Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Ahhh autumn! Probably the best season for romance. The sweltering months of summer are over and it finally feels like you’d want to cuddle up next to someone again. Not to mention there are apples ripe for the picking, pumpkins to carve, and a spectrum of vibrant leaves to peep. It’s cool and crisp and everything smells like cinnamon. Who wouldn’t want to take advantage of this time and get a little closer to your special someone?

Whether you’re brainstorming fall date ideas together or planning a surprise for your partner, let our list of ideas inspire your autumn romance. From outdoor festivities to cozy indoor activities, budget-friendly dates to splurge-y fun, we’ve got ideas for everyone.

Why It’s Important to Go On Dates With Your Partner

We don’t have to sell you on the idea of spending quality time with your partner—you’re here looking for fall dates, after all. However, it’s always nice to reiterate the importance of planning dedicated time together. Dating helps keep that romantic spark alive by reminding us why we fell in love with our partner in the first place. 

It’s also a great way to let loose and forget—however briefly—about day-to-day stressors. Dating your partner also adds variety to your routine, allows you to create new memories together, and can strengthen your connection and commitment to each other.This is all true no matter how you choose to spend your dates together.

Festive Fall Date Ideas 

Ready for some fall date inspiration? Take your pick from any of these romantic ideas recommended by relationship experts. 

Nature Hike 

Autumn is arguably one of the prettiest times of the year, so it makes sense to head outdoors and soak up the foliage and great weather. Why not enjoy it with someone you love? 

“There is nothing better than slowing down with your partner and connecting plus getting those endorphins up equals creating more joy in the relationship,” says professional counselor Abbey Sangmeister, MSEd., LPC. “Hikes are a great way to explore and connect without added distractions.” 

Research local hot spots for leaf peeping, or cozy up together in a park for a picnic complete with hot apple cider or a pumpkin spice latte? You could even pencil in your date for around sunset to take in the vibrant colors.

Go Wine Tasting

Wine tasting isn’t merely an indulgence in rich flavors; it also sets the stage for deeper connections,” says Julianna Lyddon, a certified life coach with a master’s degree in Marriage, Family, and Child Therapy. 

“Enrich the experience by posing insightful questions like, ‘If money were no object, what would be your dream job?’ or ‘What genuinely ignites joy in your heart?’” Lyddon says. “Moving beyond casual conversation, you open the opportunity for a stronger and more authentic connection.” 

Cozy Up Next to a Blazing Bonfire

Chilly evenings wrapped up in blankets around a flickering fire is pure fall magic. It also has some serious romance potential, especially if you lean on each other to warm up. Make some s’mores, clink cups, tell spooky stories, or dive into deep conversation. 

“You could make the experience meaningful by sharing childhood or life experiences that describe what fall and all of the tastes and smells mean to each of you,” suggests Rikki Dymond, a dating coach with Flirtini. “Being vulnerable is a great way to build trust and get to know your date or partner on a deeper level.” 

Or if you’re feeling the steamy vibes, you could take things up a notch by letting your evening melt into some frisky fun.

Play in the Leaves

Channel your childhood spirit by diving into a giant pile of colorful, crispy, fall-scented leaves. “It is so important to find play in our daily lives—especially as adults,” notes Sangmeister. “Good childhood fun is a great way to connect and bond. Keep some of the leaves and create some art to remember the date.” 

One 2013 study found a correlation between playing as adults and overall life satisfaction.Another found that people who play more have lower stress levels, and that they’re able to cope more healthily in their day-to-day life.

Pumpkin Carving Night

Similarly, head to the market or pumpkin patch and grab yourself some perfect pumpkins to carve or decorate. 

“Choose various sizes and shapes, then work together to carve pumpkins,” suggests mental health counselor Daniel Rinaldi, MHC, and life coach. “Brainstorm creative pumpkin carving ideas together and see whose design turns out the best. Carve your initials into the pumpkin for an extra romantic flair!”

Cook a Special Meal Together

Start this date by heading to the local farmers’ market or grocery store to gather ingredients for a season-appropriate meal cooked together. Maybe it’s tasty pork chops with apples, a classic batch of chili, or stuffed acorn squash. Then, come home and whip up your meal. 

