BetterHelp, Tried and Tested by 8 People Nationally and Internationally

As one of the largest online therapy companies, chances are you’ve heard of BetterHelp. With over 34,000 therapists in its network, the company says it has helped over three million people access virtual therapy across the U.S. and in over 200 countries. And there is no question, given its reach, that the company has changed the landscape of this business in its attempts to make affordable, convenient therapy available to more people.

But just because the company is the biggest doesn’t mean it’s the best—and there have been quite a few competing online therapy companies that have shown up in the past few years. So we decided to test BetterHelp ourselves: we asked eight people to test the service in order to get a sense of how well the company served people in different locations, with different budgets, and with different therapy needs. 

We tested BetterHelp’s services in Missouri, Massachusetts, California, New York, Kansas, and even the UK. From stay-at-home moms to mental health professionals, we represented all walks of life and were each looking for different kinds of help, turning to BetterHelp for support with everything from parenting to ADHD.

In addition to our own testing, we also surveyed 100 current and past BetterHelp users, sent the company a questionnaire, and interviewed three therapists employed at the company. We also worked with three subject matter experts—Dr. Amy Marschall, PsyD, Dr. Nic Hardy, PhD and LCSW, and Hannah Owens, LMSW—to assess the company’s strengths and weaknesses. The best thing about BetterHelp is its availability across the US and 200 countries, but other than that, we didn’t think there was much to write home about. Here’s how BetterHelp fared in our review.

Betterhelp

PHOTO: Betterhelp

How We Tested Online Therapy

  • 82 Companies reviewed
  • 8,400 Total users surveyed
  • 350 Data points analyzed

Curious about the extensive work we did to research and evaluate online therapy companies? Take a look at our online therapy methodology.

What Is BetterHelp?

BetterHelp is an online therapy company established in 2013, specializing in counseling for individuals across the United States and over 200 countries. It does not offer psychiatry services or group or family therapy, but if you’re looking for couples therapy or therapy for teens, you can sign up for its sister sites ReGain (for couples) and Teen Counseling (for teens).

The company says it can provide therapy for a number of mental health conditions, including:

Related: The Best Online Therapy for Anxiety, Tried and Tested

Key Specs

  • Price: $280 to $400+ per month
  • Is Insurance Accepted: No
  • Type Of Therapy: Individual Therapy
  • Communication Options: Messaging, Phone, Video Chat
  • Is There an App: Yes

BetterHelp Pros and Cons

Pros

  • Serves all 50 states and 200 countries

  • Matches you quickly with a therapist after sign-up

  • Discounts and financial aid available

  • User-friendly website and app

  • Clear focus on delivering quality virtual individual talk therapy

  • All therapists are licensed

  • Easy to change therapists if necessary

  • Can pay with HSA/FSA card

  • One plan offered that prioritizes live weekly sessions

Cons

  • Only one subscription plan available

  • Prices vary based on demand and location

  • No medication management or psychiatry

  • Does not accept health insurance

  • No family therapy offered

  • Redirects to separate sites for couples therapy and teen therapy

  • Therapists cannot diagnose

  • Concerns over user data management

Related: The Best Online Therapy for Anxiety, Tried and Tested

How Much Does BetterHelp Cost?

BetterHelp only offers one subscription plan (unlike many of its competitors like Talkspace and Brightside), which costs $70-$100 per week, though you’re billed monthly. 

The reason the price is listed as a range—despite there only being one plan—is because the company told us it partakes in surge pricing. This means the cost of services changes based on where you are and how much demand there is for mental health care at any given time. When we signed up, we were indeed quoted different prices: for example, in New York, we were quoted $90 per week, whereas testers in less urban areas (such as Missouri and the UK) were offered the same services for $80 and $70, respectively. 

We found this practice of surge pricing troubling. “Raising costs of mental health care based on demand makes affordable and accessible care even more difficult for therapy seekers, many of whom are already faced with barriers to care because of cost,” explains Hannah Owens, LMSW and Mental Health Editor for Verywell Mind. “It’s akin to a hospital charging more for cancer treatment because there are more cancer patients seeking treatment at that time.”

You should also know that the company does not accept any insurance plans, which is a significant drawback.

