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Have you ever wondered what would happen if you could meet a younger version of yourself? While the reality of that is reserved only for time travelers and fantasy novels, you can replicate the idea with an exercise that combines writing and meditation. It’s called “getting coffee with your younger self,” and though no beverages need to be involved, it encourages you to find understanding, healing, and self-compassion.

Though it’s now a social media trend, this idea was first derived from a poem by Jenna Cecilia and is featured in her forthcoming book, “Deep in My Feels.”

It has since been replicated countless times, often in the same format, with a poem or prose describing the metaphoric occurrence typed on a photo background. Let’s look closer at how it’s done and what you can expect to potentially gain from this exercise.

Understanding the Concept

There are several ways you can perform this exercise, but they all involve a bit of visualization. You’re to imagine meeting a version of your younger self, and beyond that, it’s up to you how it goes. Who leads the conversation, the type of comfort or advice you offer, and even whether or not you choose to journal or write a poem about it are all up to you.

This trend has grown popular in part because it mimics our innate need to look back on the past. “As we grow older, it’s natural to look back and wonder what advice we would give our younger selves, especially when facing challenges or regrets,” says Dr. Sanam Hafeez, NYC neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind. She adds that “meeting our former selves gives us comfort as if we are giving ourselves a comforting hug and supportive words from our past.”

No matter how you choose to do it, the point of getting coffee with your younger self is to reflect on your life and have self-compassion for your journey. Therapist Afton Turner, LPCA, says that this trend taps into both nostalgia and self-reflection “with a hopeful perspective—showing how far we’ve come and what our younger selves would think of these accomplishments.”

She says it can be useful to see how far we’ve come, noting, “When you frame your past self as an outsider hearing your story, it can be much easier to notice your accomplishments. This mental reframing fosters self-compassion by reminding us that we’ve been doing our best all along, and our best was good enough.”

Emotional and Psychological Benefits

As you might expect, this exercise has a number of benefits. Turns tells us, “The shift in perspective this exercise provides helps reduce self-criticism and boost confidence” because “we are often much harder on our adult selves than we would be if we were talking to a child version of ourselves. It’s hard to picture your younger self and be mad or disappointed in them.” She notes, “This exercise opens the door for self-forgiveness, increased self-worth, and self-compassion.”

Hafeez agrees that the exercise can lead to more self-compassion. She explains, “When you think about your younger self, you might realize that you were doing the best you could with what you knew at the time, which opens the door to a kinder, more compassionate view of yourself,” telling us that “it’s almost like you’re able to offer the empathy and care you’ve learned over time back to the person you once were.”

She says it can also make you more self-aware, noting that “reflecting on your past can help you to better understand the patterns in your behavior, your choices and emotions,” and can strengthen your sense of identity because “by revisiting key moments in your life, you gain clarity on how those experiences shaped who you are today, reinforcing a stronger, more cohesive sense of self.”

Common Themes and Experiences

While there are countless ways this experience could go, there are definitely some throughlines that you see in others’ posts. I performed the exercise myself, and whether influenced by the social content of others or because it’s how it naturally played out, I felt like my experience was pretty similar to what others have shared.

Your coffee date begins by noting who got there first—sometimes a young version is anxious and arrives early; sometimes the younger self is harried and overwhelmed and comes in late. I arrived at the exact same time as my younger self because I am autistic, and some things never change, including my mentality that being “on time” is being exactly five minutes early.

As you move through the exercise, themes will vary, but there is a motif of allowing your younger self to voice her concerns and worries and for you to assuage them. There is also the theme of offering some advice about how things will eventually work out, life will change, or things will get better.

Many people utilize the therapy they’ve had to be particularly soft and compassionate with their younger self. As mentioned, we’re all doing the best we can at any given moment, and the more experiences we have in life, the easier that becomes. I found it easy to forgive my mistakes and shortcomings and to see myself more as others do versus through my usual critical lens.

Therapeutic Insights

Our therapists agree that while this is a worthwhile exercise that can lead to healing and positivity, it does have some limitations. “One limitation is that it can sometimes idealize the past, making people wish for things they can’t change, which may lead to dissatisfaction with the present,” says Hafeez.