“Cooking together is the ultimate bonding experience because you work on how to communicate and come together to create something plus who doesn’t love a cozy meal,” Sangmeister says.

If it’s a meal that takes a while—like smoked meats or soup, break out some board games or connect in conversation while you wait. 

Spooky Movie Night 

Plan to spend the evening together cozied up with some tasty popcorn, festive beverages, and a Halloween movie. Go classic with an iconic thriller or keep it low-key with something a bit more campy.

“Nothing says ‘I like spending time with you’ more than cuddles and clutching each other during a scary movie,” Dymond says. The discussions around choosing the movie can also reveal a lot about each other’s tastes and preferences!

Go Apple Picking (and Bake a Tasty Pie)

Apple picking is another way to enjoy the autumn weather with your special someone, and it’s definitely a great moment for some cute photos together, too. Rinaldi says to research different orchards together (which builds communication skills) and then hand-pick the best apples together. 

“You can take a little time and research different apple varieties and their best uses, talk about your favorite apples and why you like them, and do an apple tasting together,” Rinaldi says. “Afterward, you can bake an apple pie together. When baking the pie, take turns with different tasks and share stories about your favorite fall memories or traditions.” 

Scenic Fall Drive and Picnic

One of the best parts about autumn is the changing fall foliage. Scout some of the best spots for leaf peeping within a few hours of you and head out for a fun road trip to take in the views. Rinaldi says to put on a podcast or some tunes, and to pack some fall snacks to enjoy along the way. To really enjoy your surroundings once, consider hiking through the woods, laying out a picnic spread, or dabbling in some yoga or meditation together. 

Stroll Through a Pumpkin Patch

Apple picking is a particularly festive autumn activity, and pumpkin picking is right up there, too. After all, it wouldn’t be fall without pumpkins! 

“For a fun, possibly new date experience, grab your partner and go for a stroll through a pumpkin patch, picking out some cute pumpkins while you’re there,” Dymond says. “Be sure to cozy up to your date as you walk and bring some hot cocoa to warm things up!” 

Try a Couples Tarot Reading

If you’re curious about new age practices, consider having your tarot cards read together, suggests Lyddon. This feels particularly on theme throughout autumn and close to Halloween, and whether you believe in the validity of the reading or not it can spark some interesting conversations! 

And if you are a believer, then Lyddon says “This experience can offer insights into your bond’s future trajectory or even help longtime partners reconnect with each other on a deeper level.”

When we hear stories about people who’ve been scammed, it’s easy to make a quick assumption that the victim was careless or gullible. We’re sympathetic, but question how they were unable to see the red flags.

The truth is, we could all stand to be a little more understanding because it doesn’t matter how smart you are—people fall for scams because they are designed to target not only our wallets but also our minds. Scammers use sophisticated psychological tactics to bypass our rational defenses and cloud judgment. They know exactly which emotional buttons to push and when. 

This is why it’s important to understand the most common types of scams and how these scams operate. It allows us to better protect ourselves and our loved ones from falling prey to cybercrime.

Types of Scams to Watch Out For

Here are some of the most common scam types to watch out for:

Imposter Scams

Imposter scams, or impersonation scams, involve attackers pretending to be a distressed family member or an authority figure to trick you into giving your money or personal information by creating a false sense of urgency.

Scammers may pose as a law enforcement official, bank representative, recruitment agency or employer, or tech support of a legitimate business with bogus credentials. 

Pig Butchering Scams

Named after the practice of fattening up the hog before slaughter, this elaborate investment fraud gradually lures people into putting more and more money into seemingly legitimate and lucrative schemes (typically, cryptocurrency trading).

The swindlers let you enjoy small wins initially to build trust and encourage larger investments, aka “fattening up the pig,” until you go all in. Once you do that, they disappear with all your money (aka the “butchering”).

Romance Scams

This type of long-drawn fraud involves attackers using fake online personas on dating sites or social media to trick potential targets. They go to great lengths to win your trust and affection and convince you that the relationship is real. Once they have your heart, they come for the money. It’s often in the form of a false emergency that requires immediate financial help.

