Surprising Signs of Hidden Relationship Tensions and Their Common Causes

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Have you ever felt like there are underlying tensions in your relationship? Perhaps there’s something you’ve been unhappy about for a while but never discussed with your partner, or maybe you’ve felt as though your partner’s been distant or hot and cold, and you’re not sure why. 

Here, we’ll look at what hidden tensions are, how to detect and identify them, and the common causes – as well as how to address them and move forward with your partner. 

Understanding Relationship Tensions

Hidden tensions are silent stressors that can put a strain on a relationship. They can arise in the workplace, between relatives and friends. as well as in couples.

Milestones in growth, relationship changes, career growth, and significant life events like loss or illness, can alter the dynamic of your relationship and can cause hidden tensions to develop. Likewise, external factors like health concerns or financial worries can also cause them to arise. Or if you’re having to take on extra hours at work, your partner might feel as though you’re neglecting them, or vice-versa. 

“Ask yourself whether the pattern between you has changed over time,” says Katherine Cavallo, MA, a UKCP-registered systemic family and couple psychotherapist. She adds, “Hidden tensions often build up over time, and usually stem from underlying fears that the relationship is under threat.”

Trauma from early life or previous relationships can be a factor in the development of hidden tensions, too. “If one person has had trauma or has abandonment issues from past relationships, this can move through to the new relationship through fear of another abandonment or trust issues,” says Gemma Nice, a sex and relationships coach. “This can cause tension from the other person and fear of not being loved. Another one is where one person has low self-esteem or doesn’t feel worthy of love. This can transpire into arguments and lack of communication.”

If one person has had trauma or has abandonment issues from past relationships, this can move through to the new relationship through fear of another abandonment or trust issues.

—
GEMMA NICE, SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS COACH

The importance of communication is vital when it comes to resolving tensions, but actually taking the step to communicate can be difficult. You might find that you’re about to go into fight, flight, or freeze mode, and it can be tempting to withdraw from the conversation or become defensive, which can make listening more difficult. 

However, by communicating it’s easier to work toward a solution that works for both of you. If you’re stressed about money, or you’re running on lack of sleep with a newborn, for example, is there a way you can find a compromise? 

Signs of Hidden Tensions

“Common signs of hidden tensions include being snappy or defensive over seemingly minor or unrelated matters, long silences, or the withdrawal of physical intimacy,” says Cavallo. “You may feel you’re ‘walking on eggshells’ or confused and hurt by your loved one’s uncharacteristic reactions.”

“I’m an overthinker and tend to read between the lines a lot,” says 28-year-old Samira. “My ex would give me the cold shoulder quite a bit whenever we had even small disagreements and I always thought it was something I’d done wrong … When I’d disagree with her, she would not text me back for hours and I would have to apologize.”

Nice refers to a dishwasher analogy: you’ve loaded the dishwasher, but then your partner comes over and criticizes you for loading it the wrong way. Their outburst isn’t about the dishwasher itself, but about smaller things that have been building up, with the way you’ve loaded the dishwasher being a sort of breaking point. Ideally, you’d want to address hidden tensions before it gets to this point. 

Another sign of hidden tensions can be a decrease in physical intimacy and the frequency of sex. It’s normal for your sex drive to fluctuate, and it could be down to all sorts of things, but if you’re having sex far less frequently than you used to, hidden tensions could be a factor.

Impact of Hidden Tensions

Healthy relationships can be hugely important for our overall happiness. And on the other side of the coin, relationship difficulties can have a negative impact on our mental health, being linked to anxiety and depression. The stress caused by hidden tensions in a relationship can affect our sleep and our appetite, and even make us physically ill. For Samira, it was something that affected her sleep.

Sometimes, when someone’s dealing with hidden tensions they might go inward and shut off. Others can find comfort elsewhere, drifting away from their partners and even veering into emotional affairs. This can then, of course, make matters even worse. 

Katherine Cavallo, MA

Learn each other’s love languages so when you share your feelings they are noticed, appreciated, and reciprocated.