If you’ve changed in surprising ways, your younger self may not approve. Turner explains, “Our younger selves may have lived vastly different lives—deeply religious and sheltered or completely nonreligious—shaping how they’d react to who we are today. Mine, for example, would be disappointed by my tattoos and piercings.” She notes, “For those struggling with their identity and sense of self, this exercise can stir up grief or regret instead of pride.”

As someone who got their first tattoo on her 18th birthday and her nose pierced in high school on a school field trip to a major city, that wasn’t my issue. But I did feel disappointed in the loss of friendships that I’d thought would endure the tests of time.

Lastly, this exercise could lead to discontent. “It might cause feelings of guilt or regret, especially if someone feels they didn’t live up to their own expectations at a younger age,” warns Hafeez.
It can lead to a disconnection from the present moment, as people might get too caught up in what could’ve been instead of focusing on what is now.”

How to Engage in the Exercise

You can take the exercise literally if you’d like: Go to a coffee shop and order yourself a drink, then sit down and visualize your younger self meeting you there. Or you can perform the whole thing, as I did, in meditation, taking it step by step. It’s good to set a timer so that you spend a sufficient amount of time on the exercise but don’t allow yourself to go down too deep a rabbit hole of your past.

Turner suggests you focus on being “honest but kind—don’t just list accomplishments; acknowledge the hard moments too as those are even more significant successes.” She says, “If it brings up sadness, reflect on what your younger self needed to hear, and tell yourself that now. If it feels overwhelming, consider writing it out before speaking it aloud.”

Hafeez recommends you “try to offer the same compassion you would give a friend in need. Be gentle with your thoughts and avoid harsh self-criticism.” Focus on your growth, not on how you haven’t led a perfect life. “Rather than dwelling on mistakes, think about how far you’ve come and what you’ve learned from past experiences,” adds Hafeez. “This mindset helps you see your journey as a whole, with all its ups and downs.”

Bottom Line

“Getting coffee with your younger self” is a meditative exercise that invites you to reflect on who you once were, and how you have changed and grown since. It gives you the opportunity to show compassion for your past self, and to give yourself the advice you wished you’d received at the time. It can be done anywhere, anytime, and you can personalize it to your needs and wishes. However you do it, make sure you operate from a space of self-compassion.

When we break an earring or have a ring go missing, we generally chalk it up to bad luck. But, what if it’s a metaphor for something deeper? The ‘Broken Jewelry Theory’ suggests that these little mishaps might mirror cracks in our relationships.

“We use jewelry as symbols of our love and our commitment. It speaks for us, like when we give the gift of a ring as a sign of love. So, if a piece of jewelry breaks or gets lost, it is trying to tell us something,” says Audrey Hope, relationship coach.

“When a piece of jewelry breaks, I believe that it signifies the end of one chapter and the beginning of another—whether the meaning is attached to a person, a circumstance, or a season of life,” says Marrin Costello, a jewelry designer.

So, maybe that pendant given to you by your ex was meant to break now that you’re in a new relationship, or your grandma’s brooch keeps falling off because you need to let go of something from the past.

Could these just be coincidences? Sure. But maybe they’re the universe’s way of nudging you to take a closer look at your relationships.

The Origins of the ‘Broken Jewelry Theory’

The ‘Broken Jewelry Theory’ originated on social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok. 

This theory has gained momentum online because elements like gold, gemstones, crystals, and personal talismans have taken on deeper spiritual and symbolic meanings, says Claudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love.”

In fact, metals like gold and silver have been used for healing for centuries. Similarly, crystals have long been believed to hold special properties. Many see stones like black tourmaline, quartz, amethyst, and obsidian as energy shields, absorbing negativity and offering protection. Therefore, when a crystal embedded in jewelry suddenly cracks, falls off, or disappears, some see it as a sign that the stone has absorbed too much negative energy and has essentially done its job.

“Platforms like TikTok and Instagram have amplified these discussions around signs and synchronicities, leading more people to associate broken jewelry with messages from the universe,” de Llano explains.

Understanding the ‘Broken Jewelry Theory’

The ‘Broken Jewelry Theory’ suggests that broken, lost, or damaged jewelry might symbolize something deeper in our relationships.

Jewelry carries invisible energy and when it breaks it is a sign from the universe that something in our lives or relationships has broken, changed, or transformed, says Hope.