Health insurance can increase people’s access to mental health care by lowering the cost. In the U.S., the average cost of therapy ranges from $60 to $200 per session or more. If you do use insurance for therapy, a session could have a copay as low as $20 to $40, which is more affordable than BetterHelp’s subscription plans. 

However, BetterHelp does offer financial aid for students, veterans, and low-income therapy seekers. If you are hesitant about trying BetterHelp, it usually offers promo codes for new users on their first month’s subscription. In fact, Verywell Mind readers can get their own discount. 

Of the 100 BetterHelp users we surveyed, 70% found the service to be affordable or very affordable, and 84% rated BetterHelp’s value for the money as very good or excellent. However, compared to many other companies we tested, these numbers are low.

Related: The 8 Best Online Therapy Services that Accept Insurance, Tried and Tested

Signing Up for Therapy at BetterHelp

We thought that BetterHelp’s website was easy to use. When we landed on the homepage, we were greeted with the words “You deserve to be happy;” below that, we were asked what type of therapy we were looking for (individual, couples, or teen, the latter two of which redirected us to ReGain and Teen Counseling respectively). BetterHelp’s intuitive dashboard allowed us to manage sessions and track our progress conveniently. And most of our surveyed users agreed, with 95% saying they found it easy or very easy to navigate the site.

The sign-up process for BetterHelp is actually pretty long: It took us about 20 to 30 minutes to complete, so make sure you set aside time to finish it. If you stop mid-sign-up and exit your browser, it will not save your answers and you’ll have to start all over again (something we discovered first-hand). 

To get started, we were asked a series of questions about our gender identity, age, sexual orientation, and relationship status. It is worth noting that the company provides a variety of choices for describing gender identity and sexual orientation. For instance, under “gender identity,” we could choose from “woman,” “man,” “non-binary,” “transfeminine,” “transmasculine,” “agender,” “I don’t know,” “prefer not to say,” and “other.” In detailing our sexual orientation, we were given the options of “straight,” “gay,” “lesbian,” “bi/pan,” “prefer not to say,” “questioning,” “queer,” “asexual,” “I don’t know,” and “other.” We very much appreciated how inclusive this section of the intake process was, and it gave us confidence that we would be matched with a therapist who understood our identities.

We were also asked if we were religious and, if yes, which religion we identified with. If we answered that our religion was Christianity, we were then asked, “Would you like to be matched with a Christian-based therapist?” 

However, if you answer that you identify with a different religion other than Christianity, you won’t get asked if you want to match with a therapist of that faith. We tried answering this question a few different times, each time saying we were from a different religion, and never got that same follow-up. That being said, the only options for “Which religion do you identify with?” are Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Prefer not to say, and Other.

After the questions about our identity and religious affiliation, we were asked to complete questions about our mental health history, such as whether we had ever been in therapy before and what led us to therapy today. Options for what led us to therapy included “I’ve been feeling depressed,” “My mood is interfering with my job/school performance,” “I am grieving,” and 10 other choices. Then, we were asked what our expectations were from our therapist, such as a therapist who listens, explores our past, teaches us new skills, assigns us homework, and more. We were also asked about our preferences in our therapist’s approach, including gentle or direct, flexible or structured, and casual or formal.

The platform also asked us to rate our current physical health and eating habits as good, fair, or poor. (This holistic attention to different aspects of our health did not go unnoticed.)

Then, we were asked if we were experiencing overwhelming sadness or depression. Following this, there were a few questions from the Patient Health Questionnaire, or the PHQ-9, an assessment used to screen for depression. In addition to depression, it asked if we were experiencing anxiety, panic attacks, or chronic pain. Other demographic questions include how we would rate our current financial status on the same good, fair, or poor scale. We were asked if we were currently employed, reported how often we drink alcohol, and rated our sleeping habits. Other screening questions towards the end included if we had any problems with intimacy and when the last time we thought about suicide was—if ever. Though we appreciated the thoroughness of the intake questionnaire, we felt like it was a little random and disorganized.