— Katherine Cavallo, MA

When you’re dealing with hidden tensions, you might feel unhappy but also unsure how to change things – you might worry that, if you broach something, it could make matters worse. But, if hidden tensions aren’t brought out into the open, they can lead to unhealthy patterns in your relationship, or arguments in which you never get to the root of the issue, potentially resulting in the relationship ending. 

Married couples who can’t resolve daily conflicts have a higher likelihood of divorcing, while couples who negotiate conflicts in a constructive way have lower rates of divorce. So, even if bringing things up can feel awkward or uncomfortable, it’s something that can help in the long run.

Strategies to Address Hidden Tensions

Like we said, communication is important. If you’re both busy, or you’re worried that your feelings will erupt at a time that isn’t ideal, try to agree on a time to talk in advance. Do your best to stay non-reactive—take a pause when you are upset, step back and think about how you feel, and then express yourself from that place. “We never really came to a conclusion about any small arguments we had which kept adding to the tension,” says Samira.

Nice recommends using active listening, or paying close attention to and understanding what your partner is saying, and using ‘I’ statements rather than ‘you’ statements so you don’t come over accusatory. 

“Be understanding of each other and ask for help when needed. Be there for each other,” she continues, also suggesting going out into nature to have the conversation. Being outside can help ground you both and make you feel calmer. It also gives you a chance to step away and cool off to regulate the nervous system and then attempt to approach the conversation with empathy and kindness.

It helps to view you and your partner as being on the same team working against the issue, rather than being on different teams working against each other. You both want the relationship to succeed, so what can you do to help each other?

“If it feels impossible to talk or doing so creates circular arguments, it’s important to seek help,” adds Cavallo. “Couple or family therapy creates a safe, supportive, and neutral context to enable these important conversations.”

Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist who focuses on relationships, wrote in his 1999 book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” that 69% of problems in a relationship are unsolvable – perhaps relating to the way your partner saves and spends money, or personality traits your partner has that sometimes annoy you. 

To that end, we can’t always eliminate a problem. What we can do is manage issues as and when they come up with communication, trying to reach a mutual understanding. 

Maintaining a Healthy Relationship

To maintain a healthy relationship, it’s important to connect with your partner on a regular basis. We often lead very busy lives, so it’s worth finding time between work and errands to spend quality time together. Is there a shared activity you enjoy doing together, or could you set aside time to watch movies together on the couch each weekend or after work in the week?

Cavallo adds, “Learn to listen attentively, address concerns as they arise, and respect each others’ boundaries.  Research suggests relationships thrive best when there is a pattern of appreciation and fondness towards each other.  Learn each other’s love languages so when you share your feelings they are noticed, appreciated, and reciprocated.”

Keep in Mind

Hidden tensions can have a real impact on your relationship. No relationship is going to be perfect, and even in the healthiest, happiest relationship, things will crop up from time to time that you or your partner are unhappy with. 

But when this happens, it’s best to communicate. Sure, it might not be a fun conversation to have, but it can bring you and your partner closer and help develop a deeper level of understanding. And, by communicating, you’ll prevent things from building up and having a detrimental effect on your mental health.


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Benefits of Mushroom Supplements for Cognitive Function

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice


If you take dietary supplements intending to improve your overall health, you aren’t alone. Close to 75% of all US adults say they take supplements; 55% say they take them regularly. You might take supplements to improve your vitamin D levels, to give you more energy for a late-night study session, or perhaps your supplements are meant to reduce inflammation in achy joints and muscles.

Medicinal (AKA functional) mushrooms—often taken in supplement form—have become massively popular in recent years due to their purported ability to improve cognitive function, memory, and mental well-being—largely due to their “adaptogenic” (a natural substance purported to help the body adapt to stress) qualities. While more research is needed to be clinically conclusive, many studies are suggesting that these claims could be true. Some of the most commonly taken functional mushrooms are lion’s mane, reishi, chaga, cordyceps, turkey tail, maitake, and shiitake.