The scammers use exploitative tactics like love bombing and gaslighting to make the victim question their own judgment and pressure them into acting hastily. 

Payment App Scams

These scams use unauthorized methods to steal your money or sensitive information via peer-to-peer (P2P) payment apps such as Venmo, Cash App, Paypal, etc. Fraudsters may send fake emails, invoices, or money transfer requests, pretend to be a buyer who made an overpayment, or “accidentally” send you money and request you to give it back. 

Online Shopping Scams

Online purchase scams use fake websites, emails, or ad listings on social media (e.g., Facebook Marketplace) to trick people into buying something that doesn’t exist or isn’t what was advertised. Attackers employ various tactics to extract your money or personal data, including:

• offering unbelievably steep discounts
• faking positive reviews and ratings
• requesting payments in prepaid gift cards or via wire transfer
• using fake QR codes that redirect to phishing sites

Delivery Scams

Package delivery scams use fake shipping alerts pretending to be from a legitimate courier service like USPS or FedEx to deceive online shoppers into paying for bogus deliveries. These scams often prompt you to click on a phony link to “reschedule” or “update your address,” which swindlers use to access your details. 

Lottery Scams

This scam operates by falsely informing a target that they have won a sweepstakes or lottery they never entered. The scammers then demand upfront payment in the guise of processing fees or taxes, or personal information to claim the prize. 

Charity Scams

Charity scams involve seeking donations for nonprofits that do little to no work or don’t exist. For example, they may pretend to collect donations for local firefighters or military veterans. Charity scams are most prevalent during the holiday season and after disasters. 

Robocall Scams

These scams use automated calls with pre-recorded messages to target potential victims. Answering a robocall puts you at risk of scammers stealing your personal or financial information. Common types include customer care, loan fraud, and travel scams. 

The Psychology of Getting Scammed

Scam artists use several psychological tricks to establish trust and manipulate emotions. These include: 

• Authority bias: “They may pose as authority figures or experts and use technical jargon to appear knowledgeable,” says Dr. Alexandra Stratyner, an NYC-based psychologist. This works because people tend to take information from authoritative sources at face value, without thinking of verifying its accuracy or credibility. 
• Halo effect: The halo effect is a cognitive bias where our positive impression about one attribute of a person influences our perception of their other unrelated traits. Fraudsters use this phenomenon by posing as someone successful, knowledgeable, charming, or wealthy. 
• Sympathy bias: Scammers exploit sympathy and empathy by creating scenarios where someone is shown in imminent distress. For example: “My father just passed away, and we’re going to lose our family house. Please help!” “These kinds of scams prey on people’s desire to help one another,” notes Jason Hong, social web expert and professor at the Human-Computer Interaction Institute at Carnegie Mellon University.
• Foot-in-the-door technique: This is a type of persuasion tactic that involves making small requests at first then gradually increasing the demands over time, explains Dr. Stratyner. Attackers also persuade by weaponizing flattery, fear of missing out, greed, and urgency.
• Reciprocity bias: According to social psychology, people tend to feel obligated to repay a favor or a kind gesture, even if it is unsolicited. Scammers tap into this cognitive bias by offering small favors or gifts to their targets to create an obligation to return the favor.
• Mirroring: In long-term cons like pig butchering scams or romance scams, scammers typically engage in mirroring behaviors like adopting their target’s interests, values, attitudes, or hobbies to create common ground and build connection, notes Dr. Stratyner. 
• Social proof: Others’ actions and opinions can subconsciously influence the decisions we make. Scammers exploit this psychological phenomenon by using fake testimonials and reviews or multiple profiles to create the impression that they are trustworthy and reliable. 

Once they have gained your trust, scammers create a crisis to evoke an emotional response. They leverage confirmation bias by aligning the scam with the victim’s existing fears and anxieties, explains Brook Choulet, MD, board-certified psychiatrist. This leads victims to act hastily or impulsively without assessing the legitimacy of the situation. 

