How to Reconnect With An Old Friend Without Making It Awkward

We all have fond memories of an old friend—of chatting, laughing, and spending time with them. Life happens and we may have drifted apart over time, but occasionally, something may remind us of them, and we’ll briefly wonder how they are.

If you’ve lost touch with a friend, you’re not alone. According to a 2016 study, people often lose touch with others after age 25. Life can get in the way, with hectic schedules, different paths, life changes, and big moves making it difficult to keep in touch with all the people in your life.

Why We Should Reconnect With Old Friends

These are some of the benefits of reconnecting with an old friend, according to Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University:

• Reliving happy memories: Spending time with an old friend can help us remember and relive happy memories, adventures, and the strong bonds we developed through challenging times.
• Getting in touch with your past: Rekindling friendships from different times in our lives can help us reconnect with different parts of ourselves. Old friends can remind us of the person we used to be and help get us in touch with parts of ourselves that might have become suppressed over the years.
• Offering a new perspective: Reconnecting with old friends can give us a new perspective on our lives now relative to the past. We can also get a perspective on the past from someone who has been through it with us. 
• Building your community: Reestablishing a friendship with an old friend can help us strengthen our roots and feel more grounded in our community. A deeper feeling of connectedness contributes to better well-being.

Yes, Things *Might* Get Awkward

As close as we were with our friend, there may be awkwardness in the relationship now. For instance, we might experience the following:

• Hurt feelings: People sometimes take friendships drifting apart personally and negatively interpret the distance in the relationship. For example, they might assume the other person did not like them enough to stay in contact or that they purposely distanced themselves. Their feelings may be hurt, or they may hold a grudge against the other person for not staying in touch.
• Changes over time: Reconnecting can also be awkward because people change significantly over time, and our reference point for our old friend might be very different from the person they are today. We might find that our lives have taken radically different paths since we were younger, and it may be challenging to connect over our shared past when our present lives are so different.
• Comparisons: When reconnecting with an old friend from the past, there may be a tendency to compare present situations. Negative themes of jealousy, envy, or upward social comparison could hinder reconnection.

But We Can Make Things Less Awkward!

Dr. Romanoff suggests some tips that can help us prevent any awkwardness while reconnecting with an old friend:

• Reach out via social media: Connect with them through social media or text message if you’re too nervous to make a phone call or to initiate a meet up. Follow up on one of their most recent posts to spark conversation about what they’re up to. Slowly build up the relationship in a way that feels natural to you.
• Show some love: If you’re genuinely happy to connect with your old friend, make it a point to communicate that to them. Be warm and affectionate with them and let them know how much it means to you. Genuine warmth can help melt away some of the awkwardness that may build up in a relationship.
• Bring back a fond memory: Initiate the conversation by bringing up a cherished memory or a funny time you shared. It will transplant you both back to that moment when you were close and help smooth over the “What are you up to now?” conversations that can sometimes be rigid.
• Display your interest: As you chat with your friend, let them know you’re interested in what they’re sharing with you. Paying attention, asking follow-up questions, and empathizing with them can help you connect with them and get to know who they are today.
• Move past conflicts: Don’t dwell on conflicts or the reasons your friendship drifted apart. If it happens to come up naturally down the line, then feel free to address any possible hurt feelings. But, in the beginning, focus on what you had in common and the good times you shared together.
• Make future plans: As you end your conversation or your meeting with your friend, make future plans with them based on shared interests.