At the end of the questionnaire, we specified how we preferred to communicate with our therapist, whether through mostly messaging or mostly phone/video sessions. We could also indicate specific preferences for our therapist, such as their gender, whether they are Christian or non-religious, and whether they are a member of the LGBTQIA+ community or a person of color, as well as whether they are older than 45. This further increased our confidence in BetterHelp’s ability to match us with an appropriate provider.

Once this intake questionnaire was complete, we were asked a series of questions about our financial circumstances, including if we were a student, identified as disabled, were unemployed, had a low income, or were a veteran. These questions assessed whether we were eligible for financial aid. There was no requirement to provide documentation to prove whether we were a part of these demographics.

The one thing we really didn’t like about BetterHelp’s sign-up process, however, was the fact that we were required to pay for our monthly subscription before we received our therapist match. 

It’s important to note that this is the stage where you will be quoted your exact subscription price. Up until this point, you do not know how much therapy will cost you or if you’re eligible for a discount. 

The amount of time it took us to get matched with our therapist varied between testers and locations. The company states it will take about 48 hours to receive a match. In our experience, sometimes we had to wait the full 48 hours, while in one case we were matched within 2 hours.

We did not get to choose our therapist match at sign-up, which is different from some of the other companies we reviewed and may be a drawback for some users, especially since the success of therapy is so dependent on the client-therapist relationship. 

Still, 89% of users rated BetterHelp as excellent or very good overall, and 87% felt similarly about the qualifications of BetterHelp’s providers. Ninety-four percent of users reported that they found a therapist who met all or most of their needs. 

Related: The Best Online Therapy Services for Depression We Tried and Tested

How Do Therapy Sessions Work at BetterHelp?

Once we’d signed up, we could access sessions and message our therapist via the BetterHelp app or online portal. This portal is where we were able to contact our therapist in the chat room, schedule sessions, attend those sessions, complete daily journal prompts in this portal, and attend webinars. 

All BetterHelp sessions are typically 30 to 45 minutes long, depending on what you and your therapist agree to. You can also message your therapist at any time through the messaging room in the app or web portal. However, the company does not promise therapists will respond within a specific time frame.

Messaging Our Therapist

In our portal, we had access to a platform to message our therapist on BetterHelp anytime, with responses typically provided five days a week. We could send them a written message, an audio message (up to five minutes in length), and even a video message—and they responded to us asynchronously once they were available to do so.

Our experiences with this messaging service varied greatly. In a few cases, our therapists messaged back within a few hours during the day, and even responded to multiple messages; one of our therapists in particular was especially responsive, clearly taking the time and care to respond thoughtfully to us. However, other times, we only received one message back per day (or night), most of which felt canned and impersonal.

“As I continued messaging my therapists, I noticed a pattern,” one of our testers noted. “Their responses were short and vague—often directing me to wait until the next live session.” For instance, one of the responses we received after sending a long message about our desire for therapy said, “We can process through how to get to that goal. Look forward to speaking with you soon.” And if we sent a message over the weekend or at night, it took longer to respond—though at one point we did receive a therapist response at 2 a.m. on a Saturday.

This is why we do not think that texting with a therapist, however frequently, is really an appropriate alternative to talk therapy and why we would only recommend using BetterHelp’s messaging service in conjunction with and as a complement to the phone and video sessions it offers, not alone. “There are important elements of a therapy session that are impossible over text,” explains Owens. “Your therapist cannot read your body language, interpret your tone of voice, or even see your facial expressions. This makes it much more difficult for your therapist to fully understand the issues you bring up and how you are truly feeling about what you’re talking about.”

However, one unique feature of this messaging app that stood out to us is that you’re able to mark messages as “Urgent” by clicking a checkbox prior to sending. That being said, BetterHelp has a statement in the footer of its website that reads “If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger—don’t use this site” as well as links to crisis resources. It does not specify what you should use the “Urgent” messages for.

Live Sessions

A monthly subscription plan got us four live sessions with BetterHelp. We could not buy additional sessions. 

There were three options available for live sessions with our therapists: via live chat, phone call, or video call. These sessions were either 30 or 45 minutes, depending on our therapist’s availability as well as the main issues we indicated in the initial questionnaire. We could schedule our first live session directly on the portal. Then, much like in-person therapy, our therapists would ask when we would like to schedule next week’s appointment at the end of each session. The therapists filled this information out for us on their end and the next appointment automatically appeared in our schedule on our portal.