Because of the deeply violating nature of the crime, scam survivors often experience severe mental and emotional fallout.

“Being scammed can be a major psychological trauma,” says Dr. Stratyner. This can manifest as anxiety, paranoia, insomnia, PTSD, and depression.

In addition, difficult experiences like these can challenge a person’s ‘just world belief.’ “This is a belief that, in general, when people work hard and do the right things, good things will happen to them,” explains Arianna Galligher, associate director of the Stress, Trauma, and Resilience (STAR) program at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center.

So when something terrible does happen, “some people will conclude that they must have done something wrong to bring about this outcome. This can also lead to heightened anxiety and difficulty trusting oneself and others,” says Galligher. 

How You Can Protect Yourself

It’s important to first acknowledge that scams can happen to literally anyone. Many people assume it would never happen to them, it in fact makes them more vulnerable because they let their guard down more easily, says Dr. Choulet.

In psychology, this is known as optimism bias, which is the cognitive tendency to think we’re less likely than others to experience negative outcomes. “In reality, it’s a false sense of security,” Dr. Choulet explains. 

Here are other key things to keep in mind to better protect yourself against scams, according to cybersecurity experts:

• Enable two-factor authentication: Turn on two-factor authentication (2FA) and additional verification techniques everywhere, recommends Eric O’Neill, former FBI operative and cybersecurity expert. “The best email imposter attacks rely on first compromising an account. Passwords alone will not protect you from cyberattacks,” he says.
• Be skeptical of unasked “help”: “If someone is reaching out to you, trying to ‘help’ for any reason, it’s likely a scam,” says Dr. Zulfikar Ramzan, chief scientist at Aura, who specializes in digital safety and threat intelligence. For example, if someone contacts you to help with “slow wifi” or “compromised system,” but you never made a service call, that’s a red flag. 
• Don’t click on unexpected links: If there’s an unexpected link in a text or an email, don’t click on it. Use a search engine instead, suggests Hong. For instance, if someone gives you a link to a bank website, don’t open it. Instead, look up the bank using a search engine. 
• Watch for urgent requests from untrusted sources: Be wary of requests that are “highly confidential” or require immediate action. “Imposters pair their deceit with pressure situations to convince the target to act quickly before they have a moment to think about their actions,” explains O’Neill.
• Reverse search images: If you’re suspicious, do a reverse image search to find out if a particular photograph is stolen from other sites or are deep fakes. “To identify images that are deep fakes, I use AI to fight AI. My favorite synthetically generated image detector is Anthropic’s Claude.ai,” shares O’Neill.
• Ask to meet potential imposters in person: “A criminal will never arrive at a set meeting and risk arrest. Instead, they will offer countless excuses for why they abruptly missed the meeting,” explains O’Neill.
• Verify business registrations: “Use official business registries to confirm the business is legally registered,” suggests Dr. Ramzan. In the U.S., you can check the Better Business Bureau (BBB). Also, require business transactions to use registered company email accounts. “Be suspicious of emails from free, web-based accounts like Gmail, Yahoo, or Outlook,” says O’Neill.
• Cross-check charities before donating: To avoid charity scams, Dr. Ramzan recommends researching nonprofits through charity watchdogs like Charity Navigator, GuideStar, or the BBB Wise Giving Alliance. You can also check out their annual reports and financial statements. Legitimate charities are typically transparent about their finances, notes Dr. Ramzan. 
• Monitor what’s being shared online: Keep an eye on what’s being shared on social media and public websites. “Threat actors will research and take advantage of vacation details for executives, promotions, recruiting, and especially organizational charts,” O’Neill points out.
• Spread awareness: Talk with your family and friends about any scams you’ve come across. “You might not fall for them, but your loved ones might. It’s also a good way to learn about new kinds of scams,” says Hong.

Common Red Flags

Below, Dr. Ramzan shares common warning signs that can help identify potential scams:

For Websites

• Odd URL structure: Look for URLs that mimic legitimate websites but with slight alterations (e.g., using numbers instead of letters).
• Lack of detailed contact information: Legitimate websites typically have detailed contact information, including a physical address and multiple contact methods.
• Poor quality or stolen content: Check for grammar and spelling mistakes, low-resolution images, or content that seems copied from other websites.
• Unusual payment methods: Be wary if the site only accepts non-traditional payment methods, like cryptocurrency or gift cards.
• No privacy policy or terms of service: Legitimate websites will have clear and accessible privacy policies and terms of service.

