tests. This can help them see how your brain is functioning and may provide insights into specific struggles you might be having.
• Imaging tests: In some cases, your doctor may recommend imaging tests like a CT scan or MRI to check for damage and rule out neurological conditions.  

Such tests are all about helping medical professionals sift through the clues so they determine why you’re feeling so mentally cloudy.

Identifying Underlying Causes

Identifying the underlying causes of brain fog takes some detective work on your doctor’s part. They’ll look at your medical history, including whether you’ve been sick recently or if you might have a chronic health condition happening in the background. 

They will also be interested in lifestyle factors that might be causing your mental fogginess:

• Are you getting enough sleep?
• Have you been taking any supplements or medications that are affecting your mental clarity?
• Are you spending too much time glued to your phone and not enough time interacting with loved ones?

Looking at these basics can give your doctor insights they need to suggest some changes that can help.

If you’ve been improving things like your sleep, activity levels, and eating habits but the fogginess still persists, there’s a chance it might be related to hormones or other medical issues. Pinpointing the root of the problem is necessary to find relief.

Treatment and Management

Once you’ve figured out what might be causing your brain fog, you might wonder—now what? Dr. Small explains that the treatment and prevention of brain fog depend on the underlying causes. If this mental fogginess is linked to something like diabetes, for example, treating that condition can stabilize blood sugar and improve mental clarity.

 “Medications, psychotherapy, or both can relieve symptoms of anxiety, depression, and accompanying cognitive impairments,” he explains. “Often brain fog due to COVID or influenza infections will lift once the illness passes.” (Make sure to talk to your doctor if symptoms aren’t abating once you’ve recovered from being sick).

Fortunately, many strategies can get the clarity you’re after. It might involve lifestyle changes, cognitive strategies, or medical interventions.

Lifestyle Changes

Sometimes, even small changes can make a big difference in how you’re feeling. The first place to start—your sleeping routine.

My own brain fog finally lifted once my twins started sleeping through the night. 🙌 Limiting my caffeine intake also helped. (Turns out too much joe makes it harder to focus).

“Several lifestyle and medical interventions can help, including, but not limited to, good sleep hygiene with an established sleep schedule allowing for improved sleep quality​,” Dr. Faynboym says. “Nutrition is another factor that can help; maintaining a balanced diet with foods that have omega-3 fatty acids, antioxidants, and B vitamins can support brain health​.”

Cognitive Strategies

If brain fog is affecting your ability to focus, cognitive strategies like brain games can improve your concentration

• Break tasks down: When facing a big project or challenge, chunk it into smaller, more manageable steps you can focus on one at a time. (FYI, multitasking is not your friend in this situation).
• Use apps or planners: Find a tracking app or break out the old planner, so you can keep track of your to-do lists more easily. Your brain might be struggling, but there’s no reason why you can’t use a cheat sheet.
• Try mindfulness: Mindfulness is all about living more fully in the present. Brain fog can leave you feeling floaty and disconnected, so practicing mindfulness can help you feel more grounded in the here and now.

Medical Interventions

If lifestyle changes and cognitive tricks aren’t cutting it, then you might need some medical intervention. What’s right for you depends on the underlying factors causing your brain fog. 

Your doctor may recommend medications (like thyroid meds) or supplements (like iron for anemia). In some cases, you may need specialized treatment for a condition like diabetes or an autoimmune disorder to get a handle on your brain fog. This may also involve working with a specialist to get the treatments you need.

Coping Strategies

Managing brain fog requires a comprehensive approach, Dr. Faynboym says. This involves identifying what’s causing it and treating those underlying causes. Treating conditions like depression, hypothyroidism, diabetes, and long COVID can help.

The challenging thing about dealing with brain fog is that you sometimes simply feel too, well, foggy to implement some of the strategies that will help. If you’re struggling, here are some tips and tricks that helped me (and might help you) find your way through the haze.

Use Lists

I know, it sounds almost too simple, but on days when my brain was running on fumes, having a list of the smallest (seriously, so basic: “answer your email,” “drink some water,” “empty the dishwasher”) tasks was critical for staying on track. Being able to check off each item, no matter how small, helped me feel like I was keeping it together. 

Have Realistic Expectations

I also found it helpful to be realistic about what I was expecting from myself. On days when the brain fog just wouldn’t lift, I let go of the expectations that I could do it all. Sticking to a few key priorities and giving myself permission to rest actually helped me feel a lot more focused.

Talk it Out

One surprisingly helpful tip: try explaining things to yourself out loud, aka “thinking out loud.” When I have those moments where I just can’t focus, talking to myself can help hone my attention. Something as simple as describing what I’m doing and what I’ll do next can help. Yes, you might get some strange looks from strangers in the grocery store, but it really does help focus your mind.

Be Kind to Yourself

Brain fog can be frustrating, but criticizing or punishing yourself won’t make it go away faster. There are days that may be better and some that are worse. The best thing you can do is manage your expectations and take things slow. There will be days when just functioning feels like a big win. Sometimes, just taking a break is the best thing you can do to help clear your mind. 

