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Your peers are discussing how well-funded their 401Ks are, your in-law is bragging about her booming business venture, and your best friends just bought a house and have a baby on the way. All these exciting milestones are worthy of celebration—and you want to be happy for everyone—but there’s that little voice in the back of your mind that says, “Why am I not there yet?”

Feeling behind in life is a common experience, and one that most people have at least a handful of times throughout their lives. But here’s the thing: timelines aren’t one-size-fits-all. Here, we’ll explore why feelings of being “behind” are often rooted in unrealistic expectations and self-created pressure. We’ll also offer some tips on how to shift your mindset, redefine success on your own terms, and gain a new appreciation for your unique path. 

Why It’s So Easy to Feel Behind

Feeling behind in life can sneak up on you in all sorts of moments—while scrolling through social media, enjoying a dinner with family or friends, or even just lying awake at night wondering if you took a wrong turn somewhere.

“Humans are naturally inclined to compare themselves to others due to both evolutionary and social factors. Historically, comparison helped individuals assess their social standing, a crucial element for survival,” says Carolina Casillas, PhD, LPC, a therapist at the Clinical Mental Health Counseling Faculty at University of Phoenix. 

In today’s modern world, that comparison is amplified by societal pressures, but also through social media “highlight reels.” At any hour of the day, we’re exposed to a carefully curated display of others’ wins with little context for what else is going on in their life or the struggles they may have endured to find their own successes. 

Negative Impacts of Excessive Comparison

While comparing ourselves to others can sometimes have a positive effect—leading to motivation or goal-setting—it more often chips away at our self-worth. This is especially true when we use someone else’s timeline as the measure of our own progress.

“Unhealthy comparison leads to distorted perceptions of success and makes people question where they’re at,” says Ashley Rudolph, a leadership coach and founder of The Operator’s Edge. “This can be emotionally costly. I’ve seen it result in things like erosion of self-worth, resentment in relationships, and difficulty recognizing or being satisfied with your own progress.” 

She adds that she’s even worked with clients who’ve secured significant raises for themselves or landed dream jobs, yet still feel behind because someone else’s post made them question their pace. 

“I’ve also seen the comparisons result in things like going into debt to keep up or feeling like you have to compromise your values or morals,” Rudolph says. “These are both signals that you may have crossed a line and need to check in with yourself.” Studies have also found that excessive comparison can lead to feelings of anxiety and depression,and can take a notable toll on our self-esteem. These have compounding effects as we move through life.

Common Areas People Feel Behind in Life 

So where do these feelings tend to show up the most? Let’s take a look at some of the most common areas people feel behind in life.

• Career and professional life, like getting a raise, starting a business, earning an award, or getting a new job. 
• Personal milestones, such as getting married, having a baby, or taking a fancy vacation.
• Financial stability, which can include investing, buying a house, or retiring. 
• Education and achievements, such as earning a degree, going back to school, or developing a new skill.
• Social and family life, including making close friends, maintaining strong relationships, or feeling like you’ve “found your people”.
• Health and wellness, whether it’s hitting fitness goals, dropping excess weight, healing from chronic illness, or sticking to a balanced lifestyle.
• Creative or personal growth, such as writing a book or pursuing a passion project. 

How to Overcome Feelings Of ‘Being Behind in Life’

No matter the category, it’s easy to feel like you’re falling short when you measure your journey against someone else’s successes, but those feelings don’t have to define your reality. Here are some strategies you can try to overcome those awful “can’t catch up!” emotions. 

Understand That Everyone Is On Their Own Path 

Comparison is often a knee-jerk reaction we experience when we see another person’s wins. In these moments, you must remind yourself that there is no singular right timeline or journey to follow in life. 

“Everyone is wired differently and meant to follow a unique trajectory,” says psychotherapist Stevie Blum. “When we’re younger, most people are on the same path, more or less. After college graduation, paths begin to diverge and the disparities in income, relationship status, and life choices become much more pronounced. This can be extremely challenging to navigate as comparison and self-doubt creep in.” 

Use Jealousy as a Tool 

Jealousy, while a very painful emotion to experience, can be an extremely valuable tool. Blum says, “Jealousy shows you what you want in life and also what’s possible. Instead of trying to suppress jealousy or judging yourself for feeling it, get curious instead.” 

Ask yourself: What does this reveal about my deepest desires? How can I go about achieving this for myself? Turn the energy spent comparing and feeling inadequate into positive action. Use jealousy as a tool to help you set new goals, learn to appreciate what you already have, or work on your self-confidence. It’s important to appreciate what you have while working towards what you want simultaneously.