“Functional mushroom supplements are powders, capsules, tinctures, and functional foods that are made using mushrooms. People use them for a variety of health issues, ranging from anxiety and anti-aging to helping support cancer patients,” explains Rachael Miller, nutritionist and owner of Zhi Herbals.

“Although functional and psychedelic mushrooms are both grown for the compounds they contain, the effects are very different. Psilocybin produces a ‘high’ effect, whereas functional mushrooms have compounds like antioxidants, beta-glucans, and triterpenes, which may offer long-term support for stress, conditions like allergies, and other benefits. Functional mushrooms do not produce a ‘high,’ Miller adds.

Knowing the potential of functional mushroom supplements is one thing; figuring out how to use them to your advantage is another. Read on to learn more about the physical and mental value of medical mushrooms, the ways they can benefit you, and things you want to look out for if you decide to take them.

History of Supplemental Mushrooms

Mushrooms were lauded for their healing and medicinal properties centuries ago in places like Ancient Rome and Ancient China. While there are different thoughts on exactly when people started using medicinal mushrooms, many agree on how the movement gained traction.

“The use of functional mushrooms for health benefits outside of their nutritional benefit was first popularized by renowned mycologist Paul Stamets—often referred to as the Godfather of Functional Mushrooms. Paul has been a proponent for the use of functional mushrooms to support human health and longevity. Now, numerous other companies are following his lead in popularizing the use of functional mushrooms in supplements for everything from neurological and cognitive health, to sexual health, to immunity, and even cancer treatment,” states Brittany Busse, MD, CMO and Founder of ViTel Health.

Brittany Busse, MD

Functional mushrooms like Lion’s Mane can improve frontal cortical function and even improve symptoms of ADHD and result in better focus and alertness.

— Brittany Busse, MD

Stamets’ work helped bring the healing properties of mushrooms to the forefront. While evidence is still inconclusive, there is a growing body of clinical research to support his findings, showing that medicinal mushrooms may lower cholesterol levels, contain anti-cancer properties, and improve cognitive function.

“Stress can reduce blood flow to the frontal cortex, which can result in cognitive issues. Functional mushrooms like Lion’s Mane may have properties that improve frontal cortical function and even improve symptoms of ADHD and result in better focus and alertness,” Dr. Busse says.

Because some of them are adaptogens, they are designed to help calm the body naturally; and less stress can pave the way for clearer mental capacity.

Adaptogens

According to Dr. Busse, adapotgens, by definition, are substances (most commonly plants or fungi) that improve stress responses toward homeostasis. In other words, adaptogens make it easier for our bodies to manage and adapt to stressful situations.

Dr. Busse elaborates, “While further research is needed to understand exactly how functional mushrooms work as adaptogens in humans, we can infer that much of their benefit comes from the regulation and rebalancing of the body’s overactive stress response.”

Most Common Functional Mushrooms

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) regulates dietary supplements as food, not drugs. Most supplements, including mushrooms, don’t have a large body of research to back up claims of their effectiveness, so more studies are needed. Those who take them often rely on the strength of individual experiences.

The different types of mushrooms have focused benefits.

Lion’s Mane

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“Hericium erinaceus or Lion’s mane may help support memory and the nervous system. It can increase NGF (nerve growth factor), which helps stimulate neuronal growth,” says Miller.

Preliminary research shows that the bioactive compound of H. erinaceus found in Lion’s mane contributes to its potential ability to help with memory. Beta-glucans, along with antioxidants and triterpenoids, are also found in lion’s mane. You can eat lion’s mane mushrooms (prepared as you would any other type of mushroom), and also take them as a capsule or in powder form.

Reishi

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Ganoderma lucidum or Reishi, has some evidence for immune-boosting, antioxidant, and anti-inflammatory properties. It may also help promote neural function. Reishi contains polysaccharides that are responsible for some of the immune-boosting effects.