Prevention Tips

Not all of the causes of brain fog are avoidable, but there are sometimes things you can do to help prevent it. The good news? Just some simple habits can go a long way toward keeping a clear mind.

Get Plenty of Sleep

First things first: Prioritize sleep. According to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, that means seven or more hours of sleep each night on a regular basis if you are a healthy adult between the ages of 18 and 60.

Stay Hydrated

If you’re starting to feel a little foggy, ask yourself: Have I drank any water today? Personally, I’ve found that keeping an insulated cup filled with ice-cold water at my desk is the key to meeting my daily hydration goal.

Eat Healthy

Also, be sure that you’re eating a balanced diet—because apparently, a diet consisting largely of granola bars, gummy bears, and coffee isn’t the key to mental acuity. Make sure you’re incorporating a healthy mix of fruits and veggies, lean protein, and whole grains.

Manage Your Stress

Managing stress is another biggie. “Taking regular mental breaks to reduce mental strain with techniques like mindfulness can also be beneficial​,” Dr. Fayboym says.

Relaxation techniques like deep breathing, meditation, and yoga can be incredibly helpful. But sometimes, just taking a little time to yourself can help you decompress so you can feel more alert. (Just don’t fall into the revenge bedtime procrastination trap where you stay up late to claw back the time you didn’t have for yourself during the day). 

Stay Active

Physical activity can do wonders for your mental acuity. “Physical activity and regular exercise have been shown to promote cognitive function,” says Dr. Faynboym. Even just a 5-minute walk outside can go a long way toward clearing your mind.

An afternoon walk is one option (my favorite), but you might also try dancing in your living room or playing a movement-based video game. Even super short micro workouts for 5 to 10 minutes (aka exercise “snacks”) can bust up the mental fog.

Takeaways

Brain fog can be frustrating. Getting to the root cause can help you start to take control of the situation. The key? Be patient and remember that brain fog isn’t always something you can fix overnight.

Start by assessing your lifestyle and make tweaks that will support your cognitive health. Breaking up projects into small steps and writing things down can also help when you feel overloaded. If the fog doesn’t lift after making those changes, it’s time to talk to your doctor. They can assess the situation, rule out medical conditions, and suggest a treatment plan that can help.

Ahh the wholesome delights of the dinner party. It’s a timeless social affair that draws up memories of empty wine bottle-strewn tables or momentary tragedies of burnt roast chicken followed by boxes of pepperoni pizza. Here is a social activity many of us are nostalgically familiar with—be it more formal gatherings, cookouts, barbecues, potlucks, or Sunday brunch. 

Food-centric gatherings are etched in our youthful memories, and now it’s time to host some yourself. I know, I know—who has the space in their tiny apartments, it sounds like a lot of work and so expensive, and what if no one shows up? Etc. First of all, they will. Second of all, there will always be excuses. But trust me, your emotional well-being will thank you. 

2024 also marks a turning point in how we socialize and form connections. Not to harp on the pandemic, but you can’t deny the effects of being forced into our homes and even deeper into our phones. Fast-forward four years, and some of our biggest challenges are related to friendship and in-person interactions.

So how do we remedy this paradox of social anxiety and desire? Enter, the dinner party. So pull out your nice porcelain and grab the fancy candles you’ve been hoarding because we’re going to help you get comfortable throwing a dinner party people won’t be able to stop talking about.

What Defines a Dinner Party?

When you hear the term “dinner party” what comes to mind? Is it a ten-foot-long table with immaculate matching place settings? A cozy gathering of four or five friends eating some lovingly prepared pasta sauce with salad on the side? Or maybe it’s a laid-back potluck with half the crowd eating cross-legged on the floor. The truth is, all of these are correct definitions because you get to organize it however you please. 

And while this may be obvious to some people, I have a feeling there are a lot of you who worry you’re not fancy or culinarily adept enough to host one. Or that you don’t own enough nice silverware or matching plates. No one cares about these things.

The most important thing to remember here is that welcoming friends into your home and cultivating an experience full of love, intentionality, and good food is probably a top-10 tip for building community and platonic intimacy. 

Hosting Can Be Kind of Scary, We Get It

For me (and many others) my biggest fears around organizing a big social event are twofold: rejection, and it not being good enough. I tend to have very high standards for myself and get this anxiety that my house won’t be clean enough, my food won’t be seasoned enough, and half the guests won’t show up.

I hosted a housewarming party a couple of weeks ago which was ultimately a roaring success, however, about two hours before the party began 10 people texted me saying they could no longer make it. This is inevitable for any party but my rejection sensitivity dysphoria still reared its ugly head. But instead of spiraling about it I took a deep breath and reframed the situation—having fewer people will make the space less crowded and invite more intimate conversation—and the night was a big hit as it was destined to be!

My point in saying all of this is that hosting a party, especially a dinner party, can be scary. But that shouldn’t stop us from doing it! Every time we push ourselves a little bit it helps us grow in so many ways.

Why Having People Over Matters

We’ve mentioned on this website time and time again but it bears repeating: we’re experiencing a loneliness epidemic, a crisis of connection, a dearth of community. We are sick of the dating apps, sick of having hundreds of followers on Instagram all the while Google searches for “How to make friends as an adult” have skyrocketed. Some of this has to do with how the pandemic stifled our social skills, much of it is due to how much time we spend looking down at our smartphones instead of at other people.