Deeply Examine Your Feelings 

What you’re feeling might seem like jealousy on the surface, but it’s also worth asking if that’s really what’s going on. Sometimes, what we label as envy is actually grief over a missed opportunity, frustration from feeling stuck, or longing for a life that feels more aligned with who we are. Rudolphy says that by getting curious instead of judgmental, you can uncover what’s really driving your emotions and use that insight as a compass rather than a weight. 

Practice Self-Compassion 

It is essential that feelings of “being behind in life” are met with a sense of self-compassion versus self-criticism. “The line is crossed when an individual perceives themselves as permanently inadequate or believes they will never ‘catch up’ rather than viewing the feeling as a temporary challenge to overcome,” Casillas says. 

Practicing self-compassion allows you to acknowledge your emotions without letting them spiral into shame or hopelessness. Research also consistently shows that self-compassion is strongly linked to greater emotional well-being, including higher levels of happiness and optimism and lower levels of anxiety and depression.

Define and Prioritize Your Own Goals 

One of the fastest ways to feel like you’re falling behind is by chasing goals that were never yours to begin with. Social expectations, family pressure, and curated glimpses into other people’s lives can all blur the line between what you truly want and what you think you should want. That’s why it’s essential to pause and define success on your own terms.

“Redefine what ‘having it together’ means to you. Not in theory, but in practice,” says Rudolph. “Is it being financially stable enough to take a risk? Is it having a few people in your corner who really get you? Is it finding a new job?”

Once you’ve clarified what actually matters to you, you can start prioritizing your time and energy around those goals—rather than trying to keep pace with someone else’s journey. There’s real power in choosing intention over imitation. 

I don’t know about you, but sleep doesn’t always come that easily for me. I don’t typically have trouble falling asleep, but sleeping through the night is a whole other story. Any small sound can startle me awake. It’s…not great. But something that has helped me enormously—and that I now can’t live without—is a white noise machine. I have my trusty white noise machine on my bedside table while I sleep, and it’s been enormously helpful in blocking some of the outside sounds and “house” noises that tend to keep me awake.

So, what exactly is white noise and how can white noise be used to improve sleep? I reached out to three sleep experts to unpack white noise for sleep: what it is, how it works, and how to best use it to improve your sleep.

What Is White Noise?

Put simply, white noise is “a consistent sound that includes all the different sound frequencies a human ear can hear, played at the same level,” explains Sanam Hafeez, MD, neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind. Dr. Hafeez describes it as a “shhh” sound that’s similar to a fan or radio static. Some other examples of naturally occurring white noise include rain outside, fans, air conditioners, and the sound of ocean waves crashing.

According to Ryan Sultan, MD, psychiatrist and research director at Integrative Psych in NYC, white noise machines may fulfill an evolutionary need, since humans are wired to fall asleep to the predictable sounds of nature, such as rustling leaves, ocean waves, and insects humming. Our brains expect this, Dr. Sultan says.

“But modern life doesn’t sound like that—especially if you live near traffic, sirens, or loud neighbors,” Dr. Sultan describes. “White noise helps by blocking out all that unpredictable chaos, getting your brain back into a safer, more natural ‘sleep mode.’”

How White Noise Helps With Sleep

Because white noise stays steady and doesn’t change, it can block out sudden sounds in your environment that might wake you up while you’re sleeping. “This makes it helpful for people who live in noisy areas or have trouble falling asleep,” says Dr. Hafeez. “It works by masking distracting sounds so your brain can relax.”

Some benefits of white noise, according to Dr. Hafeez, include:

• Blocking out background noise such as traffic, barking dogs, creaking doors, or talking
• Helping people fall asleep faster by creating a soothing environment
• Encouraging deeper sleep by decreasing night time wake-ups
• Calming babies and helping them sleep longer
• Potentially improving focus for those with ADHD or anxiety before bed

How to Use White Noise for Sleep

When using white noise for sleep, it’s best to have it going continuously, says Leah Kaylor, PhD, licensed psychologist specializing in sleep with a book about sleep coming out in 2025, called The Sleep Advantage. She suggests not using timers, but choose a white noise machine or app that will run all night long. “The goal is to maintain a stable sound environment,” she says.

Additionally, you want to make sure the white noise is loud enough to mask unpredictable sounds outside or inside your home, but not too loud. Too-loud white noise can be overstimulating, or may even damage your hearing.