BetterHelp does not charge for missed sessions, but you can’t schedule an extra session if you miss one.

Our Live Video Sessions

When it was time for our scheduled video session, we logged into our portal on the website or the app. Our therapists initiated the video calls within the portal, but we still needed to accept the call.

Much like our experiences with messaging, the quality of our video calls varied widely. Sometimes, we had absolutely no technological issues, while other times we experienced lags and volume problems with the video. In addition, sometimes our sessions were 45 minutes long, whereas other times they only lasted 30 minutes (and we greatly preferred the longer sessions).

The same variation was true for the quality of our therapy sessions themselves. Most of the time, we felt like our therapists were well-qualified, relatable, and competent—they were attentive to our problems and listened to what we had to say, offered useful advice and support, and even assigned us worksheets to do in between sessions that they felt would benefit us. For the most part, we felt like we received appropriate and helpful care, which was surprising—we were afraid that at such a big company, the chances of receiving quality therapy were slim. In one case, we specifically noted that “The therapist was warm, calm, and made a real effort to delve into my concerns.” In fact, “One of the critical aspects that this therapist got right was taking the time to holistically understand our family life, and therefore she didn’t suggest things that simply wouldn’t work for us.”

That being said, our sessions were not without their issues. In our most recent testing, our first therapist with whom we had scheduled a session never actually showed up, and did not respond to any of our messages asking what had happened, all of which we found to be incredibly unprofessional. Our second therapist, though present, was not great either—we described our sessions with her as “therapy light,” because she did not really participate in the conversation or help us delve into any issues. This combined experience was disappointing.

We also found that, while some of our therapists conducted a standard “intake” session, where they asked us questions about our mental health history and confirmed that we were not in crisis, most of our therapists did not do this, which was concerning. In addition, during one of our video calls, our therapist often looked off-screen. We assumed they were taking notes, but it added an impersonal element to the session. And, even worse, we had a bad experience with a therapist who was ableist and assumed that we were seeking therapy because of our physical disability when that was not the case.

Our Live Audio Sessions

Similar to video sessions, audio sessions took place within our portal, and we found their quality unreliable as well. In one case, we “felt strange during the audio call because it did not feel like a true therapy session. It mostly felt like a phone call to someone.” 

In addition, we felt like it was more difficult to develop a rapport with our therapist over the phone because they were unable to see our body language and nonverbal communication cues. We also found that, without the accountability of seeing our therapist face-to-face, we were tempted to disengage from the session. After a few audio calls, we completely understood why our therapists preferred video sessions.

Our Live Chat Sessions

Live chat sessions are held inside the portal and are similar to asynchronous messaging, but are held in real-time, which can make it more akin to traditional therapy (rather than sending a random text and waiting hours for a reply). Our therapists initiated the live chat and a timer appeared on the screen, indicating the length of our session.

Much like our audio sessions, we were not impressed with our live chat therapy appointments. It felt too much like texting a friend, and we did not feel like we received the same level of care that we did with video—though for the most part that was not the fault of our therapists. It is difficult for conversation to flow easily when you have to wait for the other person to send their reply. However, in one case, “the therapist used only text messaging during the live chat, creating a good pace of conversation,” as opposed to clunkier options like voice or video messaging. During that conversation, we felt like our therapist did the best they possibly could under the circumstances.

A unique feature for BetterHelp, too, is that we could choose to see “Live Typing.” This means that we were able to see what our therapist was typing as they typed it—and vice versa. The messages appeared in a different color once they were complete and sent.

We discovered that it was important that we did not leave the app or close out of the portal during our live chats. Doing so ended the session early and the therapist was unable to restart it.

Related: 8 Online Text Therapy Companies We Tested and Recommend

Journaling

BetterHelp also offers a journal feature through the patient portal. We could respond to daily prompts or just quickly jot down our feelings. If we wanted our therapist to read our entries, we could share them with them through the portal, but we could also keep our entries to ourselves. 

Webinars

BetterHelp offers webinars, which it calls “groupinars,” through its patient portal. These groupinars are about various mental health topics—for example, we tried out one about ADHD and found it affirming and supportive.