In many ways, we’ve maxed out our capacity for engaging in “online community” and we are eager to make the collective pivot back to being together, in person, as often as possible. Unfortunately, that step backward in our social skills has led to more incidences of social anxiety and ironically, subconscious resistance to fostering our friendships, old or new. 

When we have people over for dinner, we signal our openness and enthusiasm for friendship. There’s a higher level of intentionality in hosting a dinner party because we get to use food and the comfort inherent in our own space as a gesture of love. And its memorability goes far beyond a physical gift or going out to a restaurant with the girls.

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, says, “Hosting and inviting others into your home can feel vulnerable, but ultimately it is a way of showing your true essence, style, and personality through your home and hosting style. It can be a powerful way to allow others to get to know you and how you show your love.” 

Once everyone is seated together and happily enjoying a shared meal, perhaps with a glass of wine or two, we instinctively recognize the safety in that moment and our protective layers are shed. We are full and relaxed and suddenly more willing to open ourselves up to one another.

Dinner Parties Can Get You Out of Your Comfort Zone and Ease Social Anxiety

Parties can be a divisive topic, despite their generally accepted association with fun. Who doesn’t love a party? The reality is, it’s more people than you’d expect. It’s not that they don’t want to see friends or dance the night away, but for someone living with an anxiety disorder or is neurodivergent or hypersensitive to stimuli, a party can get stressful pretty quickly. 

There’s loud music, loud talking, loads of people you might not know all crammed into potentially cramped spaces—not ideal. But even those of us with social anxiety and various sensitivities still need friends, and it’s healthy to get yourself out of your comfort zone and face your fears from time to time. 

One study from 2022 noted the benefit of “brief situational interventions” for cultivating purposeful and lasting change. In other words, its own kind of exposure therapy.

Hosting or attending a dinner party is a great way to push yourself out of your comfort zone a little bit while still maintaining some control and emotional guardrails. Let me break down why.

• There’s safety in your own space
• You get to choose who comes
• You get to cultivate the environment and the vibe
• You get to choose what food and drinks are served
• There’s less social competition

Chadwick Boyd, television personality and esteemed dinner party host shares, “Most people, I think, think that a dinner party needs to be a performance, which unnecessarily raises anxiety levels to meet a high expectation level. Guests, especially these days, just love being cooked for, and most often, unless your friends are kin to Martha Stewart, they don’t cook a lot for themselves.”

In other words, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves (give yourself a break!) but people are much more forgiving than we give them credit for.

Hosting a Dinner Party Makes Friendships Stronger and New Connections More Likely to Last

The value of intimate gatherings cannot be overstated when it comes to fortifying our existing friendships. It’s all about intentionality and signaling to our cohort that “you are the people I’ve chosen to welcome into my home tonight, you are all cherished individuals.”

First impressions matter, and hosting a dinner party can give you a real leg up. People will recognize the effort you put into the experience (even if things don’t turn out exactly the way you planned) and will remember you for the next time they host an event of their own. 

Another fun aspect of hosting a dinner party is the chance to play matchmaker with your friends. This could be romantic, sure, but mainly it can bring about a lot of joy to see friends from different parts of your life hitting it off and becoming friends themselves.

Sure, anxiety around mixing friend groups can cause some discomfort but it shouldn’t stop us from bringing people together. Remember that they all have the safety and anchor of knowing you.

Also, remember that you aren’t responsible for managing how much fun everyone is having. As a recovering chronic people pleaser this was an eye-opening piece of advice.

Dinner Parties Encourage Us to Take Pride in Our Homes

From a mental health standpoint, this final factor should not be overlooked. Having people over is a chance to show off our space and boost our self-esteem. 

During the pandemic, people became hyper-aware of the fact that the environments we spend the most time in have a major impact on our mental health, which led to more focus on interior design. We pay a lot more attention to what objects bring us both joy as well as a sense of comfort and groundedness. 

“Hosting can motivate people to improve their living space so it is the best possible version to show to others. It can be a great source of inspiration to clean up, light that expensive candle, or use the fancy dishes your grandmother gave you. Even the music choice or playlist of the evening could be a way to show people your taste, and cultivate shared interests,” says Romanoff. 

Her point about cleaning up is huge because most of us are more motivated to clean when we know people are coming over—I am very guilty of this. Sure, it’s largely driven by concern about how I’ll be perceived, but that doesn’t matter because my mental health still benefits from a cleaner house even after my guests have gone home.

When The Last Guest Goes Home

Ok so let’s do a little visualization exercise: imagine the evening has finally reached its natural conclusion and the last guest has said a gracious thank you and gone home for the night. You’re feeling an immense sense of accomplishment because you just pulled off this amazing event! Things didn’t go perfectly but better than you’d expected. You’re feeling proud for putting yourself out there, and for doing all the little things necessary to make it happen. Piece of cake! What were you even so worried about in the first place?

All these feelings can be yours, just open your notes app and start making a list of your favorite people and favorite dishes, it’ll be well worth the effort.