What’s more, Miller explains that the triterpenes in reishi can help prevent the release of histamine in the body to potentially relieve allergies. Other beneficial compounds include sterols, and alkaloids. There are capsules, tinctures, and powders available, but the mushroom can also be prepared as a tea, or soup.

Chaga

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Like Reishi, Inonotus obliquus or chaga also may support a strong immune system. It has been referred to as a “super-fungus” purported to help in treating diabetes as well as breast and skin cancers. 

Its compounds consist of beta-glucans, polysaccharides, and antioxidants along with terpenoids. The mushroom can be used to make tea but also taken as a powder or capsule.

Cordyceps

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Cordyceps miliaris and Cordyceps sinensis are the two varieties of Cordyceps mushroom most commonly researched for their health benefits. Cordyceps is most often consumed for its adaptogenic benefits and possible effects on learning and memory.

Additionally, research suggests cordyceps may have neuroprotective effects. It is also rich in antioxidants, and the polysaccharides found in cordyceps may help to lower blood sugar.

Compounds in this mushroom are being researched for their potential anticancer activity. You can take powder or capsule supplements or find cordyceps in functional foods.

Turkey Tail

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Trametes versicolor or Turkey tail, is a mushroom “superfood” that may have extensive health benefits. It is one of the most popular medicinal mushroom varieties, and is being research for inflammation, gastrointestinal issues, and cancer.

Its antioxidants help support a healthy immune system, and it also contains beta glucans and polysaccharides. It’s an edible functional food, but can also be taken in capsules, powders, and tinctures.

Maitake

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“Grifola frondosa or Maitake is best known as a functional mushroom for immune system health,” says Miller. There is research suggesting that the polysaccharides and beta-glucans found in maitake can help to prevent or reduce tumor growth.”

Research also shows that they have anti-inflammatory and anti-cancer properties. Triterpenes and phenolic are among the compounds in maitake, along with polysaccharides and glucans. The mushrooms can be eaten or taken as a powder or capsule supplement.

Shiitake

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Many people love eating Lentinula edodes, or shiitake mushrooms, and they’re often easy to find while you’re shopping for groceries. Studies in animals and cells have shown that these tasty mushrooms may have antiviral, antitumor, and antidiabetic properties and even potentially lower cholesterol.

Thanks to their antioxidant properties, they also may help strengthen the immune system. Alkaloids and polysaccharides are other compounds found in shiitake mushrooms. In addition to being prepared in recipes, you can also find supplements in the powder, capsule, and tincture forms.

So many of the medicinal mushrooms have common health-promoting properties thanks to their similar natural compounds. Whether they’re being eaten as part of a meal, sipped in a warming tea, or digested orally in a capsule, many may have the potential to strengthen you physically and cognitively.

“The adaptogenic benefits of functional mushrooms may appear in a variety of subtle ways such as improved sleep and increased energy during the day. Some people may notice improved mood, less anxiety and improved focus, especially with mushrooms like reishi and lion’s mane,” Miller notes.

Keep in Mind

For someone who wants a healthy and impactful diet, mushrooms can pack a punch. While much of the research that’s been done has been promising, it’s important to note that most of the research on the adaptogenic properties of mushrooms has been done on cells and animals, not in humans. Clearly, more research is needed to establish their therapeutic benefits in people.

Potential negative side effects, especially on a long-term scale, haven’t been studied extensively. But dizziness, dry mouth, upset stomach, and rash are possible issues to watch out for. Interactions with other medications or even other supplements aren’t widely known. If you do notice anything adverse or out of the ordinary, seek medical attention.

Another thing to consider is that if you do decide to take mushroom supplements, you want to get high-quality products. “Look for mushroom supplements that are organic or wildcrafted from a trustworthy source that does not contain a lot of added ingredients. Read the label to see exactly how much of the mushroom is in your product,” Miller advises.

Medicinal mushrooms may have a variety of potential cognitive and physical benefits. Do your research and consider the source of the supplement to determine if it’s right for you.


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