The Surprising Strength of Weak Ties on Mental Health

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Every day, we speak to and spend time with the people who mean the most to us. From our romantic partners and close friends to our parents and children, most of us have at least a couple of people with whom we have strong bonds.

But think about how many people you interact with in a typical week that you wouldn’t consider as close connections. The colleague you always chat with when you’re both in the office, the guy who regularly serves you at the grocery store, and the neighbor you frequently run into when you both walk your dogs.

In sociology, these are known as our ‘weak ties’, referred to as such to differentiate them from our strong ties, like close friends and family members. 

You might think that the impact your weak ties have on your life is negligible, and for some of your weak ties, that might be true. However, weak ties can have a bigger effect than you might think. From improving our mental health to providing new career opportunities, here’s what they can do.

The Concept of Weak Ties

The idea of weak ties comes from a hugely influential 1973 paper by Mark Granovetter, PhD, professor of sociology at Stanford University. He suggests that we can define the strength of an interpersonal tie by taking into account the amount of time two people have known each other, the emotional intensity of the tie, the intimacy, and the reciprocal services; that is, the benefits, favors, and gestures from one to the other.

So, weak ties are between people who know each other but perhaps haven’t known each other for long and aren’t very close.

While we rely on strong ties in our day-to-day lives, they tend to form clusters, like the social groups we belong to, where there’s no new information. For example, if you were looking for a new job and spoke about your job hunt to a group of four close friends, they might only be aware of the same job opportunities as you because you move in the same circles. 

However, you might also mention to an acquaintance, perhaps the barista who always serves you in the morning or the partner of a friend of a friend at a party, that you’re looking for a new job. Because they have different contacts to your strong ties, you’re able to get in touch with people you wouldn’t have otherwise, potentially allowing you to find a new job. 

Benefits of Weak Ties

“Weak ties are important because they connect you outside your own social circle (because your strong ties pretty much know one another, but your weak ties know people that you don’t),” says Dr. Granovetter, looking back at his research. “This is why people are more likely to find jobs through weak ties than strong ties, why you get information from weak ties that you wouldn’t get otherwise, and why you will learn about the world beyond your own little circle.“

“Weak ties can also serve special functions not served by close ties, including providing access to unique information and resources,” adds Susan Sprecher, PhD, distinguished professor at the Department of Sociology & Anthropology at Illinois State University – and, again, this could go as far as helping us find new jobs, as Dr. Granovetter discussed in his paper.

Susan Sprecher, PhD

Weak ties can also serve special functions not served by close ties, including providing access to unique information and resources.

— Susan Sprecher, PhD

As he put it, “Individuals with few weak ties will be deprived of information from distant parts of the social system and will be confined to the provincial news and views of their close friends.”

“Research indicates that many people interact with more weak ties and acquaintances throughout a day than they do close ties,” Dr. Sprecher continues. “More generally, having a diverse social network (that includes intimate others and family, close friends, casual friends, and weak ties/acquaintances and other peripheral ties) is associated with good health and well-being.”

Indeed, weak ties can give us a real mental health boost. One 2014 study from Dr. Gillian Sandstrom and Dr. Elizabeth Dunn indicated that people with wider connections of weak ties tend to be happier. The research concerned students, who found that they felt more happiness and greater feelings of belonging on days when they interacted with more classmates than usual, as well as on days when they had more interactions with people more generally.

These interactions are often lower pressure, too. If you’d like a little bit of social interaction but don’t feel up to much intense or in-depth conversation, perhaps because you’re busy, stressed, or in a bad mood, you might be best served by weak ties. 

Weak Ties vs. Strangers

Dr. Sandstrom has previously made the contrast between a stranger and a weak tie by explaining that, with weak ties, there’s mutual recognition between you. Other definitions of weak ties might include strangers that you share a conversation with – after all, most weak ties will start as strangers at some point. 

“How I distinguish a weak tie from a stranger is that there’s mutual recognition,” Sandstrom told Vice in 2019, “You don’t have to know the other person’s name, but you have to have seen them and know who they are.”

The idea of weak ties can be related to the concepts of familiar and consequential strangers, too. In 1972, the social psychologist Stanley Milgram identified familiar strangers as those strangers you might recognize because you both stand at the bus stop at the same time each day, for example, but don’t interact with. 