Switching Therapists at BetterHelp

If you’re unhappy with your therapist at BetterHelp, you can always switch—and we were pleased to find that the process of doing so was clear and easy. 

All we had to do was to click our name in the top left corner in the portal, which opened a dropdown menu. The third option on the dropdown was “Change therapist.” We were then asked a few questions, such as whether we had any preferences for who we’d like our new therapist to be and what our experience was like with our previous therapist.

We were then given 10 to 20 available therapists to choose from, which is different than the sign-up process where we were matched with someone. This time, we could read through their bios and specialties to make our own decisions about who we wanted to work with. 

After we chose a new provider, we were immediately connected with them in the portal and could schedule a live session within 48 to 72 hours, depending on the therapist’s availability.

Switching therapists after our no-show appointment was even easier—we contacted BetterHelp’s customer support and complained, and they quickly sent us a new list of therapist options.

Canceling Our BetterHelp Subscription

We could cancel our subscription to BetterHelp at any time. We simply clicked our username in the top right corner and went to “Account Settings.” Once on this page, we scrolled down to the Payment Settings header and clicked “Change membership / cancel membership.”

Once we clicked, we were given the choice between changing our subscription plan or canceling it altogether. 

Although when we signed up we were only offered one subscription plan, when we went to cancel, we could downgrade our subscription to two previously unavailable options: 

  • A weekly option, which involves paying for one session weekly instead of monthly.
  • A maintenance plan, which includes unlimited messaging and one live session a month for $160 per month. It does let you know that your therapist’s responses to messages may be less frequent as well. 

When we did decide to cancel, the site asked us a few questions, including whether we had discussed canceling with our therapist and what our reasons were for canceling. 

Once we’d canceled, we could continue with our unused session(s) for the month, and our subscription plan would stop renewing. BetterHelp does not offer a refund for any unused sessions at the end of the billing period.

Final Verdict

BetterHelp is a reliable alternative for those whose schedules don’t allow them to go to in-person therapy. The company prioritizes accessibility with its convenient, user-friendly website and app as well as its available financial aid. To this point,  82% of users rated BetterHelp’s customer service as very good or excellent, and 96% said they were likely or very likely to recommend BetterHelp to a friend. 

Still, the concerns surrounding BetterHelp—including its surge pricing and the inconsistent quality of its services—are worth considering before using the company for online therapy.

In addition, BetterHelp has come under fire for selling the personal information of its users to advertisers. This is something important to be aware of before you sign up for any services.

When choosing an online therapy provider, we recommend that you read the company’s privacy guidelines before you sign up to better understand whether it is HIPAA-compliant and whether it shares any private information with third parties. There have been some concerns raised by the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) and several government officials about what user health information online therapy providers collect and what they do with any information they collect.

Get Help Now

We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Methodology

To fairly and accurately review the best online therapy programs, we sent questionnaires to 55 companies and surveyed 100 current users of each. This allowed us to directly compare services offered by gathering qualitative and quantitative data about each company and its users’ experiences.

Specifically, we evaluated each company on the following factors: website usability, the sign-up and therapist matching processes, therapist qualifications, types of therapy offered, the service’s quality of care, client-therapist communication options, session length, subscription offerings, client data management, average cost and value for money, whether it accepts insurance, how easy it is to change therapists, overall user satisfaction, and the likelihood that clients would recommend them.

We also signed up for the companies in order to get a sense of how this process worked, how easy it is to use the platform, and how therapy takes place at the company. Then, we interviewed three of therapists we found who either currently work or worked for this company in the past and worked with three subject matter experts to get their expert analysis on how suited this company is to provide quality care to therapy seekers.


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10 Bad Dating App Behaviors to Spot and Avoid


Let’s be real, dating apps can be a wild (and exhausting) ride. Sometimes they can be fun and exciting, leading to genuine connections and lasting love. But, other times, they can bring out some seriously sketchy behavior. And we’re not talking about cheesy pickup lines, cringe-worthy bios, or shirtless gym selfies. Beyond these harmless quirks are some toxic behaviors that can leave us feeling hurt, confused, or frustrated.

