Posts in category: Dating Tips, Guide and Advice

My husband’s a realtor, so he’s always talking to strangers. He’d drop the kids off at soccer and return with phone numbers from strangers. I, on the other hand, pick the kids up with a hat, sunglasses and a face that says “please don’t talk to me”. 

I talk with my kids all the time—or rather, they talk at me—and I’m surrounded by their chaos every day. I do a lot of messaging and emailing as a writer, but most of my in-person adult conversations during the week are with my husband and the odd parent. Some days, I feel like all I’ve done is write, parent, clean, and cook. I’m afraid that when the kids leave the nest, I’ll lose a large part of my identity.

It’s not because I don’t want to have more face-to-face interactions. I simply have an unrealistic belief that it requires a lot of time and effort. But does it need to? With this question in mind, I decided to take on the challenge of striking up a conversation with a stranger every day for a week. Let’s see if my overall social well-being and feelings of connection improve.

In-Person Versus Digital Connections

Terri Cole, MSW, LCSW, licensed psychotherapist, relationship expert, and author of Too Much says that societal norms shifted during COVID-19, where remote everything became the new normal. For many, virtual socializing has remained their primary way of connecting. While technology offers convenience, it cannot replace the emotional nourishment and connection that only in-person experiences can provide.

“There is a quality to physical interactions that offers a more immediate and nuanced understanding of and experience with social dynamics. This can build deeper connections. Online socialization can feel more superficial with less concentrated attention on the interaction,” says Cole.

Dr. Harry Cohen, psychologist and author of Be the Sun, Not the Salt in a Story adds that texting and social media often lack the non-verbal cues (tone, facial expressions, body language) that foster deeper emotional bonding. Merely watching others’ content (e.g., scrolling through Instagram or TikTok) can increase feelings of loneliness and comparison anxiety and has been proven to be addictive. 

“The good news is that texting an old friend to reconnect is surprisingly effective in helping to decrease social isolation, especially if the text prompts a real face-to-face conversation,” shares Dr. Cohen.

Benefits of Casual Social Interactions

You may not need to meet with friends and family members to boost your social well-being. Starting a conversation with strangers like service workers, people on the bus, or another person walking their dog may offer the same benefits.

Dr. Cohen says casual social interactions, often called “weak ties,” have real psychological benefits. It boosts our mood. Even small changes can trigger dopamine and oxytocin release. Oxytocin is sometimes called the “love” hormone because it makes us feel more connected to others. In addition, these interactions reinforce the fact that we are part of a larger community, which reduces loneliness.

“Regular engagement with strangers reduces our social anxiety and actually increases our own self-esteem. The more we practice these habits, the easier they become. Test these facts out in the laboratory of your own life experience,” advises Dr. Cohen.

Talking to Strangers Every Day

I’m an introvert, but contrary to what most people think, I’m not shy. Many of my friends thought I was an extrovert because of how comfortable I was socializing and speaking in front of crowds. 

So, fortunately, I don’t worry about approaching strangers to talk with. Also, having kids puts me in a position where I’m often waiting. From waiting for them to finish their swim lesson to getting their teeth checked, I’m around people. However, it’s up to me to strike up a conversation.

Day 1

It’s Monday. I pick up the kids from school, and my son immediately says he forgot something in the classroom. As he goes in, I see the school custodian sweeping, and I decide to start my challenge. I ask him how his day is going, and he says it’s been wonderful. 

He is Filipino and says something to me in his language. I shake my head and tell him I am Chinese. Then we start conversing about my background and how my parents immigrated here in the 1970s. Then he tells me his story of coming to Canada and his family back home. My son comes out and we say goodbye. I feel really good and nostalgic. Talking to the custodian makes me think of my parents, their sacrifices, and I feel grateful for where I am today.

Day 2

I’m sitting on a bench, waiting for my daughter to finish her ukulele class, when another mom sits beside me. She does a big sigh. I say to her, “Busy day?” She turns her entire body towards me and says, “You got that right!” 

So I ask if her kid likes the ukulele, and she jokes that he’s terrible, but at least it’s not the drums. We start talking about how hard it is to be a mom these days. We joke about how our parents used to leave the TV on for hours, and they didn’t even know where we went. 

We laugh about how our kids have aged us at least a decade. My daughter and her son come out. Her son forgot his ukulele in the class. She tells him, “We’ll have to go back in then.” She tells me it was nice chatting. I’m looking forward to seeing her next week. 

