Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

First dates can be nerve-wracking, but sometimes navigating what happens next can be even trickier. Do you text the other person first? Play it cool and wait for them to make a move? Send a funny meme to get the conversation going? We asked the relationship experts to weigh in.

“You should text someone after the first date to show them that you like them and to thank them for their time, company, or for planning (or paying for) the evening,” says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist.

But, what should you say, how should you say it, and most importantly when should you say it? Don’t worry, we’ve got you! Level up your dating game with these texting strategies.

Why Texting After the First Date Matters

You’re probably wondering why the post-date text is such a big deal. “It’s important to text your partner after a first date to communicate appreciation or interest, in order to set the tone for the next step,” says Claudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love.”

Here’s why it matters:

• It shows interest: A simple text lets the other person know where you stand. If you had a nice time, why not let them know? A quick text can go a long way in showing the other person you’re interested. Otherwise, not texting can easily be interpreted as disinterest, even if you had a great time together.
• It reduces guesswork: It’s very common for both people to leave a first date and not feel certain how the other person feels about them, says Dr. Romanoff. “Texting is a great way to clarify your feelings.” Otherwise, playing the guessing game can be very stressful.
• It keeps the connection alive: Texting helps maintain the momentum from the date. Whether it’s a flirty text or a heartfelt one, it keeps you on their mind and prevents the connection from fading.
• It helps move things along: Sending a follow-up text after your date can help you lock down plans for a second one, if you’d like to see the person again.
• It’s just good manners: Even if you don’t see a future with the person, a quick, polite message acknowledges the time you spent together and leaves the door open for a friendly connection. 
• It provides closure if you’re not interested: If the date didn’t do it for you, a kind message can shut things down and provide closure instead of leaving the other person hanging.

What to Text After the First Date: Dos and Don’ts

If you’re staring at your phone and wondering what to text your date, these are some dos and don’ts that might be helpful.

Do: Send a Follow-Up Text

A quick message shows you’re interested and keeps the conversation going. You could try saying:

• “Hey, I had such a great time tonight! Hope you made it home safe.”
• “That was so much fun! Let’s do it again soon!”
• “Really enjoyed getting to know you. Hope you had a great time too!!”

Do: Mention Something Specific

Referencing a moment from your date makes your message feel more personal. These are some examples:

• “You have to send me the name of that song you played in the car—I’m officially obsessed now.”
• “That cheesecake we shared was sooo good. Who would have thought basil and strawberries would make a good combination?”
• “Still thinking about that ridiculous trivia question. What was that?!”

Do: Keep It Light and Positive

After a first date, your text doesn’t need to be an essay or a deep confession—just a warm, casual message.

It could be:

• “I’m still laughing about that story you told. Definitely made my night!”
• “That was so much fun! Already looking forward to next time.”
• “I don’t think I’ve laughed that much in a while—thanks for such a great night!”

Extra props for making your text funny! Research shows us that humor is a highly desired trait in a mate.

Do: Match Their Energy

If they text you first, match their energy to prevent any awkwardness. For instance:

• If they send a short, casual text, keep your response short and simple: “Me too, it was great hanging out.”
• If they send something enthusiastic, match it: “I had so much fun too. Already looking forward to next time!”
• If they send something formal, respond in kind: “Thank you, it was nice meeting you as well.”

Research studies have found that having similar communication styles can boost attraction.

Do: Be Honest About How You Feel

It’s important to be honest about how you feel. Clear communication prevents any crossed wires and mixed signals. 

Depending on how the date went, you can say:

• “I had a great time with you, and I’d love to see you again!”
• “You’re awesome, but I didn’t quite feel the spark. I wish you the best and hope you find what you’re looking for!”
• “I don’t see this going further, but I’d love to be friends!”

Don’t: Overthink It

You don’t want to overthink it and say something like:

• “I had fun, but I can’t tell if you did? No pressure, just wondering what you think?”
• “I wanted to text sooner, but I didn’t want to seem too eager, so I waited… but now I feel like I waited too long? Ahh, dating is confusing!”
• “Sorry if I was awkward or if I talked too much or if I didn’t talk enough or if I laughed too loudly. Anyway… had fun!”

Don’t: Get Too Intense Too Soon

Too much, too fast can be overwhelming. You don’t want to come on too strong by saying something like:

• “I think I love you already. You’re the one for me.”
• “I told my parents about you already, and they’re dying to meet you!”
• “I had the best time of my life with you. I can’t imagine dating anyone else ever again.”

Don’t: Bombard Them With Texts

Double texting them before they respond to your previous message can sometimes come off as clingy or desperate. You don’t want to send them a stream of successive messages like:

• “Hey, had a great time last night!” (Totally fine.)
• “Not sure if you saw my last text, but I had fun!” (They saw it. Give them time.)
• “Would love to see you again. When are you free?” (Let them answer before making plans.)
• “I feel like we really connected.” (Heading into desperate territory.)
• “Not sure if you’re busy, but let me know what you think!” (Definitely way too many texts.)