“The anonymity of dating apps allows people to hide, pretend, string us along, never get back to us, tell us they’re looking for something different than what they really want, and just create plain overwhelm and confusion,” says Claudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love.”

These behaviors can traumatize us and have us questioning our worth, especially if we experience them repeatedly, says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist.

Whether you’re swiping for a soulmate or just dipping your toes into the dating pool, these are some of the red flags to look out for.

Dating App Behaviors to Watch Out For

As you spend time interacting with people on the apps and setting up dates, keep an eye out for these potentially harmful behaviors—they don’t bode well for the potential for lasting love.

Ghosting

Ghosting is essentially when someone suddenly cuts off all communication without any explanation.

For example, you’ve been chatting with someone for weeks, or even dating them, and then—poof—the person disappears, ignoring your calls and texts. They’ve suddenly vanished, like a ghost.

Ghosting can be incredibly hurtful. It leaves you feeling rejected, confused, and wondering what you did wrong. If you’ve been ghosted, you may be tempted to believe the other person doesn’t value you enough to provide closure or an ending, says Dr. Romanoff.

Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing is when someone gives you just enough attention to keep you hooked but never actually commits to anything.

They might send flirty texts or like your pictures occasionally, but every time you try to make plans, chances are they conveniently “forget” or bail on you at the last minute.

Breadcrumbing can be incredibly frustrating because you’re unsure of where you stand with the person. It often feels like a rollercoaster of suspense—the highs when the person makes contact feel euphoric, keeping you pecking along the trail for the crumbs of affection the person gives you, says Dr. Romanoff. Ultimately, you waste a lot of emotional energy waiting for something that’s never going to happen.

Love Bombing

Love bombing is when someone overwhelms you with excessive affection, compliments, and promises early on to gain your trust quickly.

For example, someone you’ve just started talking to online is constantly showering you with compliments, bombarding you with gifts, telling you they love you, and planning their future with you. 

While it might seem flattering at first, love bombing is a manipulative tactic used to gain control. It often leads to emotional manipulation or disappointment when the person pulls away just as suddenly.

Benchwarming

Benchwarming is when someone keeps you as a backup option while pursuing other people more seriously.

For example, the person may only text you sporadically, either when they’re bored or when their primary interest is unavailable.

This behavior can make you feel undervalued, like you’re not a priority but just a placeholder in their dating life.

Ghost-Lighting

Ghost-lighting is a mix of ghosting and gaslighting, where someone ghosts you and then pretends it never happened if they resurface later.

The person may disappear for weeks, then suddenly pop back in like nothing happened, acting confused if you bring it up.

This can leave you feeling manipulated and questioning your own perception of the situation.

Cheating

Unfortunately, some people use dating apps despite being in committed relationships, which can be a form of cheating

The person may tell you they’re single, but they may actually be using the app behind their partner’s back.

This behavior is dishonest and disrespectful to both the person they’re dating and to you.

Negging

Negging involves giving backhanded compliments or subtle insults.

For example, someone tells you they like your dress, but then adds, “It’s a little last season, but you pull it off.” 

Negging is a form of emotional abuse that can chip away at your self-worth and make you feel insecure.

Catfishing

Catfishing occurs when someone creates a fake profile or pretends to be someone else to deceive you.

For instance, someone uses heavily edited pictures that don’t look like them at all, claims they’re a doctor when they’re not, or even pretends to be a completely different person.

Catfishing makes you question your judgment, doubt your ability to pick a partner, lose faith in others, and avoid emotional vulnerability in the future, Dr. Romanoff explains.

Trolling

Trolling is when someone intentionally provokes, insults, or upsets you, just to get a reaction out of you.

On dating apps, this could involve sending rude or offensive messages, making derogatory comments about your profile, cracking inappropriate jokes, or even sharing suggestive images. 

Trolling can be deeply upsetting, making you feel humiliated, attacked, and even unsafe.

Bullying

Cyberbullying can occur on any digital platform, including dating apps. Bullying on dating apps is very common unfortunately and tends to happen early on, says Dr. Romanoff.

It could involve harassment, insults, or comments that are designed to make you feel bad about yourself.