Day 3

It’s Wednesday, and the kids don’t have any extracurriculars after school, so I let them go nuts at the playground. I usually bring my book to read while checking on the kids every few paragraphs. My kids are old enough that I don’t have to hover around as much.

This time, I put my book away. A dad with his toddler daughter sits near me. She can barely walk, so he’s holding her while she plays with woodchips. I ask how old she is, and he says she’s 16 months. I say it’s been a while since I’ve known my kids’ ages in months. 

I ask if she’s his first, and he nods. We make light conversation, but his body language seems to be completely focused on his daughter. I give my kids a five-minute warning. The dad leaves shortly after without saying anything to me. I feel slightly awkward, but I understand why he wasn’t too chatty. I’ve had toddlers before and reminisce about when they were that small.

Day 4

It’s a surprisingly hot day. After school, the kids and I decided to walk down to the ice cream shop to get a couple of treats. While we wait, we see an older couple enjoying their cones outside with their chocolate lab leashed to the pole. 

My daughter asks the couple if she can pet their dog. They are overjoyed and reassure us that Chester loves children. I ask the couple about their dog. I share that my daughter has been asking for one since she was four, but we haven’t let her yet because she needs to be old enough to be responsible for it. 

The couple starts talking about what they do regularly for Chester, including walking, feeding, playing, and cleaning. It’s our turn to order as the couple finishes off their treats. They untie Chester and wave goodbye. My daughter gushes over how cute Chester is and how much she loved petting him.

Day 5

My kids have swim lessons today after school. I like to go to the gym during this time. I’ll put on my headphones, do my sets, stretch and leave. But today, I decided to skip an episode of Call Her Daddy and strike up a conversation with a stranger. 

This was a lot harder than I thought because everyone was wearing headphones, and I felt rude making them take them off to talk to me. It’s funny because a gym seems like a place to socialize, but everyone has an F off vibe. I’m pretty sure I give off the same attitude when I’m doing Romanian deadlifts.

I ended up chatting with a staff member about how often they service the machines because the seat for the lat pulldown machine always gets stuck. It was quick because someone was waiting for their help, but I still felt proud of myself for trying.

Day 6

It’s Saturday, and we head to the library to return books, borrow new ones, color and do the weekly scavenger hunt. My kids are trying to find the next clue when we walk past an elderly lady in a wheelchair. She’s returning some books but struggling to get them out of her bag. We stop and ask if she’d like some help. She agrees. 

My kids take turns putting the books into the return slot, and I ask her how her day is going. She asks me how old my kids are, and she tells me that they’re around the same age as her grandchildren. She gets her phone out and shows me some of her photos with them. They’re adorable. As we’re about to leave, she says to me, “You’re a good mom. Keep doing you.” That comment really brightened up my day!

Day 7

It’s been a packed day with activities and errands. I haven’t had time to have any conversations with strangers. I’d been barking orders at my husband. My daughter and I head to the grocery store. I almost forgot about this challenge. We needed to get a few steaks for dinner. We head to the meat department. 

A woman is looking at steaks. She looks like she’s trying to decide what to get. I ask her if she knows much about different cuts of beef. It turns out, she’s a private chef. She goes into detail about tenderness, flavor and marbling. 

By the end of our chat, I’m pretty informed about how to cook a damn good steak. She wishes me good luck before leaving us. My daughter says, “Mom, she knew a lot about cooking. Aren’t you glad you talked to her?” Yes, I am.

Should You Start Conversations With Strangers to Boost Mental Health?

Cole shares that a study showed that people who engaged in talking to strangers on a bus or train left their morning commute happier than those who sat in solitude. 

“I regularly engage strangers and service folks in conversation, and it leaves me feeling more connected to my community and global family,” says Cole.

I enjoyed striking up a conversation with a stranger every day. I’m pleasantly surprised at how those few minutes of in-person interaction lifted my mood and even made me look forward to doing it again the next day. It became an adventure, and I was excited to see who I would converse with and what stories I would hear. 

One of my highlights was talking to my kids’ school custodian. It was very rewarding to hear about his family and his immigration journey, and to share my parents’ struggle with him. I have probably seen him around the school dozens of times, but I was always in a rush to leave. I think taking that time to talk to him made both of our days.

“Smile at a stranger and say ‘good morning,’ and watch how you feel after the brief exchange. Text an old friend to reconnect. Make it easy for yourself and you’re more likely to keep it up. Practice just waving to a neighbor or offering someone a helping hand. Any effort we make to reduce our social isolation is both an immediate and long-term investment in our wellbeing,” recommends Dr. Cohen.