Don’t: Interrogate Them About Their Dating History

You may be intrigued by the person and wonder about their dating history, but the first post-date text is way too soon to ask about that. Save those deep dives for later, once you’ve gotten to know each other better. You definitely don’t want to ask them questions like:

• “So, have you brought anyone else to this restaurant before me?”
• “How many serious relationships have you had?”
• “Why did your last relationship end?”

Don’t: Drunk Text

Drunk texts can come off as weird, incoherent, or overly emotional—none of which set the right tone after a first date. So, no matter what you do, don’t text them when you’re drunk. The last thing you want is to wake up and realize you sent a cringe-worthy message like:

• “Heyyyyy uuuuu it was soooooooo funs with uuuuuuuu”
• “I just met you but I think you might be my soulmate???”
• “Omg I just saw a dog that looks like you!!! Wait no I mean that in a good way.”

Moral of the story? If you’re tipsy and thinking about texting… don’t.

When to Text After the First Date

Sending a quick text after the date shows you’re interested; whereas, waiting too long can make it seem like you’re not that into them or that they’re not a priority. You could say: “Had a great time tonight—thanks for planning such a fun evening!”

Sooner rather than later is generally better, although that doesn’t mean you text them while they’re walking to their car. You could wait until an hour or so after your date and say: “I had a really nice time today. Hope you got home safe.”

Avoid waiting for a week or two and then hitting them up with a casual “Hey,” as it can come across as disinterested.

How to Gauge Their Interest Through Text

How the person responds to your text can give you a pretty good idea of how excited they are about a second date. We asked the relationship experts what to do next based on their response.

What to Do If They Respond Positively

If your date responds positively—whether with excitement, emojis, or by keeping the conversation going—it means they might like you and want to see you again. Here’s what you can do next:

• Reciprocate your interest: If you’re interested, you should reciprocate and match their energy, says de Llano.
• Keep it playful: Channel fun, flirty, brief, and witty responses that keep the conversation light and exciting, says Dr. Romanoff.
• Suggest a second date: If you’d like to see them again, suggest going on another date.

What to Do If They Respond Lukewarmly

If your date responds with a lukewarm message—like short replies, delayed responses, or just “thanks”—it might be a sign that they’re not very into it. Here’s what you can do next:

• Stay casual: Keep the conversation light and easy. Don’t try to put pressure on them or demand a response. Remember, they don’t owe you anything after just one date.
• Give them space: Sometimes, people are just busy or not ready to commit yet. Take a step back and don’t push further. It’s your choice whether you want to wait for them or move on, says de Llano.
• Don’t force it: If their replies don’t pick up, you should probably move on. You deserve someone who’s as into you as you are into them.

What to Do If They Respond Negatively

it can be disappointing if they respond negatively and turn you down. Here’s how to handle it:

• Keep it classy: Respect their decision and don’t try to convince them otherwise. Dr. Romanoff recommends keeping it classy by sending a short and sweet response like: “I understand, and wish you the best!”
• Don’t overthink it: Try not to take it personally. A negative response doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of not being the right fit. 
• Move on: It might sting for a second, but it’s important to remember that there are plenty of other people out there who will appreciate you for who you are.

What to Do If You Don’t Hear Back After Your Text

If they don’t respond to your text, it can leave you feeling uncertain, but here’s how to handle it gracefully:

• Stay cool: Keep your cool and avoid overthinking it. It’s easy to spiral when you don’t get a reply, but sometimes people just aren’t as invested.
• Don’t double text: If you don’t get a response, resist the urge to send follow-up texts. Giving them space shows you’re respectful of their time and boundaries. It also keeps you from looking clingy and desperate.
• Avoid chasing them: If they’re not responding, don’t keep pushing for a conversation. Let them come to you if they’re genuinely interested. Remember, no response is a response, says de Llano.
• Consider yourself lucky: Take the person’s lack of response as a red flag that you don’t want in a partner, says Dr. Romanoff. “Their ghosting you is actually a gift—it shows you very quickly who they are without wasting too much of your time.”

Keep in Mind

Texting after the first date can be tricky, but it’s your chance to figure out where you both stand. Whether you’re into them or not feeling it, stay cool and don’t overthink it. Be real, keep it casual, and trust the process. If they feel the same way as you, they’ll show it. If not, no hard feelings.

When we’re single, and especially if we’ve found ourselves in a series of bad first dates or short-term situationships that never evolved into anything more, it can be tough to keep a positive mindset about finding love. We might find ourselves searching for anything we can that gives us hope, whether that’s astrology or pop psychology notions.

