Obsessive Love Disorder—Can You Be Obsessed With Love?

Love comes in many forms, including platonic, familial, and romantic. While most of us have felt its pull, what happens when love crosses the line? If it turns into fixation, controlling behavior, or jealousy, it might not be love at all. Instead, it might be a sign of obsessive love disorder. 

Obsessive love disorder isn’t currently classified as a mental health condition under the
“The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders” (aka the DSM-5-TR). This is because there has been some debate about whether obsessive love disorder can be considered a mental health condition.

While the DSM-5 doesn’t currently provide criteria for obsessive love disorder, it’s a real-life, debilitating condition that could interfere with one’s daily functioning if left untreated. It could also cause them to have dysfunctional relationships with the people they are in love with.

In some extreme cases, it could also pose a threat to the object of a person’s fixation, especially when feelings are not reciprocated. Some research shows that obsessive love disorder is more likely to occur in women than in men.

Signs of Obsessive Love Disorder 

Although it isn’t classified as a mental health condition, obsessive love disorder has specific defining characteristics that can help you identify the disorder.

Because there is no formalized definition of the condition, there isn’t a specific set of symptom criteria. Obsessive love disorder also looks different from one person to the next. That means the condition can look very different in two people who are living with it. A few signs include:

• A constant need for validation from the person you are in love with
• Obsessively keeping in contact with the subject of your affection 
• Ignoring the personal boundaries of the subject of your affection 
• Behaving in a controlling manner with the person you love 
• Feeling extreme jealousy of other relationships the person you love might have with other people  
• Feeling overly protective of the person you love 
• Becoming so overwhelmed with emotions about a person that it disrupts your daily functioning 
• Feelings of low self-esteem, especially when it seems like your love isn’t being reciprocated 
• Refusal to engage in social activities that don’t involve the subject of your affection 
• Feeling extremely possessive of the other person’s time, space, and attention 
• Feeling a need to control the actions and behaviors of the person you supposedly love 
• Experiencing anxiety over your relationship with this person

How Is It Diagnosed?

There are no specific criteria for identifying obsessive love disorder. However, if you display symptoms of the condition, your doctor will first conduct a series of tests and interviews to rule out other mental health disorders.

However, in cases where it doesn’t coexist with another mental health condition, it can be tough to identify. While some researchers have been clamoring to get obsessive love disorder recognized as a mental health condition, others believe it simply doesn’t fit into the definition of a mental health disorder.

Causes of Obsessive Love Disorder

Since obsessive love disorder is not classified as a mental health condition, it is hard for it to have an identifiable cause. However, it has been linked to other mental health disorders such as post-traumatic stress disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and borderline personality disorder.

Relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder is a form of OCD that involves intrusive thoughts and behaviors related to a person’s relationship and romantic partner.

Attachment disorders have been most strongly linked to triggering obsessive love disorder. When a person cannot form healthy attachments with other people, this affects the quality of relationships they have and how they act with other people.

For some people with an attachment disorder, the condition might make them feel distant from potential or current partners. For others, an attachment disorder can cause them to become obsessive with people they form a connection with.

How Is It Treated?

Treating obsessive love disorder often focuses on addressing the emotional dependence and intrusive thoughts that come with it. If you have obsessive love disorder, doctors will also focus on treating any preexisting conditions to help alleviate symptoms.

While it isn’t a formally recognized condition, therapy and other interventions can help people regain emotional stability and build healthier relationship patterns.

In instances where the condition can’t be linked to any other mental health condition, a doctor or medical professional will need to tailor a treatment plan specifically for you. This could involve medication, a form of psychotherapy, or a combination of both.

Specific types of therapy that may be helpful in the treatment of obsessive love disorder include:

The therapist will help you identify your obsessive thoughts and behaviors and teach you techniques that will help you overcome them. 

How to Cope

Coping with obsessive love disorder can be tricky. However, in many cases, if you notice that you are experiencing symptoms of obsessive love disorder, it could signify that you are living with a mental health condition. Please don’t be embarrassed to speak to a medical professional about it so that they can help you get the help you need. 

Suppose you or someone you love is living with obsessive love disorder. In that case, they could benefit from group therapy, especially if the condition triggers can be linked to attachment issues they had with family or friends. 

If you are in the early stages of treatment, here are some things you can do to cope with the symptoms of the condition: 

• With obsessive love disorder, the first and most important step is admitting that you have a problem and need help.
• Communicate with the subject of your affection about what you are going through and create some distance until you have a firmer grasp of your emotions.
• Spend quality time with other friends and family to remind yourself of what healthy love should look like.
• Engage in productive distractions such as exercising frequently or picking up a new hobby like painting.