The concept of consequential strangers, meanwhile, was first identified by Karen L. Fingerman in 2004. They are the personal connections we have away from family and close friends that may not be as important to us, but help us affirm our place in the community.

Weak Ties in the Modern World

Particularly in the modern age, there can be barriers to forming or maintaining weak ties. “Some people have characteristics that make it difficult for them to interact with others, particularly new acquaintances,” says Dr. Sprecher. “These can be people who are shy, socially anxious, and introverted.”

Then, there’s the matter of access to time and resources. As Dr. Sprecher explains, people who have both tend to have more access to settings and schedules that give them the ability to form and maintain weak ties. 

The impact of the COVID-19 pandemic can’t be understated, either. Because people spent more time at home, in some cases due to government-mandated restrictions, they had less opportunity to form weak ties, at least in person. Instead, many spent more time with close ties. Weak ties could be formed online during COVID-19, however, allowing people to cultivate and maintain these connections in a way they simply wouldn’t have been able to 20—or perhaps even 10—years previously. 

Remote work, though, may be limiting the contexts in which weak ties can be formed. People create acquaintances/weak ties in the settings in which they occupy time.

“Weak ties may be just as important (if not more important) than ever before,” says Dr. Sprecher, who explains that social media might mean that there are even more types of weak ties now – for example, those that only exist on social media, like many of those formed during COVID-19.

“Certainly, social media has allowed people to stay in touch (or in knowledge of) weak ties,” she continues. “Remote work, though, may be limiting the contexts in which weak ties can be formed. People create acquaintances/weak ties in the settings in which they occupy time.  

“When people have removed themselves from a physical work setting (and mostly work at home), they have fewer opportunities for daily interactions that increase the familiarity of others who could become important members of one’s social network. Video interaction and other forms of communication, however, can still provide opportunities to form and maintain weak ties.”

Psychological Insights

We know that social interactions, including those with people we don’t know well, can help boost our mental health and sense of well-being – Dr. Sandstrom and Dr. Dunn’s 2014 study is evidence of this.

A study from 2025 looked at autistic people during the COVID-19 pandemic and indicated that people often found interactions with weak ties to be more beneficial than they realized, and missed them during lockdowns and social distancing measures more than they thought they would.

Part of the benefit of weak ties is that they provide a sense of belonging and security, and help us feel as though we’re part of a community. This can then bring other benefits, too.

How to Make the Most of Our Weak Ties

It may sound obvious, but to create weak ties, we need to actually engage with other people. Often, this will mean going outside and speaking to people, whether it’s those you pass in the street, who serve you in shops and cafes, or with whom you share an office or class. 

Some of us enjoy small talk more than others, but if you’re somebody who’s not a fan, try your best because it could lead to more fruitful relationships. Attend a range of events, from classes at the gym to expert talks at local colleges, and you’re more likely to meet different people. From these initial encounters, you could connect on social media or gradually speak to them more in public. 

After all, the impact of weak ties today is as significant as it has been in the past, with Dr. Granovetter explaining: “I don’t think this impact has changed much at all. The reasons why weak ties matter apply as much now as they ever did.”

Bottom Line

Weak ties have a bigger impact on us than you might think. Sure, the relationships you have with acquaintances and people you don’t know as well aren’t going to be the same as those you have with partners and close friends, but they could still help you a lot in both your personal and professional life. 

Why not try to make more of an effort with the weak ties in your life and see where it gets you? You might find yourself in a better mood, make a couple of new friends, or progress in your career as a result.


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The ‘Liking Gap’ Makes Us Doubt How Much People Like Us

by with No Comment Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

Have you ever thought that someone didn’t like you, but then received a party invite from them or heard through the grapevine that they said something positive about you? 

Misjudging how others perceive you and assuming that they don’t like you when they actually do is what psychologists call a “liking gap.” 

“Studies tell us that when we’re with others, our social brain is more focused on overanalyzing what we perceive we did wrong, instead of what we may have done right,” says Deborah Serani, PsyD, psychologist and professor at Adelphi University. “The hyper focus on what you did wrong can lead to unrealistic self-criticism.”

We’ll explore this psychological phenomenon and give you some tools to overcome it.