For Email

• Unusual email domains: Check the sender’s email domain. Scammers often use domains similar to legitimate ones but with minor differences.
• Generic or overly formal greetings: Scam emails often use generic greetings like “Dear User” instead of your actual name.
• Inconsistent branding: Emails from reputable companies will have consistent branding, logos, and email signatures.
• Unexpected attachments or links: They may include unsolicited attachments or links that prompt you to enter personal information.

For Online Shopping

• Too-good-to-be-true offers: Be skeptical of offers that seem excessively generous or unrealistic.
• Pressure tactics: Scammers often create a sense of urgency, insisting you act immediately to secure a deal.
• Requests for personal information upfront: Legitimate offers typically don’t require extensive personal information right away.

What To Do If You’ve Been Scammed

If you suspect you have been scammed, it’s crucial to act quickly to minimize potential damage. Here are some recommended steps from O’Neill:

• Cease all contact immediately
• Document the incident (photos, call records, screenshots, etc.)
• Don’t send a wire payment to someone you don’t know, as they typically can’t be reversed
• Be skeptical of any offers to help recover the stolen money, as they might be a scam

Report the scam

• To the website or platform where the fraud occurred
• To your bank or credit card company, if financial information was shared 
• To local authorities

Keep in Mind

Scammers use a variety of psychological tactics to tap into our cognitive biases, manipulate emotions, and cloud our judgment. However, by staying informed about these manipulative tricks and implementing cybersecurity best practices, we can better protect ourselves from these digital predators. 

No one wants to believe their friend isn’t their friend. They’re supposed to be our ride-or-dies, our shoulder to cry on, the yin-to-our-yang. But sometimes, things are just off. Maybe they downplay our successes, give us questionable advice, or seem a little too happy when things don’t go our way. But they’re our friends…right?

These mixed signals can make us question our reality and wonder whether we’re making a big deal out of nothing or if something nefarious is happening, says Judy Ho Gavazza, PhD, ABPP, ABPdN, a neuropsychologist.

Below, we’ll explore some subtle and not-so-subtle signs that a friend might actually be sabotaging you, even if it’s unintentional. It might be time to reevaluate your friendships and take steps to protect yourself, like perhaps breaking up with your friend.

10 Signs a Friend Is Sabotaging You

If you suspect that a friend might be sabotaging you, these are some red flags to look out for:

• They downplay your wins: You get that big promotion or crush a personal goal, and instead of celebrating with you, they shrug it off. “Whenever you mention something you’re excited about, their first words are something that brings you down,” says Dr. Gavazza.
• They’re always competing with you: Everything feels like a contest with them. Every story, every achievement, every success—they have to have a better one. It’s like they’re always competing with you and trying to one-up you.
• They spill all your secrets: You confide in them, but somehow your business ends up circulating through your workplace or friend group.
• They’re only supportive when you’re struggling: When you’re down, they’re suddenly super caring, but when you’re thriving, they go quiet or distant. It’s like they need you to stay in a rough patch. Weird, right?
• Their compliments feel like insults: You know those “compliments” that actually make you feel worse? Like, “Wow, I wish I had your confidence to wear something like that.” These backhanded compliments are often intended to showcase something about you that isn’t very flattering, says Dr. Gavazza.
• Their advice always backfires: Ever notice how their “advice” seems to lead you straight into a mess? If their tips constantly leave you worse off, it might not be by accident.
• They badmouth you to others: Another telltale sign is making negative remarks about you in front of others, says Jenna Nielsen, MSW, LCSW, a therapist at ADHDAdvisor. She explains that if it feels like the person is always starting drama or gossiping about you, they probably don’t have your best interests at heart.
• They’re always comparing you to others: They might constantly compare you to others and imply that you’re lacking. For example, when you buy a house, they may talk about someone else who just bought a bigger one.
• They’re constantly putting you down: Subtle digs, public snubs, or just general negativity toward your ideas can be major red flags.
• They never apologize: They never admit their mistakes or apologize, even when they’ve messed up. Instead, they’ll deny it when asked directly and make you feel guilty for asking any questions or raising concerns, says Dr. Gavazza. Gaslighting 101.