Other tips Kaylor recommends include:

• Place the white noise between yourself and the noise source, such as near a window.
• Use the white noise machine every night; this way, your brain will start to associate the white noise with falling asleep.
• Choose natural, smooth sounds rather than mechanical or tinny noise.

Choosing the Best White Noise Machine or App

There are a variety of ways that white noise can be delivered into your environment. You can use a white noise machine, which is simply a small device whose main job is to make continuous white noise. You can also use a phone app for white noise, and you can connect this app to a speaker, if desired. Finally, some smart speakers (like Alexa, Google Assistant, Amazon Echo) will deliver white noise.

Here are Dr. Hafeez’s tips for choosing the best white noise source for you:

• Think about where and how you’ll use it—at home, while traveling, or for a baby—and pick one that fits your lifestyle.
• Look for one with a variety of sound options, such as fan sounds, rain, or ocean waves, and pick which one you find most personally relaxing.
• Pick one with an adjustable volume and with sound loops that are smooth, without noticeable breaks.
• If you’re using an app, check reviews and make sure it works offline to avoid interruptions.

Potential Downsides of White Noise for Sleep

There aren’t many downsides to white noise for sleep. It’s not known to be dangerous or harmful to people.

However, at times, people can become overly reliant on white noise, says Dr. Hafeez. What happens is that they have trouble falling asleep without the white noise. This can be challenging if you are on vacation (though you can bring your white noise in most cases!) or if your source of white noise gets broken or disabled in some way.

In addition, white noise has the potential to cause hearing damage—but only if it’s turned up to very high volumes. “If the volume is too high, it might damage hearing over time, especially in babies,” Dr. Hafeez says.

Finally, some white noise machines or apps may end up being more annoying than helpful. “Poorly made machines or apps can have loops that become distracting once you notice them,” Dr. Hafeez notes.

Alternatives to White Noise for Sleep

White noise doesn’t work for everyone. “Some people might find it irritating or feel more alert instead of relaxed,” Dr. Hafeez points out.

If white noise doesn’t work for you, there are various other types of noise you can try, says Dr. Kaylor. Some that she recommends include:

• Pink noise, which is softer, lower frequency noise, similar to a steady rain
• Brown noise, which is a deeper, rumbling sound, like distant thunder
• Nature sounds, like rainfall, ocean waves, river streams.
• Binaural beats, which are sound frequencies intended to influence brainwave activity toward a more relaxed and sleep state

Alternatively, you don’t need to use any type of sound machine or app. “Some people find gentle music or sleep meditations work better for relaxing their mind,” says Dr. Hafeez. “You could also try using a fan or humidifier, which makes a steady, soothing background sound without needing an app or machine.”

Takeaways

White noise can have powerful impacts on people, and may be the magic ticket to better sleep for some individuals. “I worked at the VA where I helped a veteran who only slept one hour of sleep per night due to anxiety, trauma, and fear of sleep,” shares Dr. Kaylor. “After trying many strategies it was the consistent sound of a fan that helped him begin to sleep more hours.”

It’s pretty incredible that something as simple as white noise from a fan could have such an impact. These days, there are so many options for white noise, including white noise machines, apps, and smart speakers.

Keep in mind, though that white noise isn’t the be-all and end-all sleep solution for everyone. If you’ve tried white noise, or other background noise options for sleep, and you consistently have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, it may be time to reach out to a sleep specialist for support.

Have you been feeling off but can’t pinpoint exactly why? Does something in your life need to shift in order for you to achieve your goals or feel more grounded? Oftentimes, a big factor in getting stuck on our mental health journey is not knowing where to start. We feel bogged down by the pressure of mustering up our motivation, and option paralysis sets in. Whether you’re in a lingering funk or considering seeking a diagnosis, we have all asked ourselves: How do I start feeling better?

You could seek support from a therapist—that could very well be what you need—but you’d be surprised how effective making some behavioral changes can be when it comes to improving your mental health. We take a lot of the building blocks of mental wellness for granted, which is why this Mental Health Awareness Month, we’re bringing it back to basics. 

Rather than focusing on the notion of treating something specific, our goal is to equip you with tools you can whip out every single day—or any time you wake up feeling not quite yourself. We’ve compiled some of our favorite expert-approved articles and resources across five categories—meditation, movement, mind hacks, food, and human connection—that will help you take action toward better mental health. 

Take our quick and easy quiz to get a better sense of what mental health tool you should try first. It doesn’t actually matter what result you get on the quiz because anyone can benefit from every single one of the articles below. That said, we believe having a recommended jumping-off point can make all the difference.

When you get your results, go ahead and scroll down to the matching category and start checking out your options. There’s much to explore!