When It Feels like They Don’t Like You

In a 2018 study published in Psychological Science, researchers observed the liking gap as strangers got acquainted in the lab, as first-year college students got to know their dorm mates, and as strangers got to know each other during a personal development workshop.

The researchers found that following interactions, people underestimated how much their conversation partners liked them and enjoyed their company. Moreover, the liking gap lasted for several months, as college dorm mates developed new relationships. The researchers concluded that after people have conversations, they are liked more than they know. 

Experiencing the liking gap may start early in childhood. A 2021 study of kids ranging from 4 years old to 11 years old found that children as young as 5 believe their peers like them less than their other peers. As children got older, the liking gap became more pronounced.

“The trajectory of your young life will often impact how you feel about yourself and how you perceive others,” says Serani. 

What’s Behind the Liking Gap?

When you’re connected to others who don’t give direct feedback about their feelings, it’s easy to take that uncertainty and assign it a negative value, says Serani. 

For some, especially those who grow up in households where mental illness dominates daily life, the fear of not being liked isn’t about a lack of connection; it’s about survival. This was the case for Paolina Milana, who grew up with both a mother and sister diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.  

“To survive, I presented a version of myself that looked put-together, confident—like someone who had it all so as not to expose the madness I navigated at home,” she says. “People gravitated to that shiny version of me. But deep down, I believed that if they saw the real me—the one not so put together—they wouldn’t like what they found.” 

Deborah Serani, PsyD

Studies tell us that when we’re with others, our social brain is more focused on overanalyzing what we perceive we did wrong, instead of what we may have done right…the hyper focus on what you did wrong can lead to unrealistic self-criticism.

— Deborah Serani, PsyD

As she became an adult, Milana discovered through therapy that this fear is common among adult children who grew up around mental illness in her home. 

“It stems not from others’ actual perceptions, but from the internalized belief that [our] DNA is to be kept at a distance and being truly seen is risky—and potentially rejecting,” Milana says. 

Defensive use of projection may also play a part in the liking gap. 

“When we take something about ourselves and project it onto another, we may think others like us less,” says Serani. “What may be happening is that you have something about yourself you don’t like, but assign to another person so it feels like they don’t like you.” 

Natalie Dattilo-Ryan, PhD, clinical psychologist, founder of Priority Wellness, and instructor at Harvard Medical School, agrees. 

“If I’m plagued by the idea that others don’t really like me, or don’t like me as much as they say they do, it could be because I don’t really like myself sometimes, and that makes it hard for me to believe that others do, even if they say they do,” she says. 

What Role Do Self-criticism, Self-esteem, and Self-perception Play?

Self-criticism casts doubt about ourselves and how we think others view us.

“There is also long-standing research on how low self-esteem can heighten insecurity. And evidence-based studies report that negative self-perception will often negatively sway how you perceive and interpret social cues,” says Serani. 

These “self” experiences, alone or combined, can make people believe they’re liked less than they actually are, she adds. 

“We tend to hold ourselves to a higher standard—sometimes called double-standardizing—than we do others, like it’s ok for others to be late or messy but not us,” Dattilo-Ryan says. 

People tend to be their own worst critics and less generous with themselves when it comes to grace, understanding, forgiveness, and compassion than they are with others. 

This can lead to a lot of self-judgment and even self-dislike. Self-esteem is determined in many ways by how we believe others think about us, or how we are regarded by others, she says. 

“Self-perception is more like a two-way street, when we perceive ourselves to be likeable we tend to think others like us too; when we perceive ourselves to be standoffish or unlikeable, we tend to think others think about us that way too, so each tends to strengthen and reinforce the other,” says Dattilo-Ryan. 

The Liking Gap Impact Relationships and Social Interactions

The liking gap may be exacerbated by social anxiety, which involves a person becoming excessively anxious about being judged by others to the point of avoiding social interactions, situations, or places where they may get evaluated by others.

“This can also lead to excessive rumination and worry, or replaying social exchanges over and over in your head hours or even days after the situation has ended,” says Dattilo-Ryan. “It can also result in a compulsive type of reassurance seeking in which we ask our friends and loved ones over and over to reassure us that they still like us or that we did ok, etc.” 

Constantly asking for reassurance can take a toll on relationships because the relief it provides is short-lived. 

