Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

We get it: admitting that you don’t know something can make you feel super vulnerable. That’s why so many of us don’t say “I don’t know” even if we have no idea what the answer is to a particular query.

Admitting you don’t know something is particularly tricky in certain contexts. “In workplaces, people feel this pressure acutely—there is often an expectation to have quick, definitive answers,” says Rachel Marmor, LMHC, licensed mental health counselor and chief wellness officer at PAIRS Foundation. “Leaders especially may fear that saying ‘I don’t know’ could undermine their authority.”

But it’s also common to feel pressure in the context of interpersonal relationships. “People may worry that if they admit they don’t know, they’ll disappoint or lose connection with their loved ones,” Marmor explains. We often fear looking weak, or showing vulnerability, even with those we love and care about.

But saying “I don’t know” can be reframed as a strength, rather than a weakness. It can bring out some of our best qualities, in fact. “Admitting we don’t know allows us to be more open and authentic,” says Lynda Martin, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist. It creates opportunities for exploration and collaboration, at work and in relationships.

“Rather than trying to hide behind superficial answers, being honest about our uncertainty can strengthen trust and connection,” Martin shares. “It also gives us the space to learn and grow, moving from shame to curiosity.”

Other Ways to Say ‘I Don’t Know’

Okay, this is all fine and good. But how do you actually go about saying “I don’t know” without actually saying it? What are some more comfortable ways of admitting you don’t know anything?

Marmor and Martin shared their favorite ways of saying “I don’t know.”

I don’t know yet, but I’m committed to finding out.

This is a good response for people who are in leadership roles because it demonstrates that not knowing something doesn’t mean that you are passive. “It shows you are actively engaged and taking responsibility for discovering the answer,” Marmor says. “This builds trust with others.”

Let’s take the day to research and brainstorm, then circle back tomorrow with our thoughts.

A response like this promotes teamwork while also removing the pressure of needing to provide an immediate answer, Martin says. It also offers a clear pan for a follow-up, which shows diligence and responsibility.

I’m not sure at the moment, but I value your question and will take time to reflect on it.

This response acknowledges the other person’s contribution to the discussion, but also gives yourself some extra time to think. It can be helpful at work, but also in relationships, Marmor says, because it emphasizes the idea that you care and respect the other person’s thoughts and feelings.

Let’s brain-dump what we know, focus on our goal, and strategize from there.

“This collaborative approach helps shift the focus from needing all the answers right away to figuring out the best path forward together,” says Martin. It’s also concrete and goal-oriented.

That’s a great question; I’d need some time to look into it.

If you take this tactic, you can follow up with: “Can I get back to you in an hour?”, Martin suggests. “Setting a specific time and committing to it builds trust and accountability,” she explains.

I’m not sure. Let me gather my thoughts so I can give you a more thoughtful answer.

“This offers transparency and buys time without the pressure of an immediate response,” Martin describes. It shows that you are willing to admit when you don’t know something, but also that you are willing to put in the work to fully answer the question.

I really want to answer this, but I’m afraid I might mix up some details.

It’s not always better to say something just to say something. This response “shows honesty and a commitment to accuracy, which is especially important when dealing with complex topics like data or definitions,” says Martin.

I don’t have all the pieces yet, but let’s gather more information together.

This is a great response to use in a group or work setting, because it brings others into the process, Marmor says. “It’s a collaborative approach that values collective intelligence over individual expertise,” she explains. “It also lessens the pressure to have all the answers yourself.”

Give me a minute to double-check before I respond.

This is a quick way to buy yourself a little more time before responding. It also shows that you are the type of person who does their due diligence before blurting out an answer.

That’s an interesting question. I don’t have the answer right now, but I’m willing to explore it.

This is another response that invites joint exploration. “It creates an atmosphere of partnership, which is especially important in relationships and teamwork,” Marmor describes.

I didn’t think about that in the way you’ve framed it, but it’s a great question. I’ll think about it and get back to you ASAP.

Saying something like this shows that you aren’t just saying that you don’t know the answer, but that you might have a different perspective, and that you are taking the other person’s perspective seriously.

Well, it depends…

While this answer doesn’t directly answer a question, it can open up a range of possible outcomes and allow for deeper exploration. You can follow up with questions like: “How does that sit with you?” Doing so “not only buys time but also engages the other person in a collaborative process,” Martin shares.

I don’t know, and I’m okay with that. What do you think?

“This can be very powerful in personal relationships because it invites dialogue and shared vulnerability,” says Marmor. It’s a response that basically says, “I trust you enough to admit my uncertainty, and I value your perspective.”

Keep in Mind

When faced with a scenario where you need to admit that you don’t know something, the goal is to share this uncertainty while also staying grounded and connected to yourself and others. “It’s not about evading the truth but rather embracing it in a way that builds bridges,” says Marmor. “When we approach uncertainty with curiosity, openness, and congruence, we give others permission to do the same.”

Finally, try to remember that being authentic is much more valuable than having all the answers in life. As Marmor puts it: “When we say ‘I don’t know’ in a heartfelt way, we invite others into a space of honesty and human connection—and that is where real communication begins.”