When you experience dating-related trauma, dating apps can feel like a negative, scary, and dangerous place.


SABRINA ROMANOFF, PSYD

Bullying can cause people to experience immense shame, says Dr. Romanoff. “In these situations, they tend to not share what they’ve experienced with loved ones, which only entrenches them further with their bully, making it harder to leave.” 

If you’re experiencing bullying or abuse, it’s important to talk to someone trusted, get support, and seek safety, says de Llano.

Psychological Impact of Bad Dating App Behaviors

Many of these harmful behaviors aren’t just frustrating, they can also have real psychological consequences, which might include:

  • Self-doubt: Being repeatedly rejected, ghosted, or treated as a backup can make us question our worth. We tend to personalize the harm and believe we are deserving of it, which affects our self-esteem, says Dr. Romanoff.
  • Trust issues: Experiences like catfishing, trolling, or discovering a partner using dating apps in secret can lead to deep trust issues, making future relationships difficult. “These behaviors can impact our sense of self and our sense of trust in general,” de Llano explains.
  • Confusion: Inconsistent behavior, like hot-and-cold messaging or ghosting after a strong connection, can create emotional instability and self-doubt.
  • Emotional exhaustion: Behaviors like breadcrumbing, ghost-lighting, and mixed signals can leave us drained, frustrated, and emotionally exhausted.
  • Anxiety: Inconsistent communication and being strung along can create uncertainty, leading to stress, overanalysis, and anxiety. 
  • Depression: When we expose ourselves to repeated rejection in the face of unkind behavior, it can lead to depression and despondency, says de Llano.

How to Protect Yourself from Bad Dating App Behaviors

These are some strategies that can help you protect yourself from bad dating app behaviors:

  • Limit personal information: Be cautious about sharing too much personal information on your profile. Avoid revealing your address, workplace, or other sensitive details with anyone until you feel comfortable.
  • Set clear boundaries: Decide what behaviors you will and won’t tolerate. If someone crosses your boundaries, don’t hesitate to block them, unmatch, or stop engaging with them.
  • Trust your gut: Trust your gut, says de Llano. If something feels off—like someone’s profile seems fake, their behavior is inconsistent, or they’re pushing you too fast—listen to your instincts. Don’t ignore red flags just because you’re excited about a match.
  • Don’t be afraid to unmatch/block: If someone’s behavior is throwing up red flags, don’t hesitate to unmatch or block them. You’re in control of your experience.
  • Don’t take things offline in a hurry: Avoid moving to texting, calls, or social media too quickly—this can help you weed out scammers and people with bad intentions. Don’t let anyone pressure you to meet them before you’re ready..
  • Watch out for fake profiles: If a profile looks too good to be true, do a reverse image search on it to verify it. Video call the person before meeting them, to confirm they are who they say they are.
  • Avoid engaging with trolls: If someone is rude, offensive, or just trying to get a reaction out of you, don’t give them the attention they’re seeking. Block them, report their account, and move on without letting them ruin your experience.
  • Report abusive behavior: Most dating apps have reporting mechanisms for inappropriate behavior. Use them to report trolls, harassers, or anyone who makes you feel unsafe.
  • Remember, it’s a dating app: Don’t put all your hopes on finding “the one” immediately. Dating apps are just one way to meet people, and it’s important to have realistic expectations.
  • Take a break if needed: If dating apps start feeling exhausting or discouraging, it may be best to take a step back. “Invest your time and energy into doing activities you enjoy, that also have the possibility of meeting new potential romantic partners,” says Dr. Romanoff.
  • Find support: Find yourself a solid group of other single friends who you can share your experiences with, says Dr. Romanoff. She explains that laughing and crying about these situations together can help you feel validated and normalize your experiences, so you can know it’s not you, and these behaviors are unfortunately a common part of dating.
  • Consider professional help: If you’ve experienced significant emotional distress due to online dating behavior, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. They can offer support and coping mechanisms that help you heal.

Keep in Mind

At the end of the day, dating apps are a mixed bag—you never know what you’ll get. While you can’t control how others behave, you can control how you respond. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect. Set boundaries, swipe smart, stay safe, and protect your peace at all costs. Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve.


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