“The treatment involves gradually reducing the amount of reassurance seeking so you are less reliant on external sources while building up a stronger internal sense of self-acceptance,” says Dattilo-Ryan. 

Learning how to believe in yourself and feel confident about your unique strengths and weaknesses makes you less reliant on others to give you value. 

“When we have this grounded, mindful type of self-esteem, we don’t get too caught up in the liking gap,” says Serani. 

Engaging socially while feeling worried or with the assumption that others don’t like you, can make you more likely to feel anxious and self-conscious, which may impact your ability to relax and show up fully and authentically as yourself during interactions. 

Natalie Dattilo-Ryan, PhD, clinical psychologist

The treatment involves gradually reducing the amount of reassurance seeking so you are less reliant on external sources while building up a stronger internal sense of self-acceptance

— Natalie Dattilo-Ryan, PhD, clinical psychologist

“This may facilitate a ‘self-fulfilling prophesy’ in the sense that we push people away unwittingly, thereby confirming our worry or assumption that people don’t want to be around us or don’t like us, even if there’s a perfectly good or innocuous explanation for why they can’t stay, for example,” says Dattilo-Ryan. 

In other words, you experience what you expect. If you expect people to not like you, even if they do, then that tends to be the way you experience it. This is due to a combination of psychological forces that are often unconscious, such as expectancy bias and confirmation bias, Dattilo-Ryan says. 

How to Cope with the Liking Gap

The best way to improve self-perception and social confidence is to behave your way into it by practicing, says Dattilo-Ryan. 

“Sometimes it involves ‘acting as if’ we are already the social confident person we are trying to be and stepping into situations we might otherwise avoid out of fear,” she says. “When we see ourselves stepping into uncomfortable and previously avoided situations, we adjust our self-perception accordingly and we begin to see ourselves as someone who is capable of doing these things.” 

She also suggests positive affirmation journaling to cultivate greater self-acceptance. Serani recommends the following:

  •  Stop comparing yourself to others. Studies show that your self-esteem and self-acceptance will suffer if you compare yourself to others. “Instead, celebrate your distinct traits and embrace your weaknesses. Understand that there’s no one else like you, and that you are singularly unique,” Serai says.
  • Develop self-compassion. Research shows that individuals who understand that they’re enough have reduced levels of depression and anxiety. “Take the time to embrace your vulnerabilities. Give yourself the space to not be perfect, and practice forgiveness with your less-than-optimal thoughts and behaviors,” says Serani.
  • Acknowledge co-dependency. Understand that co-dependency is an unhealthy emotional reliance on finding your worth or value through others. Most often, this coping style originates from childhood, says Serani. “See if you can discover where your codependent attachment developed, and unlearn those behaviors by building on mindfulness through self-care and self-reflection,” she says. 
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

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  2. Wolf, W., Nafe, A., & Tomasello, M. (2021). The development of the liking gap: Children older than 5 years think that partners evaluate them less positively than they evaluate their partners. Psychological Science, 32(5), 789–798. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797620980754

  3. Tissera, H., Elsaadawy, N., Cooney, G., Human, L. J., & Carlson, E. N. (2025). Evaluating the psychological and social nature of actual and perceived liking gaps. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 128(4), 967–982. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000548

  4. Leiva, Isabel et al. Peer victimization but not social anxiety negatively influences predicted enjoyment during peer interactions. Journal of Mood & Anxiety Disorders, Volume 9, 100105. https://www.jmoodanxdisorders.org/article/S2950-0044(25)00002-1/fulltext

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  6. Egan, S. J., Rees, C. S., Delalande, J., Greene, D., Fitzallen, G., Brown, S., Webb, M., & Finlay-Jones, A. (2021). A review of self-compassion as an active ingredient in the prevention and treatment of anxiety and depression in young people. Administrationand Policy in Mental Health, 49(3), 385. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10488-021-01170-2

  7. Bacon, I., McKay, E., Reynolds, F., & McIntyre, A. (2020). The lived experience of codependency: An interpretativephenomenological analysis. International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction, 18(3), 754–771. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11469-018-9983-8

Cathy Cassata

By Cathy Cassata

Cathy Cassata is a writer who specializes in stories around health, mental health, medical news, and inspirational people.


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