Why Your “Friend” Might Sabotage You

It can be hard to believe that a friend could intentionally or unintentionally sabotage you. But according to the experts, these are some common reasons behind this kind of behavior:

• Jealousy: A friend might sabotage you due to jealousy—if they’re not happy with their own lives, they may want someone to be as miserable as them, says Dr. Gavazza.
• Envy: Envy is also a possibility. Your friend may wish they were like you or they desire what you have, says Audrey Hope, a counselor and relationship expert.
• Resentment: If there’s any unresolved tension or resentment in the friendship, whether from past conflicts, misunderstandings, or unspoken issues, the person might act out in subtle ways. Instead of addressing it directly, they may sabotage you as a passive-aggressive way of expressing their frustration.
• Competition: The person may feel like they are in direct competition for some reason, even if both of you are doing completely different things, says Dr. Gavazza. Instead of being happy for your wins, they feel the need to beat you or be better than you.
• Insecurity: Your accomplishments can make the person feel insecure about where they’re at. They may sabotage you to make themselves feel or look better, says Nielsen.
• Fear of change: Some friends might feel threatened by your growth and change. If you’re leveling up in life—getting a promotion, starting a new relationship, or pursuing new interests—they may feel left behind and try to hold you back to keep things as they were.
• Lack of empathy: The person may lack empathy and not understand how their actions are affecting you.
• Toxic relationship patterns: People often sabotage others because they’re used to toxic cycles in relationships, says Dr. Gavazza. She adds that it’s very rarely about you and more a reflection of how the person has been treated in the past.

What to Do If You Think Your Friend Is Sabotaging You

It can be tricky to be in a position where a friend might be sabotaging you. Here’s what you can do to handle the situation:

• Trust your intuition: We never expect those closest to us to hurt us or be against us in any way, says Hope. “Are they jealous? Do they not want me to succeed? Are they sabotaging me? These questions don’t even enter our minds because we would never imagine it possible. But you have to pay attention to your intuition.”
• Look for evidence: Pay attention to specific instances where your friend has sabotaged you. This can help you evaluate the situation more clearly. Is it a one-time thing or does it happen often? Are they intentionally hurting you, or could there be a misunderstanding?
• Have an honest conversation: It can be uncomfortable, but having an honest conversation might be necessary. Talk to your friend about your concerns, approaching the conversation calmly and respectfully. Be specific about the behaviors that are bothering you.
• Give them space to change: If they’re willing to acknowledge their behavior and work on it, give them a chance to make things right. People can change if they’re genuinely invested in the friendship.
• Set clear boundaries: If you feel like their behavior is negatively affecting you, it’s time to set boundaries. Let them know what’s not okay and establish limits for what you will and won’t tolerate in the friendship.
• Consider ending the friendship: It’s really important to surround yourself with people who are going to be positive, healing presences in your life, and sometimes you may have to put a friend on the back burner or even cut them out of your life if they keep sabotaging you, says Dr. Gavazza.
• Limit your interaction with them: If you can’t cut them out completely, because they’re a family member or colleague, think of ways you can relegate them to a smaller, less influential role in your life, Dr. Gavazza suggests.
• Seek support: Share your suspicions with someone you trust. It could be a friend, family member, colleague, or therapist—anyone who can offer a listening ear and genuinely has your best interests at heart.
• Prioritize your well-being: Remember, your peace of mind comes first. If the friendship is toxic, it’s okay to let it go. Sometimes stepping away is the healthiest choice you can make.

Takeaways

It’s heartbreaking to think that a friend might be secretly sabotaging you. But by being aware of these red flags, you can identify toxic patterns and build healthier relationships. Remember, you deserve to have friends who lift you up—not drag you down.