However, the true meaning lies in our personal interpretation, attachment, and emotions, says de Llano. “What we project onto these signs reflects our inner state, making the significance of a broken piece of jewelry deeply personal rather than universally predetermined.”

What Does Broken Jewelry Symbolize?

According to the theory, these are some potential interpretations of broken jewelry and what it could mean for your relationships:

• Current partners: Jewelry from a current partner that breaks could indicate that there’s some conflict between the two of you. Or, jewelry that goes missing could indicate that there’s some emotional distance in the relationship and the two of you aren’t on the same page. For example, losing an engagement ring could be a sign that you’re not too sure about getting married to that person.
• Former partners: Jewelry from a former partner that breaks might symbolize that you’ve moved on from the relationship—or that you need to. Losing a piece of jewelry tied to old memories could signal that it’s time to release any lingering feelings you still have.
• Friends/family members: Constantly forgetting or losing jewelry given by a friend or family member might mirror a relationship that isn’t being nurtured. A recurring issue with the same piece (like a bracelet always unclasping) could symbolize something unresolved in your relationship with the person. Losing the jewelry might mean it’s time to let go of something from the past.
• Self: If something you bought yourself breaks, tarnishes, or goes missing, it could represent a shift in your personal life. For example, a charm falling off a bracelet might mean that you’re outgrowing an old version of yourself.

Psychological and Emotional Aspects

The ‘Broken Jewelry Theory’ is essentially based on the idea that jewelry isn’t just an accessory; it holds our memories, emotions, and connections. A simple chain might represent a lifelong friendship; whereas a ring symbolizes a deep romantic bond. 

It’s this personal connection that gives the jewelry meaning. When it breaks, it’s not just a broken object; it’s a broken symbol of something that’s important to us.

In fact, the breakage often amplifies our existing feelings. For example, if our relationship with someone is already strained, a broken piece of jewelry from that person can intensify feelings of anxiety or sadness.

What’s often even more telling is our reaction to the breakage. If we immediately rush to repair a broken piece, it might indicate a desire to mend our relationship with the person who gave it to us, or to hold onto our memories of them. On the other hand, if we neglect the broken jewelry, it might reflect a tendency to avoid dealing with emotional issues.

It’s important to allow yourself to be curious about what the broken jewelry symbolizes to you, says de Llano. 

What to Do With Broken Jewelry 

What you do with broken jewelry depends on what it means to you. Here are a few options:

• Repair it: If the piece still holds sentimental value, consider getting it fixed. A jeweler can repair broken clasps, chains, settings, and even replace missing stones. Repairing it can symbolize strengthening the relationship or the memory it represents. 
• Repurpose it: Transform the broken jewelry into something new, using the stones, beads, or metal to create a different piece. A broken necklace can become a bracelet, or an earring that’s lost its pair can be transformed into a charm. Taking something broken and creating something meaningful can be a sign of personal growth.
• Upcycle it: Incorporate the broken jewelry into other crafts or home decor. You can use it to embellish picture frames, boxes, or clothing.
• Let it go: If the jewelry reminds you of something painful or no longer aligns with your values, consider donating, selling, or simply discarding it. Letting it go can be symbolic of releasing old attachments and making space for new energy.
• Bury it: If the piece holds meaning for you but you’re ready to throw it or give it away, burying it in the earth or releasing it into a natural body of water can be a symbolic way to let go.
• Cleanse it: If you believe in energy work, you can cleanse the jewelry or crystal with sage, moonlight, or salt water to release any absorbed negativity.
• Keep it as a reminder: If you’re not ready to part with it, store it somewhere special. The broken piece can be a reminder of personal growth, past experiences, cherished memories, or lessons learned.

Keep in Mind

Sometimes a broken trinket is just a broken trinket. But other times, it stirs up emotions and memories. Whether you see it as a random accident or a symbolic message, the ‘Broken Jewelry Theory’ gives you a chance to reflect on your relationships.

Maybe it’s a sign to let go, a reminder of personal growth, or simply a shift in energy. At the end of the day, the significance lies in what resonates with you. So, the next time a favorite ring goes missing or a bracelet snaps, take a moment to pause—what’s changing in your life, and what is your intuition telling you?