One of those “your person is out there” ideas that might help perk us up and give us hope is the invisible string theory. It’s not science or even a relationship theory—it came from a children’s book, in fact—but it’s a nice and mostly safe concept that can prevent despair when you’re worried that you’ll be endlessly alone.

So, What Is the Invisible String Theory?

The invisible string theory is the notion that your person is esoterically attached to you already through an invisible, metaphorical string. “Invisible string theory is based on beliefs in fate, spirituality, and destiny,” says Wendy Walsh, PhD, relationship expert and psychology professor. She notes that it isn’t scientifically based, and adds that “People who subscribe to the invisible string theory imagine that a ‘soulmate‘ is out there, attached to them by an invisible string and at the right time, the ‘Universe’ will present that person to them.”

The concept of the invisible string can be taken as literally, or not, as you care to. Suzannah Weiss, relationship coach and AASECT-certified sexologist for Biird, explains the idea “as if there is a string tying one person to the other so that wherever one person moves, the other travels with them, even without knowing it.” She adds that “invisible string theory (not to be confused with string theory in physics) is simply the idea that certain people are connected in an intangible way that renders their meeting (and possibly re-meeting after time apart) inevitable.”

The theory implies that regardless of the actions you take, you will end up with whomever you’re destined to be with. Weiss notes, “In a romantic context, this may mean that certain people are bound to end up together no matter what efforts they make to escape their destiny. ” She adds that “they may experience spontaneous encounters where they run into each other again and again. Or they may break up only for their lives to intersect once more years later.”

Its Use in Relationships

Believing in the invisible string theory can help you have faith. “Invisible string theory can calm anxiety in single people who are having a tough time in the mating marketplace,” says Walsh. She notes that “after a bad date or a breakup, they can self-console with the thought that their ‘soulmate’ is still out there and a path is being cleared for their entry.”

This theory can be applied to other relationships, too, and you can feel bound to others who you aren’t in love with. “You may have an invisible string-type connection with people other than romantic partners, such as friends, family members, business partners, or even pets,” says Weiss. For example, “Some people experience similar patterns with friends, where they may spend time apart but will always end up back in each other’s lives, or they may even realize they crossed paths earlier in life before they became friends,” she adds.

Emotional and Mental Health Implications

While it can be useful to feel that your match is out there, and even more than that, is already spiritually connected and tied to you, it’s healthy to maintain perspective and rationale, too.

“Invisible string theory may provide hope for people who feel an ineffable connection with someone but are not with them at the moment. It can help them keep the faith that if this person truly is for them, they will meet again one day,” says Weiss. But she notes that, “it can also create unhealthy attachments, where we think it is our destiny to be with a certain person and cannot explore other connections.”

However, it’s important to remember that the theory isn’t an excuse to be passive in life even if you opt to believe in it. Walsh explains, “Invisible string theory can make singles complacent, letting time slip by.”

Yet, whether you utilize invisible strings or anything else to keep a happier mindset, Walsh tells us that “People who look forward with optimism tend to have better mental health. Whether it involves reading an astrological forecast, believing in a religion that promises a better afterlife, or thinking that the universe will reel in your best relationships via an invisible string…”

“Do not accept poor treatment from them just because there is an invisible string between you,” she says. “This can lead to unhealthy relationships and actually defeats the purpose of invisible string theory, which is knowing you will remain connected to this person no matter what and do not need to try or compromise.”

Practical Benefits for Mental Well-Being

Believing in invisible strings that attach you to others is good for you if it makes you happy and hopeful. “Some people feel a greater sense of meaning in life if they believe there’s a higher power or supernatural force shaping their relationships and lives,” says Weiss. She adds, “They also may experience a greater sense of trust in the universe if they know there are special connections they have with people that transcend space, time, and logic.”

Walsh centers the theory around a reduction in our anxiety that the belief could help with. “Mythology is often used as an emotional coping mechanism against psychic (or psychological) pain. It can provide an emotional framework to explain life’s bumps,” she says.

She also notes that it isn’t terribly important whether you’re using this theory or a different one to find relief. “It is clear that chronic anxiety is detrimental to one’s physical health. An increase of cortisol and other stress hormones can suppress immune function. Any strategy designed to reduce anxiety can improve one’s health,” she says.

Bottom Line

The invisible string theory is the idea that we are tied to certain people and destined to have them in our lives at some point. It should not be used as an excuse for inaction, but it can be helpful to sustain your faith in love and keep a positive mindset. “Holding on to the mythical invisible string theory can help some people make sense of losses and gains in their intimate connections,” says Walsh.

If it makes you feel better about life and love, go ahead and give it some further thought! Your true love just may be tied to you already, via an invisible string.