5 TV and Movie Characters With an Anxious Attachment Style

Attachment theory refers to the psychological phenomenon around how humans form attachments to each other. In infancy and early childhood, our primary attachment is to our caregiver(s), and these early attachments inform how we relate to others, impacting relationships for the rest of our lives. While your attachment style can change in response to therapy, trauma, or other life events, understanding your attachment style can help you communicate and connect in healthy ways.

Fictional media, while disconnected from reality, can provide us with examples of what different attachment styles look like and how they manifest. We can look at the relationships between characters and explore how this reflects attachment styles.

Anxious Attachment Overview

Anxious attachment occurs when someone is highly insecure in their relationships, which can cause them to appear “needy,” fear abandonment, and cling to partners while struggling to trust them. It is believed that this attachment style is caused by inconsistent caregiver responses in childhood, such as when a parent is sometimes supportive but other times emotionally unavailable.

Dr. Katelyn Campbell, PsyD, shares: “Anxious attachment style is characterized by a persistent fear of abandonment which leads to anxious behaviors where the person feels the need to constantly ‘check’ the safety of the relationship. This can look like asking for repeated reassurances from their partners, re-analyzing interactions, hypervigilance to changes in their partners emotions or behaviors, and struggling with low self-worth.”

Brianna Angele, mental health therapist, states: “Anxious attachment style is when you’re insecure about the relationship, and pursue the other person for reassurance on a regular basis, or find yourself ruminating (thinking a lot) about the relationship all the time, wondering if things are okay.”

These 5 TV and movie characters demonstrate how anxious attachment style can look.

Donkey in Shrek

Shrek is an animated film about an ogre who goes on a quest to rescue a princess. He unwillingly receives help from Donkey, a talking donkey who latches onto Shrek and decides that they are best friends.

Donkey’s clingy nature is central to their relationship, and he remains latched onto Shrek despite Shrek’s efforts to alienate him (due to Shrek’s avoidant attachment style). However, subsequent movies in the franchise show Donkey developing healthier attachments and relationships.

Marlin in Finding Nemo

In Finding Nemo, Marlin is the overprotective father of the clownfish Nemo. Marlin is overprotective because his wife and hundreds of his children were killed by a barracuda, leaving Marlin and Nemo as the only survivors. Marlin’s overprotectiveness causes Nemo to act out and rebel, which leads to his capture and Marlin’s subsequent adventures trying to find him.

This film is a great example of how attachment style can change in response to trauma. Marlin’s anxiety emerged after his spouse and children were killed, causing him to fear that he could lose his one surviving son.

Bella in Twilight: New Moon

In the second film/book in the Twilight franchise, the vampire Edward decides that he needs to distance himself from Bella for her safety. He and his family leave her behind, and he tells her she will never see him again.

This sets off an episode of what appears to be catatonia, where Bella does not eat, sleep, or interact with her friends because she cannot handle being away from Edward. Even when people are concerned and try to force her to interact, she begins engaging in dangerous behaviors because it causes her to hallucinate that Edward has returned. She puts her life in danger multiple times trying to “see” him.

Rebecca in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

In Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Rebecca Bunch moves across the country to be near her high school camp boyfriend, Josh, even though they have not had contact in a decade. Her fixation on Josh leads to her sabotaging his relationships as well as her own. Her fear of abandonment is so intense that she ends up having a mental health crisis and is later diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

Rebecca is a fantastic example of how attachment style can change, though—by the end of the series, with the help of her therapist, she has learned much healthier ways of connecting with others and with herself.

Ross in Friends

In seasons two and three of the sitcom Friends, we see struggles in Ross and Rachel’s long-term relationship. When Rachel gets a job at Bloomingdales, she begins focusing on her work more, which brings out jealousy and neediness in Ross. He becomes convinced that she will leave him for her co-worker, Mark. Their arguments culminate in Rachel asking for the famous “break,” during which Ross sleeps with someone else.

Dr. Campbell described Ross as “the quintessential anxiously attached character” because “His emotions were often dictated by the behaviors of others and he found himself preoccupied with potential threats to the safety of his romantic relationships. This style was also demonstrated by how emotionally reactive he became in response to even small social threats (no one can forget the outburst he had when his co-worker ate his Thanksgiving sandwich).”

This is another example of an attachment style changing in adulthood, as Ross later realizes that he was not anxiously attached prior to his marriage to Carol. The trauma of her leaving him for Susan caused him to become convinced that future partners will leave him in the same way.

Recognizing Attachment Styles in Yourself and Others

Because many people form their attachment style very early in life, we do not always consciously think about how we attach and relate to other people, or how that attachment style impacts the quality of our relationships. If you have never thought about it before, you might benefit from exploring which attachment style you have.

This knowledge can help you better understand your emotional responses in relationships, how you communicate, and what your needs are. It can also help you recognize the ways that your communication style may be unhealthy and cause problems in your relationships.

Dr. Campbell shared: “Recognizing your attachment style can help you build stronger, safer relationships with others and also yourself. You can develop awareness of what relational challenges may activate an urge to pursue or withdraw away from your relationships. You can also identify what behaviors to practice in order to build trust in yourself and make your attachment style more secure.”

According to Angele, “When we know our attachment style, we can recognize our patterns, the common pitfalls we experience in relationships. We can be more aware of what triggers our fears and insecurities, and our default reactions. Once we have that information, we can begin to respond differently and learn healthier, more secure ways to connect and communicate our wants/needs.”

Fortunately, you can challenge and change harmful behaviors and unhealthy patterns in your relationship. Recognizing what you want to change is an essential first step.

What Attachment Styles Can Teach Us About Relationships

Whether your attachment style developed in early childhood or in response to events later in your life, understanding your attachment style can help you understand your behaviors and emotional responses in relationships.

According to Dr. Campbell: “People can learn a lot about their attachment style by examining what they do when there is conflict in their relationships: Do you feel compelled to immediately resolve the issue no matter what? Does the idea of taking space to cool off seem intolerable? Do you find yourself trying to win back someone by being charming, generous, or overly apologetic? Or, do you tend to isolate, shut down, or avoid addressing the conflict? Do you reassure yourself by saying ‘I don’t really need them’? Do you go into a self-critical place where you berate yourself for perceived deficits and isolate from everyone? Understanding these patterns will likely illuminate which attachment style you most identify with.”

Angele says that “People don’t have the same style in *every* relationship, but typically a dominant one. Being aware of our patterns can empower us to take control of our relationships and not let fear dictate our intimate connections. we can learn to communicate our wants and needs hopefully, authentically, trusting our relationships are stronger than our natural (or rather learned) instincts lead us to believe.”

Getting support for unhealthy attachment style and patterns can lead to more fulfilling connections and relationships, as well as reduced anxiety overall.